nowwhatnow Posted October 28, 2012 Share Posted October 28, 2012 i met this guy a couple months ago and we instantly became really close. we were hanging out a lot and texting all the time. One night after we hung out he texted me saying he had feelings for me and wanted to act on them but he just got out of a relationship and is enjoying being single. he said that he still really wanted to be friends if i was up for it. it wasnt a FWB situation. he just wanted to be friends. and at that point i had feelings but they weren't that strong so i decided that i could still be friends with him. fast forward for the past month. We text ALL day and we hang out 3-4x a week. he even texts me goodnight most nights.i have developed real feelings for him now and i dont know what to do. I can tell that he still likes me. I have tried to create distance but if i dont text him first, he will text me. i do not know what to do because i am really falling for him. but a couple months ago he made it clear he didn't want a relationship... i feel like if we keep hanging out im just gonna be hoping for him to change his mind and that wouldnt be fair to me. but i dont know what to do Link to post Share on other sites
taya Posted October 28, 2012 Share Posted October 28, 2012 then dont hung out with him he dont want a relationship you do so find someone that do we have all like people that dident like us you know what we do move on you cant change his mind ..move on....if you cant be around him beause you like him then dont be around him 3 Link to post Share on other sites
ses Posted November 1, 2012 Share Posted November 1, 2012 Keep your distance. I know it may be really difficult considering you both have developed feelings, but it's the best option. I remember when I was 19 and fell in love with my best friend. Although he knew I had feelings for him, he led me on to believe there was a future for us if I just "waited" for him. Suffice to say, not only did he not reciprocate his feelings, but our friendship was damaged because his actions had suggested otherwise. Don't wait for him to come around. My feelings for my friend only increased in intensity the more time I spent with him. The inevitable hurt caused me to take a step back from pursuing serious relationships for several years. Although I'm grateful for the lessons I learned I don't want others to experience the same hope and possible disappointment. You should find someone else who's available and able to make you happy now. It's perfectly fine to be friends with him; just don't expect anything else in the near future. Be realistic and honest. Best of luck! Let us know how it goes Link to post Share on other sites
Author nowwhatnow Posted November 1, 2012 Author Share Posted November 1, 2012 ahhh such radically different answers! so i went out of town for a couple days and he wanted to hang out with me the moment i got back. i had plans so we only hung out for an hour or so. but he seemed to get a lot more flirty. also the other day when i saw him i gave him something from my trip and he asked for a hug. and we have never hugged before. and we are hanging out again on saturday, but for the whole afternoon and night (his idea). i am even more confused. but i guess i will see what happens on saturday when we get together. its like i know i am just going to end up getting hurt, but i like him too much to stop Link to post Share on other sites
crazylove Posted November 1, 2012 Share Posted November 1, 2012 He definitely sounds interested to me. See how Saturday goes, you never know, maybe it will progress into something more. Have fun! Link to post Share on other sites
todreaminblue Posted November 2, 2012 Share Posted November 2, 2012 ahhh such radically different answers! so i went out of town for a couple days and he wanted to hang out with me the moment i got back. i had plans so we only hung out for an hour or so. but he seemed to get a lot more flirty. also the other day when i saw him i gave him something from my trip and he asked for a hug. and we have never hugged before. and we are hanging out again on saturday, but for the whole afternoon and night (his idea). i am even more confused. but i guess i will see what happens on saturday when we get together. its like i know i am just going to end up getting hurt, but i like him too much to stop it sucks when you get different answers doesn't it in two different hemispheres....so my advice is take it one day at a time follow your heart and getting your heart broken is always a possibility you have to decide whether it is worth the risk....i have a very similar situation happening to me i know this guy i am mad about him i don't see him as much as you do your friend i wish i could see my friend more..... and i am the one who asked for a hug....lol...and i am totally goofy for him so much so i am scared....because i do have a past i don't think he is perfect he didnt use gloves while kick boxing for one, that annoyed me....because now his hands are damaged.... but he means a lot to me and he doesnt know it that scares me......i decided this is one more time i am going for it.....just one more try for me and love i dont feel very often wanting to be with a guy or stand close to or touch, or get to know him and everything about him so when i do i have to kamikaze myself or i wont live with not doing that....cant live with cant live without so i jump in slow motion.....liek a snail jump.....lol....but i do jump....so jump too my friend and i will see you on the landing strip with band aids i need to buy some for myself....just in case..."my" guy well he needs to wear gloves so he doesn't need band aids.....smilin...deb Link to post Share on other sites
