Heather Posted November 7, 2000 Share Posted November 7, 2000 Hi everyone! The last time I posted I was getting married! Things have changed, first off we did not break up or get into a fight or anything like that. We are still very much in love and very ready to get married. The only thing is stuff from a year ago has caught up with him. I posted a while back and told of how he used to have problems with pot and the law. Well he has been doing really good, like I said we were planning on getting married getting our own place, he quit getting high, things were really starting to look up! Well he had to go to court yesterday for a violation of probation. He thought that it was going to be postponed but it was not. He went to trial and got 18 months work release. That means he will be working during the day but sleeping in jail! For everyday that he goes to work he will be getting a day taken off his sentence. Which means he will probably only do about 8-9 months. He will not be able to see our child be born. My parents told me that they sometimes try to work with people that are on work release and they might let him come to the hospital for a few hours to see me and the baby! I am very depressed right now and I know it is not good for the baby or my little girl. She was with us at the court house and started crying when her daddy couldn't come home with us! It really killed me! Please don't tell me to forget him or any of that! I know we are going to be together for the rest of our lives. And if I was ready to get married then I should be able to get through these next 8 months. Right now the shock of it still really hurts and I feeling like crawling up in a corner and crying! What can I do? I need to get this off my mind! I love him so much and not being able to sleep next to him or give him a kiss in the morning when I leave for work is really getting to me! At least I have my little girl to keep me company! I hold her at night and just pray that we will get through this! But what am I going to do when the baby is born? How am I going to take care of a 2-year old and an infant all by myself? Well sorry this was so long. I really don't have any friends to turn to. Thanks Heather Link to post Share on other sites
Taressa Posted November 7, 2000 Share Posted November 7, 2000 Heather, You've got the support of your family and the hope of a release in the near future. It's going to be tough but you can do it. And no, I won't be telling you to forget him. A man who is willing to pay the penalty for his wrongs is a rare find. A woman who stands by that love through his rough time is just as rare... Hold on to him; he will need your assurance as much as you need his. It's a rough start, Heather, but I believe you have a good foundation for a good future. You'll be okay. Perhaps you could pour your heart out to him every night onto an audiotape... it could be an outlet for all the feelings that feel trapped inside right now and it will be such a comfort to him too. Again let me say, you will be okay. Link to post Share on other sites
Tony T Posted November 7, 2000 Share Posted November 7, 2000 I am so sorry that this happened. I know it has created a great deal of pain for you. I even think if he had a very good attorney, he could get a judge to reduce this sentence somewhat. But I also want you to know that I am very angry at your fiance. I am very angry because he had such little regard for you, your daughter, and your unborn child that he did something that he knew was a violation of his probation. He knew that if he did it, it would cause him to be jailed and it would cause you great pain. But he did it anyway. I do not like people who willfully cause great pain for nice ladies like you or their childre, born or unborn. It is very kind of you to defend him and support him. That is what love is all about. I say these things because I am not in love with him. I know you want to be with him for the rest of your lives, but you better stay on his case...because his next violation will get him a much harsher sentence. As far as taking care of the children, fiancially and otherwise, if your parents are unable to help you, there are many social agencies around for this purpose. There are also church organizations that supply diapers and food for newborns. Call one of your city or county representatives for the phone number of agencies you can call for help. There are many generous government, church and other charitable organizations that understand your situation and are eager to extend a loving hand. There are day care centers operated by churches that will give discounts or care for your baby at no cost while you are at work. You will not be alone in this. There are many other ladies in the same situation and you can meet them and share with them by following my suggestions above. Also, write to the judge and request that your fiance be allowed a special pass to be able to be with you for the birth of your child. Have your fiance do this as well and have him ask the judge to add the time he is off, say one week, onto his sentence. The judge may be compassionate and feel this is fair. Better yet, see if you can get an attorney to make this plea for you. Link to post Share on other sites
