Pierre Posted October 29, 2012 Share Posted October 29, 2012 I don't believe in suicide. I said my life wouldn't be worth living if I don't get married or have babies I guess I will worry about that stuff in 4 years if I am 25 and single still. You think that getting a guy to marry you and having a baby will solve your situation. It is not that simply. You still have to be good to go on your own. You may get married and then get bored with you H even if he is a good guy. Then you become a MOW. Or your H may not be a good guy and put you thru hell with several affairs. My exwife used to say that I saved her when I dated her. She was a mess and I was her Prince Charming. However, it was exhausting to keep her happy. Her entire happiness was on me and it was a tiring job. No one can make you happy 24/7. You still have to do that on your own. 5 Link to post Share on other sites
Author ImperfectionisBeauty Posted October 29, 2012 Author Share Posted October 29, 2012 You think that getting a guy to marry you and having a baby will solve your situation. It is not that simply. You still have to be good to go on your own. You may get married and then get bored with you H even if he is a good guy. Then you become a MOW. Or your H may not be a good guy and put you thru hell with several affairs. My exwife used to say that I saved her when I dated her. She was a mess and I was her Prince Charming. However, it was exhausting to keep her happy. Her entire happiness was on me and it was a tiring job. No one can make you happy 24/7. You still have to do that on your own. But I don't wanna find too many thing to be happy about because then I will not need anyone and then i'll NEVER find someone. Link to post Share on other sites
SecretFlower Posted October 29, 2012 Share Posted October 29, 2012 Um, what? You don't want to find too many things to be happy about because than you won't be forced to depend on someone else to determine your happiness. What about being happy in your own skin and person? I think the last thing you should be doing is trying to find someone. Try finding yourself. I know it feels like your self-worth is determined by who loves you or pays attention to you, but I can assure you that you are worth more and need to work on yourself before you work on a relationship o God forbid children. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Author ImperfectionisBeauty Posted October 29, 2012 Author Share Posted October 29, 2012 Um, what? You don't want to find too many things to be happy about because than you won't be forced to depend on someone else to determine your happiness. What about being happy in your own skin and person? I think the last thing you should be doing is trying to find someone. Try finding yourself. I know it feels like your self-worth is determined by who loves you or pays attention to you, but I can assure you that you are worth more and need to work on yourself before you work on a relationship o God forbid children. I guess what I meant is like if I become too independent then a guy will be like wow she's super independent she doesn't need a man. Then he won't want me. I am working though I am in therapy I can get through this I know it Link to post Share on other sites
SecretFlower Posted October 29, 2012 Share Posted October 29, 2012 First off, at least you know there is a problem and therapy DOES help contrary to popular belief. Second, if a man expects you to be a whimpering puddle of dependance at his feet than there is a huge problem with the both of you. Men like women who are capable of surviving on their own. It is exhausting when a man continually has to save a woman. Trust me, I was you (and in many ways) still am and can assure you eventually men (like my STBXH) get sick of picking you up off the ground. Link to post Share on other sites
MissBee Posted October 29, 2012 Share Posted October 29, 2012 (edited) You need to buy and read the book, "men love bitches". It explains why good men like self confident women and who won't accept bad treatment, and why women need to realize their worth. If you are willing to settle for whatever you can get and you don't really know what you want, you are asking for a lot of trouble and heartache. Men who will hurt you will see you coming from a mile away. There are people out there who will take advantage of foolishness and vulnerabilities. Pierre is a man, you better listen up, he is telling you like it is and how men think. Was browsing that book "Why Men Marry Bitches", it was a cute book. But yes, I recommend Imperfect read it. Men worth having want women who are confident and happy in themselves and won't be turned off because you're independent. However, how you are now Imperfect...please look around your romantic life...clearly the only kinds of men you meet are men who don't even really care, men who YOU have hope for but they're not around or men who think that them offering their penis and compliments, while they have a gf, should be gold to you. Smh. This is largely, as LG said, because they see you coming from a mile away. One thing I learned that was like a big secret to me and was so good to learn, was that you can't fool who you attract. That is,the people you date will ALWAYS be a match for the issues you have or don't have. If you're desperate, think a man/relationship/babies will solve your problem etc...sure you'll get it, but it will ALWAYS come