I miss the way things were... :/

[Inflikted]

Some of you may be familiar with my fairly recent posts about this girl I work with that I developed feelings for, asked out, and ultimately got turned down by. While I admittedly do still have lingering feelings for her in the back of my mind, I've made peace with the fact that nothing is ever going to "happen" between us. The thing is, while we don't see each other outside of work, during work hours, we'd always spend a decent amount of our free time with each other, having conversations, or just goofing around. We get along so well, better than I've ever gotten along with anyone. I thought after I asked her out, things would be weird between us at least for a little while, but they weren't, and we got right back to the way things were before.

 

Shortly after that, though, a new manager started working at our store, and everybody has been crazy about him. And he's a cool guy, I'll admit. I get along with him well, too. Ever since he started, though, the girl in question has started spending a lot of time with him, and seemingly less with me. I don't suspect she's "attracted" to him (she's told me about her reservations towards dating coworkers, not to mention, this guy is a bit older and has a girlfriend), but I just miss when I used to be her "go-to guy". She would even seek me out just to talk or make jokes with me. We still have occasional moments together, but for the most part, she hangs out around him most of the time now.

 

Don't get me wrong, though, I'm not "angry" or resentfully hostile, or anything like that. I just miss what we used to have. Especially considering she finishes college in December, at which point I suspect she'll get a better job and leave, and I'll never see her again. I had hoped to be able to enjoy the last couple of months I have left with her, but it's like we've "drifted apart".

 

I know there's nothing I can do to "fix" this at all, and it just is what it is. It's just frustrating, and sad, and I guess I just wanted to vent a little bit.

[Inflikted]

I don't really know what I want, to be honest. I do still have feelings for her, deep down, but at the same time, I do understand things will probably never "happen" between us.

 

Dating or not, there's never been another person I've enjoyed being around, talking to, and spending time with this much. That's kinda why it hurts me to see things slipping away, because who knows if or when I'll find another girl (or anyone) that I feel that way with?

 

So, I don't know where that leaves me. I do still have feelings for her, and in a way, I have some hope deep down that she might come around and want to date me, but I'm not expecting that to happen, and I don't want her out of my life completely. It's... a bit confusing.

 

Friday night, I'm actually going to a tavern with some coworkers (which is exciting for me, because I've never had a social life, nor have I gone out with people and done things, so this is really my first time out), and this girl may or may not be going. Thankfully, that manager guy won't be there, so if she does go, he won't be there to hold her attention. I'm a little concerned that, once the alcohol comes into play, though, I might get "buzzed" enough to say or do something embarrassing or stupid around her.

[Riotous]

I don't really know what I want, to be honest. I do still have feelings for her, deep down, but at the same time, I do understand things will probably never "happen" between us.

 

Dating or not, there's never been another person I've enjoyed being around, talking to, and spending time with this much. That's kinda why it hurts me to see things slipping away, because who knows if or when I'll find another girl (or anyone) that I feel that way with?

 

So, I don't know where that leaves me. I do still have feelings for her, and in a way, I have some hope deep down that she might come around and want to date me, but I'm not expecting that to happen, and I don't want her out of my life completely. It's... a bit confusing.

 

Friday night, I'm actually going to a tavern with some coworkers (which is exciting for me, because I've never had a social life, nor have I gone out with people and done things, so this is really my first time out), and this girl may or may not be going. Thankfully, that manager guy won't be there, so if she does go, he won't be there to hold her attention. I'm a little concerned that, once the alcohol comes into play, though, I might get "buzzed" enough to say or do something embarrassing or stupid around her.

I've not read your other posts yet, but have you made it OBVIOUS to her what your intentions are? You HAVE to, you have no choice but to, because I can tell this is seriously damaging you and if you don't get out much you'll find yourself thinking about it more and more, so for your own health you have no choice.

 

Go and talk to her at work and see if she's going, try and convince her to go and then once you get a bit of rapport building up just make up an excuse and leave the convo, then she should be excited to see you at the tavern. That's your chance to make your feelings obvious, but don't pour your heart out. Compliment her, make some small talk and then invite her to dinner, tell her you know a nice place. If she says no or maybe then just forget about it and move on, that's your sign that she's not interested in you like that.

 

One thing I know for sure is you can't be friends with this girl, trust me. You don't want to be friends with her, you'll always want to be more than friends and it won't get easier unless you spend time apart and you start seeing other people.

[Inflikted]

Well, I actually did ask her out a couple of months ago. She wasn't, like, horrified or the least bit freaked out that I asked her, which I had thought was a good sign. But she explained to me that she had very bad experiences dating coworkers in the past; I was expecting a no right then and there, but she gave me this sort of interesting look and said she'd think about it.

 

A couple of weeks later, I saw her again, and we had a really cool conversation, with the end result being her saying that she's too focused on finishing school right now, that she had to say no. Surprisingly, there was no weirdness or awkwardness at all between us afterwards, and we went right back to the awesome "dynamic" we had before (again, up until this new manager guy showed up).

 

I dunno, I just have a hard time "getting over" her completely, because I've never once hit it off and gotten along so well with someone. I thought there was something on her end, too; I mean, she always used to seek me out to talk or goof around together, she laughed (and still laughs) at nearly everything I say, even my jokes that aren't really that funny, she often asks me a lot of questions to seemingly get to know me better, etc.

 

On one hand, I've been wondering if we could maybe revisit the idea when she finishes school in December, but we haven't talked about it since she said no (I kinda regret not having asked her if we could see where things are after she finishes school, when we had that conversation), and there's really no good way to bring it up now, at this point. On the other hand, it seems like she still has a fairly normal social life, so I suppose if she really was interested in me, she could've fit me into her life.

 

To be honest, I kinda wonder if there's more to the story, on her end. I mean, when I first met her, I remember overhearing her saying something about bad ex-boyfriends, and for the entire 1.5+ years I've known her, she seemingly hasn't dated. So, I'm not really sure what the story is there.

 

Sometimes, I still kinda feel like she treats me a little differently from everyone else, and sometimes I kinda feel like she's "testing" me, so to speak. For instance, the other day, she had asked this other (older, married) guy if he could bring her a small container of this food he made, and he did. When she and I went on lunch together, she gave me a fork and insisted I have some with her. We got to talking about foods, and I told her about this awesome meal I make really well (kinda hoping she would've asked me to bring her some), and she asked me if I do a good amount of cooking, to which I said yes (which isn't a lie), since I've always heard girls dig a guy who knows how to cook, heh.

 

So, I don't know. I... understand that chances are very very slim that anything will ever happen between us, but I can't help still having lingering feelings and thoughts for her, considering how well we get along, and I still don't really understand where she's at, or what she thinks of me, because like I said, I feel like she sort of treats me differently than others, and I've been friends with a lot of girls, and none of them ever really "treated me differently" or anything like that. I dunno.