Guys' Opinions on Getting into Relationship with Male Friend of Many Years

[Samee074]

Hi all... I am new here and thought I would see what kind of advice you all could give me . Now where to start...lol I have this guy friend ... we have been friend's for 18 years (since we were b/f & g/f in Jr High) He is a great guy and has seen me through alot of ups and downs , duh moments , and just complete stupidity moments and has never judged me , only supported me no matter the situation. Even 2 failed marriages. A lil over 4 years ago we took it further and became intimate ... and I have to say WOW!!! But we never got into the whole commitment thing.

 

Well here a lil over 2 years ago he made the comment we should just do it and I said do what? He answered "Go get married" ... I just said Yeah OK ... because for 1 I honestly didn't believe he was serious... and for 2 he had a lil bit of alcohol in his system! So I didn't bother to try and bring it up again or to hold him to it . But I finally asked him here about 3 weeks ago ( yeah I know it took me long enough...lol) I was beyond shocked by his answers of course . He told me he had thought about it alot and that he was serious.... ok kicking myself now. Not that anything has changed after all these years because I feel they have just gotten better . I asked him after his confessions how he felt about me now and his answer was the same as he always has since we met ... basically he has always loved me.

 

OK here is the whole thing I am so backwards anymore when it comes to relationships because every guy except for him have basically clinged to me from the start and I am not one to push an issue but I know with all my heart this is the only man for me and now I am really wanting to push the whole issue .... not just because he confessed his feelings but because I had a auto accident last week that has made me realize alot and I know he is the one I want my future with ... but how do I go about making that happen ? Do I just bluntly tell him or what?

 

I really need a guys point of view on this because you all seem to know how eachother thinks...lol Of course any advice from the females would be great to ... thanx!!

 

PS.... I know I am complete goof huh??? lolol

[Curt]

Nah, you're not a goof. Quite the opposite, actually. You're going at this in a most mature fashion.

 

Then the first thing that I'd need to know is whether his life is taken up with someone else right now.

 

Fact is, if he's moved on, and is with someone now, you need to be considerate of her as well.

 

Just wondering what his life "looks like" right now? Is he with anyone? Is he settled in his life, yadda yadda. Give us the 411 on him

 

Curt

[mronederful]

the ramblings of a drunk are the thoughts of a sober person. i do agree with curt, find out if he's currently involved (if he does care about you the way it sounds, he's probably still single) grab that man up and live your life, it sounds to me like he's a keeper.

[Samee]

Thanx for the feedback.... now for the 411.... No he isn't in a relationship with anyone else and hasn't been for years , when I say years I am talkin like more than 5 years!! For a long time he traveled with his job working for his dad and never wanted me to be sitting around waiting for him . He actually just stopped all that here recently before he confessed his feelings. I know I have had a couple of his friends tell me that he is in love with me and I thought maybe but never wanted to read to much into it all because I do Love him and would never want to push him about anything in the whole fear of losing him. We get along great , talk for hours when we get the chance , and we have NEVER had a fight in the 18 years of knowing eachother... something he brought up that night we had "The Talk"!! Oh something else I find really sweet he has kept every letter I have ever wrote him and pictures I have given him since Jr. High! I bet some of those are really silly!!! lol

 

If there is anything else you would like to know I will try to answer to the best of my knowledge!! thank you so much for your imput I don't feel like I have completely lost my mind so much!!

[Curt]

Now that you've posted what you have, it's sooooo easy to suggest what you should do:

 

IF you truly love him, we can know fairly certain that he loves you.

[saved letters and pictures since Jr. High? Comeon girl ... ya know what that means right? ]

 

Know what my feelings on what you should do are?

 

Well, here goes...

 

You need to get him to himself, and give his heart the most fantastic lifting that it has ever had.

 

Maybe go to a nice park on a beautiful sunny day, have a picnic maybe, and you get up real close to him. Look him in the eye, touch him lightly (maybe a little squeeze ) and tell him how much he's meant to you, and how you feel about him. Ask him if he would also like to step your friendship up to couple status.

 

No matter what he answers, you'll be able to rest assured that you made that leap of faith.

 

Please let us know what you decide, and should you go for it, what he says. I hope you both start the journey together.

 

God's speed to you both.

 

[Samee074]

I always thought maybe he did love me and of course now I know he does... it is just so hard to get him to open up like he did that one night and it hasn't been brought up again! I want more than anything to just just say ok here I am this is what I want and get his response but then I have a feeling he would just pull away .... we have both really enjoyed the way things have been for quite sometime now , the whole thing is I do want more but only from him! But I think I am gonna take your advice and take that loeap of faith... when I am not sure but I will definately keep you posted!!!

[Samee074]

Just a quick update .... HE called me tonight and wants to see me .... that right there is such a plus because he doesn't call here too often (because I am living with my parents at the moment and my dad is alway's a grump when he answers the phone...lol) But I had to say I think he may be coming around to stepping it up a notch and I haven't really done anything..... I am soooo Happy!! But I am gonna bring the subject up very soon and see what he says!!!

 

Just had to let all that are interested know!!

 

Thanx!!!

[Curt]

Hey...

 

IF he doesn't take the lead on it (he may just be a little shy about the topic), you know what you should do ...

 

... right hunn???

 

(That is, of course, if ya wanna ... but ... you know what I mean )

 

Keep us posted ... sorta like watching a cliffhanger here.

[Samee074]

Hey Curt ... just wanted to give ya the latest , we are planning to get together for a lil getaway , that way we can be all alone! He wanted to get together tonight even but that didn't work out with either of our work schedules.... which sucked! lol But I think this weekend I will bring up the whole subject and see what happens! Thanx so much for your interest and advice ... I will keep ya posted!!

[Curt]

Originally posted by Samee074

Hey Curt ... just wanted to give ya the latest , we are planning to get together for a lil getaway , that way we can be all alone! He wanted to get together tonight even but that didn't work out with either of our work schedules.... which sucked! lol But I think this weekend I will bring up the whole subject and see what happens! Thanx so much for your interest and advice ... I will keep ya posted!!

 

That is fantastic Sam! I like the idea a lot!

 

I truly hope you both are of one mind on this. Something tells me you'll be great for each other.

 

Treat each other as equals, with love and respect, and speak to each other with your hearts open.

 

No matter what happens, know that you're both doing the right thing. Imagine what you would feel like in 10 years if you didn't give this a shot. Can't have regrets, girl!

 

The weekend may well tell the tale.

 

I dunno 'bout you Sam, but I can't wait to see what happens.

 

Curt

[Samee074]

[/b]*****UPDATE*****

 

Well the weekend went very well!!! Something really funny happened that I gotta tell ya about... We agreed that I would make the reservations at the Hotel cuz a very good friend of mine works there , So I did this and I sent (via e-mail) him the directions and what time I would be there and of course I said a half hour later than I was really gonna be there so I could set up! So anyhow I did all this and forgot to tell him the name of the Hotel and there are 7 on that hill....lol Call it a "Ditz" moment!! Well he ended up hunting me down at work to find out the name ... which was very sweet and showed me how much he wanted to spend time with me! And needless to say it was a wonderful night ...

 

and about those letters from Jr. High... he brought those up again and said he found them in the big envelope he has always kept them in.... so we are gonna get together again real soon and see how silly they all are! lol

 

No I didn't bring up the couple thing .... but I am thinking it's not nec...... Cuz I know he loves me and he knows I love him . I think everything might actually be falling into place naturally!

 

Lot'z more UPDATES to come!!!!!!!