Feel like there is no hope left

[Anela]

If you've decided that women are frigid and need to be wooed to open their legs, then you're already looking at dating the wrong way. The guys I messaged on a dating site, were those I thought I'd actually like to spend time with. They weren't "so hot" that I'd meet them naked and decide to forgo the date (nobody is that hot, sorry, and it doesn't make me frigid).

 

I want to say more, but I'm really not in a good mood tonight.

[somedude81]

We're not trying to be negative or discouraging. We're being honest and realistic. It's painful to hear you trying the same things over and over, when it's obvious to us why it's not working.

So if I was 22 years old, all of the college girls would be interested in me?

 

This may shock you but I get a better response from college girls now then I did back when I was their age.

 

My age is not the primary reason why I do poorly with women. It's like number 7 or 8 out of 10.

So what if one subset of women won’t date you? What do you have against maximizing your chances by talking to older women?

And where can I go to meet older women?

 

In terms of sheer quantity, college is a goldmine to meet young women. No such place exists for women my age. I don't have a clue where to go if I want to meet women aged 27+.

 

I was empathizing with you here, until I saw that you'd called women like me "frigid."

 

I'm feeling at the end of my rope, too, but I'm supposed to keep your hope alive, for a young college student to love you, and you say things like that about women? Try women your own age!

I'm not asking for people to keep my hope alive. I'm asking for them to try not to shatter it like what Pirouette does in her post.

 

Thanks Pirouette, exactly what I wanted to hear

[Pirouette]

I'm not asking for people to keep my hope alive. I'm asking for them to try not to shatter it like what Pirouette does in her post.

 

Thanks Pirouette, exactly what I wanted to hear

 

Hey, I'm just telling the truth of my own experiences! It's not true for everyone, and I actually did date a 30 year old whilst in my early 20s, but when we found out each other's age, it did give us pause and we questioned if it was something we really wanted to embark on. In the end it didn't work out.

 

The rest should give you hope! It's never too late to develop a passion for something and it will enrich your life.

[BubblyBeth]

What is the point of telling me that young women will not be interested in me?

 

Seriously?

 

Do you guys think I need more discouragement in my life? That I don't think things are hopeless enough already?

 

I'm not saying I want to be patronized, that all the young girls are going to love me, but if you only have negative things to tell me, then keep it to yourselves.

 

 

Negative? Perspective and attitude is everything in life. From what I've seen, anytime someone posts something that is not to your liking, you immediately cite it as wrong or negative or "not applicable to me."

 

Rather than see it as an attack against you personally (WHICH IT ISN'T), see it as real talk. I won't speak for others, but I'm sure many would feel the same way. We're not here to watch you continue to fail and simply pat you on the back and say "No worries SD! Just keep trying with early 20s girls and eventually one will bite the bait!"

 

Most of us can see the path you are adamant on taking. It hasn't produced success because a girl in her early 20s will not be attracted to a guy in his early 30s still in college and one who is socially awkward. We're not trying to cut you down, dash your hopes or any of that. But someone has to be real with you, and tell you like it is. Now you can play the victim card all you want, but like everything else that's your choice and the results speak loudly for themselves.

 

You're repeating your mistakes over and over again. You might think you're trying really hard, but it's not a smart strategy (going after girls in their early 20s) and not one likely to produce the kind of results you want. Though I suppose, that's part of the safety net for you. The chances are nil, but you still try, knowing deep deep deep down nothing will come of it, and thus, you're not forced to step up your overall life game, and you remain stuck right where you are, with the illusion that "Welps, hey at least I tried!"

 

At this point SD, and it's been at this point for maybe a good year or two now, talking with a professional therapist should be an option you seek out. There's nothing embarrassing about it, as plenty of people have therapists. Yes you tried before, but you oughta try again. All of us are dealing with deep-seated issues in one form or another, but you are battling them on a level that goes beyond most others. Please find someone in real life to talk to about all of this. I just sense you have all this built-in angst and issues that you have kept bottled in all these years, without actually telling anyone. And no, sharing online doesn't count and is not an appropriate substitute.

