My Boyfriend, His Girlfriend.

[LowFatLatte]

Hi Guys,

 

First post as i'm not really sure what to do in this case and i don't have anyone close that i can talk to about this as i'm quite ashamed. I'll try to break this down in the most simple way to read as it's kind of long.

 

About US:

Him (I'll refer too as Z): Relationship 3 years. GF in different country. School in another country away from me.

 

Me: Relationship for 4 years, live with boyfriend. Have a full time high paying job, employed at the same company as boyfriend.

 

 

Meeting:

We have met while both in a committed relationship. He was in town for an internship while his girlfriend was back in his hometown. He became friends with my boyfriend and myself for a few months before he had to leave.

 

Hook Up:

We started texting/calling each other quite a bit, more then the average friends.. i found myself attracted to him and let him know and acted physically on it.

 

Post Hook Up:

We both felt guilty, i felt sick to my stomach.. yet we found that we love each other, and wanted to pursue the relationship further.

 

Leaving:

He moved away from my country to continue his schooling elsewhere. Communication has happened every single day since. We have been away from each other for a total of 3 months, i've seen him for 2 weeks in august and 2 weeks this past month. When i returned back to my country after my first visit, i broke things off with my boyfriend whom i still currently live with until i get situated elsewhere.

 

Plan:

I have prepared my CV and have been sending it out to places near Z.

 

Dilemma (where i need you):

1. I have a good paying job in my current country, if i move this will be sacrificing a lot for me but also i feel a bit forced considering if i stay i will be working with my now EX boyfriend with the possibilites of having bad comfortability for myself and Z.

 

2. Z is still in the works of breaking things off with his GF (after 2 months). His reasoning is that he doesn't want to smack her in the face all at once as she is a very fragile person, i respect this in a way but i also am a bit concerned that this could be taking quite a bit of time. He will be visiting his hometown shortly for surgery and she will be there. He has pretty much laid everything out on the table for her but she is having a hard time accepting things. Not sure where this is going?

 

I've called him tonight to tell him that i'm concerned about this relationship, i have brought up the option of letting him sort his stuff out on his side with this GF while i sort my living situation out, then we can talk. He thought that was the most silly solution ever and was upset over it. I'm just a bit afraid of getting hurt but maybe i'm being impatient and nervous at the same time because hes going back to where she is... ? He brings up the fact that im still living with my Ex and see him all of the time while his GF lives in another country whom he barely speaks too now so it shouldn't effect me too much. I've asked him what if i get a job tomorrow in his country, are you still going to ease this breakup with your GF any longer?? His reply is that he will break up with her as soon as he knows i'll be there with him. Which makes me feel a bit strange.

 

I love this guy, but at the moment i'm ashamed of our relationship and I don't really know how to handle this situation, feels like i dug myself pretty deep now and i don't know the best approach for this.

 

Your objective answers would be much appreciated as i could really use them right now.

[Tenacity]

 

His reply is that he will break up with her as soon as he knows i'll be there with him.

 

HUGE red flag...

[ThatJustHappened]

Hi Guys,

 

First post as i'm not really sure what to do in this case and i don't have anyone close that i can talk to about this as i'm quite ashamed. I'll try to break this down in the most simple way to read as it's kind of long.

 

About US:

Him (I'll refer too as Z): Relationship 3 years. GF in different country. School in another country away from me.

 

Me: Relationship for 4 years, live with boyfriend. Have a full time high paying job, employed at the same company as boyfriend.

 

 

Meeting:

We have met while both in a committed relationship. He was in town for an internship while his girlfriend was back in his hometown. He became friends with my boyfriend and myself for a few months before he had to leave.

 

Hook Up:

We started texting/calling each other quite a bit, more then the average friends.. i found myself attracted to him and let him know and acted physically on it.

 

Post Hook Up:

We both felt guilty, i felt sick to my stomach.. yet we found that we love each other, and wanted to pursue the relationship further.

 

Leaving:

He moved away from my country to continue his schooling elsewhere. Communication has happened every single day since. We have been away from each other for a total of 3 months, i've seen him for 2 weeks in august and 2 weeks this past month. When i returned back to my country after my first visit, i broke things off with my boyfriend whom i still currently live with until i get situated elsewhere.

 

Plan:

I have prepared my CV and have been sending it out to places near Z.

 

Dilemma (where i need you):

1. I have a good paying job in my current country, if i move this will be sacrificing a lot for me but also i feel a bit forced considering if i stay i will be working with my now EX boyfriend with the possibilites of having bad comfortability for myself and Z.

