Is there hope??

[Nile]

14 months ago I broke off a fairly serious relationship with my now ex boyfriend..Matt I dumped him for another guy, Alex.

 

At first, I thought I didn't care about Matt anymore. About six months after I had been dating Alex (and six months since Matt and I broke up). Alex and I ended up breaking up. Coincidentally Matt happened to leave a message on my answering machine a few weeks before Alex and I broke up.

 

Well.. I finally returned Matts phone call one night when I was upset and we ended up staying on the phone for 8 hours. I noticed that Matt had changed a lot, he wasn't the same. His whole personality was different. It wasn't a good different. We went out the next night and talked more about everything, and there was still a spark, it seemed like we both still held a flame for eachother.

 

For the following week Matt called me every night, he stopped by my work bringing me presents. We would be on the phone for hours. My best friend... who hated Matt, saw us hug one day and she said she got really worried. She said she watched him hug me, and the way he closed his eyes scared her..she said it looked like he was really

 

"cherishing it" and she didn't want to see me get into another relationship with him.

 

Another time, Before he would leave my work, he said "Don't I get a hug?"... and then that night he was hinting around that he wanted to get back together again. I asked him if he wanted to go to see a movie with me the following weekend. He said that was fine. The next day I called him and we talked about what movie we would see that weekend, everything seemed fine. But..that night around one in the morning, he left a wierd message on my answering machine telling me that he couldn't go to the movies with me and that he was sorry.

 

I knew something was up immediately, I called him about three or four times. He never answered the phone. I tried calling him over the next few days, I got really emotional- wondering why he was avoiding me. I wrote him a long letter, leaving it on his windshield of his car.. Basically saying that I atleast wanted to be friends even though I thought he wanted more and I did too. And I asked him why he wouldn't answer his phone or return my phonecalls. I waited a week and I still got no response.

 

So I found a card and sent it to him, as one last effort to see if there was any hope left. I told him to just tell me what was going on, or if he didn't respond than I would leave him alone forever. Well, that was 9 months ago and I never heard back from Matt. Also around 9 months ago I ended up getting back with Alex, right after the whole (mess) thing happened with Matt. Alex knew about it and he didn't care, we've been happy ever since with eachother. We have a really good relationship. I love Alex a lot.

 

But back inside of my mind there is always Matt. I have dreams about him sometimes, in the dreams he is always handing me a note.. but I can never remember what the note says.

 

I think about Matt way too much, I try to push it away, even hoping sometimes if I dwell on it a lot than i'll get over it.

 

Nothing works.. it's like his curse.

 

It's been 9 months since then, and I have had periods where I thought I was over Matt.

 

But then it always comes back a month later. Like I can't escape it. I don't know why I can't just let the memory rest as it is.

 

There was a clue that he doesn't want me, so i'm not living in some lie that he does. I KNOW I have to get over him..Six months ago at work (his mom worked with me for a while), his mom was talking one of my coworkers, Greg. And she mentioned that Matt was very happy with his new girlfriend but she told Greg not to ever tell me. Greg thought that was strange, so he told me. This made me very upset..

 

Matt and I had a three year relationship, it started when I was 15 and he was 18. Over the three years we were very close but I was always breaking up with him over and over again because he was too clingy and obsessive. But I always took him back. He had problems, he was very depressed. Sometimes he would sit in my driveway crying, or he would leave a half hour of depressing songs on my answering machine.. he would follow me everywhere.. where ever I got a job, he would find a job in the same shopping center. Some nights when I would get off the phone with him, he would be at my window a half hour later.. My friends thought he was scary and psychotic, he would tell me that his life wasn't worth living without me. He had a lot of problems at home, his whole life had been pretty bad.

 

I started having a lot of problems when I met Matt.. I became very depressed and dropped out of school for a few months, I started seeing a psychiatrist for Manic Depression.. Matt and I would get in horrible fights. I probably sound crazy to miss him because ever since then, since I have been with Alex, I graduated and i'm in college now.. I have been as close as i'll get to happy, I think.. since I met Alex.

 

But like I said, I keep torturing myself with the memory of Matt. Endlessly. I feel crazy, like i'm going to just call him up and scream "WHY????" I don't know why he walked away like that, like he never even knew me... Any advice or anything, someone to talk to if you were involved with something similar. I have no one else to confide in.

[k]

my coworker and i have decided that you need to get over and if you feel that you cannot on your own maybe you should start seeing your therapist again........

