crazyyetsane Posted July 31, 2004 Share Posted July 31, 2004 Ok, so my ex-boyfriend and I broke up a few weeks ago because he said he loved be didn't think he was IN love with me blah blah blah standard speech, and felt I had more invested in the relationship than he did. This totally came out of nowhere because we were having a great time together, whenever we were with each other we'd be laughing and kissing and cuddling non-stop. I was shocked, angry, and heartbroken. I wanted so desperately to call him and ask him what he was thinking in the days that followed but my pride wouldn't allow me to do it. So after a week or so he IMs me to wish me a happy 4th and say that he missed me. Then he called later that night (I didn't answer) to basically say the same thing. We talked briefly online the next night but I kept things short and ended the conversation first. 3 more weeks went by and I didn't call him, although I knew he was expecting me too. When I've finally gave up hope that he'd try again, he IMs one day saying that he hoped I was doing well and asked if I'd call. Once again, I didn't respond. A few days later I get an email from him saying he wasn't sure if I got my IM, and then basically went on to update me on trivial stuff that was going on in his life, asking me how work was, etc. I wrote back and said that I was doing fine and that I felt the fact that we hadn't spoken in so long was a good thing for me because I was able to make time for other things, and that the reason I didn't call was because I didn't want to have an incredibly awkward and hurtful conversation. He wrote back and said that he supposed I was right and that this shouldn't be hard for him, but that he keeps thinking about me, and that he guess he wished things had gone down differently. Then told me to take care of myself and hoped we could get together for coffee sometime in a few months. What the hell does he want!? Link to post Share on other sites
supermom Posted July 31, 2004 Share Posted July 31, 2004 Maybe because he loves you, but not in love with you, that he wants to keep a friendship. You are doing everything right in the minimal contact thing...keeping him wondering! Its up to you if you can be friends with him. I have remained friends with even my ex husband, who gave me the same line.....it's okay, my husband is friends with him too. After a few years after the divorce we realized that it was okay to be friends. yeah, we wished things didn't end the way it did, but it did and we can only move forward... Props to you for not acting dependant and doing the contact issue the way you are! Link to post Share on other sites
Author crazyyetsane Posted July 31, 2004 Author Share Posted July 31, 2004 Thanks for the advice. The thing is is that the first time we broke up he gave me the same riff about loving but not being in love, then decided a few days later that he was wrong and that he was very much in love with me, and that he had taken me for granted. We always struggle with this kind of push/pull game where when I don't show him enough affection he tends to smother me, and when he doesn't show enough affection I tend to smother him. Lately I'd been trying to put an end to the whole power stuggle thing by trying to make him feel as loved and desired as ever (in the hopes that he would feel secure enough to do the same for me) but I guess it backfired. However, if he doesn't want my love then I won't give it to him, simple as that....although it still kills me:( Link to post Share on other sites
TommyGirl Posted July 31, 2004 Share Posted July 31, 2004 How long were you guys together? Link to post Share on other sites
Author crazyyetsane Posted July 31, 2004 Author Share Posted July 31, 2004 9 months, a little under. We went through some rough patches before due to the fact that we are both insanely busy people and had trouble seeing each other as often as we'd of liked, and officially broke up at around the sixth month mark but were back together and totally happy within a week. I just don't understand what he means by wishing things went down differently? Does this mean he's expressing regret over his decision or does he just wish we could've ended things in a way that would've allowed us to be friends? He's always so ambiguous with what he tells me. Link to post Share on other sites
TommyGirl Posted July 31, 2004 Share Posted July 31, 2004 Well..it's possible that he could be regretting his decision, or he wish he would have taken some other alternative to fix the situation. Do you act sad when you are talking to him? Or maybe he wishes that he could've done it in a way where he thought that you wouldn't seem so sad??I dunno? It is so many possibilities that it could be. I think that you are doing a great job of keeping no contact and moving on with your life. Keep up the good work. If he wants you he knows how to find you. In the meanwhile, keep working on yourself and keep God first. If He brought you to it, He can definitely bring you through it. Link to post Share on other sites
Victoria Posted August 2, 2004 Share Posted August 2, 2004 I think he loves you, but are afraid of commit. Link to post Share on other sites
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