I cheated

[jasmin]

I need to air this out. I cheated.. i am still cheating. I care about the man i am having an affair with, but i Love my husband. I can't seem to let go ofthe affair. Even though we both know we should. He has tried as have i to break it off. I don't want to ruin my family, or hurt my boyfriend either. If your considering cheating.... don't do it, it gets way to deep and intimate and becomes much much more then sex. Trust me.

I'm a mess

[sami]

thank you for the advice. I commend you for your honesty. Hope those girls will listen.

[supermom]

Have you thought about divorcing your husband?

 

You NEED to make a choice. You know damn well that cheating always hurts alot of people. What is so bad about your husband that you've gone elsewhere?

 

Doesn't your concience eat at you? How do you look at your husband in the eyes anymore?

 

Who do you want/love more? Your bf or your H

 

Make a decision...better yet, tell your husband.. he has every right to know and have the opportunity to be with someone who will be his and his only.

 

Come on!

[jasmin]

Supermom, nothing is sooo bad about my husband, in fact it is about me. Maybe there is something so bad about me....... It's not about love or sex... i'm not sure what it is even about. But non the less. I think telling him would be more hurtful then ending it with the BF and never letting the secret out of my mouth. AFterall, he doesn't deserve to be hurt. It was never meant to hurt anyone, yet like any affair it hurts everyone.

[Bryanp]

Hello,

 

This is just a thought, but how would you feel if your husband was doing to you what you are doing to him? You are continuing to disrespect your marriage and husband, and putting him at health risk.

 

If you really wish to end this affair then you will be honest with your husband which will force you to end the affair once and for all. Otherwise, you are mocking your husband and making him out to be a total fool who does not know that his wife is cheating behind his back.

 

The reason I am guessing that you refuse to tell your husband, is because you do not wish to suffer any consequences to your actions. You position that you do not wish to tell your husband because it would hurt him, yet you continue to cheat on your husband, is ludicrous.

 

Your actions indicate you wish to have a husband and family, and continue to be able to cheat on your husband whenever your wish. If you have any respect for your husband, then please be honest with him. He can then decide if and how he wishes to recover and work on his marriage. Otherwise, you simply are continuing to degrade and humiliate him.

 

Again if the roles were reversed, wouldn't you expect your husband to be honest and truthful to you? How do you feel when your husband wishes to celebrate your wedding anniversary? If you really wish to end this affair you will tell your husband.

 

Your actions speaks volumes and your continued lack of honesty and deceit toward your husband indicates that you think of him as a fool. Would your husband ever do this to you? If you do not have honesty in your marriage then you have nothing.

 

Why not allow your husband a choice in the matter of whether he wishes to stay with a wife who has such little respect and so much distain toward him and your marriage?

[hART]

You already realize what sort of sitution you have gotten yourself into.

If you are thinking about breaking it off, you must be considering your husband's feelings.

I'm not sure if you have kids.

If you have kids or want to stay with your husband think about what you are giving up by having this affair.

Acess exactly how you feel about your lover and what problem in your relationship with your husband or in your life caused you to go after another man.

Acess how you feel about your husband.

If your marriage is worth saving, do anything you can to break it off with this guy.

I can't imagine how hard that would be for you, but your husband (and especially kids?) will thank you for it.

I definatly recommend professional counseling for you and your hubby.

 

Whatever you do, you cannot keep both of these relationships. While the decision is incredibly hard, you have to choose.

[xeon124]

Originally posted by Bryanp

Hello,

 

This is just a thought, but how would you feel if your husband was doing to you what you are doing to him? You are continuing to disrespect your marriage and husband, and putting him at health risk.

 

If you really wish to end this affair then you will be honest with your husband which will force you to end the affair once and for all. Otherwise, you are mocking your husband and making him out to be a total fool who does not know that his wife is cheating behind his back.

 

The reason I am guessing that you refuse to tell your husband, is because you do not wish to suffer any consequences to your actions. You position that you do not wish to tell your husband because it would hurt him, yet you continue to cheat on your husband, is ludicrous.

 

Your actions indicate you wish to have a husband and family, and continue to be able to cheat on your husband whenever your wish. If you have any respect for your husband, then please be honest with him. He can then decide if and how he wishes to recover and work on his marriage. Otherwise, you simply are continuing to degrade and humiliate him.

 

Again if the roles were reversed, wouldn't you expect your husband to be honest and truthful to you? How do you feel when your husband wishes to celebrate your wedding anniversary? If you really wish to end this affair you will tell your husband.

 

Your actions speaks volumes and your continued lack of honesty and deceit toward your husband indicates that you think of him as a fool. Would your husband ever do this to you? If you do not have honesty in your marriage then you have nothing.

 

Why not allow your husband a choice in the matter of whether he wishes to stay with a wife who has such little respect and so much distain toward him and your marriage?

 

AMEN!

 

You took the words right out of my mouth...

[jasmin]

All done

[Shasta]

All done? With what? Did you stop the affair? Did you tell your husband?

 

Personally, I believe that if you don't want to tell your husband, you should at least end the affair. You are showing disrespect to your husband, and are showing that you really DONT care.

[Nicki6239]

I think everyone is being kinda hard on you, and very judgmental - after all we all lead very diffferent lives and make mistakes that we wish we could take back. Only you know the circumstances that lead to your affair, and if your husband was meeting all your needs, how ever selfish that sounds, you would not of looked else where. I am not suggesting your husband deserves or is to blame for your actions, but the problems in your relationship are the reason you commited adultery in the first place.

 

Telling your husband depends on the reason your doing it. If your doing it to ease your own mind then it will be very hurtful to him, it certainly wont make him feel any better. But if your doing it to address the reason you started the affair in the first place then being honest is the only way forward. Otherwise you will leave this affair, go back to your old routine and in time, the reasons it started will reappear and you will end up starting another affair, or worse sleeping around.

 

Think long and hard about what you want, and not what is best for everyone else.

 

If your not leaving your husband because you truely love him and want him, then you as a couple have serious issues that need to be dealt with before you can even begin to start on a road of true happiness. If the reason your not leaving him is because you love him, but your not 'in love with him' then your not being fair to anyone - including yourself. Staying in a long term relationship that is unfulfilling or without love affects not only you, but your husband and also any children that may be involved. Eventually this will turn to resentment and could conclude in many years of your life being wasted in an unhappy relationship - this is not a dress rehearsal. Not wanting to hurt someone is not the right reason to stay. If your not leaving beacuse he is the person you want to be with then as i said above you have lots to sort out, starting with ending the affiar and telling your husband the truth.

 

How ever hurtful you think leaving will be, staying in a relationship that is past repair will result in long term damage to both parties.

 

On the other hand, if you do not love the person your having an affair with enough to leave your husband then you should be honest with them - false hope is a destructive thing, playing second best or being a low priority is very distructive to someones ego. Eventually someone will want the affair to become a relationship and if you can not offer this, because you do not love him enough, then you will have put everyones happiness at risk for no reason.

 

I wouldnt suggest that your not being responsible and taking precautions - But i hope you are the implications of pregnancy or an STD are an additional complication that you do not need right now.