Mysteryhopeful Posted October 23, 2012 Share Posted October 23, 2012 If there is say a bf/gf who are going out a few years, lets say the girl is cheating on the guy. Now consider the 3 parties to this situation... can anyone benefit from this?? The bf maybe in an indirect way as I guess he found out what his gf is really like. Obviously initially it wouldnt seem like that of course. But what about the person who the gf is cheating with? Is he benefiting in any way? Maybe yes if it a physical thing only? No if he gets emotionally involved. Any thoughts here? I am guessing the cheater is the one who could come out by far the worst. Also, why do people cheat as opposed to just finishing their current relationship (assume no kids/marriage involved). I just never understood as I could never do it myself. Link to post Share on other sites
pteromom Posted October 23, 2012 Share Posted October 23, 2012 It can go any possible way as far as a beneficiary. If a marriage to a cheater ends, the betrayed partner may just be the one who benefits the most as they got out of a bad relationship. Why do people cheat? Choose one or more, depending on the person: - Because they lack impulse control and self control. They want what they want when they want it, and do not think about the consequences. - Because they are skilled at rationalization. "Well, my wife/husband isn't meeting my needs, so they must want me to find someone else." - Because they are driven by emotion rather than integrity. Someone makes them feel good, and they are unable to resist. - Because they are immature, and don't realize that long-term relationships run hot and cold and it is up to them to work on the relationship instead of turning outside it. - Because they lack respect for other people, including their spouse/partner. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Mysteryhopeful Posted October 23, 2012 Author Share Posted October 23, 2012 All points taken on board. But in any of the instances, surely it would make more sense to end their current relationship? Can the cheater and the person who the cheater is cheating with benefit in any way? If there is an emotional attachment, only if they get together I am guessing? But if the cheating goes on for a significant period, does the cheater run the risk of driving of the person they are cheating with as effectively they are not showing commitment to that person really. Any more insights? Link to post Share on other sites
pteromom Posted October 23, 2012 Share Posted October 23, 2012 All points taken on board. But in any of the instances, surely it would make more sense to end their current relationship? Sure, LOGICALLY. But logic doesn't always factor in people's decisions. Can the cheater and the person who the cheater is cheating with benefit in any way? If there is an emotional attachment, only if they get together I am guessing? But if the cheating goes on for a significant period, does the cheater run the risk of driving of the person they are cheating with as effectively they are not showing commitment to that person really. There are endless possibilities. The cheater is benefiting by having their physical and sometimes emotional needs met. The cheatee gets the same - they have their needs met. Usually at a high emotional toll. Some OW/OM get sick of being second fiddle, and some hang on for years hoping the cheater will choose them. There are many possible dynamics and many possible outcomes. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Mysteryhopeful Posted October 23, 2012 Author Share Posted October 23, 2012 Good points pteromom. Cheers Link to post Share on other sites
nofool4u Posted October 23, 2012 Share Posted October 23, 2012 If there is say a bf/gf who are going out a few years, lets say the girl is cheating on the guy. Now consider the 3 parties to this situation... can anyone benefit from this?? The bf maybe in an indirect way as I guess he found out what his gf is really like. Obviously initially it wouldnt seem like that of course. But what about the person who the gf is cheating with? Is he benefiting in any way? Only if easy sex is his goal. Otherwise if he is looking for a relationship, he's going to be disappointed sooner or later. Any thoughts here? I am guessing the cheater is the one who could come out by far the worst. I wouldn't bet on it. IMO most cheaters only care about themselves and if the relationships they have don't work out, they'll just move on to the next unsuspecting person. Also, why do people cheat as opposed to just finishing their current relationship Selfishness. Link to post Share on other sites
road Posted October 23, 2012 Share Posted October 23, 2012 There are infinite ends to your story. Well maybe not infinite but too many too list and to list them would be pointless. Why pointless? There is no good that comes out of bad. If the boy friend finds out before he marries the hoe and dumps her. He still has the pain from being cheated on and he wasted three years of his life. If the hoe ends the affair promises to be faithful, they marry, years later he catches her cheating again. It never goes from bad to good. It always goes from bad to worse. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Mysteryhopeful Posted October 23, 2012 Author Share Posted October 23, 2012 Interesting opinions. Do you all then believe that the old saying, once a cheater, always a cheater? If the cheatee for instance feels that it is a one of situation, are they deluding themselves? I mean on average, will cheaters do the same throughout their life no matter who their partner? Link to post Share on other sites
nofool4u Posted October 24, 2012 Share Posted October 24, 2012 Interesting opinions. Do you all then believe that the old saying, once a cheater, always a cheater? Yes, I do. Even if they never actually cheat again, they would like to, they just choose to restrain themselves out of fear of what they will lose. If the cheatee for instance feels that it is a one of situation, are they deluding themselves? I believe so, but understand their need to believe it is a one time thing. I mean on average, will cheaters do the same throughout their life no matter who their partner? They might, and might not. But I sure won't take the chance that its out of their system. Link to post Share on other sites
pteromom Posted October 24, 2012 Share Posted October 24, 2012 Do you all then believe that the old saying, once a cheater, always a cheater? Not ALWAYS. If someone cheats, and learns from it, they can go on to be a faithful partner. They have to be able to truly GET what they've done to their partner as well as understand that they sold out their own integrity. However, if someone has cheated more than once, or is able to have an ongoing affair lying to their partner throughout, I think the odds are good that they will always be a cheater. Link to post Share on other sites
road Posted October 25, 2012 Share Posted October 25, 2012 Interesting opinions. Do you all then believe that the old saying, once a cheater, always a cheater? If the cheatee for instance feels that it is a one of situation, are they deluding themselves? I mean on average, will cheaters do the same throughout their life no matter who their partner? The saying past behavoir is an indicator of future behavoir is true because the odds have proven it out. Can someone of cheated once and not cheat again? Yes. Though after you read all the forums you will see there is not shortage of the WS did it again. Link to post Share on other sites
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