spiderowl Posted November 2, 2012 Share Posted November 2, 2012 I get the impression he's definitely interested, but whether he's interested in a FWB situation or a relationship, it's impossible to tell. Until he says he wants a proper relationship, not just friends, I would be wary. I wouldn't recommend slipping into a FWB situation if that's not what you want ultimately. I think you need to tell him you like him and that maybe you need to be away from him for a while because he is only interested in being friends. Then you can see how he responds. At least he will know you have thought about that. It's up to him then to state his case. Link to post Share on other sites
NateC Posted November 2, 2012 Share Posted November 2, 2012 A friend of mine is going through the exact same situation - avoid it or you'll just be hurt in the end. He should have his head on straight before he even *thinks* about trying to start another relationship. "One night after we hung out he texted me saying he had feelings for me and wanted to act on them but he just got out of a relationship and is enjoying being single" Him doing this is a red flag...and it's not fair to you. With that "I have feelings for you", he has your heart on a string to grab whenever he feels like it, while you sit out in the cold and wonder if anything works out. My advice: have him make the choice of actually going through with starting a relationship or leave. It's not healthy to be "stuck" like that and it's definitely not fair. Link to post Share on other sites
Author nowwhatnow Posted November 3, 2012 Author Share Posted November 3, 2012 update: we hung out last night for like 8 hours and i can see that he likes me but i dont think he is ever going to do anything about it and i still have very strong feelings for him. i think i am just going to have to tell him how i feel and stop being friends with him. it will be really hard but i know that this is not healthy for me Link to post Share on other sites
NateC Posted November 4, 2012 Share Posted November 4, 2012 update: we hung out last night for like 8 hours and i can see that he likes me but i dont think he is ever going to do anything about it and i still have very strong feelings for him. i think i am just going to have to tell him how i feel and stop being friends with him. it will be really hard but i know that this is not healthy for me Good for you. Be strong and tell him exactly what you're looking for and what he's doing is definitely not. Link to post Share on other sites
kamani Posted November 4, 2012 Share Posted November 4, 2012 It's good for you to confirm this. Good that you think of telling him and walking away. Not being sure of his feelings would end you getting hurt. Link to post Share on other sites
Author nowwhatnow Posted November 4, 2012 Author Share Posted November 4, 2012 i was so sure i would do talk to him in my last post! but now i am second guessing myself. i am really not good at confronting situations like this. how am i ever gonna get the courage?? Link to post Share on other sites
NateC Posted November 4, 2012 Share Posted November 4, 2012 i was so sure i would do talk to him in my last post! but now i am second guessing myself. i am really not good at confronting situations like this. how am i ever gonna get the courage?? Just be direct knowing that you're doing this for yourself. Link to post Share on other sites
Author nowwhatnow Posted November 5, 2012 Author Share Posted November 5, 2012 i am embarrassed to say that i couldnt do it. we hung out and i just couldn't bring myself to cut him out of my life completely. Link to post Share on other sites
Author nowwhatnow Posted November 7, 2012 Author Share Posted November 7, 2012 he has been really hot and cold lately. some days we hardly talk at all. although it makes me sad, i guess this is best. now that it seems we are starting to be more distant, maybe i should just refrain from telling him how i feel. what do you think?? Link to post Share on other sites
kamani Posted November 9, 2012 Share Posted November 9, 2012 Well, let him be that way. Keep your distance then. Try to cut him off and see whether he comes back. Link to post Share on other sites
AnneMargaret Posted November 10, 2012 Share Posted November 10, 2012 (edited) Ladies, it is all very simple. Get the hamster out of your heads and calm down. I am for "games" in the sense of thinking and acting strategically. For a woman it comes down to this: a) Play cool a bit. Don't "buy" all he says. Be light-hearted and fun but skeptical b) Don't be easy. Wait as long as you can with regard to sex and even then it should be exclusive. Cut the "FWB" nonsense and show some self reverence. The "friends-lovers" business works between a couple who for YEARS have had an established relationship of some sort. c) Don't text. I despise "texts" myself but that is not the reason. Just stop with the incessant chatter. If he writes stuff, do not respond. I accept phone calls only, and boy, I enjoy that "respect". PS I rarely initiate a