with an unpleasant catch and it will always be where you're never fully happy about it and it will be still with a man who will make you insecure. I was a year younger than you probably when I was thinking the SAME thoughts and I got what I thought I wanted and realized how very misguided I was. I couldn't fool the Universe in to bringing me Prince Charming, as my own issues and why I wanted a bf soooooo bad, were in no way conducive to a healthy relationship, in fact, what I expected love and relationships to do for me, wasn't what love and relationships should do for you, so I had to painfully learn that NO RELATIONSHIP is a substitute for working on yourself. A relationship is a partnership, it shouldn't be about co-dependence or being someone's savior and being with someone 24/7 and thinking they are responsible for your happiness and entertainment 100% of the time. I learned the very hard way...and I assume you may have to as well. Hopefully you do learn though, as some years later I have and I've witnessed how the kinds of men I attract now the quality is sooo much better, as I've become better. The thoughts you have now are way offff but you have youth on your side to blame...I'd hate for you to be 35 still thinking like this and believing like this...and trust me, lots of women from 20 to 60 actually are in a mess because this is precisely what they think. I do wish you better luck and hope you make the best of therapy. Edited October 29, 2012 by MissBee Link to post Share on other sites
Pierre Posted October 29, 2012 Share Posted October 29, 2012 Not true, Pierre, so please don't tell her that. A professional therapist would never tell a patient "what they wanted to hear". I hear you, but if the therapists tells the patient what she needs to hear she may go and shop for another therapist. Quite often people see therapists for reaffirmation and hearing the truth may be unpleasant. The psych does not want to lose the business so he must thread carefully. Link to post Share on other sites
Author ImperfectionisBeauty Posted October 29, 2012 Author Share Posted October 29, 2012 I hear you, but if the therapists tells the patient what she needs to hear she may go and shop for another therapist. Quite often people see therapists for reaffirmation and hearing the truth may be unpleasant. The psych does not want to lose the business so he must thread carefully. See I feel like I have the opposite feeling now. I like my therapist but I feel like she isn't harsh on me like she should be. She tells me that I am harsh on myself and that I am young and still learning and its stuff I want to hear and I want someone to be harsh on me and tell me I have all these issues and then help me figure out what to do to help them. Link to post Share on other sites
MissBee Posted October 29, 2012 Share Posted October 29, 2012 See I feel like I have the opposite feeling now. I like my therapist but I feel like she isn't harsh on me like she should be. She tells me that I am harsh on myself and that I am young and still learning and its stuff I want to hear and I want someone to be harsh on me and tell me I have all these issues and then help me figure out what to do to help them. You can always get a new therapist. No sense in continuing to spend time and money with someone you feel isn't helping you. Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted October 29, 2012 Share Posted October 29, 2012 You can always get a new therapist. No sense in continuing to spend time and money with someone you feel isn't helping you. Yup, if this T isn't working out, find another one. Therapy -- What you put into it is what you get out of it. If you want changes in your life, take control and work hard. Link to post Share on other sites
Author ImperfectionisBeauty Posted October 29, 2012 Author Share Posted October 29, 2012 How much time have you given this particular therapist? Some therapists have their own approaches to treatment that you wouldn't understand. About a month. I started therapy around the time I joined here Link to post Share on other sites
Mme. Chaucer Posted October 29, 2012 Share Posted October 29, 2012 See I feel like I have the opposite feeling now. I like my therapist but I feel like she isn't harsh on me like she should be. I'll harsh on you! :D 1 Link to post Share on other sites
phillyfan Posted October 29, 2012 Share Posted October 29, 2012 Dude u aint need therapists if u c a therapist all u r doin is fixatin on ur ex and fixatin on bein lonley, talkin 2 sum random stranger. Wat u need is 2 GET OUT to the gym, hit the park 4 a run, start a new pastime, wateva, u gotta get out n change up meet nu ppl, n b harsh on URSELF, dont sit around feelin sorry 4 ur ass, go out DO sumthin. U r young u r single u aint got no kids 2 worry about, u aint got no responsiblity, go out there LIVE LIFE GIRL. U r way 2 yung to see a godam therapist, sumtimes i think therapists are just some legit excuse 2 sit around feelin sorry 4 urself. get out there enjoy life meet a hot new guy hit the gym get a hot gymbody change u life!! forget that loser 2 sum dude who is engaged n a playa aint no man, hes just a little boy. U GO GIRL :D 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author ImperfectionisBeauty Posted October 29, 2012 Author Share Posted October 29, 2012 I'll harsh on you! :D Haha you always are. Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts