spiderowl Posted October 28, 2012 Share Posted October 28, 2012 (edited) There's this guy I know who goes to several social events that I also go to. He's not been well, very ill in fact, so people are very supportive towards him (which is good). I try to be too. However, when I first met him, and before he was ill, he made it clear he was attracted to me. He has a very 'forthright' sense of humour which frequently contains sexual innuendos and generally makes the group of people laugh. But, from the start really, he looks at me and looks me up and down. He has a very direct stare and it's clear he wants me to see him looking. He makes a point of coming to talk to me (I have stopped initiating any contact with him though was politely friendly at first). I'm friendly and polite with him, as with anyone I socialise with. I find him looking a lot and it's beginning to bother me. He has made suggestions before, suggesting he invite himself round, in one case asking for sex, and I've just laughed him off or treated it like he was joking. Last time he approached me, I didn't smile, just looked him in the eye and turned him down. I thought that might be the end of it, but the other day he was looking again. I'm starting to feel uncomfortable and as if I can't take this as a joke any more. I know friends would be shocked if I told them he was bothering me and, with his health background, it's really difficult. His behaviour is not obvious to others but I'm starting to feel like there's a pair of eyes in the room that I can't escape. Just looking at me is bothering me now. Has anyone got any ideas as to what I can do about this? He's always been friendly and polite, there's just this strong sexual undercurrent all the time. Has anyone else experienced anything like this? It doesn't seem like straightforward sexual harassment as it's in a social (not working) environment and he has no power over me. He has never touched me. Usually I shrug things like this off, but I guess it's the fact that he often goes to the same places that means it seems almost ever-present. Edited October 28, 2012 by spiderowl Link to post Share on other sites
Author spiderowl Posted October 28, 2012 Author Share Posted October 28, 2012 Any comments would help, really. I'm just looking to see what others think. Link to post Share on other sites
Hawaii50 Posted October 28, 2012 Share Posted October 28, 2012 I don't consider his state of health at all, not in how it makes YOU feel. I'd tell 'em, and be as rude as you want. What he's doing is unwarranted after you rejected him and makes you feel uncomfortable. just ask him if he took his meds that day, and once he confirms... lay it out-quit being a creeper. Link to post Share on other sites
freestyle Posted October 29, 2012 Share Posted October 29, 2012 When it comes to receiving unwanted sexual attention from someone, --I've learned the best & safest method is to be very direct, and blunt. I see no need to be diplomatic if a man makes inappropriate comments to me-- (he's certainly not minding his manners, after all...) My experience with that kind of behavior is that trying to laugh it off, will be perceived as flirting back--( the guy is probably thinking,"she's just playing hard to get-and she's laughing) So the no-nonsense approach is more likely to get you the results you want. Link to post Share on other sites
Author spiderowl Posted October 29, 2012 Author Share Posted October 29, 2012 You may well be right. It looks like I might have to resort to a blunt approach. Can you complain about someone looking at you? To make it more difficult, a woman I know seems to joke with him and doesn't seem to mind this kind of joking. I ignore him most of the time and I don't initiate any conversation or look at him. I don't do anything to encourage this behaviour, in my opinion. Link to post Share on other sites
Hawaii50 Posted October 29, 2012 Share Posted October 29, 2012 I'm always right, it's a curse. Really. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
River Rain Posted October 29, 2012 Share Posted October 29, 2012 Can you complain about someone looking at you? If he's leering at you in an unwanted way, and considering he's bothered you in the past, yes, of course. Tell him to buzz off and then you just have to ignore him and not react if he keeps doing it. Link to post Share on other sites
Emilia Posted October 30, 2012 Share Posted October 30, 2012 But, from the start really, he looks at me and looks me up and down. He has a very direct stare and it's clear he wants me to see him looking. . A man who does this knows what he is doing. He doesn't deserve the consideration you have been showing him. I would be direct and blunt expressing my distate. He is trying to take advantage of your relative timidness and that's not to be respected in my opinion. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Emilia Posted October 30, 2012 Share Posted October 30, 2012 Can you complain about someone looking at you? I turn on the 'cold b*tch' and become very short and dismissive when someone like that guy tries to talk to me. A colleague of mine who was relatively new at the time, tried to chat me up during one drinks evening quite aggressively. He kept asking where my boyfriend was during drinks on a Friday so I fixed him with a stare and said 'I don't discuss my private life at work' and turned away. I'm pretty sure he started hating me there and then for being an uptight b*tch but he stopped bothering me. My point is, you don't need to pull him up specifically on the staring, just don't be nice and polite anymore. Be an objectionable cow and enjoy 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Eve Posted October 30, 2012 Share Posted October 30, 2012 Just give him a tongue lashing.. Take care, Eve x Link to post Share on other sites
Author spiderowl Posted October 31, 2012 Author Share Posted October 31, 2012 I am starting to feel uncomfortable about just laughing it off now. He hasn't come up and spoken to me since I said no last time, but he's still looking and, I think, trying to catch my eye. Why would a guy keep doing that when it's not welcome? Link to post Share on other sites
Emilia Posted October 31, 2012 Share Posted October 31, 2012 Why would a guy keep doing that when it's not welcome? Because he is an ******* and doesn't care about how you feel Link to post Share on other sites
Author spiderowl Posted October 31, 2012 Author Share Posted October 31, 2012 You've got a point there. Link to post Share on other sites
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