Hi, New Around Here! MAJOR DRAMA! Do I Tell Him How I Feel?

[KyraAnne23]

Hi everyone! I'm new here! My name is Kyra and I'm 21.. My "boyfriend" Adam is 25. We dated for 4 months about a year ago and have been dating for 7 months straight now. We are in an LDR about 2-3 hrs apart.

 

I am posting b/c I have some major issues with the relationship. He is a self-proclaimed committment-phobe. He says that it's not a problem with being with only one person, it's just that he is afraid of hurting someone or of being hurt. He says that he can be very, very monogamous.

 

The problem is that I don't know what he considers us to be. I am a very timid/shy woman and for a long time I didn't want to bring it up b/c I didn't want to make him feel pushed. I had told him when we got back together that I didn't need titles as long as I knew that the relationship was going somewhere. Well, after that I kept setting little dates in my head and telling myself that I was going to ask him what he was feeling and what he wanted... of course every time one of those days came.. I just didn't ask. When they came around I would feel good about things.. then get insecure again.. and set another date in my head.

 

He makes me feel very warm and loved when I am with him. He always tells me about everything that he loves about me and takes such good care of me. He spoils me beyond belief when we are together. However, when we are apart I sometimes have a hard time getting in touch with him and he takes a while to get back to me. He says that this is because he is so busy b/w work and writing his book (he also despises talking on the phone).. but it makes me feel insecure.

 

We have joked around about such things as kids and what size homes we like.. but never talked of any kind of commitment or the future. I don't know if this is b/c he doesn't want one or if it's because he is just scared. I have never told him that I love him...I have wanted to many times... I know that he knows that I love him, he would have to be a fool not to know... Could he be waiting for me to tell him I love him??? Or would it scare him for me to tell him???

 

The closest that we ever came to saying we were together was when one of my friends was being hateful towards him and referred to him as my "$%#$ing boyfriend" lol He pulled me aside to talk about it and told me that he knew I was hurt by her not liking him but that he thought that she was just jealous that her relationship w/ her boyfriend wasn't like ours and that we were a lot more comfortable with each other than most people... UGH! I'm so confused!

 

He came up to visit me and met my entire family last weekend...He was awesome with them. But now he has been somewhat of an @ss this week and I don't know what to think... I want to speak up to him.. but I don't wanna do it if i'm just going to make a fool of myself... What do you all think about his motives and intentions???

 

I'm sorry that this is so long.. but i'm new so I have to explain it all lol

 

Thanks,

Kyra

[moimeme]

He pulled me aside to talk about it and told me that he knew I was hurt by her not liking him but that he thought that she was just jealous that her relationship w/ her boyfriend wasn't like ours and that we were a lot more comfortable with each other than most people..

 

Awk! For a couple years, I had a guy-type friend who became real close. To the point that everybody thought we were a pair - and a great pair at that. He would say stuff like 'do you realize that we talk more/share more/are closer (etc) than 99% of all married people?' Yep. He was forever telling me how much more (name your compliment) I was than all the other women he knew. Nonetheless, he took up with an 'exotic' individual and eventually moved her and her kids into his place. Mind you, he had wanted to remain friends with me so he could continue to enjoy the relationship he and I once had.

 

Don't pussyfoot about. You could waste a chunk of time on this guy. That's fine if he's such a wonderful human being that you cherish every moment you have with him, but if not, have the talk and do so quickly. Yes, he may go, but do you really want to end up hanging around waiting or him only to be left in the dust? I don't even get why a guy would apparently think you're the best thing on the planet and pick somebody else anyway but they're like that sometimes. And that type, you don't want.