2 Weeks NC, Now She Wants Me Backs

[lakerman34]

Sorry for the novel! To skip relationship background and skip right to reconciliation, go to place I marked with the '!!!'

 

I'm 22 years old, she's 19. We met in March, and basically hit it off quickly (had sex only the 2nd time hanging out). The rest of the semester, she was ALWAYS in my dorm room, ALWAYS hanging out, ALWAYS willing to have fun, and things were wonderful.

 

Then, summer came, she went back to her home in LA, I'm from PA. We kept in contact and the bond stayed strong. She was much more visibly into me than I was her. One random night, she called me drunk and said she loved me, which I smiled and responded that I wasn't there yet.

 

Fast forward to when school starts (end of August). First 3 days back, I haven't even seen her yet. This is our first argument (as to why she's hanging out w/ friends and no time for me).

 

Then, she joined sorority life. I was excited for her. The sisters all seemed to like me. But, with work, class, sorority life, clubs, missing her family (they had to move suddenly, she has a mentally handicapped little brother, and her mom was in surgery for a procedure they couldn't afford), it seemed like I was getting no time or effort from her.

 

She seemed like she was working on it, but there were other issues. We had sex only once this semester, and after she told me she had problems with commitment. This shocked me, but a few weeks later she told me over froyo that she wanted to commit, but she wasn't ready yet.

 

She was TERRIBLE at showing up on time. Sometimes, I'd wait for her and she'd text me telling me she wasn't showing up. I tried to escalate once with her on my bed, and she told me she wanted to put a hold on sex b/c she felt our relationship was only based on sex. I was OK with this at the time.

 

I, honestly, grew a bit needy (friends of mine told me that she wore the pants in this relationship), and I told her I loved her once night in a drunk hookup. She reciprocated.

 

We shared MANY intimate moments, and her friends always told me that I made her so happy and how I needed to just be patient.

 

Then, one night, I accused her of cheating. Because of no sex, and because she disappeared for 6 hours (no one, not even her sorority sisters or her roommate knew where she was), I asked and that was our biggest fight. She saw how I could think that and forgave me pretty quickly.

 

!!! Then, I invited her to my house to meet my parents over fall break. She was OK w/ this, and I was excited. On the way to my house, she asked me how I was going to introduce her to my parents, I said as my gf. This seemed to bother her, and things spiraled down from there. We went to the park at my house, had a very emotional moment, both of us balled, I brought her back to school, gave her a big hug, and told her that we shouldn't talk for a while. She cried and held me, digging her head in my shoulder.

 

A few days after the breakup (I went strict NC), she seems like she's pissed at me saying that I'm avoiding her like the plague. I've sent a COUPLE of texts, and she waits a good 8-10 hours to respond. I also get drunk, go out to party, and talked a little too much. A lot of gossip was going around campus (again, a very small campus), and I don't really believe what I hear, but apparently, she believes a lot of it.

 

This is the first girl I've ever truly loved.

 

I've been surrounding myself with women, hanging out with them as much as I can. This has helped A LOT.

 

Now, fast forward to today (about 2 weeks later).

 

I still have feelings for her, but they died down quite a bit and I've finally accepted I'm not getting her back.

 

I got with a girl from another school Saturday night (went to visit a friend). It was VERY tough for me to get with her, and I imagined she was my ex the entire time. Woke up the next morning, and felt so upset about it.

 

I get back to school the next day, and a close friend of mine (she and I have been friends for 4 years, she and my ex have been friends for a month) tells me RIGHT OFF THE BAT that my ex still likes me and thinks we can make the relationship work. I told her that that's great, but she has to come talk to me. My friend alerted me that my ex WANTS me to go talk to her, and my friend even thinks that she's afraid if she tries and talks to me, I may ignore or ridicule her. Once again, it comes down to her pride

 

I told her 'if she can't get over her pride to come talk to me, that sends the message that I'm not worth it to her. Now I want to stop talking about this now.'

 

My friend told me she'd talk to her about it.

