Problem with Mother and sister-in-law

[hauptman03]

My husband and I have been together for 7 years, and married for almost a year. Here is my problem. 3 years ago my husband Mother and I got into a fight, she called me "WHITETRASH" and then I called her a "Bitch". I was always tought how to speak what was on my mind. She never talked to me again after that and even got one of his sisters against me. I have apologized to her and nothing. I tried mending my relastionship with his sister. But she says I show no respect and that I am a destructive person. I have never felt welcome or wanted on his Mothers side of the family. They blame us for cutting all ties with everyone, it is all our fault. We are the ones that created the divsion between everyone.

They act like it is so hard to pick up a phone and call. They could care less how we were doing. His mother has her favorites. She treats everyone else better then her own son. They have a way of putting us on a guilt trip to make us feel bad. How I am suppose to mend all of this? Life is moving by us so fast and we are missing out on each others life to much and then we are going to wonder if all this bitterness was worth it. You on ly get one chance in life. I guess they don't see it that way.

 

HELP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[HokeyReligions]

Learn to accept that you and your husband will no longer have a realtionship with his family.

 

You can drop them a card and tell them that you have tried to mend fences so that he doesn't lose his family completely, and that the ball is in their court. Just because people are related by blood, does not mean that you HAVE to love each other. Learn to tolerate each other out of respect for a traditional family unit, but don't expect anything other than being cordial to each other. We can't select our families. If they choose not to contact him or you then so be it. If you can't be cordial with each other, then don't put yourselves through the anguish. Let it go.

 

I have a biological sister, and neices and nephews that I have had nothing to do with in many years, and grand neices and grand nephews that I have not met. If we had met as strangers I would never have been friends with them, so why force a relationship just because we share a biological bond?

 

My husband was estranged from his mother for about 25 years. They got back together somewhat, about 5 or 6 years ago, only because hubby needed to make contact to resolve some child abuse and abandonment issues. We both tolerate her only because hubby and his step-father have become wonderful friends.

 

About 8 or 9 years ago hubby stopped having anything to do with his father. He finally broke away from that SOB's drunken abusive manipulation. The old goat told my husband that going to college was stupid and that hubby was putting on airs thinking that he was smart enough for college!!!! (That's just a tiny bit of it--long story for another post) but a couple of weeks ago his step-mother called and told us that his dad is dieing, probably has less than six months. We went out there Sunday before last. His dad recognized him for a few minutes, then went back into his dementia. He didn't remember us visiting at all. Hubby is fine with no contact with relatives---but out of respect for the traditional family unit, and also so he can try and put some closure on the situation, we are staying in contact with his step-mother and will be visiting his father a few more times, and will go to the funeral.

 

You should come first to your husband. He knows that you have made an effort to get past the damage and at least be on speaking terms with his family, and he knows (I hope) that you are doing this for HIM because you love him. I hope he appreciates the effort, and if nothing comes from it then hopefully there will be no resentment from your husband toward you. If his family wants to fume and blame you---let them stew in their own anger and stress, while you let it go and be happy with your hubby and your life.

[Samson]

Life is moving by us so fast and we are missing out on each others life to much and then we are going to wonder if all this bitterness was worth it. You on ly get one chance in life. I guess they don't see it that way

 

Yes very true, but Hokey's right:

If his family wants to fume and blame you---let them stew in their own anger and stress, while you let it go and be happy with your hubby and your life.

 

It will be their loss. Do not make it yours.

[quankanne]

don't let it kill you.

 

you can only do so much to keep a relationship viable, and if you've sincerely apologized for past incidences, and they don't respond, tell yourself you've done your best and leave the ball in their court. just because they're family doesn't mean you must continually offer yourself up as their sacrifice out of some misguided sense of "family" -- nope, all you have to do is be polite when you're around them.

 

my thought is, if it's not important to the other party to try to make it work -- and I've tried my best to mend fences, to no avail -- then it's not important to me, either. like I said, you can only do so much to keep a relationship working before you realize there's nothing really there to work with.

 

Life is moving by us so fast and we are missing out on each others life to much and then we are going to wonder if all this bitterness was worth it. You on ly get one chance in life.

 

honey, until they feel the same way and WANT to reconcile, or try to exist peacefully with you, don't make yourself sick over it. you can only do so much, you know?

[ringo]

are one unit.... you have your own family... these others are just an extenstion. They have to support all of you as you are ONE. If they can't do this... let them go. Stop killing yourself over this. Do you really need an "extension" to keep your marriage happy and alive? NO! Let it go. You've tried... you've done this and that... Actions speak louder than words. You've got to just let it go.