Just ended affair and want him back already!!

[michellew]

All this blame on his WIFE. She wasn't the one who lied to you. She wasn't the one who did anything to you...yet you are just "sure" that she knows.

 

I don't buy your explanation that you were just going to go with it while he was still in the area. Nope. Own what you thought. You were hoping and praying that his wife DIVORCED him so you could be with him. You were not his girlfriend, you were his mistress. If he had any respect or real feelings for you, he never would have WILLINGLY and INTENTIONALLY lied.

 

you contradict yourself ... in your first post, you posted how when he went "home", you only had emails from him, and then you state how could the wife NOT know when you and he were texting and chatting all the time. So even when he was with his kids, you couldn't let him be with them without constant contact? Did you feel as if you were competing for his attention with children?

 

I am thinking when he gets a chance, after reading your email, he will show up and you will melt. Did you mail his key back to him? Did you leave any of your things at his apartment? While his wife very well may have NOT known about you, you DID come to learn about her and you continued to pretend he was single. Which is why I think you will go right back into the affair because you want him.. married or not. Seems like he will be able to convince you rather easily that you are the one he wants. For your sake, I hope not because you are only 3 months into the affair. Some women go for years playing the waiting game and it is sad how much of their lives have passed them by while the MM played with the OW and went home to the wife. Not cool at all.

 

If you really are done with him, let his wife know that he is posing as an unmarried man. You would want to know, wouldn't you? Then again, he may have already prepped his wife that you may contact her and he will have told her you are a crazy lady with a crush on him and he has told you he is married but you keep pursing him. This happens a lot --- the MM throws the OW under the bus.

 

If he was so unhappy and so ill-treated, why hasn't HE filed for divorce?

 

I hope you stand your ground and refuse to be someone's option when you make them a priority.

 

If you noticed in a post within this thread, I apologized for putting blame on the wife. They were words spoken out of jealousy and didn't come out right. The only reason I say she probably knows is because a woman has a certain intuition, especially since this particular woman has been down this road with him before (although he has a different version which he shared with me which was probably a lie). If she knows or doesn't, I am not going to be the one to tell her. He would be dumb to tell her I am a crazy woman, knowing that I have tons of pictures of us together, his emails, texts, cards, letters, etc.

 

I did not want his wife to divorce him and him come to me. If we were going to really be together in the future, I wanted it to be because their marriage ended due to all of the problems they had and tried to fix but couldn't; not because of me. Had he left her for me, then I would always be paranoid he would do the same to me. (As I reflect now, I realize he would cheat on me regardless.)

 

As for his visits home, not clear on how I contradicted myself?? The first time he went to visit, there was not speaking, but there was alot of email contact. This was when I noticed something wasn't right. The others visits after that (now knowing he was married), there was texting and emailing at night for hours (no talking), then during the day when his wife and kids were at school or he was out running errands, we were able to talk on the phone as well. I did not take attention away from his children, nor was I competing for their attention if they weren't there during those times or were asleep.

 

As hard as these past couple of days have been, I am confident that I will not take him back. He read the email on Monday night and did not come to me as you stated he would. I know he read it because I did not get his usual "good morning...." text the next morning. I got an email tonight from him and all it read was "I would like to get my keys back". I replied with simply, "Already taken care of. I mailed them on my way home from work." There's the answer to your questions about his keys.

 

I really do want this to be over with which I why I came here for support, not to be attacked. Thanks for your vote of confidence in me.

[hurted]

Although I have read these discussion boards many times to seek advice regarding my current situation as someone's mistress, I am new to posting and just needed a place for support in getting me through a recent "break-up" with my married "boyfriend”. I feel so alone and empty right now and need the strength to stick to my decision to end things even though every string is pulling at my heart to contact him. To give you some background info, I will tell you how it began before working my way up to last night's end of the affair....

