love and romantic distortion

[Albert Grech]

      I would like to excuse myself, first of all, for having the audacity to waste your time with what you will soon realize is endless drivel.I'm only twenty and as of this moment unfamiliar with the finer points of relationships. I don't know why I chose to but my innate sense of intuition told me that maybe someone out there in the deep blue void that is the internet might be able to clear up the one burning question I have. I am a hopeless romantic, so if it seems to you that the question I am about to ask is of the mundane and simplistic variety, please forgive me.

 

 

 

       I should probably hurry on to the question now. As I said, I would consider myself both a Romantic and a romantic. I like to dream. I believe that somewhere in this deep and cavernous world of ours we each do have a soul mate..or at least I hope that this is true. My question is this: Do you think that such a notion is ridiculous? When it comes to romance and dating, many people seem to view the topic in a fonctional manner. They feel romantic in order to one day fall in love, and they fall in love in order to marry. I'm not at all being clear, but maybe I will succeed by phrasing this in another manner. I will be making a great many generalizations, and you will have to forgive me for this, also.

 

 

 

        I am not sure wether pure romantic intention exists anymore. People in this world always seem to be in a rush to do something..they don't want to take the time to get to know another person on more than one level. It's as if romance is divided into stages, or is a game of hopscotch, and everyone is always looking to jump from one step to another. Such notions as these frustrate me endlessly. It is as if no one has the ability to allow themselves to appreciate moments in time. Frozen moments when maybe you are with the one you love and everything is silent. Everything has to be moving, separated. Women judge men on their appearance, status in society, wealth,...what of the heart? Many people say that meeting someone with a pure heart is important to them, but when such a person appears in real life they fail the test miserably. 

 

 

 

         I haven't even gone into my own two personal taboo areas yet, sex and love.  Why is sex so "easy" these days? I am sure you will contradict me endlessly and say that my thought is inaccurate and unscientific, but you cannot deny that the morals of people are a lot looser than they were previously. Why does it seem to me that in regard to morals people are de-evolving instead of the other way round. Sex has become something trivial, something you see on tv daily, or you read about in magazines, or you joke about with a friend. Am I mistaken? Do I take myself too seriously? Even many people's reaction to the Clinton affair was indicative..."Who cares? It's only sex.." Why can't people see that sex is the ultimate expression of love? Why? Why must it, like so many other things, be devalued to the point where it is viewed merely as a tool? I do not understand so many things...it is as if I grew up in the time of Arthur or Robin Hood and have been transported 800 years into the future.

 

 

 

          Then we have the creme-de la -creme on my mountain of frustration, love. Another notion that I hold precious but that society as a whole is doing its collective best to disabuse me of. What happened to it? Did pure romantic love disappear? Please, do not think of me as a right-wing religious zealot...I am far from one, believe me. It just seems as if love has fallen down into society, into the realm of the ordinary..when shouldn't it be the other way round? Shouldn't we have evolved instead of love having to devolve? It seems as if people only love for a reason..love has become so articulate-instead of remaining an object of wonder. People use love, manipulate it, for their own purposes...and what's more, they've developed the ability to do this without a tinge of doubt on their conscience. This truly scares me. Society now uses love so often and so unthoughtlessly "Oh I absolutely love those chocolate-chip cookies" What will happen next? Will there soon be tablets on the market which can all make us believe we are in love, and give us the added side-effects? I'm not at all being coherent, which usually happens when I get worked up and can't say what I want to say when I want to say it

 

 

 

          I hope that you have gotten the gist of my question(s). I realize that most of you may have neither the time nor the inclination to sift through this pathetic exhibition, but in the case that you do, I would ask you a favor: please do not respond by using any of the well-worn clichés our society seems to have gifted us with...even though upon examination of this letter it does not seem as if I have done you that favor.

 

 

 

           If you did manage to reach the end of this letter, I owe you my gratitude.                                

 

Yours, truly,

 

Albert Grech

 

                                                                                                                                                

[bnaughty]

I FEEL THE SAME AS YOU. MEN ARE NOTHING BUT LOW DOWN DIRTY SHAME.

 

MINE IS A GREAT MESS RIGHT NOW, SO I GOT NOTHING MUCH TO TELL YOU.

