Would you lose interest in your spouse is he/she gained weight?

[MuscleCarFan]

I found my wife sexy still when she gained weight.

 

I've lost about 14 lbs myself. I really just have to stay away from the bad stuff like candy and soda, lol.

[CarboniteCammy]

When I gained weight for my pregnancy, my husband gained right along with me. It would be hypocritical for me to not to love and want him just as much.

 

We've both tried to lose weight since the baby came, and I'm proud to say I'm down 40 lbs and he's down 30 lbs. Of course, I gained close to 60 with the baby. :-X

 

So, yeah, I've got some ways to go before I'm anywhere close to where I want to be, but It's really cool to hear my hubby say that I've gotten "skinny" again...yeah, right...skinny LOL I'm just glad he still finds me attractive!!

 

If my hubby lost his job, I'd still love him and stay with him. He's a really hard worker, very ambitious, and I'm sure he'd be back on his feet quickly. He is a wonderful provider and he takes pride in being able to take care of me and the baby. Of course, I work too, but I don't make nearly what he does.

[pink_sugar]

I found my wife sexy still when she gained weight.

 

I've lost about 14 lbs myself. I really just have to stay away from the bad stuff like candy and soda, lol.

 

But sometimes it's nice to have a guy concerned about your weight gain as it can be unhealthy.

[Got it]

For me, I lost interest because of his attitude, how poor the sex was regardless of weight, etc. He had gained weight but that was always secondary and really wasn't a major factor for me. But my ex's "Eeyore" attitude is what slowly drove me insane. And the complete lack of desire to fix himself, fix anything, or do anything. It wasn't right that I would expect him to have to change himself but I couldn't do it anymore.

 

My fiance has gained and lost weight in our relationship. I am fine with it. I know he is happier when he is smaller and working out every day so I am happy for him.

 

I am much happier when I weigh less. My fiance is happier when I have a few extra pounds on as he says they go in the right spots.

[Toodamnpragmatic]

Your wife has put on significant weight and won't have sex with you and really shows no real interest in caring too much to give you 30 minutes a week of undivided attention and you continue to profess an undying love.

 

I don't know whether to praise or pity you......

[mitzikilgore]

I was very interested reading this thread. I find that I always worry about my weight, but never my husband's. He was overweight years ago and I found it annoying when we would have sex, but otherwise never really judged him on it. Then he joined the Marine Corps and lost all that excess + got really fit. So maybe it has just never come up again. I struggle now after having kids, but I run on that damn treadmill 6/7 days a week. But he doesn't seem judgmental - as long as I try!

[Eve]

If I were to hazard a guess, then I would say that most women lose interest in a man who gains weight not because of the weight gain but because of the attitude change.

 

Most men who lose interest in their wives after a weight gain, do so because of looks and attitude change or simply because of looks.

 

And musemaj, I think most women lose interest in a man who loses his job because of the lack of motivation that can occur. Most wives stick it out and still love their husbands despite what life sends their way...IF he handles it maturely (which isn't easy). This doesn't apply to dating men and women as they look at it as more of a "him and I" versus "we" in such situations.

 

 

Unless the other party just doesn't want to be married anymore, which sometimes happens... I think this is a fair assessment.

 

Take care,

Eve x

[Nyla]

Your wife has put on significant weight and won't have sex with you and really shows no real interest in caring too much to give you 30 minutes a week of undivided attention and you continue to profess an undying love.

 

I don't know whether to praise or pity you......

 

This is very true.

 

JamesM, I hope you will not be offended by this question: What do YOU get out of this marriage? I am not speaking of the children that were born, I am wondering what benefits you obtain purely from the relationship with your wife.

[JamesM]

Your wife has put on significant weight and won't have sex with you and really shows no real interest in caring too much to give you 30 minutes a week of undivided attention and you continue to profess an undying love.

 

I don't know whether to praise or pity you......

 

You can do both! And she gives me attention...just not sexual satisfaction. We do kiss and cuddle and hug. We talk. We do things together. We are best friends.

 

But since this is about weight.....

 

Weight has been her issue ever since before we met. I walked into the marriage knowing that he weight would continue to be an issue. It has fluctuated every couple of years...as has mine (just not as much).

 

And I do still love her.

 

This is very true.

 

JamesM, I hope you will not be offended by this question: What do YOU get out of this marriage? I am not speaking of the children that were born, I am wondering what benefits you obtain purely from the relationship with your wife.

 

Since the answer to these questions would derail my own thread, then if you don't mind...I will start a new one entitled "What do you get out of your marriage?"

[Nyla]

Are you asking me what I get or are you asking everyone on the forum what their marriage does for them? I don't understand.

