JLS07 Posted October 22, 2012 Share Posted October 22, 2012 My ex and I dated for nearly 3 years in the past. During those 3 years, it was amazing. We were each others best friends and confided with each other about anything and everything, but things started becoming stagnant, disastrous. Things ended when he left the country for 3 months, unbeknownst to be me, it was actually 6 months and during that time, we fought every night. When he came back, things went back to normal. In the beginning, he told me he didn't want a relationship. Fast forward, we act like bf/gf and have a great sexual relationship. 6 months in, he still doesn't want a relationship and when I bring up the subject of exclusivity, he avoids the topic. Should I leave the subject alone or am I being used until he finds the next best thing? Link to post Share on other sites
sweetkiwi Posted October 22, 2012 Share Posted October 22, 2012 well i can't know what he's doing exactly. Or why. But you know you're giving him everything he wants right? So why would he want it to change. He's got a sweet deal. He knows you're not ****ing anyone else. Or even looking. Where as he is.... Who knows? Maybe ask him why he doesn't want a relationship. In my experience when a guy wants to be exclusive, he will. It won't have to be a production. He'll just start saying you're his girlfriend. Link to post Share on other sites
Ajheil Posted October 24, 2012 Share Posted October 24, 2012 You may have already heard this before, but there are different stages of love. You and your boyfriend sound like you were in the passionate stage of love in those three years. The passionate, also known as romantic, love lasts between 6-30 months. After that comes a companionate stage of love in which you notice each others flaws, things aren't always as exciting as they used to be (stagnance can also be identified here), and things calm in the sense that the same passion that was there is not always there. Communication is key during this stage of love. With it, you and your partner can work through any differences and compromise or share an equal power relationship. As for this current moment, it is hard to say why he doesn't want the title of being your boyfriend, however, maybe there is a way in which you could communicate how it makes you feel, without blaming him. Using what are called I-messages can be very effective. Rather than blaming, (not saying that you do) you can explain how you are feeling as a result of a behavior. Ex. I am feeling very lost and confused by not knowing where we are. Maybe give that a try Link to post Share on other sites
Anezka101 Posted October 25, 2012 Share Posted October 25, 2012 My ex and I dated for nearly 3 years in the past. During those 3 years, it was amazing. We were each others best friends and confided with each other about anything and everything, but things started becoming stagnant, disastrous. Things ended when he left the country for 3 months, unbeknownst to be me, it was actually 6 months and during that time, we fought every night. When he came back, things went back to normal. In the beginning, he told me he didn't want a relationship. Fast forward, we act like bf/gf and have a great sexual relationship. 6 months in, he still doesn't want a relationship and when I bring up the subject of exclusivity, he avoids the topic. Should I leave the subject alone or am I being used until he finds the next best thing?. Sounds to mii he is just looking for friends with benefits, meaning u could b that one, but he waiting for something else!!! confront him n tell him how u feel bout situation what ever kind of relashionship of interest he has with you n don't let it b none exclusive,it dose have to b exclusive. Cause u dont wanna stand for anything else as well it don't have to b serious but u do need to have some sort of mutual agreement. Above all this dont let any one shut you down like that as well. Talk to him. N if he leaves just tell straight out he a pos Ps listen to what he has to say b4 u give ur prospective so there's no miss understandings. Don't wanna give him the impression that he can do you over like that especially prior u had three years together. Link to post Share on other sites
Anezka101 Posted October 25, 2012 Share Posted October 25, 2012 well i can't know what he's doing exactly. Or why. But you know you're giving him everything he wants right? So why would he want it to change. He's got a sweet deal. He knows you're not ****ing anyone else. Or even looking. Where as he is.... Who knows? Maybe ask him why he doesn't want a relationship. In my experience when a guy wants to be exclusive, he will. It won't have to be a production. He'll just start saying you're his girlfriend. Production seems like where tha relashionship is at, my shoes I'd b raw n u can't just let a mans desires run you down like that u know we have desires n feelings as we'll. whatever he feels n wants u know sex buddies to partners u share n love n if he don't try back u giving away ur love I'm not no expert my self but if u love him n stuff n he still acting so persevere dont stand for it ok my gurl Link to post Share on other sites
pteromom Posted October 25, 2012 Share Posted October 25, 2012 Doesn't really matter what label you put on it. If you are happy with the NSA sex, enjoy it. If not, simple. Tell him "no relationship, no sex", and see whether he commits or quits. He will be forced off the fence one way or the other and you'll have your answer. Link to post Share on other sites
Anezka101 Posted October 26, 2012 Share Posted October 26, 2012 Yea if u good with having sex with a guy that don't want relashionship leave him especially if dated for three years prior to this means he just using u n that it self is self degrading. He don't have those kind of feelings and the whole pro of getting back together again must been talked about... If u find u starting to get feelings of emotions back, u can't just let him walk all over you straight up. Yes ur going to b comfortable having sex with a previous ex u befriended again cause of previous care. but keep in mind y u break up first right--c i still love my ex always will but he put mii through tuff stuff n of course i got off easy self defense lucked out i got outta that one- dont back down when a man is putting u down-just flip 3"60-self respect morals.have cold shower, he is using u an any man that would think this is alright is n other boy in a mans body n ur to much for him take this as a blessing!!! Or also other alternative can be ~play the game dont let the game play you~ cause u will get burnt iight my gurl. O n be4 exposing ur self try and see if there could b something bothering or hurting him cause if thats tha case then he a keeper if not tha case ect.... Link to post Share on other sites
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