LTD_dude Posted October 22, 2012 Share Posted October 22, 2012 Ok so we've been broken up about a month now and it's been 3 and a half weeks no contact after a 3 year relationship... We broke up because I'm fairly sure she's goin through GIGS. But our relationship was amazing . We were the BEST of friends etc etc then we had a rough period of 2 weeks and boom we broke up and I know she did it for stupid reasons. So anyway it's been 3 weeks NC and it has been an absolute killer. I am constantly wanting to to talk her. I know I'm purposely doing NC. But I find it crazy how she hasn't picked up the phone and reached out to contact me? Is she missing me? I'd love a dumpers or a girls point of view on this. Any advice welcome. Link to post Share on other sites
gonefishin Posted October 22, 2012 Share Posted October 22, 2012 I'm in the same boat I was reading pages and pages on no contact And had myself convinced she'll be back in no time .. Didn't happen for me. (But in fairness we didn't get to 2 weeks no contact) I thought it pushed her further away from me... You've probably thought of this but if she knows what your doing she probably won't call you and play you at your own game. 3 weeks no contact is hard work you done well.. I know exactly How your feeling and how hard it is Hope hangin in ok.... Link to post Share on other sites
gonefishin Posted October 22, 2012 Share Posted October 22, 2012 (edited) Hope your hanging in ok Edited October 22, 2012 by gonefishin Typo Link to post Share on other sites
River Rain Posted October 22, 2012 Share Posted October 22, 2012 I know I'm purposely doing NC. But I find it crazy how she hasn't picked up the phone and reached out to contact me? Is she missing me? I'd love a dumpers or a girls point of view on this. Any advice welcome. Maybe she finds it crazy that you haven't picked up the phone and reached out to contact her. Or maybe she really wants it to be over and doesn't want any contact from you. Hard to pinpoint what's on a person's mind, you can only assume if you don't ask. But if you are purposely going NC, then there's no way of knowing, so maybe you need to just accept it's over and move on. Link to post Share on other sites
Calico Posted October 22, 2012 Share Posted October 22, 2012 Yes, she is probably missing you too (she spent the same three years in the relationship), but that doesn't mean she wants to be back with you. 3-4 weeks is the mark when it gets hard, and it'll get easier after this major bump in the road, IF you work on shifting your thoughts away from waiting for her. You need to move on, forward. Looking back gets you nowhere. Trying to guess her thoughts gets you nowhere. Questioning her reasons gets you nowhere. Snap out of thinking her reasons were "stupid". Maybe they were, maybe they were not. Does it matter to the situation? Your approval is not required. What is required is that you accept that she doesn't want to be with you and does not contact you, which IS the dumper's task, not the dumpee's. Sure, you can go ahead and contact her and ask her and do all that, and then you start from the beginning again -- but then at least you will know better the next time. (I am not recommending this!) 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author LTD_dude Posted October 22, 2012 Author Share Posted October 22, 2012 Thanks guys I really appreciate all the advice.. I know all those things get me nowhere but I cant help it at all haha. She was the biggest part of my life for so long and now its to nothing. I was doing well for about a half a week.. I was going out having a good time i was able to focus on something else for a while then i had a horrible dream with her in it ( we were still together and in love i the dream). Ever since that dream its been tough again, I feel like its 1 step forward 2 steps back. Not a day goes by where i dont miss her and I am DYING to talk to her but I know I wont unless she contacts me. Which i know isnt right and she probably wont contact me at all , I just find it amazing at how easy it all seems for her. Link to post Share on other sites
Own Worst Enemy Posted October 22, 2012 Share Posted October 22, 2012 Is that it doesn't matter if she is missing you like fire or if she hasn't thought twice about you. The thing that matters is that you stop caring whether she misses you or not. Because the rest is just speculation. It really sucks. All you want is to know that she regrets it and wants you back. But the thing to cling to is that soon, or at least eventually, you won't care. Amen to that for both of us! Link to post Share on other sites
Calico Posted October 22, 2012 Share Posted October 22, 2012 Hang in there, I promise you that it will get better. 3-4 weeks is really the worst point for a lot of people. And it's very unlikely to be easy for her. I did hear from my ex after six'ish weeks of absolutely nothing before, and when we talked a little (terrible idea, by the way!), she went on and on about how much she had missed me, cried a little, expressed just how long it's been, how worried she was that I may be angry with her, and how hard it was for her. It was mind-blowing to hear that, because like you I had imagined she was having a ball, and enjoying life and rarely even thinking of me. BUT, nothing had actually changed. She still was with another guy, she still didn't want to be with me. So don't go down that dark path of thinking that her missing you and her having a hard time would change anything. It's also ten times worse for the dumpee, because at least the dumpers have a choice (well, some do, not all), so there is less of that feeling of being completely help- and powerless. But you see, there is a lot of power and control that you do have. Over the direction of your thoughts, your future, what you do right now. You can't control the situation, but you can control how you react to it. And that's a lot of power. Take it hour by hour, day by day. You'll be fine, you'll love again. You have done an outstanding job so far! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