 

If your life is going to change, you're going to have to take action, bit by bit, day by day.

 

It's either that, or, again this is real talk, repeat this same song and dance you've been doing for the last X amount of years, except you'll be older and more depressed as time goes on. And yes, believe it or not, this post is written with love, care and lots of empathy. It may not sound "clean" or "pretty," but it's obvious you have got things going on that need professional attention, and only someone who cares about you will tell you it directly, and not beat around the bush about it. It's NOT TOO LATE. You can turn your life around, but you cannot do it in ISOLATION and repeating your daily routine. Things won't magically get better or change one day. You have to adapt and adopt instead of living your same, safe, isolated and rigid lifestyle.

 

IMHO, it starts with seeking professional help in real life. Just someone you can talk to about all these things, and be completely vulnerable with. All these posts you make on LS, but you saying them to a pro in real life. That would be a good start to begin the wheels of change.

[Tiera D]

Killing yourself will not end your "suffering",if there is a hell,suicide will only bring you to a place a lot worst..you cannot evade,you cannot escape from this,not even by suicide.

 

The only way to end your suffering is to let the reason your suffering go,let it go.Only when you stop obsessing over it will you eventually get the bliss,only then you will understand the meaning and purpose you come to this world

 

TD

[Ross MwcFan]

Killing yourself will not end your "suffering",if there is a hell,suicide will only bring you to a place a lot worst..you cannot evade,you cannot escape from this,not even by suicide.

 

The only way to end your suffering is to let the reason your suffering go,let it go.Only when you stop obsessing over it will you eventually get the bliss,only then you will understand the meaning and purpose you come to this world

 

TD

 

He may even have to answer to the king of the potato people too. I've heard being in his bad books is much worse than hell.

[somedude81]

Killing yourself will not end your "suffering",if there is a hell,suicide will only bring you to a place a lot worst..you cannot evade,you cannot escape from this,not even by suicide.

 

The only way to end your suffering is to let the reason your suffering go,let it go.Only when you stop obsessing over it will you eventually get the bliss,only then you will understand the meaning and purpose you come to this world

 

TD

Do people who commit suicide go to hell

[Mme. Chaucer]

The reason (I think) that SD is constantly prodded to make friends, especially with women, is that he still hasn't reached a stage of maturity where he can perceive women as sentient beings with all the range of feelings, preferences, insecurities, hopes and dreams that he himself has.

 

They are just frustrating objects that he can't figure out how to "work" to provide him with what he wants from them.

 

If he had a real friendship (which he has not, so far) with a woman, he would gain some ground. As it is, he has remained stagnant since early teens in this regard. Not good.

 

Age is something that just never crosses my mind. My age is irrelevant to me.

 

There is a pertinent example. HIS age never crosses his mind. He is only interested in "hot" 20 year old girls - obviously, their age crosses his mind. But he is not able to extend this line of thinking to include the obvious fact that HIS age IS crossing THEIR minds.

 

Which I cannot grasp. I mean, SD, you are very keyed into the age of women. Why don't you understand that they are just as likely to be keyed into the age of men when considering who to date and who to pass?

[somedude81]

The reason (I think) that SD is constantly prodded to make friends, especially with women, is that he still hasn't reached a stage of maturity where he can perceive women as sentient beings with all the range of feelings, preferences, insecurities, hopes and dreams that he himself has.

 

They are just frustrating objects that he can't figure out how to "work" to provide him with what he wants from them.

 

If he had a real friendship (which he has not, so far) with a woman, he would gain some ground. As it is, he has remained stagnant since early teens in this regard. Not good.

Sorry try again.

 

 

There is a pertinent example. HIS age never crosses his mind. He is only interested in "hot" 20 year old girls - obviously, their age crosses his mind. But he is not able to extend this line of thinking to include the obvious fact that HIS age IS crossing THEIR minds.