 

Look, I apologize if my question upset you.

Edited November 5, 2012 by Nyla

[giotto]

I like my wife fat...

[JamesM]

Are you asking me what I get or are you asking everyone on the forum what their marriage does for them? I don't understand.

 

Look, I apologize if my question upset you.

 

I was NOT offended and still am not offended. I only started a new post because to continue that discussion here would derail my thread..and miss out on getting others to add their 2c.

 

You are welcome to add your thoughts that that thread regarding your marriage, too.

[BetheButterfly]

I ask because I have noticed this before and did again how someone loses interest in his wife or her husband because of a significant weight gain.

 

Years ago, an older cousin said to me..."Before you marry someone, ask yourself if you could still love that person if she gained fifty pounds."

 

My wife has gained a significant amount of weight (probably close to forty) in the last few months (partly due to an inability to exercise). She has struggled with weight for many years going up and down. Currently, she weighs quite a bit more than me (a first outside of pregnancies).

 

And I can honestly say that I find her sexy at any weight. Yes, she is sexier at a slimmer weight but it is partly because she FEELS sexier. But for myself, I enjoy sex with her because it is her. She doesn't disgust me. I do worry for her regarding her health. I still find her beautiful.

 

Seriously, I mean it.

 

Would you love having sex with your husband or wife if he or she gained forty or fifty pounds? Would you feel disgusted by those extra rolls of flesh, or would you still feel as attracted to him or her?

 

I would not lose attraction for my husband, as far as I know. However, his self-discipline in diet and exercise is a passion of his.

 

I know without a doubt that he would lose attraction for me if I gained around 30 lbs. Now, if I was pregnant, I don't think so. However, when I get pregnant, I'm going to have to really watch my diet!

 

He doesn't like excess fat. I understand that, and am currently trying to trim the fat on my posterior. My husband currently doesn't see me as fat, but he does expect me to work out and tone the muscles everywhere in my body. His motivation is slowly but surely helping me do so! I'm the kind of person who needs motivation, encouragement, and a "coach" to get things done. I do need to grow in self-discipline though.

 

Before we got married, he expressed his fear of his wife becoming fat. I agreed to not ever become fat. That is part of our marriage covenant (though we didn't say that during our wedding ceremony; we had already made that pact).

 

Some people might say that my husband is shallow for that, but I don't think he is. I personally feel so much better when I don't have much excess fat on my tummy, arms, legs, and rear. I feel much sexier and confident and I have way more energy!!! I can do a lot more things and enjoy them so much more!!! So, not gaining fat in those areas does help me; it doesn't hurt me. Because of this, I think my husband is not in the wrong for expecting me to take care of my body.

 

I also don't think you are doing wrong for loving your wife and being attracted to her. Weight is a tough issue for many ladies. It makes me so annoyed lol how many men tend to lose weight so easily and yet for most women, it's a painful struggle. Life's not fair!!!

 

I haven't had kids yet, but i have heard that for some women, having kids really messes with the hormones and the body's health. It's really hard to get back in shape for some women. For example, my Mom was 113 lbs. until she got pregnant with me. She pretty much lost her pregnancy weight after I was born, but after having my first sister, her body did go through changes that made it much harder for her after my third sister, than my fourth (and last) sister. After 4 kids, most womens' bodies are not the same as when they were young and not yet a Mom.

 

So, I guess you could say I am a little bit worried about how my body will do with pregnancy. However, with my husband helping me (and thankfully he doesn't make me feel bad; he doesn't criticize me... he just coaches me) I hope to control my weight.

Edited November 8, 2012 by BetheButterfly

[SylviaFG]

I can honestly say that I find her sexy at any weight. Yes, she is sexier at a slimmer weight but it is partly because she FEELS sexier. But for myself, I enjoy sex with her because it is her. She doesn't disgust me. I do worry for her regarding her health. I still find her beautiful.

 

Seriously, I mean it.

 

Would you love having sex with your husband or wife if he or she gained forty or fifty pounds? Would you feel disgusted by those extra rolls of flesh, or would you still feel as attracted to him or her?

 

What a lovely man you seem to be! A bit like my husband in this respect. I gained 35 lbs after a miscarriage and an immobilizing injury, and I was so surprised that my husband seemed just as into me as before if not more. I have now lost the weight and again my husband seems even more into me than before, but like you said, that's because I myself feel sexy when I'm thin, and like a beached whale when I'm 35lbs heavier. I feel so loved and desired by my husband! I feel like he accepts me and wants me even if I'm too fat for my clothes! I hated being that big though. Never again for me! I now weigh myself daily to avoid deluding myself, and if a pound or two goes on, I hit the low-carb diet pronto and correct it.