14 months ago I broke off a fairly serious relationship with my now ex boyfriend..Matt I dumped him for another guy, Alex. At first, I thought I didn't care about Matt anymore. About six months after I had been dating Alex (and six months since Matt and I broke up). Alex and I ended up breaking up. Coincidentally Matt happened to leave a message on my answering machine a few weeks before Alex and I broke up. Well.. I finally returned Matts phone call one night when I was upset and we ended up staying on the phone for 8 hours. I noticed that Matt had changed a lot, he wasn't the same. His whole personality was different. It wasn't a good different. We went out the next night and talked more about everything, and there was still a spark, it seemed like we both still held a flame for eachother. For the following week Matt called me every night, he stopped by my work bringing me presents. We would be on the phone for hours. My best friend... who hated Matt, saw us hug one day and she said she got really worried. She said she watched him hug me, and the way he closed his eyes scared her..she said it looked like he was really

 

"cherishing it" and she didn't want to see me get into another relationship with him. Another time, Before he would leave my work, he said "Don't I get a hug?"... and then that night he was hinting around that he wanted to get back together again. I asked him if he wanted to go to see a movie with me the following weekend. He said that was fine. The next day I called him and we talked about what movie we would see that weekend, everything seemed fine. But..that night around one in the morning, he left a wierd message on my answering machine telling me that he couldn't go to the movies with me and that he was sorry. I knew something was up immediately, I called him about three or four times. He never answered the phone. I tried calling him over the next few days, I got really emotional- wondering why he was avoiding me. I wrote him a long letter, leaving it on his windshield of his car.. Basically saying that I atleast wanted to be friends even though I thought he wanted more and I did too. And I asked him why he wouldn't answer his phone or return my phonecalls. I waited a week and I still got no response. So I found a card and sent it to him, as one last effort to see if there was any hope left. I told him to just tell me what was going on, or if he didn't respond than I would leave him alone forever. Well, that was 9 months ago and I never heard back from Matt. Also around 9 months ago I ended up getting back with Alex, right after the whole (mess) thing happened with Matt. Alex knew about it and he didn't care, we've been happy ever since with eachother. We have a really good relationship. I love Alex a lot. But back inside of my mind there is always Matt. I have dreams about him sometimes, in the dreams he is always handing me a note.. but I can never remember what the note says. I think about Matt way too much, I try to push it away, even hoping sometimes if I dwell on it a lot than i'll get over it.

 

Nothing works.. it's like his curse. It's been 9 months since then, and I have had periods where I thought I was over Matt. But then it always comes back a month later. Like I can't escape it. I don't know why I can't just let the memory rest as it is. There was a clue that he doesn't want me, so i'm not living in some lie that he does. I KNOW I have to get over him..Six months ago at work (his mom worked with me for a while), his mom was talking one of my coworkers, Greg. And she mentioned that Matt was very happy with his new girlfriend but she told Greg not to ever tell me. Greg thought that was strange, so he told me. This made me very upset.. Matt and I had a three year relationship, it started when I was 15 and he was 18. Over the three years we were very close but I was always breaking up with him over and over again because he was too clingy and obsessive. But I always took him back. He had problems, he was very depressed. Sometimes he would sit in my driveway crying, or he would leave a half hour of depressing songs on my answering machine.. he would follow me everywhere.. where ever I got a job, he would find a job in the same shopping center. Some nights when I would get off the phone with him, he would be at my window a half hour later.. My friends thought he was scary and psychotic, he would tell me that his life wasn't worth living without me. He had a lot of problems at home, his whole life had been pretty bad. I started having a lot of problems when I met Matt.. I became very depressed and dropped out of school for a few months, I started seeing a psychiatrist for Manic Depression.. Matt and I would get in horrible fights. I probably sound crazy to miss him because ever since then, since I have been with Alex, I graduated and i'm in college now.. I have been as close as i'll get to happy, I think.. since I met Alex. But like I said, I keep torturing myself with the memory of Matt.

 

 

 

Endlessly. I feel crazy, like i'm going to just call him up and scream "WHY????" I don't know why he walked away like that, like he never even knew me... Any advice or anything, someone to talk to if you were involved with something similar. I have no one else to confide in.

[Christie #1]

It seems like Matt is not the only one who is obsessive. You have to ask yourself whether you are hurt because he somehow appeared to be rejecting you. If you have a hard time dealing with that rejection, then you should seek professional help. But in my own opinion you don't need any. I think that since you are happy with Alex, you should just LET GO. Why obsess over a person who you left a long time ago. What you have NOW is so much more important. Embrace all the good and bad memories you had with Matt and don't feel bad that you still have feelings for him because that is justifiable...I mean, you've been with the guy for 3 years...how can you erase those years? But, it's time to move on and treasure what you have now.