Long distance friend becoming more?

[Wistie13]

I have not posted on here before but i am desperate for some unbiased views, please bear with my because my story is long and i really need support.

 

i have known a guy for about 8 years, we first met while travelling through New Zealeand. I am an aussie he is a pom. We have always kept in contact, to be honest it may be a year or so before we talk but we eventually catch up via messenger and talk for a couple of weeks then drift off for awhile again.

He is usually the one that begins the contact but i am happy to talk to him.

We have seen each other 3 times since the time we first met. Everytime has been in London and everytime i have had a boyfriend but we have always had such a good time together.

The last time we saw each other was about 5 years ago and we got very drunk together and admitted that we had romantic feelings for each other but i had a boyfriend at the time so nothing progressed (also at the time i did not take him seriously even though that was how i felt).

Over the last 6 months our talking has progressed to us talking everyday. He says good morning to me almost as soon as i wake up (he knows what time i wake up because i have told him previously).

We have begun talking in a very intimate way and mentioning how much we miss each other.

Our current situation is that he has a girlfriend and a daugher (not planned) and i have a boyfriend but despite this we have begun talking in a way that you would if you were with the person.

I have always had strong romantic feelings for him and he states that he has also but nothing ever eventuated because neither of us thought our feelings were that meaningful and the distance between us was to great. My problem is that i am confused about what to do. Should i leave my current boyfriend and hope that he wants the same or should i ignore how i feel and stop speaking to my long distance friend. Also i will be seeing him in 3 months and i dont know what to do when i see him in person again - please any advise would be great

[january2011]

You both need to make a decision. You are now engaged in an emotional affair with this man. You need to decide either to break up with your current partners and make a go of it. Or you need to decide that enough is enough and break contact with him.

 

You can have both but the deception and guilt will kill what you have with your current partners. Presumably your boyfriend and his girlfriend have not agreed to open relationships and therefore you are lying to both of them.

 

My hunch is that you don't want either of these two men because neither satisfies you completely. And just because you've known this other guy for 8 years and seemingly have a close friendship, it doesn't mean that things will work out if you were in a relationship with him.

 

What makes this time anymore different than the last time you declared feelings and didn't try to make a go of it?

 

Crunch time. To put it very bluntly, either sh*t or get off the pot. The choice is yours. Circling round each other is not allowing either of you to be emotionally available to the people who have committed themselves to you already.

Edited October 27, 2012 by january2011