 

GOOD LUCK WITH YOUR LOVE LIFE.

 

FROM A FRIEND

[Draconis]

Please forgive me for not quoting your well-written post, but it was so long that I thought that no one was going to read through the entire thing again before moving on to the response. Not that the length was a bad thing; brevity may be the soul of wit, but length is the soul of discussion.

 

As I begin to compose a response, I shoud say up front that I disagree with you in terms of your desires for what is ideal. I *do* agree that society's "morals" have decayed, that sex had become an increasingly easy-to-obtain act and that love has evolved (you would say evolved) from a commodity of rare worth to a feeling bestowed upon things of every kind--and people with whom you have no inention of staying beyond a night or two. So I agree with you on the facts.

 

We disagree on the import of those facts. Where you seem to dislike this "erosion" of moral standards that leads to the "cheapening" of sex and love, I think of it more as a return to a more natural state for humankind. For too long, we have let what amounts to our psychological hang-ups interfere with our basic desires and happiness. It may be hedonistic, but there's nothing wrong with a life of pleasure. You don't *need* deep and meaningful relationships to live a happy and fulfilling life. This is not to say that no one can benefit from such long-term relationships, it is merely to say that humans beings are wired a certain way. We like sex. This is a common theme in many of my postings; the idea that (apologies to Descartes) "gaudito ergo faceramos"--we enjoy and therefore we do. Basically, my thoughts are along the lines of that there's nothing wrong with doing something that you like, as long as it doesn't hurt anyone else.

 

So to get away from the model, there's nothing wrong qith quick, easy, meningless sex that you merely undertake for pleasure. Who's been hurt? As long as both people are in it for the same thing (quick, easy, meaningless sex) and get the same thing (pleasure), not only is it not a bad thing, it's a good thing: both people come away staisfied and having added another drop of pleasure to their plate.

 

I should note that none of this is to disparage long and meaningful relationships. If two people find that they derive pleasure from long-term arrangements, even arrangements not centered around sex, then more power to them. They're not hurting anyone either, and they're presumably getting some happiness from their relationships. I just think there's nothing wrong with both the easy and the long relationship-type.

 

What I don't understand (and please do not take this personally) is how anyone can try to argue against the "easy" relationship type. After all, what's wrong with it? If you like easy sex, then of course you support it, and if you like the long-term relationship, then how does the fact that other people are ƒucking change your life? Why can't we all just let each other have fun, do what we want and find what we want in our sexual relationships with others? That's all I really want: to get on with what I like and let everyone have fun with what they like. I know you asked me not to use any clichés, but this one is irresistable: Can't we all just get along?

 

I'd be interested in hearing your further thoughts on this, as I firmly believe in what I have outlined above, am a practicing member of tha ideology, and yet have met numerous people that seem to want to disprage me for my choices...I a always interested in learning more about the opposite position.

 

(Draconis)

[Disintegration]

Yes, the world is full of people living for the day they can get that minivan and 2.5 children, the house in the suburbs and some kind of stability and security. Some people are so stressed out by everything they don't have time to look deeper into things.. unfortunately this accounts for most people.

 

They want to just find someone to have a sense of security.

 

They want instant gratification and this holds true for love/sex.

      I would like to excuse myself, first of all, for having the audacity to waste your time with what you will soon realize is endless drivel.I'm only twenty and as of this moment unfamiliar with the finer points of relationships. I don't know why I chose to but my innate sense of intuition told me that maybe someone out there in the deep blue void that is the internet might be able to clear up the one burning question I have. I am a hopeless romantic, so if it seems to you that the question I am about to ask is of the mundane and simplistic variety, please forgive me.          I should probably hurry on to the question now. As I said, I would consider myself both a Romantic and a romantic. I like to dream. I believe that somewhere in this deep and cavernous world of ours we each do have a soul mate..or at least I hope that this is true. My question is this: Do you think that such a notion is ridiculous? When it comes to romance and dating, many people seem to view the topic in a fonctional manner. They feel romantic in order to one day fall in love, and they fall in love in order to marry. I'm not at all being clear, but maybe I will succeed by phrasing this in another manner. I will be making a great many generalizations, and you will have to forgive me for this, also.           I am not sure wether pure romantic intention exists anymore. People in this world always seem to be in a rush to do something..they don't want to take the time to get to know another person on more than one level. It's as if romance is divided into stages, or is a game of hopscotch, and everyone is always looking to jump from one step to another. Such notions as these frustrate me endlessly. It is as if no one has the ability to allow themselves to appreciate moments in time. Frozen moments when maybe you are with the one you love and everything is silent. Everything has to be moving, separated. Women judge men on their appearance, status in society, wealth,...what of the heart? Many people say that meeting someone with a pure heart is important to them, but when such a person appears in real life they fail the test miserably. 

