Should I stay away from this married woman or is it just harmless flirting

[silicon]

Hi, this is my first post!

 

Here is the story: I am married as well. I have worked on some projects throughout the past year in grad school with this girl. She and I seem to always flirt, make eye contact all the time, tease, and compliment each other every once in a while. I have one occurrence of infidelity in the past and do not want to mess up again. She knows of this, as some of her friends know my wife, and recently started asking me how our marriage is since the incident. She has asked twice now, this time we talked a bit about it because I did open up. She went off saying "I wonder why men cheat" and kept stressing that "they are usually in it for physical rather than emotional". It just seemed that she might be trying to find out if I am happy in my marriage and she sounds like she may be hinting that she wants something that is no-strings-attached, strictly physical. I only answered her questions because I see her as a good friend, I have known her for a while. There are also reasons for me to believe that she is unhappy with her relationship, it was in the past (a year ago) but was on the level of divorce. I just want to know if I should stay away from her or is it just harmless flirting, because she is hot and I don't want to mess up all of the progress I have made since my one and only screw up with my wife. I admit, it should have never happened in the first place though.

[2sure]

Its a pretty simple formula. If you are not comfortable telling your wife that you have discussed your marriage and previous infidelity with a woman that you think may be flirting with you....then its probably very close to a deal breaker for your wife and you should stop.

 

Because this woman and your wife have mutual friends - there is absolutely no reason for you to think your wife will not get wind of these conversations.

[pteromom]

Of COURSE you should stay away from her. You know that.

 

Harmless flirting turns into more. And I'd say you have already crossed the line. Would you want your wife talking about the state of your marriage with some guy she harmlessly flirts with?

[Onionator]

Even if the harmless flirting didn't turn into more it's still disrespectful to your wife, the woman you should love and respect with all your heart.

[BeholdtheMan]

Would you want your wife talking about the state of your marriage with some guy she harmlessly flirts with?

This...if you'd be OK with that, you're in the minority

[Cb3657]

You are a penguin at the top of a hill with a orca below, it's a slippery slope with nothing but teeth at the bottom. You know she is playing, this is her choice it does not have to be yours, just stop before you become orca poop.

[freestyle]

I don't believe there is such thing as harmless flirting.

Eye-contact & teasing signals interest, and potential availability.

It shows a lack of boundaries, and a lack of respect for the primary relationship.

 

How would you feel about your wife behaving that way with a man she was discussing your marital issues with?

[nofool4u]

Hi, this is my first post!

 

Here is the story: I am married as well. I have worked on some projects throughout the past year in grad school with this girl. She and I seem to always flirt, make eye contact all the time, tease, and compliment each other every once in a while.

 

There is no such thing as harmless flirting. Flirting is indicating to each other that you are attracted to one another.

 

Would you want your wife to let another guy know she'd like to screw him and give him the F you eyes? Its called disrespect.

 

 

I have one occurrence of infidelity in the past and do not want to mess up again.

 

So not only is there no such thing as harmless flirting, if your wife knew about it, she'd be justified in giving you a right deserved ass chewing, being a cheater and flirting with another woman.

 

 

She knows of this, as some of her friends know my wife, and recently started asking me how our marriage is since the incident. She has asked twice now, this time we talked a bit about it because I did open up. She went off saying "I wonder why men cheat" and kept stressing that "they are usually in it for physical rather than emotional". It just seemed that she might be trying to find out if I am happy in my marriage and she sounds like she may be hinting that she wants something that is no-strings-attached, strictly physical.

 

Yup, thats what at least one party in the flirting process is hoping it will lead to. Feeling someone out to see if they are open to cheating.

 

 

I only answered her questions because I see her as a good friend

 

If you are flirting with her, she isn't "just" a friend.

 

 

There are also reasons for me to believe that she is unhappy with her relationship, it was in the past (a year ago) but was on the level of divorce. I just want to know if I should stay away from her or is it just harmless flirting

 

Stay away, if you respect your wife. It isn't harmless.

 

 

because she is hot

 

Yup, there you have it. Hence why you are flirting. I think you already know you wanted to see where this flirting would lead as well, whether you jump in bed with her or not.

 

 

and I don't want to mess up all of the progress I have made since my one and only screw up with my wife.

 

Then you better back off, let this "friend" know the two of you are starting to cross the line.

 

Better yet, because you feel the need to flirt because she is "hot", then anything but no contact with her is disrespecting your wife. I'm not saying that you can't converse with her if you are all out as a couple, or something like that. But no going off by yourselves, or meeting up with her alone because you think she is "just" a friend.

 

Since you haven't crossed the actual line, you can still be the type of "hi, bye, how you doing" kind of friend and socialize as a group.

 

But if you respect your wife, you won't put yourself in a situation where you two are having private conversations. And I feel bad for her husband.

[Viscerality]

Yeah, keep your distance. Things can only go downhill from here.

[dasein]

Simple rule of thumb, a huge amount of office infidelity begins with discussions of one's existing marriage/relationship. Avoid that type of talk with anyone at work you find attractive (or anyone else really for various reasons). Serial cheaters will use that talk as a test to find the next accomplice, and honest people who blunder into that kind of talk accidentally often get in over their heads.

[seibert253]

Rule of thumb as far as interactions with any woman:

Talk as if your wife was right there.