 

Which I cannot grasp. I mean, SD, you are very keyed into the age of women. Why don't you understand that they are just as likely to be keyed into the age of men when considering who to date and who to pass?

No, their age never crosses my mind either. I don't care how old they are.

 

As far as I'm concerned, we're both going to the same college, so it's fine for me to date them.

 

They key here is that I don't see myself as an old man. And nobody reacts to me like I'm an old man. If a girl doesn't know that I'm nine years older than she is, why should I point it out to her?

 

If there comes a point where girls start treating me like I'm older and creepy, then I'll stop pursuing them. Until that point, I'll keep doing whatever the hell I want.

[Mme. Chaucer]

Sorry try again.

 

No, their age never crosses my mind either. I don't care how old they are.

 

You have posted numerous times about your age requirements for women.

 

As far as I'm concerned, we're both going to the same college, so it's fine for me to date them.

 

In theory, that's true. And we all know how it's working out in practice.

 

They key here is that I don't see myself as an old man. And nobody reacts to me like I'm an old man. If a girl doesn't know that I'm nine years older than she is, why should I point it out to her?

 

31 years old is not an "old man."

 

You don't need to point it out to her. She DOES know that you are not her peer. She might not be reading you as 9 years older than her, but she's getting all kinds of information that you are not in her dating pool.

 

If there comes a point where girls start treating me like I'm older and creepy, then I'll stop pursuing them. Until that point, I'll keep doing whatever the hell I want.

 

Of course! Keep doing exactly what you're doing, by all means. It sure is working well.

 

Honestly, I don't wish for you to try to date women who would in fact be appropriately matched for you, who might be interested in you. You dismiss all those women as beneath your notice, so I think it would be horrible for such a woman to have you "settling" for her when all you want is "hot" 20 year old girls. The many fabulous women who actually would be in your "dating pool" (if you were dating) should be with men who actually appreciate them, and they probably are.

 

You are one of the most profoundly, stubbornly stuck people I've ever encountered. I do have compassion for you, but your refusal to do ANYTHING to change what obviously isn't, and has never, worked for you is frustrating.

 

I really hope you don't give up hope on having a great life for yourself, girlfriend or no girlfriend. Because, until / unless your attitude about that part of things has a total overhaul, I think you can expect business as usual.

[somedude81]

You have posted numerous times about your age requirements for women.

I have? Tell me what I've said.

 

In theory, that's true. And we all know how it's working out in practice.

I said it's fine for me for me to date them. I didn't say it should be easy to date them or that they should like me. Working out in practice isn't applicable.

 

You don't need to point it out to her. She DOES know that you are not her peer. She might not be reading you as 9 years older than her, but she's getting all kinds of information that you are not in her dating pool.

I've had enough. I'm not responding to any more posts that focus on age. All they are doing is leading me astray.

 

Out of all the signals I'm giving girls, my age is one of the least important ones. There are so many things that girls look for. There are many things that I can try to do to make myself more attractive. Changing my age is not one of them, so it's not something I should even be worrying about.

 

Once again, any point that talks about age whether positive or negative, will be ignored.

[Meeks7]

If there comes a point where girls start treating me like I'm older and creepy, then I'll stop pursuing them. Until that point, I'll keep doing whatever the hell I want.

 

 

Think of an overweight person who claims he wants to be skinny... but then says "I'll keep doing whatever the hell I want" which includes eating fast food 4x a week without any exercise at all.

 

Is it any wonder that person hasn't reached their goal yet?

 

Same thing here. Think about it...

[Els]

 

Out of all the signals I'm giving girls, my age is one of the least important ones. There are so many things that girls look for. There are many things that I can try to do to make myself more attractive. Changing my age is not one of them, so it's not something I should even be worrying about.

 

I agree whole-heartedly with this. So, which of the many things that you can try to do to make yourself more attractive, have you been doing recently?