 

I would want my husband no matter how big he was. But if he were very big I would worry about his health. But it wouldn't turn me off. I like that my husband weighs double what I do. I love how big and strong he feels compared to me. He is so manly!

 

A lot of men are turned off by weight gain, I know. I advise my friends they need to stay thin not gain lots of weight after marriage, because like it or not, many great guys simply can't get turned on with their wife when she gains weight, just like some women can't get turned on with a husband who won't get a job, say, even though they want to be able to be turned on with the one they love, and don't think they should be affected by the weight gain or the lack of trying to get work, etc.

[venusianx13]

I've had a bit of a question regarding this, but haven't had the chance to pose it yet.

 

I met the man who I want to spend the rest of my life with about 8 months ago. We are very much in love and on the same page... he is very forthcoming about his reciprocal wish to marry me, and to have a family. I won't move in with him until there's an engagement, though, but I expect that to come around the new year.

 

I know he's crazy about me and very attracted to me, yet he seems to worry about how I will look down the road. I already have a child from a previous relationship (my son is 7) and we'd like to have a child together while we're still young (we're both 30). Of course, this will wait until after we are married! Over the course of our relationship, he's brought up getting into a healthy fitness routine as a family. I always thought it was a great idea, but finding the time has been tough. I had a serious talk with him last week about it, and he revealed to me that he is afraid I'll end up letting go and becoming one of those tired and overweight moms who just doesn't have enough energy to care anymore. I've never wanted this, ever. I don't have any unhealthy habits as it is, and look younger than I am, and after my son was born, I didn't "let myself go" so to speak. I do admit that I could get into physical fitness a bit more, and it will serve me well if I am going to have another child, as well as just in general.

 

My question is, though, is this some sort of forewarning? I know without a doubt that he loves me. While I agree that it's good to stay healthy, and to incorporate a fitness routine into our lives, I still found this to be pretty shallow, and to be quite honest, it just doesn't fit him. He's the most genuine, least shallow man I've ever met. Any insight?

[Janesays]

My guy says he has gained weight since we've been together. I think he's crazy....still looks sexy to me!

[giotto]

In your original post, you said she outweighs you because of an inability to exercise. So the truth is that she stuffs her face with garbage all day while sitting on her ass. She now outweighs her husband. How very attractive.

 

Are you the poster whose wife hasn't given him sex since Hector was a pup, but you just hang around year after year accepting it?

 

My head is seriously about to explode.

 

James is a very understanding man...

[Klaatu]

My wife has gained considerable weight after her one and only pregnancy and sex life has all but ended. It is primarily the weight but also the lack of any effort to appear feminine and sexy. She also makes no effort to cut weight, even though it is now wreaking havoc with her health.

 

As a result, my eyes wander elsewhere, but have never cheated. She says overweight people have sex, and I am sure many do, but I don't think it fair to insist I be one of them. I like "thin" and feminine and try to get her to understand that is just who I am.

[JamesM]

My question is, though, is this some sort of forewarning? I know without a doubt that he loves me. While I agree that it's good to stay healthy, and to incorporate a fitness routine into our lives, I still found this to be pretty shallow, and to be quite honest, it just doesn't fit him. He's the most genuine, least shallow man I've ever met. Any insight?

 

It could be or it simply could be that he is concerned about your health. IT could be that his mother or someone close to him became overweight and "frumpy," and he doesn't want this to be his wife.

 

If he genuinely loves you, then I would not be concerned.

[JamesM]

My wife has gained a significant amount of weight (probably close to forty) in the last few months (partly due to an inability to exercise). She has struggled with weight for many years going up and down.

 

Actually, this number is high. She has gained weight, but the number is closer to twenty (at most) in the last few months.

 

In your original post, you said she outweighs you because of an inability to exercise. So the truth is that she stuffs her face with garbage all day while sitting on her ass. She now outweighs her husband. How very attractive.

 

Are you the poster whose wife hasn't given him sex since Hector was a pup, but you just hang around year after year accepting it?

 

My head is seriously about to explode.

 

The main reason she weights more IS because of her foot surgeries that have kept her from exercising. She had been losing for most of the year. And yes, because she could do nothing and this did depress her, then she "stuffed her face with garbage"....well, she ate food...and sat.

 

As for sex, we have been having more lately, but I will enjoy it and see if there is a pattern or if this is a blip. Attitudes for both of us have changed and we are definitely closer than we have been in months.

 

As for your "head" about to explode....BTDT...you should really take care of that.

[JamesM]

James is a very understanding man...

 

I think the word is...patient. Also, we could use the word perseverance. And patience and perseverance seem to be paying off.

