Silly_Girl Posted October 24, 2012 Share Posted October 24, 2012 I just got engaged. Woop! I'm very happy and a big ol' bundle of emotional girly-stuff as a result. I am now having to think about how to change my surname. When I married many moons ago we combined our surname, taking his ('Smith') and mine ('Jones') and were Mr & Mrs Jones-Smith. This, on my part, was because I wanted to show loyalty to my adopted step-dad and because all the 'Jones' children were girls so the name would die out in our branch of the family. I'm over all that now. So our son was named Master Jones-Smith. When we separated we reverted back, so I am back as Jones. This time around, because I found the hyphen tiresome and annoying, I planned to simply take my boyfriend's surname ('Brown') in all aspects of my life, with the exception of the workplace because I have worked very hard to have this career and changing my name will be an issue for me. I thought everyone (including my son, who's almost 16) was happy with me simply being Mrs Brown. Now the engagement is official my son has emphatically stated he wants me to double-barrel again. It really means something to him for us to be linked by name. Which is lovely, I am pleased he knows his mind and is happy to ask. So I must oblige. I wonder if there's 'another way', though. For example, perhaps not hyphen it (Mrs Jones-Brown) and have 2 surnames and over time use one more than the other (Mrs Jones Brown)? Any genius suggestions for me please? :bunny: 3 Link to post Share on other sites
cerridwen Posted October 24, 2012 Share Posted October 24, 2012 Any genius suggestions for me please? :bunny: No!! But congratulations!! :bunny: How exciting! 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Emilia Posted October 24, 2012 Share Posted October 24, 2012 No!! But congratulations!! :bunny: How exciting! haha so sweet I like the non-hyphen one myself so something like Mrs Jones Brown. I see this all the time. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Els Posted October 27, 2012 Share Posted October 27, 2012 Perhaps ask if your son would like to have his own changed as well (he might not like being linked to your ex)? If he doesn't, well, try swapping the names around and not hyphenating them. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
ASG Posted October 28, 2012 Share Posted October 28, 2012 Perhaps ask if your son would like to have his own changed as well (he might not like being linked to your ex)? If he doesn't, well, try swapping the names around and not hyphenating them. The ex is his father though... Anyway, go for the non hyphenated one. It's not really a big deal... Add his name to yours. Link to post Share on other sites
Els Posted October 29, 2012 Share Posted October 29, 2012 The ex is his father though... . Yes,but we don't know what the boy's relationship with his father is. IIRC (I could be wrong, might be another poster) the boy has had a lot of trouble with the father not accepting his sexuality. Regardless, being almost 16, I think the boy has the prerogative to make the decision whether or not he wants to keep the father's name in his own name. Link to post Share on other sites
Lauriebell82 Posted October 31, 2012 Share Posted October 31, 2012 So is your son's last name "Jones" then? If it is then I would just keep that as your last name and not add Brown at all. If you plan on keeping your name for your career then you may as well just keep it for good. I am old fashioned and it is important to me to change it, however if my son asked me to keep my name then I would. His wants and needs overpower mine. Link to post Share on other sites
2sunny Posted October 31, 2012 Share Posted October 31, 2012 Just keep your prior name = Jones. Your perspective about trying to make all these men happy by taking THEIR names is unnecessary. Keep the name you were given - its a technicality that's designed to create an illusion of commitment. The commitment isn't about the name. Congrats! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Silly_Girl Posted October 31, 2012 Author Share Posted October 31, 2012 So is your son's last name "Jones" then? If it is then I would just keep that as your last name and not add Brown at all. If you plan on keeping your name for your career then you may as well just keep it for good. I am old fashioned and it is important to me to change it, however if my son asked me to keep my name then I would. His wants and needs overpower mine. My son is called Jones-Smith still, from when I was married previously. He won't be changing it. I definitely want my fiancé's surname because we plan (*hopefully*) to have kids and I would prefer to be linked with them and him by name than not. Funnily enough, the 'Jones' and 'Brown' in this scenario are very similar. (Imagine, for example, Richards and Richardson). I think I will go with having the 2, without hyphen, and for hotels and restaurants and such we'll be Mr & Mrs Brown, but my formal name would be Mrs Jones Brown. And any new children would have that too, so my son would be linked to new siblings by them and he sharing the first part of their surname. My son feels really detached from his dad's side, unwanted even, so if this means he feels more secure and part of the 'new' family, then absolutely it's what I need to do. I clearly underestimated that it would mean so much to him. One day, when us oldies are gone, they may be his only family so I think it's good for them to share a family name. Taking the Richards/Richardson thing, jeeez it's complicated BUT... there'd be: Mr Richards Mrs Jones Richards Master Jones-Richardson Little Jones Richards (should there be any) Link to post Share on other sites
Author Silly_Girl Posted October 31, 2012 Author Share Posted October 31, 2012 Just keep your prior name = Jones. Your perspective about trying to make all these men happy by taking THEIR names is unnecessary. Keep the name you were given - its a technicality that's designed to create an illusion of commitment. The commitment isn't about the name. Congrats! Ha! Good perspective! I don't even want my maiden name really. It's not the name I was born with, my bio-dad has passed away and my legal dad is really only a nominal figure, I have zero relationship with him. Maybe I should just make up something new for myself Link to post Share on other sites
2sunny Posted October 31, 2012 Share Posted October 31, 2012 Trying to please all those men over a name must be exhausting! Choose a name YOU love and stick with it for the rest of your days. Link to post Share on other sites
FitChick Posted November 11, 2012 Share Posted November 11, 2012 Name meshing seems to be a new trend. I think it makes sense to keep your maiden name or even former married name if you have become professionally known by that. Keep your husband's name for personal things. My friend who was married three times and had two kids by different dads had them keep the dad's name as their surname. I am very attached to my name and I would only change it if it turned out better for my numerology. Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted November 19, 2012 Share Posted November 19, 2012 Congrats on the engagement SG! Taking the Richards/Richardson thing, jeeez it's complicated BUT... there'd be: Mr Richards Mrs Jones Richards Master Jones-Richardson Little Jones Richards (should there be any) At 1:30am, it's complicated for me so I'm gonna come back to your thread tomorrow when my brain is more awake. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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