HollieM Posted October 29, 2012 Share Posted October 29, 2012 My son turns 3yo in two months and he is very well behaved when its just he and I, My husband is a firefighter and obviously he works shifts so he is gone alot but when he is not working and at home my son plays up on me all the time. When my son was born i suffered badly from postnatal depression. He wont settle for me when its bedtime and keeps wanting daddy to read to him instead, The other day when i tried to put him in his car seat he kept moving and started kicking his legs making it really hard on me then he started screaming & crying again for daddy, he never wants to be around me when he is there. My husband is an amazing dad and he spends as much time as he can with him but because he is works alot he keeps giving into our son and feels nothing is ever good enough for him. When my husband is working my son can be very good but when my husband leaves for work my son sometimes starts screaming & crying, I get irritated and just have to walk away and then start crying, when he plays up especially in public when people are looking at me i panic and feel like a terrible mom. When my husband is in work sometimes i just cry. What can i do to deal with this? Link to post Share on other sites
SoleMate Posted October 29, 2012 Share Posted October 29, 2012 Try counseling or being evaluated for depression. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
mammasita Posted October 29, 2012 Share Posted October 29, 2012 I second the counseling. Do you have any other moms with kids the same age that you can lean on for support? 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Eve Posted October 29, 2012 Share Posted October 29, 2012 Join a parenting group. They can be REALLY supportive places due to the focus on practical advice in a setting with other parents to bounce off. Sweetheart, three year olds do try it on. It is a battle of wills and as a parent one must be super adaptive and have good boundaries. Read up on The Incredible Years Programme and join a group! It will be the best thing you ever do. Even if you just read up on techniques and implement them yourself with Dad but by the sounds of things you seem to need company right now. Speak to your Health Visitor about how you are REALLY feeling. That is important because of the depression you suffered initially. Maybe you need to go back to work? Take care, Eve x 2 Link to post Share on other sites
standtall Posted November 2, 2012 Share Posted November 2, 2012 Hollie..your son is feeding off of your reactions. Whatever you do, don't get worked up about him...just be calm and collected. Do not react to the tantrums...walk away out of sight and leave him. Tell him about the consequences of certain actions (punishment), and deliver the promised consequences every time..but with love and firmness. Do not be angry or agitated..tell him that you feel bad that he has to be punished, but tell him that is the way it is, and deliver it every time...do not back off....and remain calm. I will promise that this will correct every conceivable behavior that he will have. Link to post Share on other sites
turnera Posted November 2, 2012 Share Posted November 2, 2012 First, you're still depressed. Get some temporary anti-depressants, for 3 to 6 months, just enough to get your own chemicals moving again. Second, it's very common for kids to switch allegiance between parents. Happens all the time. It's not personal, it's just them exploring relationships and their abilities. Experimental, if you will. Third, it will help you to read some books on parenting. Find a review on the best books and pick the top two or three. It really does help to become more educated about it. Find one about psychology. You'll get there, don't worry! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
cocorico Posted November 9, 2012 Share Posted November 9, 2012 What can i do to deal with this? It sounds as if you and your H are not on the same page when it comes to parenting. Your H "gives in to him" and feels nothing is good enough for him. It sounds as if you have become the parent who sets boundaries, while your H parachutes in and gets to be the Fun Guy. This is not sustainable. You need to work as a team. I suggest you both sign up at the local Parent Centre and attend a workshop in dealing with tantrums, which are normal at his age, so that you both use the same strategy and have each others' backs. The good news is this period does not last forever. But the bad news is, giving in to tantrums and rewarding bad behaviour could encourage your son to grow into a brat if it's left unchecked. How you handle the tantrums now could come back to haunt you as he grows older. You want things to get easier, not harder, so you need to make sure you guys agree on how best to handle things. Counsellors from the Parent Centre can really help on that. When people look at you I don't think they are thinking you are a terrible mom. Most likely they are remembering how tough it was for them too when their kids we that age, and are sympathising with you. If you are concerned, next time he acts up like that in public, catch the eye of one of the onlookers, shale our head and say something like, "his third birthday can't come fast enough!" That will establish rapport, they will be onside and may even have some advice or simply assistance to bail you out of the crisis you feel stuck in. Most parents have been where you are, and most would be happy to help, whether it's distracting your son, physically helping you get him into his car seat or just providing a sympathetic ear. You do not need to struggle alone. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
sb129 Posted November 11, 2012 Share Posted November 11, 2012 I have a three year old and she tests her boundaries with my H and I now more than ever. Sometimes I think that my H gets to be the Fun Guy more than I do, but we make a real effort to share stuff out between us so its as equal as possible. We work similar hours, so its easier for us, but we are absolutely 100% on the same page when it comes to discipline- at one point it was always me dishing it out, so my H started to try and do it a bit more. Backup from him is key- my daughter tries it on alot, but she is learning that if Daddy says no, Mummy will back him up and vice versa. And that bad behaviour will not be tolerated. Tantrums are instant time out- and I tell her that I will come back and get her when she is ready to behave. That said- bad behaviour still happens and it can drive me nuts, so I have just started another sticker chart to reward good behaviour, and she is really into it. I'll give her a sticker if she turns the TV off without grizzling, and if she eats most of her dinner at the table with good manners. Also- PND makes everything REALLY hard to deal with. You are not a bad mum, at ALL. BUt if you have this under control, you really will find it easier to deal with all the other stuff. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted November 11, 2012 Share Posted November 11, 2012 Do seek help for your ppd depression..Therapy and maybe some meds could help you a lot. As for your son, distraction distraction districation!! 3 years have attention spans like a fruit fly, so just change things up and make it fun for him! Do something wild and crazy out of the normal routine. To be silly, say, let's have dinner in bed! Or take him somewhere special to make him feel less sad about his dad not being home. You're a good mom, don't put yourself down. It isn't easy and your son is just testing his boundries, seeing what he can and can't get away with. You love him, he loves you - Remember that! Link to post Share on other sites
cocorico Posted November 12, 2012 Share Posted November 12, 2012 I have a three year old and she tests her boundaries with my H and I now more than ever. Sometimes I think that my H gets to be the Fun Guy more than I do, but we make a real effort to share stuff out between us so its as equal as possible. We work similar hours, so its easier for us, but we are absolutely 100% on the same page when it comes to discipline- at one point it was always me dishing it out, so my H started to try and do it a bit more. Backup from him is key- my daughter tries it on alot, but she is learning that if Daddy says no, Mummy will back him up and vice versa. And that bad behaviour will not be tolerated. Tantrums are instant time out- and I tell her that I will come back and get her when she is ready to behave. That said- bad behaviour still happens and it can drive me nuts, so I have just started another sticker chart to reward good behaviour, and she is really into it. I'll give her a sticker if she turns the TV off without grizzling, and if she eats most of her dinner at the table with good manners. Also- PND makes everything REALLY hard to deal with. You are not a bad mum, at ALL. BUt if you have this under control, you really will find it easier to deal with all the other stuff. Sound advice! Link to post Share on other sites
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