NavyAirTraffic Posted October 22, 2012 Share Posted October 22, 2012 I'm not going to echo the great advice already given but I will add something. I've thought about her coming back to me and what I'd say. I want to really avoid what happened to calico so I thought of this. "I don't know why you're contacting me but I don't want to be friends, I don't want to know how you're doing, I don't want to tell you how I'm doing. Respond only if you really want me back, nothing else. If you do want me back, all I can promise is to talk". I refuse to let someone impact me/let them back in my life after they quit so easily. I have high self worth, I hope you do too if/when it comes time. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author LTD_dude Posted October 22, 2012 Author Share Posted October 22, 2012 Thank you so much. I totally understand what your saying, I guess she never actually gave me any closure at all she never gave me any definitive reasons for the break up..like i said its GIGS. It couldn't have come at a worse time too i lost my job 2 weeks ago which has added to cluster of everything. We always leaned on each other.. Worst part is I gave her everything I had.. She had no job, no friends and I got her a job where I was working before i left, she became friends with girls i knew and her best friend came back after they stopped being friends for a year and now that she moved out with said friend thats what i think lead to this.. Im trying my hardest but i just miss her terribly having being best friends and so close to absolutely nothing sucks! Still having awful trouble understanding her decision. A part of me still thinks somewhere down the line she will contact me or whatever but I know I Shouldn't think like that. Link to post Share on other sites
River Rain Posted October 22, 2012 Share Posted October 22, 2012 Thank you so much. I totally understand what your saying, I guess she never actually gave me any closure at all she never gave me any definitive reasons for the break up..like i said its GIGS. It couldn't have come at a worse time too i lost my job 2 weeks ago which has added to cluster of everything. We always leaned on each other.. Worst part is I gave her everything I had.. She had no job, no friends and I got her a job where I was working before i left, she became friends with girls i knew and her best friend came back after they stopped being friends for a year and now that she moved out with said friend thats what i think lead to this.. Im trying my hardest but i just miss her terribly having being best friends and so close to absolutely nothing sucks! Still having awful trouble understanding her decision. A part of me still thinks somewhere down the line she will contact me or whatever but I know I Shouldn't think like that. You should try your best to stop yourself from thinking that way. And closure doesn't always exist so it's futile to keep trying to find it. I didn't get any closure from the ex and it plays with your head, you get this urgency and need to know why, but there isn't always a why, and you have to accept that, it's very hard to do though. When it rains it pours so they say...when ex dumped me, my dog got ill and my car broke down...talk about feeling like you're being tested! You'll come through, just be strong. Link to post Share on other sites
Own Worst Enemy Posted October 22, 2012 Share Posted October 22, 2012 But hoping, even if it's 1% of us, for a different outcome. Otherwise the negative answer IS closure, or it should be! Link to post Share on other sites
River Rain Posted October 22, 2012 Share Posted October 22, 2012 But hoping, even if it's 1% of us, for a different outcome. Otherwise the negative answer IS closure, or it should be! I guess "closure" for me was wanting to know why. And yes, if we are seeking closure, then maybe we are trying to find a way to give up that hope deep down without being conscious of it?...very philosophical thought there. Or maybe we realize deep down that closure does not exist, so we continue to keep that hope, knowing there is no closure, we're fooling ourselves that it's okay to keep hope alive? Link to post Share on other sites
NavyAirTraffic Posted October 22, 2012 Share Posted October 22, 2012 You already have your closure! She doesn't want to be with you, what else do you need to know? Pick one: she doesn't like your smile, she wants to casually date, she wants to sleep around, she's depressed and doesn't want to burden you. All have the same thing in common SHE DOESN'T WANT TO BE WITH YOU! That's all you need, let that fuel you to go NC. I was in the same boat as you, then I got my closure, she found someone else. You think it feels any better having closure? At one point she looked at your situation and thought "I can do better than him" everything else doesn't matter. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
thembones Posted October 23, 2012 Share Posted October 23, 2012 Ok so we've been broken up about a month now and it's been 3 and a half weeks no contact after a 3 year relationship... We broke up because I'm fairly sure she's goin through GIGS. But our relationship was amazing . We were the BEST of friends etc etc then we had a rough period of 2 weeks and boom we broke up and I know she did it for stupid reasons. So anyway it's been 3 weeks NC and it has been an absolute killer. I am constantly wanting to to talk her. I know I'm purposely doing NC. But I find it crazy how she hasn't picked up the phone and reached out to contact me? Is she missing me? I'd love a dumpers or a girls point of view on this. Any advice welcome. Your story is eerily similar to mine. EERILY. I have been on this ride for about 2 1/2 months and I really do not have a ton of advice unfortunately. I can honestly say that it DOES in fact get easier, by a LOT. Sure, I still think about her. But waiting for her to text or call got me nowhere at all, except in a deep sh*t-hole of self pity. I thought that she did care for me more, but I cannot read her mind. The best thing to do is go on with your life and not think about her all that much. If you are not already, it will come with time. If she wants to contact you, she will. You cannot force anyone to be with you, think something, or act in the way you want them to. They left you: The ultimate smack in the face. They do not want to be with us anymore and just leave us in the dust, while they go and listen to their girlfriends who think you are not good enough for them. It is hard to swallow, but eventually it will be so much easier. Link to post Share on other sites
unizkhong Posted October 23, 2012 Share Posted October 23, 2012 If you really love her, give her a call, text her or give her a visit. If she is willing and still loves you, settle the problems you two are facing together before you two get back together. It's important to handle problems together instead of asking each other to change this and that. If she decided to move on, then it's time you move on too. Link to post Share on other sites
whatheheckhappened Posted October 23, 2012 Share Posted October 23, 2012 keep goin NC. i'm at 2 1/2 weeks of NC and gainin strength every day...as the pain subsides. like Navy says... "she quit on you." saw the best quote yesterday on here..."if they dump you, it's not your job to get them back, it's their job to get you back." or something along those lines...i butchered it...sorry. i went out on 2 dates over the wknd..and pickin yourself off the ground after you been shot down...builds CONFIDENCE! KEEP NC! Link to post Share on other sites
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