[JamesM]

ETA: Just think of it...were it not for the venting outlet provided by the interent, lo over these past several years and many thousands of posts (not just here, but probably at other message forums as well), one might actually have to DO something constructive in real life. Of course that could also require engagement in pesky and annoying real-world, emotionally healthy activities such as "change" and "growth."

 

Despite your tendency towards sarcasm, you have a point in this sentence or two.

 

Despite my venting on here, I take away feedback from threads and use it. Seriously. And I have been trying different suggestions and attempting change that can help my situation.

 

I can't point to one big thing, but I can say that one thread here helped recently, and that was the one which made me step back and say...what do I really like about my wife despite our lack of sex? And the answers have me a better outlook.

 

Sometimes an attitude change can actually make a difference in how I treat her and how she perceives me.

[JamesM]

ETA: Just think of it...were it not for the venting outlet provided by the interent, lo over these past several years and many thousands of posts (not just here, but probably at other message forums as well),

 

While this is a great venting outlet and I do appreciate LS in many ways, I can say that it is the only marriage forum I post on. I would suggest to anyone who has marriage difficulties to utilize other forums which may be appropriate to the problem. For example, I have posted a few times on a health forum to get feedback from people who had a similar disability as my wife. Their feedback was quite helpful.

 

Perseverance and patience can lead to answers. Only venting and using other members as a crutch while not trying to find answers will only lead to more resentment and frustration.

 

Just a different view.

[BetheButterfly]

I just posted about this in the infidelity forum, only not exactly this, but about the importance of making the effort. This of course makes me a horrible person.

Honestly though, it's like a bait and switch to marry a girl that is a size 4 that becomes a size 22 and won't do anything about it.

The girl that used to do her hair and wear pretty clothes and shave her legs is now "too tired" and can't be bothered. Um, hello, give up 10 minutes of sleep a night once in a while.

 

Yeah, I have heard some guys complain about that. It seems that some girls only put in the effort to take care of themselves in order to catch a guy. Once she has him, she seems to think there's no need to keep taking care of herself. Then, she doesn't understand when he is so upset and feels betrayed/lied to but rather just think "He doesn't accept me how I am." Sadly, some girls have let themselves go so much that they are not physically how they used to be anymore. For guys, the female human shell is very important.

 

Life is hard and takes work, but so do relationships.

Agreed!

 

Deciding to stop making effort towards your relationship is giving up. I think that many men and women still care about their partners if they put on weight or their hair goes gray or any number of different things if they feel like their partner is still making the effort. When it's all let go, they feel like THEY weren't worth the effort and that's when the spark goes out.

So true. It's very important for people to realize that and take action to take care of themselves.

No one wants to be greeted at the door with "My day sucked, change the baby" and it happens too often. A kiss and a hug before the "my day sucked, can you change the baby please?" actually goes a long way.

This is great advice!!! Thanks I will try to remember that for when we have a baby.

[Els]

What's with the people going on about James's wife? IIRC he says he was overweight some time back, and that his wife remained loyal and supportive when he was overweight. Why is it then such a horrible thing for him to be the decent man that he is and offer her loyalty and support in return when her own weight rises?

 

I just posted about this in the infidelity forum, only not exactly this, but about the importance of making the effort. This of course makes me a horrible person.

Honestly though, it's like a bait and switch to marry a girl that is a size 4 that becomes a size 22 and won't do anything about it.

The girl that used to do her hair and wear pretty clothes and shave her legs is now "too tired" and can't be bothered. Um, hello, give up 10 minutes of sleep a night once in a while.

 

 

Life is hard and takes work, but so do relationships. Deciding to stop making effort towards your relationship is giving up. I think that many men and women still care about their partners if they put on weight or their hair goes gray or any number of different things if they feel like their partner is still making the effort. When it's all let go, they feel like THEY weren't worth the effort and that's when the spark goes out.

 

No one wants to be greeted at the door with "My day sucked, change the baby" and it happens too often. A kiss and a hug before the "my day sucked, can you change the baby please?" actually goes a long way.

 

This is all well and good, but the effort needs to be reciprocal and people need to help each other out. One of the most common reasons for wives, especially middle-aged wives with several children, to let themselves go is, to quote some of the posters on the infidelity forum, "I have to work full-time AND do the majority of the housework and childcare, AND he still expects me to look like Megan Fox and play the sexy vixen in bed?!?"

 

Well, that is a bit of an exaggeration, but I think that is the truth in many cases. Often what a spouse needs is not to be shunned or loved less, which leads to a vicious cycle. Perhaps what they really need is a little understanding and help. You know, to use your baby example: "Hi hon, how was your day, do you need help with the baby?"