 

Three months ago I met this amazing man. He was funny, charming, tall, handsome, sexy, successful, and we had so much in common. He was almost too good to be true; we had the kind of connection you only find in movies. It was a whirlwind romance from the day we laid eyes on each other. We immediately dove right into a relationship and within three weeks, I had my own key to his apartment. We were inseparable and soon the “I love yous” came. I never would have guessed he was married because none of the obvious signs were there. Afterall, I had my own key, we were out in public all the time, no weird calls, regular sleepovers, etc. I practically lived with him and there was never any sign of a wife in his apartment!

 

Then one weekend, about a month in to our relationship, he drove to a town about 7 hours away to visit his kids that he said lived there with their mother. (When we first met, he told me he had been divorced for 5 years and he visited his two kids monthly and stayed in a hotel when he drove to see them. The military is what brought him to my town at the end of 2011; his service time is up within the next few months.) Anyway, so he went to visit his kids and this is when I noticed something wasn’t right. He went from texting and calling me all the time, to only emails. I asked him why and he said it was because his kids always had his phone to play apps and he turned off text messaging so they wouldn’t see any “playful” texts that I occasionally send. This didn’t sit right with me so I began to do some internet searches which led me to discover the facebook page of a woman with a picture of him and her as her profile photo. It was his wife! I skimmed through every photo on her page and was absolutely in shock and devastated to learn about this other life. I did notice that all of the photos were about 6 years old and she hadn’t posted anything since October of 2011 so I thought maybe he was separated or divorced, but she just hadn’t logged on in a while.

I sent him an email, confronting him about it and ending our relationship, stating that I am not going to be a homewrecker. When he got back, we talked about it and he convinced me that it wasn’t what I thought. Yes, he was still married, but was miserable and it was complicated. He said when he visits, he sleeps on the couch and she is very cold to him. I decided to believe him and stay with him even though he never said there were plans for a divorce. I thought to myself, “he is leaving anyway when his time in the military is up; I am going to just enjoy the time we have left together until he goes back home to his family.” This sounded easy, until he made a few more trips back home during our three months together. They were the WORST weekends of my life. Even though he was always doing something with his kids and stayed up texting and emailing me every night for hours while he was there, I couldn’t help but think he was having sex marathons with his wife and holding her the way he holds me. I did not believe him when he said his marriage was sexless.

 

After spending a wonderful weekend with him this past weekend and last night after getting off of work and spending the evening together, he mentioned he was going home this weekend and next weekend to see his kids. That, in addition to hearing a song called “Beautiful” by Mercy Me, is what finally drew me over the edge. I sent him an email around midnight, telling him I couldn’t do this anymore and I didn’t want to be that woman who waits around for something she will never have. I hate the trips home and how sick they make me and didn’t want to put myself through that again. However, ending it feels even WORSE than those trips. I cried while writing the break up email and for hours after sending it. I haven't slept and I’ve cried all day at work when no one is around. I miss him so much and can’t imagine never seeing him again, especially since things were going so well these past few days. It's easier to end things with someone who is a jerk to you. Things were opposite with him. Since he didn't have to hide me because she was 7 hours away, I never felt like a "normal" mistress which is why it was so easy to fall in love so quickly.

 

When will this get easier? I ended a 5 year relationship/engagement a few years ago and it did not feel this horrible. I have never loved anyone like I do this man. Help me move on!

I am reading every word you wrote, thinking this story is so much alike what happened to me! The beginning, the way to find out that he is still married, how he react when he " goes home" regulary, how he tell you" the wife is cold and sexless". But in the end, i thot, arent all the MM are like this? Arent most of the OW story start like mine and ends like mine.

 

When you think everything he said did make sense but until when you hear both sides of the story, you ll klnow what a fool he made off you. I met the MM's wife, it started with outrages then we both found out we are all good person but happened to attracted to the wrong guy. When a guy would start with lies, cheat with one women, he will relentless perform on other girls.

 

So you are not the first and you wont be the last. A lot of times that i couldnt get over with it was because i thot what we had was real, what we had was great love that NOBODY IN THE WORLD WOULD EVER UNDERSTAND. Unfortunately, I realize now, it is not love, when lying cheating not trusting are involved. It is what usually called " give and take" and he will take everything from you eventually by just giving you false hopes.

 

This is what i learnt in a hell of 5 years, hope you will understand this one day too.