Deejette Posted November 7, 2000 Share Posted November 7, 2000 I can see you really love him and are willing to stand by him through all this. He is lucky to have you. I agree with Taressa, it will all be over and you will be able to get married and get on with your lives together. You will have to be patient. I am so sorry that this happened. I know it has created a great deal of pain for you. I even think if he had a very good attorney, he could get a judge to reduce this sentence somewhat. But I also want you to know that I am very angry at your fiance. I am very angry because he had such little regard for you, your daughter, and your unborn child that he did something that he knew was a violation of his probation. He knew that if he did it, it would cause him to be jailed and it would cause you great pain. But he did it anyway. I do not like people who willfully cause great pain for nice ladies like you or their childre, born or unborn. It is very kind of you to defend him and support him. That is what love is all about. I say these things because I am not in love with him. I know you want to be with him for the rest of your lives, but you better stay on his case...because his next violation will get him a much harsher sentence. As far as taking care of the children, fiancially and otherwise, if your parents are unable to help you, there are many social agencies around for this purpose. There are also church organizations that supply diapers and food for newborns. Call one of your city or county representatives for the phone number of agencies you can call for help. There are many generous government, church and other charitable organizations that understand your situation and are eager to extend a loving hand. There are day care centers operated by churches that will give discounts or care for your baby at no cost while you are at work. You will not be alone in this. There are many other ladies in the same situation and you can meet them and share with them by following my suggestions above. Also, write to the judge and request that your fiance be allowed a special pass to be able to be with you for the birth of your child. Have your fiance do this as well and have him ask the judge to add the time he is off, say one week, onto his sentence. The judge may be compassionate and feel this is fair. Better yet, see if you can get an attorney to make this plea for you. Link to post Share on other sites
Rogue Posted November 8, 2000 Share Posted November 8, 2000 You are going through tough times now,but there is always the hope that future will be better than the present,at least for you guys. For now,you can rely on the fact that you found someone to care about and cares for you too.That in itself is something to be glad about,since alot of people in the world and this message board still don't have that. Link to post Share on other sites
Heather Posted November 8, 2000 Share Posted November 8, 2000 Thank you very much everyone! I really appreciate the support. Tony I will look into what you said. Thank you again! Heather Link to post Share on other sites
Holly Posted November 14, 2000 Share Posted November 14, 2000 Heather if you ever take advice from anyone I bid you to listen closely to what I am telling you. Go to the bookstore and find a book called "Women who love too much". This book is found in the self help section of the bookstore. Please, I am not being sarcastic. You need this book. It could save your life! Hi everyone! The last time I posted I was getting married! Things have changed, first off we did not break up or get into a fight or anything like that. We are still very much in love and very ready to get married. The only thing is stuff from a year ago has caught up with him. I posted a while back and told of how he used to have problems with pot and the law. Well he has been doing really good, like I said we were planning on getting married getting our own place, he quit getting high, things were really starting to look up! Well he had to go to court yesterday for a violation of probation. He thought that it was going to be postponed but it was not. He went to trial and got 18 months work release. That means he will be working during the day but sleeping in jail! For everyday that he goes to work he will be getting a day taken off his sentence. Which means he will probably only do about 8-9 months. He will not be able to see our child be born. My parents told me that they sometimes try to work with people that are on work release and they might let him come to the hospital for a few hours to see me and the baby! I am very depressed right now and I know it is not good for the baby or my little girl. She was with us at the court house and started crying when her daddy couldn't come home with us! It really killed me! Please don't tell me to forget him or any of that! I know we are going to be together for the rest of our lives. And if I was ready to get married then I should be able to get through these next 8 months. Right now the shock of it still really hurts and I feeling like crawling up in a corner and crying! What can I do? I need to get this off my mind! I love him so much and not being able to sleep next to him or give him a kiss in the morning when I leave for work is really getting to me! At least I have my little girl to keep me company! I hold her at night and just pray that we will get through this! But what am I going to do when the baby is born? How am I going to take care of a 2-year old and an infant all by myself? Well sorry this was so long. I really don't have any friends to turn to. Thanks Heather Link to post Share on other sites
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