Handling rejection from best friend.

[Taurahe]

I'm male, 18, my closest female friend is the same age as me.

I have just lost my best female friend

 

i had originally been very close friends with her, i was not attracted to her at all until a few months after her boyfriend broke up with her.

i was there for her whenever she needed it and so i stuck by her and unfortunately developed feelings for her.

 

so i told her about how i felt, she said we should just stay friends which was fine by me but i still continued to talk to her everyday for a further 6 months until one night i admitted to still being in love with her, rejected again.

after this ive been trying to get distance from her but we always talk, laugh and genuinely enjoy each others company, she always texts me (literally everyday) and i just give in and enjoy being with her, i knew in my head that this couldn't go on.

 

for about 12 months ive been in love with her (known her for 18 months), she knew i was still in love with her for about 7 months but decided to keep me close.my attempts to move on by actually telling her to give me space haven't worked as she always makes it back into my life either by striking up a conversation or sending a text. i just couldn't resist returning back to the thing i enjoyed so much.

 

so recently i told her that i loved and appreciated her but i couldn't keep this up.i then told her that i had to move on and so i blocked her on facebook and told her to not talk to me, i made it clear to her that i wasn't upset that she didn't return my feelings i just needed her to let me go so i could let go of her.

 

i asked her a few days prior why she kept me around despite knowing how i felt about her

she said "i know it's selfish of me, but i need you in my life"

i need some thoughts on whether it was appropriate of me making no contact because right now im feeling like a total ******* and whether she was leading me on. i know it's partly my fault for not being stronger earlier in the friendship to just deal with these feelings but hey, we live and learn.

 

i'd appreciate any thoughts or anything.

i know that we may be friends in the future as we bond like sodium and chloride. 8)

Edited October 23, 2012 by Taurahe
mistake

[Frank13]

You absolutely did the right thing. I have been in the same situation, even up to the point of the girl admitting she was selfish.

 

I had heard that a friendship is over as soon as one person gets feelings for the other. I didn't want to believe that. I fought that idea. It turned out to be true. When I look back on my situation, the friendship just spiralled downward from that point on.

 

I couldn't do this to someone. It would bother me a lot. I couldn't be this selfish. If I knew a friend had feelings for me and I didn't, I would talk to them about it and let them go. I would encourage them to go NC. Girls, aren't like that though. They love the attention and ego boost. That's why she keeps you around. It doesn't cost her a thing in emotions or concern. If you want to be in love with her, she will suck it up

 

As long as they tell you that they don't have feelings, they feel they have done all they need to and if you want to stay in their life and be in love with them and feel hurt, they feel that is your choice and your problem.

 

This will never get better. You will always have a sore spot in your heart for her. You will lose rational thought regarding her. You will feel very insecure and will get more and more jealous which will cause fights and make her think less and less of you. It will bug you every time she talks to another guy, no matter why she is talking to him. You will think she is attracted to every guy and your ego will take a constant hit. This will make you angry with her.

 

Take it from me, the sooner you get out the better. She doesn't give a crap about you and will be over the friendship in a week.

 

Do it for yourself.

 

You might want to check the "Friends" and "Friends and Lovers" forums because you will see this issue there.

 

You aren't the first person this has happened to and you won't be the last.

Edited October 23, 2012 by Frank13

[somedude81]

That sucks man. I know exactly what you are going through. I've been there 3 or 4 times in my life. I'm still recovering from the last one, and I haven't seen her in almost a year....

 

All I can suggest is to have no contact with her, and put away everything that reminds you of her. Find ways to keep your mind busy. And of course, try to find somebody else.

[SuperGeek]

Frank13,

 

Your reply is dead accurate and I had to learn the same thing also. I have also been in the reverse situation recently where I had a girl after me that I thought was very nice, attractive, etc, but our life situations would never match up. Eventually I had to let her go as a friend so that she could find another guy and as of a few weeks ago she's got a new boyfriend now -- I am happy for her.

 

Friends with the opposite sex can be very complicated. So far it hasn't worked out too well for me. Both people in the friendship cannot have feelings for the other person unless they are mutual. If the friendship goes one-sided, it will eventually end or at some point should end so that both people can move on from it.

 

SuperGeek