 

           I haven't even gone into my own two personal taboo areas yet, sex and love.  Why is sex so "easy" these days? I am sure you will contradict me endlessly and say that my thought is inaccurate and unscientific, but you cannot deny that the morals of people are a lot looser than they were previously. Why does it seem to me that in regard to morals people are de-evolving instead of the other way round. Sex has become something trivial, something you see on tv daily, or you read about in magazines, or you joke about with a friend. Am I mistaken? Do I take myself too seriously? Even many people's reaction to the Clinton affair was indicative..."Who cares? It's only sex.." Why can't people see that sex is the ultimate expression of love? Why? Why must it, like so many other things, be devalued to the point where it is viewed merely as a tool? I do not understand so many things...it is as if I grew up in the time of Arthur or Robin Hood and have been transported 800 years into the future.             Then we have the creme-de la -creme on my mountain of frustration, love. Another notion that I hold precious but that society as a whole is doing its collective best to disabuse me of. What happened to it? Did pure romantic love disappear? Please, do not think of me as a right-wing religious zealot...I am far from one, believe me. It just seems as if love has fallen down into society, into the realm of the ordinary..when shouldn't it be the other way round? Shouldn't we have evolved instead of love having to devolve? It seems as if people only love for a reason..love has become so articulate-instead of remaining an object of wonder. People use love, manipulate it, for their own purposes...and what's more, they've developed the ability to do this without a tinge of doubt on their conscience. This truly scares me. Society now uses love so often and so unthoughtlessly "Oh I absolutely love those chocolate-chip cookies" What will happen next? Will there soon be tablets on the market which can all make us believe we are in love, and give us the added side-effects? I'm not at all being coherent, which usually happens when I get worked up and can't say what I want to say when I want to say it             I hope that you have gotten the gist of my question(s). I realize that most of you may have neither the time nor the inclination to sift through this pathetic exhibition, but in the case that you do, I would ask you a favor: please do not respond by using any of the well-worn clichés our society seems to have gifted us with...even though upon examination of this letter it does not seem as if I have done you that favor.              If you did manage to reach the end of this letter, I owe you my gratitude.                                

 

Yours, truly, Albert Grech                                                                                                                                                 

[Holly]

Albert;

 

I was so incredibly touched by your note that I felt chills down my spine. You are indeed a special person, and I hope that nobody will ever take away from you all that you treasure in life. I may perhaps be able to shed some light upon your dismal caverns of doubt.

 

Many people call me "sensitive" because I get hurt easily and tend to take rejection a little harder than most may. When I fall in love with someone, I will do anything for them-I give my heart, mind and soul. The problem is I have been taken advantage of more times than I wish to admit.

 

I believe there are a great many people out there like us hopeless roamantics. I am waiting for someone to return my love and to warm my heart in the way that I need it to be cherished.

 

I wear an outter shell of armour to protect myself from the cruel harshness the world can hand out. Many people would call us romantics naive or gullable, but in reality we are pure and innocent when we love. I believe that love is the strongest power and has the potential to change anything if it is used in a positive manner. I also believe that when it is used in a destructive and selfish way, it has a damaging effect like no other.

 

Unfortunate as it may be, love does not pay the bills, and this is why women judge men by stature and so on. I have followed my heart many a times to be burned and hurt for doing so. It is very easy to resent someone when one constantly gives and gets little in return. This vicious cycle is what has made our society the way it is today.