 

I also alerted my friend (who my ex has apparently apologized to for being the 'middle man' in reconciliation efforts) that I'm not even sure that I want my ex back, not because I don't like her anymore (I still have lingering feelings, though not as strong), but because I'm almost done with school and am applying to programs, and I just think the next year or so of my life may be more exciting to me if I'm single. Still, I'd hear my ex out if she wanted to talk.

 

Needless to say, friends of mine are 50/50 on this. Some say 'dude, you got the go-ahead to go talk to her, she wants you back. If you want her, go get her.' The other half say, 'stay strong, man. She broke up with you, it's her job to go talk to you.'

 

Part of me wants to just text her and say 'let's talk,' and then play off the very confident, sort of bored guy and have her lead the conversation.

 

The other part of me says 'if she doesn't contact me, I'm not worth it, so I'm going to continue to move on--a process that, frankly, in 2-3 weeks will be fully complete.'

 

Advice? I know that people on this forum are all about NC and sticking to it, but how about when a VERY good source tells you that your ex REALLY wants you back, but she wants to you to reconcile the relationship for whatever reason?

Edited October 24, 2012 by lakerman34

[ReadMyThread]

Sorry for the novel! To skip relationship background and skip right to reconciliation, go to place I marked with the '!!!'

 

I'm 22 years old, she's 19. We met in March, and basically hit it off quickly (had sex only the 2nd time hanging out). The rest of the semester, she was ALWAYS in my dorm room, ALWAYS hanging out, ALWAYS willing to have fun, and things were wonderful.

 

Then, summer came, she went back to her home in LA, I'm from PA. We kept in contact and the bond stayed strong. She was much more visibly into me than I was her. One random night, she called me drunk and said she loved me, which I smiled and responded that I wasn't there yet.

 

Fast forward to when school starts (end of August). First 3 days back, I haven't even seen her yet. This is our first argument (as to why she's hanging out w/ friends and no time for me).

 

Then, she joined sorority life. I was excited for her. The sisters all seemed to like me. But, with work, class, sorority life, clubs, missing her family (they had to move suddenly, she has a mentally handicapped little brother, and her mom was in surgery for a procedure they couldn't afford), it seemed like I was getting no time or effort from her.

 

She seemed like she was working on it, but there were other issues. We had sex only once this semester, and after she told me she had problems with commitment. This shocked me, but a few weeks later she told me over froyo that she wanted to commit, but she wasn't ready yet.

 

She was TERRIBLE at showing up on time. Sometimes, I'd wait for her and she'd text me telling me she wasn't showing up. I tried to escalate once with her on my bed, and she told me she wanted to put a hold on sex b/c she felt our relationship was only based on sex. I was OK with this at the time.

 

I, honestly, grew a bit needy (friends of mine told me that she wore the pants in this relationship), and I told her I loved her once night in a drunk hookup. She reciprocated.

 

We shared MANY intimate moments, and her friends always told me that I made her so happy and how I needed to just be patient.

 

Then, one night, I accused her of cheating. Because of no sex, and because she disappeared for 6 hours (no one, not even her sorority sisters or her roommate knew where she was), I asked and that was our biggest fight. She saw how I could think that and forgave me pretty quickly.

 

!!! Then, I invited her to my house to meet my parents over fall break. She was OK w/ this, and I was excited. On the way to my house, she asked me how I was going to introduce her to my parents, I said as my gf. This seemed to bother her, and things spiraled down from there. We went to the park at my house, had a very emotional moment, both of us balled, I brought her back to school, gave her a big hug, and told her that we shouldn't talk for a while. She cried and held me, digging her head in my shoulder.

 

A few days after the breakup (I went strict NC), she seems like she's pissed at me saying that I'm avoiding her like the plague. I've sent a COUPLE of texts, and she waits a good 8-10 hours to respond. I also get drunk, go out to party, and talked a little too much. A lot of gossip was going around campus (again, a very small campus), and I don't really believe what I hear, but apparently, she believes a lot of it.

 

This is the first girl I've ever truly loved.

