In love but getting divorced or not?

[rick2012]

Long story- I moved with my parents and sister 16 years ago from"A" country to Florida, 5 years later I meat my wife, who was living in Florida for 2 year with her family. After dating her for a year, her and her family couldn't extend their work permits and moved back to Canada.

 

After a year long distance relationship we decided to get married and she moved back to florida ( Important thing for me for wife was is that she is from same country where I grew up and we share same culture and language) 4 years into marriage she missed Canada and her family and started being unhappy about living in FL. After 4 more years (total of 8 years in marriage) of me feeling bad we moved to Chicago, after her blaming me for living in FL.

 

According to her it was gona be a lot better then Florida and we will start family(have kids), so we moved and she was doing better but personally I went thru hell and depression and regretted everything, she found a job there pretty soon and I didn't but I tried really really hard. We were constantly fighting because I didn't like there and missed my family in FL and just being used to that life. I blamed her for everything there was to blame because we moved there.

 

After just one year in Chicago we moved back to FL even though she hated and was miserable w that decision. After a year in FL she said she can't take it any more of FL and was really depressed, so she struggled back and forth and decided to move back to Canada. So the question is now do I go w her to Canada or do I stay back in FL. I love her a lot and she loves me but I just don't know what to do I saw myself struggling in Chicago and her struggles in FL. She wants me to move to canada w her and I just don't know. I feel guilty leaving my parents and sister(who has her own family) and going w my wife to Canada, that same guilt made me come back from Chicago. I feel they came to FL for my better future and I'm abandoning them now. They never make me feel bad about leaving FL and keep saying we just want to see u guys happy and this is your life u can't look at us, and I don't know if they are just saying that to make me feel better or if they truly believe that.

 

I know I can find a different wife later on in FL but I really don't think I will find one that shares same culture, values, religion and language. That thought makes me struggle a lot.

 

We didn't have kids in FL because she didn't think it wasn't right place and we didn't have kids in Chicago because I didn't think it was the right place.

 

Being mutually in love but separating/divorcing makes us both very sick.

 

So should I go to Canada in hopes everything will be better or just stay in FL and let my wife go her way.

 

Some facts: no kids, both well educated, financially stable. 10+ years of marriage

 

I would really appreciate your thought and suggestion. Thank you

[Solcita2]

I think the answer is really simple:

 

- If you want to give a last try to your marriage, go.

- If you don't care about your marriage, stay.

 

You don't know how happy (or unhappy) you can be in Canada unless you go... does your marriage deserve it?

 

How is the situation up there? Can you get a job and see how things go for a least a year?

[whichwayisup]

She tried 2 places in the US, so why not give it a chance in Canada? She's your wife, you two owe it to one another, even more so since you both are still in love.

 

This isn't about one 'getting their way'.. If you look at it like that, then lines are drawn in the sand.

 

Communicate and compromise..

[KathyM]

Your first obligation is to your wife. Not your parents or siblings. It doesn't matter where your parents or siblings live. You and your wife need to decide together where you both will be happy. You should give it a try in Canada, and see how that goes. You might be very happy there. Your wife will be happy there, and a happy wife makes for a happy husband. You can always take winter vacations to Florida to visit the folks, and they can come to visit you in Canada during the summer, when the heat and humidity in Florida is stifling.

[rick2012]

You guys are giving me very valuable reasons, but I must say that living in Florida I was always a driving force behind anything and I felt guilty all the time that she is not happy and try to compensate with monetary items and even wanting to move her mom to FL to make her happier. But none of that worked and guilt made me move to Chicago. Where like I said I went into depression and guilt fo leaving parents in Florida that sacrificed their lives for my better future. When I was going out of my mind in Chicago she tried to help a bit but when that didn't work she turned to complaining to her mom. Which really drove me crazy because I never shared our problems w anyone. I felt like she didn't try hard enough but rather ignored it and turn her back while complaining to others. I must admit I wasn easy to deal w at that time.

I'm just scared going there and thinking if I go thru some hard time what will happen then, will she become a driving force like I was in FL or will she sit in the car and go complain to her mom. Her complaining to her mom just made things worst for us because I end up in fight w her mom and w her for even going and complaining.

 

Besides all this me going to Canada and trying and for some reason failing it would just leave more guilt on me because of failed marriage and guilt that she will be 36 year old after a year and that would make me feel guilty that possibly she doesn't find another man in her life and has kids before her biological clock for kids is over.

 

I just know guilty of her not being happy, guilty of leaving parents, guilty of failed marriage, guilty of her not moving on time and having kids is how my life is. Just feeling guilty about other people and really lost myself in this process of taking all the guilt on myself.

[Solcita2]

I think you should seek therapy... feeling guilty for EVERYTHING for EVERYBODY is not normal is not healthy for you.

 

Hope everything gets better,