[somedude81]

Think of an overweight person who claims he wants to be skinny... but then says "I'll keep doing whatever the hell I want" which includes eating fast food 4x a week without any exercise at all.

 

Is it any wonder that person hasn't reached their goal yet?

 

Same thing here. Think about it...

Keep doing whatever the hell I want was only in regards to pursuing young women. I'm not going to stop doing it because some people on the internet don't want me to.

I agree whole-heartedly with this. So, which of the many things that you can try to do to make yourself more attractive, have you been doing recently?

One thing is really trying to put myself out there and force myself to talk to people.

 

I'm much more of an introvert than you readers realize and it's very easy for me to sit by myself in a room full of people.

 

If I see any opportunity to talk to a girl a girl I need to take it.

 

Another thing I've stared doing is touching more. Salsa is great because it's required to touch and hold girls, though that's only for during the actual dance part. When you're not dancing you don't have to touch and I'm forcing myself to find ways to have physical contact with girls when I'm not dancing. It's really something I need to become more comfortable with.

 

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OMG, my posts are over 9,000!

[iris219]

Keep doing whatever the hell I want was only in regards to pursuing young women. I'm not going to stop doing it because some people on the internet don't want me to.

 

Don't want you to? I don't care how many young girls you ask out. I was trying to help you. I was trying to give you advice that would maximize your chance for success. You're free to choose the most difficult path to achieving your goals if you want.

 

I'm much more of an introvert than you readers realize and it's very easy for me to sit by myself in a room full of people.

 

Me too.

[Els]

One thing is really trying to put myself out there and force myself to talk to people.

 

I'm much more of an introvert than you readers realize and it's very easy for me to sit by myself in a room full of people.

 

If I see any opportunity to talk to a girl a girl I need to take it.

 

Another thing I've stared doing is touching more. Salsa is great because it's required to touch and hold girls, though that's only for during the actual dance part. When you're not dancing you don't have to touch and I'm forcing myself to find ways to have physical contact with girls when I'm not dancing. It's really something I need to become more comfortable with.

 

I think anything that gives you the motivation to get off the comfy couch and do something to improve your life, is a good thing. If desiring college girls gives you that motivation, by all means go for it. Definitely lower odds there, but lower odds + more effort certainly is better than higher odds + no effort. I totally understand how difficult it is to force yourself, as an introvert, to talk to people whom you don't know. You just need to persevere at it, and not to let failures bring you down.

 

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OMG, my posts are over 9,000!

 

Lol, congrats.

[Meeks7]

Don't want you to? I don't care how many young girls you ask out. I was trying to help you. I was trying to give you advice that would maximize your chance for success. You're free to choose the most difficult path to achieving your goals if you want.

 

lol, same here iris!

 

SomeDude however only sees anyone not patting him on the back as "being against him." Sadly, it's an unhealthy perspective and he's caught himself in this self-defeating pattern of wrong thinking.

 

Like you iris I don't care how many young girls he asks out. What I was trying to do was give him advice on how to optimize his success %. Not surprisingly, he gave the response he did. It is like talking to a brick wall.

 

Beth just told me it's a major turn-off for girls. SomeDude, I would try and work on being more open-minded and less stubborn. It hasn't gotten you very far so far.

[somedude81]

Hey Meeks, I'd appreciate your and Beth's advice in the thread I made in the dating section.

 

It's called "Hate how I can't ask out lot of girls at once."

[Maxima]

You dismiss all those women as beneath your notice, so I think it would be horrible for such a woman to have you "settling" for her when all you want is "hot" 20 year old girls. The many fabulous women who actually would be in your "dating pool" (if you were dating) should be with men who actually appreciate them, and they probably are.

Aside from the snark, this basically answers why neither age group would be good.

 

If a 20 something doesn't want a guy in his thirties who is still going to college and socially awkward, why would a woman in their thirties? He's behind in so many categories, so it gets harder and harder to keep up with people in your own age group unless you want to have a relationship with a basket case.