 

I've been surrounding myself with women, hanging out with them as much as I can. This has helped A LOT.

 

Now, fast forward to today (about 2 weeks later).

 

I still have feelings for her, but they died down quite a bit and I've finally accepted I'm not getting her back.

 

I got with a girl from another school Saturday night (went to visit a friend). It was VERY tough for me to get with her, and I imagined she was my ex the entire time. Woke up the next morning, and felt so upset about it.

 

I get back to school the next day, and a close friend of mine (she and I have been friends for 4 years, she and my ex have been friends for a month) tells me RIGHT OFF THE BAT that my ex still likes me and thinks we can make the relationship work. I told her that that's great, but she has to come talk to me. My friend alerted me that my ex WANTS me to go talk to her, and my friend even thinks that she's afraid if she tries and talks to me, I may ignore or ridicule her. Once again, it comes down to her pride

 

I told her 'if she can't get over her pride to come talk to me, that sends the message that I'm not worth it to her. Now I want to stop talking about this now.'

 

My friend told me she'd talk to her about it.

 

I also alerted my friend (who my ex has apparently apologized to for being the 'middle man' in reconciliation efforts) that I'm not even sure that I want my ex back, not because I don't like her anymore (I still have lingering feelings, though not as strong), but because I'm almost done with school and am applying to programs, and I just think the next year or so of my life may be more exciting to me if I'm single. Still, I'd hear my ex out if she wanted to talk.

 

Needless to say, friends of mine are 50/50 on this. Some say 'dude, you got the go-ahead to go talk to her, she wants you back. If you want her, go get her.' The other half say, 'stay strong, man. She broke up with you, it's her job to go talk to you.'

 

Part of me wants to just text her and say 'let's talk,' and then play off the very confident, sort of bored guy and have her lead the conversation.

 

The other part of me says 'if she doesn't contact me, I'm not worth it, so I'm going to continue to move on--a process that, frankly, in 2-3 weeks will be fully complete.'

 

Advice? I know that people on this forum are all about NC and sticking to it, but how about when a VERY good source tells you that your ex REALLY wants you back, but she wants to you to reconcile the relationship for whatever reason?

 

Hmmm. This is really tough man. Well she is the one who was/is scared to commit so I don't see her coming to you if she wanted to get back together. SHE SHOULD come to you if she REALLY wanted to be with you and if you were worth it but it's hard to say with her being a person who is scared to commit. I don't think she will come to you so maybe you should try a way to start-up conversation. ONLY if she is worth it to you! Do you see yourself with this girl forever? Do you think she could be "The one"? Honestly, in my opinion I think you should let her go. If she is scared to commit now, it will only get worse as you two get closer and are together for longer. This girl was scared to be called your girlfriend in front of her mom. That's a red flag man. That's nothing compared to what you guy would do in the future. I feel she needs to be single and overcome her fears of commitment BEFORE she tries being with someone. She needs time. You can let her go and see if she comes back when she is ready or you can start-up conversation and be with her as she overcomes her fears. Just tell you will take everything slow and let her have as much control as you do and you two should work out without her being scared. She will see you are for real if you tell her you two should take everything slow. I'm rambling lol.

[lakerman34]

Hmmm. This is really tough man. Well she is the one who was/is scared to commit so I don't see her coming to you if she wanted to get back together. SHE SHOULD come to you if she REALLY wanted to be with you and if you were worth it but it's hard to say with her being a person who is scared to commit. I don't think she will come to you so maybe you should try a way to start-up conversation. ONLY if she is worth it to you! Do you see yourself with this girl forever? Do you think she could be "The one"? Honestly, in my opinion I think you should let her go. If she is scared to commit now, it will only get worse as you two get closer and are together for longer. This girl was scared to be called your girlfriend in front of her mom. That's a red flag man. That's nothing compared to what you guy would do in the future. I feel she needs to be single and overcome her fears of commitment BEFORE she tries being with someone. She needs time. You can let her go and see if she comes back when she is ready or you can start-up conversation and be with her as she overcomes her fears. Just tell you will take everything slow and let her have as much control as you do and you two should work out without her being scared. She will see you are for real if you tell her you two should take everything slow. I'm rambling lol.