call. Once a week. NOT because of artificial "rules" simply because I like the man to take the lead. d) Don't talk all the gdamned time. He doesn't need to know what your best friend yesterday said to your other friend who used to be your best friend but isn't anymore because blah blah blah. Just let him speak more. Why? Because it makes you look discriminating (intellectually selective) and caring (in the sense of hearing his issues, thoughts) at once e) Men do not want "pals". They want women--feminine, sexy, interesting and calm. Yes, you can have your big bold personality and humor and that is right and proper. But you must gloss these things over with some polish f) Try to hold off on sex for as long as possible. That should only be in the context of a relationship. It is just too too hard otherwise g) NEVER tell a man that you have fallen for him until he tells you his feelings first. I don't care what others say about "games" or holding back feelings, the problem is: a) the man knows he "has" her and will run hot cold even more and he may even openly flirt with other women; b) you will never really know if he has the same feelings--he might say something likewise just to get you into bed; c) your insecurity will increase terribly once your heart is on your sleeve without a sense of devotion from him. Just don't. Here is the thing: Play cool and let him come to you. A woman must have the feeling that the man is "courting" her seriously in order to feel truly secure. Everything else is the dance. Don't let it become the drama Edited November 10, 2012 by AnneMargaret 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Daniel V. Ross Posted November 13, 2012 Share Posted November 13, 2012 Do not assume until the guy will tell you his feelings for you. Link to post Share on other sites
Author nowwhatnow Posted November 13, 2012 Author Share Posted November 13, 2012 About 2 months ago he told me his feelings but that he did not want a relationship and asked if we could be friends. So since my last post, we have been hanging out and texting even more than before. we hang out close to 5 times a week and we are constantly texting from the moment we wake up to when we say goodnight. I feel like at this point we are both pretending we don't want anything to happen when really we both are crazy about each other. There is no way he can say he no longer has feelings for me when we hang out and talk this often. Right now I am just enjoying spending time with him but it has also come to the point when I am constantly thinking about him. And when I am not with him, I'm thinking about how I want to finish work early to see him. I want to tell him that I'm crazy about him but I also do not want anything to change right now. He is still so flirty with me, as I am with him. But now he is starting to be a little touchy where earlier he wasn't. What does all of this point to? Link to post Share on other sites
Quest4_TheLost Posted November 14, 2012 Share Posted November 14, 2012 Becarful is all I can really say. I've gotten the whole I have feelings for you I'm in love with u bull and then (I'm scared).. He is to scared to have a relationship with me. BLAH!! It seems like he really is crazy about you however it dosen't = I'm ready to commit to you.. The only way your going to really figure this out is to have the dreaded (talk).. The only other option is you continue to (going with the flow) and see what happens. I really hope the flow goes well for you!! Keep us posted?? Link to post Share on other sites
Author nowwhatnow Posted November 18, 2012 Author Share Posted November 18, 2012 ...still going with the flow! somedays it is easy and somedays it is hard. its like i just wanna see him everyday but i cant because we aren't together. last week i did see him friday, saturday, sunday, monday, tuesday, friday. like that is seriously a lot of time...right?? and sometimes we just lie on his bed looking at each other and talk about anything really. its weird. at the time i am just enjoying his company but as soon as i leave i get mad at myself for falling for him even more. since he is the one who said 2 months ago that he liked me and didnt want a relationship, i feel like if i say something it wont make a difference. its like i have to wait for him to change his mind - and im not sure he ever will :s Link to post Share on other sites
dynamicathena Posted November 18, 2012 Share Posted November 18, 2012 My advice in all this is be careful. I went down this road. And unfortunately it seems to be ending in Heartache. I think you should ask him his feelings in person. It takes a lot of courage but you should get what your looking for! Help me out peeps...I need some input as well! http://www.loveshack.org/forums/transitioning/friends-lovers/357737-i-am-loss-words-need-input Link to post Share on other sites
Author nowwhatnow Posted November 20, 2012 Author Share Posted November 20, 2012 thank you for the comments! not much has changed, we still see each other quite a bit, but we dont seem to talk as much. i am still crazy about him but i am tired of waiting around for him to change his mind. i should just tell him how i feel and stop hanging out with him but i still have a hard time going without hanging out with him for more than a few days. :s Link to post Share on other sites
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