 

I wish that everyone thought about love as you and I do. The truth is that many people mistake love for lust. It seems easy to open one's body to someone else, yet we fail to recognize that we are merely instruments of our own despair. We feel alone, cold and empty, yet we cannot understand why-because we forget what it means to love and respect ourselves and those around us.

 

With the hustle and bustle of everyday life, it is easy to forget what should be really important. That is why I am so grateful for what you have written. We all need to be reminded once every so often of the way things should be in our not-so-perfect world.

 

      I would like to excuse myself, first of all, for having the audacity to waste your time with what you will soon realize is endless drivel.I'm only twenty and as of this moment unfamiliar with the finer points of relationships. I don't know why I chose to but my innate sense of intuition told me that maybe someone out there in the deep blue void that is the internet might be able to clear up the one burning question I have. I am a hopeless romantic, so if it seems to you that the question I am about to ask is of the mundane and simplistic variety, please forgive me.          I should probably hurry on to the question now. As I said, I would consider myself both a Romantic and a romantic. I like to dream. I believe that somewhere in this deep and cavernous world of ours we each do have a soul mate..or at least I hope that this is true. My question is this: Do you think that such a notion is ridiculous? When it comes to romance and dating, many people seem to view the topic in a fonctional manner. They feel romantic in order to one day fall in love, and they fall in love in order to marry. I'm not at all being clear, but maybe I will succeed by phrasing this in another manner. I will be making a great many generalizations, and you will have to forgive me for this, also.           I am not sure wether pure romantic intention exists anymore. People in this world always seem to be in a rush to do something..they don't want to take the time to get to know another person on more than one level. It's as if romance is divided into stages, or is a game of hopscotch, and everyone is always looking to jump from one step to another. Such notions as these frustrate me endlessly. It is as if no one has the ability to allow themselves to appreciate moments in time. Frozen moments when maybe you are with the one you love and everything is silent. Everything has to be moving, separated. Women judge men on their appearance, status in society, wealth,...what of the heart? Many people say that meeting someone with a pure heart is important to them, but when such a person appears in real life they fail the test miserably. 

 

           I haven't even gone into my own two personal taboo areas yet, sex and love.  Why is sex so "easy" these days? I am sure you will contradict me endlessly and say that my thought is inaccurate and unscientific, but you cannot deny that the morals of people are a lot looser than they were previously. Why does it seem to me that in regard to morals people are de-evolving instead of the other way round. Sex has become something trivial, something you see on tv daily, or you read about in magazines, or you joke about with a friend. Am I mistaken? Do I take myself too seriously? Even many people's reaction to the Clinton affair was indicative..."Who cares? It's only sex.." Why can't people see that sex is the ultimate expression of love? Why? Why must it, like so many other things, be devalued to the point where it is viewed merely as a tool? I do not understand so many things...it is as if I grew up in the time of Arthur or Robin Hood and have been transported 800 years into the future.             Then we have the creme-de la -creme on my mountain of frustration, love. Another notion that I hold precious but that society as a whole is doing its collective best to disabuse me of. What happened to it? Did pure romantic love disappear? Please, do not think of me as a right-wing religious zealot...I am far from one, believe me. It just seems as if love has fallen down into society, into the realm of the ordinary..when shouldn't it be the other way round? Shouldn't we have evolved instead of love having to devolve? It seems as if people only love for a reason..love has become so articulate-instead of remaining an object of wonder. People use love, manipulate it, for their own purposes...and what's more, they've developed the ability to do this without a tinge of doubt on their conscience. This truly scares me. Society now uses love so often and so unthoughtlessly "Oh I absolutely love those chocolate-chip cookies" What will happen next? Will there soon be tablets on the market which can all make us believe we are in love, and give us the added side-effects? I'm not at all being coherent, which usually happens when I get worked up and can't say what I want to say when I want to say it             I hope that you have gotten the gist of my question(s). I realize that most of you may have neither the time nor the inclination to sift through this pathetic exhibition, but in the case that you do, I would ask you a favor: please do not respond by using any of the well-worn clichés our society seems to have gifted us with...even though upon examination of this letter it does not seem as if I have done you that favor.              If you did manage to reach the end of this letter, I owe you my gratitude.                                

 

Yours, truly, Albert Grech