We are Non-Spanking/Non-Hitting Parents

[standtall]

. Corporal punishment is not the answer. Time out is the answer for four year olds. S

 

In your opinion...my kids never touch each other in anger. Spanking from 2 to 4 worked liked dream for us. Good luck with the time out with a 16 yr old boy that outweighs you and loses his cool...as well all have while growing up. My son fears me...all the way back to when he was 4.

[xxoo]

In your opinion...my kids never touch each other in anger. Spanking from 2 to 4 worked liked dream for us. Good luck with the time out with a 16 yr old boy that outweighs you and loses his cool...as well all have while growing up. My son fears me...all the way back to when he was 4.

 

Kathy's sons are grown. She doesn't need the luck.

 

Good luck when your 19 goes off to college, and doesn't have the fear of dad hanging over him to control his behavior.

 

Nah, I take that back. Because it was rude and unfair, just like putting down parents who choose not to spank.

Edited November 20, 2012 by xxoo

[standtall]

 

Good luck when your 19 goes off to college, and doesn't have the fear of dad hanging over him to control his behavior.

 

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I raised my son to be a man and to take accountability for his actions..no fear here. Besides, at 19 he is an adult, and while I do care what he does, it will be his problem. I don't have to account for what a 19 yr old does...quite apparently you do. Thanks for proving my point.

[knitwit]

OP, I am behind you a few years, as our son is only 2. From my own experience & watching family/friends, it is clear that different things work for different kids. For mine, usually the naughty corner works. When it doesn't seem to be working, we escalate to putting him in his room, which he hates, and that does the trick. I have friends who ignore bad behavior (up to a point) and give positive attention on good behavior. It works for their 4 yr old daughter. It would not work with my son!

 

I have family and friends who spank. It is their choice, but it is not something I choose to do. I believe the critical factors in successfully disciplining children are consistency and effectiveness. Spanking is one, but not the only, available method.

[xxoo]

I raised my son to be a man and to take accountability for his actions..no fear here. Besides, at 19 he is an adult, and while I do care what he does, it will be his problem. I don't have to account for what a 19 yr old does...quite apparently you do. Thanks for proving my point.

 

Can you debate without personal jabs?

 

I am raising my children to be accountable to themselves, not to me, from the youngest ages forward. Apparently we have the same goals, but different methods. IMO, my method leaves the obedience stage and enters the personal accountability stage earlier, giving them more years of practice for when they are 19 and on their own.

[Minnie09]

I usually take toys away, the threat alone works most of the time.

However, I give him a last chance to make a good choice before I actually do it.

Sometimes I use this strategy to get rid of toys I hate anyways. Double benefit.

Sometimes I keep them for a few days and give them back for good behavior.

 

This is a good way to slow kids down and rethink their actions, hence gives them a chance to be proud of themselves for coming around and correct themselves, rather than be corrected. Encourages personal responsibility.

 

I personally would NOT want my kid to "fear" me. Absolutely not. This contradicts everything I've ever wanted as a mother. If my kid fears me, I would feel like a failure. Respect is a goal I can appreciate and work towards. But fear.....not.

[xxoo]

We put a lot of toys in "time out" here, too. When they were small, there was often something on top of the refrigerator waiting to get out of time out.

 

It worked well, because it offered a chance to talk about those situations and behavioral choices later, when emotions are cooler. We had a lot of good talks regarding how that toy got up there, and why, and good problem solving sessions about what would be a better way to handle that situation. They would get the toy back in the end.

 

My youngest is school aged now, and I just realized that I haven't had a toy on top of my refrigerator in a long time! Just another phase outgrown.

[yessy21]

I have a 6 year old. TIME OUT all the way. I took her tv for 2 days. also No treats, no NOTHING< oh and if all else fails.... you look at them straight in the eye...dont break contact until they forfit. the child will either blink or try to move their eyes away. thats how mines knows im serious. i give her the "I DARE U" look.

[xxoo]

Another little tip:

 

When kids started getting louder and more out of control, you start whispering. I have an intense whisper I use when I am really serious, and they instantly recognize it. It is so much more impressive than yelling

 

Also, they have to quiet down to hear you. So it is practical and effective!

[KathyM]

In your opinion...my kids never touch each other in anger. Spanking from 2 to 4 worked liked dream for us. Good luck with the time out with a 16 yr old boy that outweighs you and loses his cool...as well all have while growing up. My son fears me...all the way back to when he was 4.

Time out works well for younger kids. Of course, when they get to be pre-teens, withdrawal of privileges is more effective. I believe that respect is what should be fostered from children, rather than fear. And the way to encourage respect is with clear rules and consistent discipline. Physical harm is never really appropriate IMO.

[2sure]

When my daughter was 4ish she started displaying a couple of typical unwanted behaviors. I used John Rosemond's ticket system and honestly, I modified it and used it on and off for years. She accepted it, it worked for her, I was able to keep consistent with it...you might check it out.

[standtall]

Time out works well for younger kids.

 

IMHO, and based upon my experience, timeouts do not work for 2 yr old's throwing a fit in the hallway, they do not rationalize like adults. Too many people treat children like mini-adults...they are not.

[standtall]

Can you debate without personal jabs?

 

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Quid pro quo.

[sb129]

I'm totally going to spank my future kids. Let's face it - you cannot reason with a child at least until they are 4 or 5 years old. What are you supposed to do in the meantime? At a young age they are no different than animals (a pig is smarter than a 3 year old), and can only understand biological cues (hunger, cold, and yes - a little spanking).

 

You can't reason with a child the way you would with an adult (and lets face it, there are many adults you can't reason with anyway!) but you definitely can reason with them in simple ways.

 

I have a three year old. We've used time out sometimes, but its not that effective.

She is generally pretty good, we've never had a problem with tantrums but we have expectations of her behaviour and want to teach her that as well as reward the good stuff.

 

We've started using a sticker chart- good behaviour without prompting (manners, helping out, doing what you're told the first time) gets a sticker, bad behaviour (rough behaviour, talking back, acting up etc) results in removing a sticker.

Five stickers = a small treat of some kind (not food).

 

I was a bit sceptical about the chart, but its been very effective so far- removing a Tinkerbell sticker after some poor behaviour was particularly successful, she was an absolute angel trying to earn that back!

 

Being on the same page as the other parent helps- my husband and I back eachother up all the time, we are united in our expectations, and I think that it helps that she knows she can't manipulate one of us into giving in when the other one has said no. (she;s tried- it doesn't work!)

 

There is also (almost) no negotiation with Mummy and Daddy- what they say goes. I say almost- the other day we were out at an aquarium and she asked to go around again after we said we were going home and we relented on that occasion.

[frozensprouts]

we've never spanked nay of our kids, and they are all good kids who are kind, caring and responsible, do well in school and work very hard at everything they do...of course they make mistakes and sometimes act up, but there are better ways to deal with this type of behavior thank spanking

 

personally, I find the idea of spanking repugnant...why is it somehow acceptable to do things to a child that you'd never do to an adult?

 

Is your boss at work allowed to "spank" you when you get out of line and don't do your job properly? Of course not. If they did, you've have grounds to charge them with assault.

 

If it's not okay to do something to an adult, then it's surely not acceptable to do it to a child.

[standtall]

I Too many people treat children like mini-adults...they are not.

 

Little children do not rationalize like adults. 2 yr olds throwing fits at home cannot be reasoned with most of the time. People have spanked their children for centuries and we have still survived. The changes in society now since we have stopped spanking children are...scary.