Anelisa Posted October 25, 2012 Share Posted October 25, 2012 I'm almost divorced, have been separated for 4 years now. The latest court doc showed up with the woman that he said he wasn't having an affair with now being called his girlfriend. He's asking the court to change their minds about him paying me maintenance. My problem is, even though it's been 4 yrs (3.5 of which we had to cohabit, sigh) it's like I'm having to deal with issues again, with this new confirmation of his cheating. I am so angry with him and with her and at a loss as to how long this anger will last. Thoughts anyone? Link to post Share on other sites
Soxfaninfl Posted October 25, 2012 Share Posted October 25, 2012 Once your divorce is final it can take up to a couple of years or longer to get over the anger. It really depends on you. Counseling can help to shorten that. I had to cohabitate with my ex for 7 months ( she was with another man at this point) prior to our divorce being final and for a year prior we were separated but living apart. I had to move back in for financial reasons. We were separated for almost two years once the divorce was final. I still had to live with her for another month after the divorce was final due to our house being sold. I have now been divorced for a year and I'm still angry, but it's getting easier. I am seeing a counselor so it's helping to get over the anger a lot quicker. You can't do it alone. You need help to get through such a dramatics life event. It is good to talk to someone and get it off your chest. Link to post Share on other sites
Ninja'sHusband Posted October 25, 2012 Share Posted October 25, 2012 I can give you my ex's address. She deserves some hell No but seriously, many people say exercise is good. I work out a lot now, it's more of a distraction for me though. I like to listen to\play music. Do you like metal? No? Pity...I know, go to a metal concert! I think just hanging out on these forums is a channel of anger really, finding support groups and such that will listen and empathize with the issues you are facing. Link to post Share on other sites
Soxfaninfl Posted October 25, 2012 Share Posted October 25, 2012 I forgot to add that divorce support groups are good too. There you'll meet people that have gone through what you have, and understand your pain. It's also a good way to make single friends and help you get through your anger. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
GuyInLimbo Posted October 25, 2012 Share Posted October 25, 2012 I can give you my ex's address. She deserves some hell No but seriously, many people say exercise is good. I work out a lot now, it's more of a distraction for me though. I like to listen to\play music. Do you like metal? No? Pity...I know, go to a metal concert! I think just hanging out on these forums is a channel of anger really, finding support groups and such that will listen and empathize with the issues you are facing. Agreed on all counts. I'm not even yet in the D process yet, but usually the only time my stress goes away is when I work out for an hour or two. (Or when everyone is asleep.) Are you not in IC? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Soxfaninfl Posted October 25, 2012 Share Posted October 25, 2012 only time my stress goes away is when I work out for an hour or two. I agree exercise is also good. It helps release anger. Link to post Share on other sites
paradigm shift Posted October 25, 2012 Share Posted October 25, 2012 Working out has saved my sanity and I do it even when i don't want to Other than that a good counselor and some good friends. I agree that you can't do it alone. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Anelisa Posted October 26, 2012 Author Share Posted October 26, 2012 Thanks everyone, for your advise. I have started to play tennis again once a week, I'm in full time school right now too, so time is limited. I came so far in my recovery from this, had therapy and talked about it a lot. But this new revelation has taken its toll on my emotions. NH, lol, the nearest I come to metal is The Boss, lol, but I get what you're saying because I do listen to a lot of music. ... so much more I could share but I won't right now, just sad and so angry inside. When I'm with friends I'm fine, it's just the alone times that make me want to cry... Link to post Share on other sites
riverratt Posted October 27, 2012 Share Posted October 27, 2012 When you feel the anger let it out. Make yourself angrier. Cuss, scream, yell. Have to get it out. Part of letting go. I don't have the worst mouth of all and try to watch my language but a big F off feels so good sometimes. Link to post Share on other sites
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