 

Yeah, you may be right on the money with this one. I saw my friend today, and I told her I saw my ex today in passing (small campus) and she pulled the old "texting a friend" trick on me. She told me that my ex probably doesn't want to talk to me, and that it may be best to get over her because, although she didn't talk to my ex about me since she said she wanted to get back together with me, my friend insists that my ex isn't going to come to me. It's a matter of pride, and it sucks.

 

Her birthday is on the 27th, so I'm going to wish her a happy birthday and tell her I hope she has an awesome day (going to text her this at about 10:30 at night as to not seem too eager).

[ReadMyThread]

Yeah, you may be right on the money with this one. I saw my friend today, and I told her I saw my ex today in passing (small campus) and she pulled the old "texting a friend" trick on me. She told me that my ex probably doesn't want to talk to me, and that it may be best to get over her because, although she didn't talk to my ex about me since she said she wanted to get back together with me, my friend insists that my ex isn't going to come to me. It's a matter of pride, and it sucks.

 

Her birthday is on the 27th, so I'm going to wish her a happy birthday and tell her I hope she has an awesome day (going to text her this at about 10:30 at night as to not seem too eager).

 

It's not a matter of pride man. If she wanted to be with you, NOTHING would stop her from wanting to do so. Pride, ego, problems, anything. If she WANTED to be with you she would even come to you with two broken legs. It's a matter of if she really wants to be with you or not. Not pride. I use to tell myself that my ex is never going to come back because of how big her ego is and she thinks my family hates her now because she dumped me for another guy but Then I realized. If she TRULY loved me and wanted to be with me again, then none of that would even matter. All that would matter is her being with me IF it was true love.

 

As for texting her on her birthday, I guess you could do this. She didn't dump you and the break-up was pretty mutual from the way it sounds. Just remember when you send that to her she might not respond and it could hurt. But that's a risk you get to choose to take. My ex's birthday is tomorrow. I'm not saying anything because she is with the other guy now so. F*** her. Hes the one who tells her happy birthday.

[lakerman34]

Went out to a party just now, and saw her locking lips with another dude. I'm pissed, and I'm done. Acted cool in the party, smiled, talked to a couple people, now FURIOUS.

[Jono85]

Went out to a party just now, and saw her locking lips with another dude. I'm pissed, and I'm done. Acted cool in the party, smiled, talked to a couple people, now FURIOUS.

 

 

really sorry to hear that man. i know how much it sucks. i'm not going to lie though, i saw this coming just reading your OP. when girls get distant, as she has MANY times, it's b/c they're not sure about you and want to try other options. u probably won't listen to this, as it will be the hardest thing to do, but DO NOT give her the validation of calling/texting her and pleading with her or chewing her out. it will hurt her MUCH more to just ignore her. even on her birthday. she doesn't deserve **** from u. SHE broke up with u, b/c she couldn't even handle being called ur girlfriend??? reallyyy dude?? drop her, she's not worth it.

[lakerman34]

really sorry to hear that man. i know how much it sucks. i'm not going to lie though, i saw this coming just reading your OP. when girls get distant, as she has MANY times, it's b/c they're not sure about you and want to try other options. u probably won't listen to this, as it will be the hardest thing to do, but DO NOT give her the validation of calling/texting her and pleading with her or chewing her out. it will hurt her MUCH more to just ignore her. even on her birthday. she doesn't deserve **** from u. SHE broke up with u, b/c she couldn't even handle being called ur girlfriend??? reallyyy dude?? drop her, she's not worth it.

 

Oh no dude, you're absolutely right. Thing is, dude was a friend of mine and I know I'm better than him in every conceivable way (alpha, looks, in bed, future, funnier, etc.)

 

I thought there was a little hope, now she's as good as dead to me. I never want to see her nor talk to her ever again.