 

2. Z is still in the works of breaking things off with his GF (after 2 months). His reasoning is that he doesn't want to smack her in the face all at once as she is a very fragile person, i respect this in a way but i also am a bit concerned that this could be taking quite a bit of time. He will be visiting his hometown shortly for surgery and she will be there. He has pretty much laid everything out on the table for her but she is having a hard time accepting things. Not sure where this is going?

 

I've called him tonight to tell him that i'm concerned about this relationship, i have brought up the option of letting him sort his stuff out on his side with this GF while i sort my living situation out, then we can talk. He thought that was the most silly solution ever and was upset over it. I'm just a bit afraid of getting hurt but maybe i'm being impatient and nervous at the same time because hes going back to where she is... ? He brings up the fact that im still living with my Ex and see him all of the time while his GF lives in another country whom he barely speaks too now so it shouldn't effect me too much. I've asked him what if i get a job tomorrow in his country, are you still going to ease this breakup with your GF any longer?? His reply is that he will break up with her as soon as he knows i'll be there with him. Which makes me feel a bit strange.

 

I love this guy, but at the moment i'm ashamed of our relationship and I don't really know how to handle this situation, feels like i dug myself pretty deep now and i don't know the best approach for this.

 

Your objective answers would be much appreciated as i could really use them right now.

 

It doesn't take 2 months to dump someone, no matter how 'fragile' they are.

 

RED FLAG!!!! DING DING DING!!!

[truthbetold]

Hi Guys,

 

First post as i'm not really sure what to do in this case and i don't have anyone close that i can talk to about this as i'm quite ashamed. I'll try to break this down in the most simple way to read as it's kind of long.

 

About US:

Him (I'll refer too as Z): Relationship 3 years. GF in different country. School in another country away from me.

 

Me: Relationship for 4 years, live with boyfriend. Have a full time high paying job, employed at the same company as boyfriend.

 

 

Meeting:

We have met while both in a committed relationship. He was in town for an internship while his girlfriend was back in his hometown. He became friends with my boyfriend and myself for a few months before he had to leave.

 

Hook Up:

We started texting/calling each other quite a bit, more then the average friends.. i found myself attracted to him and let him know and acted physically on it.

 

Post Hook Up:

We both felt guilty, i felt sick to my stomach.. yet we found that we love each other, and wanted to pursue the relationship further.

 

Leaving:

He moved away from my country to continue his schooling elsewhere. Communication has happened every single day since. We have been away from each other for a total of 3 months, i've seen him for 2 weeks in august and 2 weeks this past month. When i returned back to my country after my first visit, i broke things off with my boyfriend whom i still currently live with until i get situated elsewhere.

 

Plan:

I have prepared my CV and have been sending it out to places near Z.

 

Dilemma (where i need you):

1. I have a good paying job in my current country, if i move this will be sacrificing a lot for me but also i feel a bit forced considering if i stay i will be working with my now EX boyfriend with the possibilites of having bad comfortability for myself and Z.

 

2. Z is still in the works of breaking things off with his GF (after 2 months). His reasoning is that he doesn't want to smack her in the face all at once as she is a very fragile person, i respect this in a way but i also am a bit concerned that this could be taking quite a bit of time. He will be visiting his hometown shortly for surgery and she will be there. He has pretty much laid everything out on the table for her but she is having a hard time accepting things. Not sure where this is going?

 

I've called him tonight to tell him that i'm concerned about this relationship, i have brought up the option of letting him sort his stuff out on his side with this GF while i sort my living situation out, then we can talk. He thought that was the most silly solution ever and was upset over it. I'm just a bit afraid of getting hurt but maybe i'm being impatient and nervous at the same time because hes going back to where she is... ? He brings up the fact that im still living with my Ex and see him all of the time while his GF lives in another country whom he barely speaks too now so it shouldn't effect me too much. I've asked him what if i get a job tomorrow in his country, are you still going to ease this breakup with your GF any longer?? His reply is that he will break up with her as soon as he knows i'll be there with him. Which makes me feel a bit strange.

 

I love this guy, but at the moment i'm ashamed of our relationship and I don't really know how to handle this situation, feels like i dug myself pretty deep now and i don't know the best approach for this.

 

Your objective answers would be much appreciated as i could really use them right now.

 

I so hate to simplify things but THIS tells you everything I'm afraid. You do not want to be with a guy that "needs" another before he cut the previous one loose. That's a guy that's always going to be looking for the next better one. I liken it to a monkey swinging vine to vine, won't let go of the next one til he's sure he has the next one. Bad stuff. I know guys like this and they just end up leaving a trail of broken hearts. It makes you feel strange for a good reason, you'd be wise to pay attention that.