Gaining back an ex-girlfriend?

[ChiaPuke]

Maybe this topic has been discussed here, before, but I would really like some input on this.

 

I met my last girlfriend quite a long time ago. Years ago. We were friends for a year or two before we became a couple. We had some distance between us (Physical distance.. as in miles. Not emotional distance) which created tension between visits. Our time together was very heartwarming and special, though. We were together for just over three years. We had been planning things out to make it possible for me to move very close to her. I called her one night to tell her I was finally ready to move, to surprise her since I had been making it sound like everything wasn't quite together yet. She started crying when she heard it was me on the phone. We had just talked the night before so I was very concerned. I asked her what was wrong and told her it'll be ok, whatever it is. I eventually got her calmed down enough to talk with me at which point she told me she was breaking up with me. After more crying (from both of us), I found out she had met someone else. Just three days earlier, she met some guitar player for some local band she thought was cute and was in art school, like her, and she felt she shared more in common with him (after talking to him only once (yes once)) and she decided she felt there were others out there who may be right for her and decided she needed to move on. After about 45 minutes of discussion, we decided there wasn't much else to say and said goodbye. That was the last time I heard her voice and I haven't seen her since. That was just over 7 months ago. The problem is, after 3 years of loving her with all my heart, I can't forget about her completely. As much as I know everyone wants to respond saying "just move on and forget about it" ... I'm finding that hard. As soon as I can think about her or see pictures of her and actually smile instead of cry, I have some dream about her or remember some especially tender moment that just breaks me down into tears. She told me, when she broke up with me, that she didn't want to break my heart and she still thinks I'm a great person but just doesn't think she could ever be in a relationship with me again. She has these philosophies about everything. And one thing she has never done was keep any attachments with ex-boyfriends.. she feels that once it's over, it's completely over for good, period. I know I can't MAKE her change her mind or MAKE her fall in love with me again but I'd like to do anything possible to even become friends with her again. I miss her deeply and she's a wonderful young woman with many unique and rare qualities. If anyone has ANY suggestions on how to gain an ex-girlfriend back or even gain her back as a friend, I'd be more appreciative than you can imagine. Thank you.

 

In case anyone is wondering (in case it makes any difference toward how you will write your answer), I am 21 years old.

[Tony T]

She has already made it extremely clear that she wants no further contact with ex boyfriends. Why can't you respect that? If you really like her, you will not make it difficult by trying certain strategies to attain her friendship when that's just going to piss her off.

 

Furthermore, you really don't want her as a friend...you want more from her. So if you were successful in gaining her friendship, you would just put yourself through incredible pain by seeing her date other guys. Your relationship would be a lie because you would want more than just a friendship.

 

What this girl did to you was pretty crappy...and she has shown herself to be a real flake. Maybe your paths will cross again when she grows up a bit. Breaking up a long relationship with you for a guitar player who takes art classes with her is outlandish.

 

I won't tell you to move on because you said you didn't want to hear that. But I will tell you to give up on being this lady's friend. She doesn't want that...and you don't really want that either.

[Deejette]

It takes a while to get over love and maybe for the rest of your life you will remember this girl, but it is clear that it is over between you.

 

Only if she comes back and swears that she had made a big mistake, should you consider being reunited with her. There is nothing you can do to force her to get back with you. It is like trying to revive a corpse of a loved one. Even though you want it so badly, you cannot do anything about it.

 

She sounds pretty shallow to throw over a 3-year relationship for someone she just met and feels she has more in common with than you. But the long-distance aspect of this relationship doomed it too. She may have felt that you were just not there enough for her needs.

 

But be that as it may, it is still impossible to convince someone who has moved on, to get back with you. It has to come from them.

She has already made it extremely clear that she wants no further contact with ex boyfriends. Why can't you respect that? If you really like her, you will not make it difficult by trying certain strategies to attain her friendship when that's just going to piss her off. Furthermore, you really don't want her as a friend...you want more from her. So if you were successful in gaining her friendship, you would just put yourself through incredible pain by seeing her date other guys. Your relationship would be a lie because you would want more than just a friendship. What this girl did to you was pretty crappy...and she has shown herself to be a real flake. Maybe your paths will cross again when she grows up a bit. Breaking up a long relationship with you for a guitar player who takes art classes with her is outlandish. I won't tell you to move on because you said you didn't want to hear that. But I will tell you to give up on being this lady's friend. She doesn't want that...and you don't really want that either.