Alex DeLarge Posted October 30, 2012 Share Posted October 30, 2012 Preface: One of my friends does crappy things behind his friends' backs. Last summer I had invited a girl camping with us, and this guy wound up having sex with her despite the fact that the girl and I had been on a few dates. He got another girl to cheat on a mutual friend of ours, and he keeps doing things like this or attempts to. I've had a talk with him about it because what he's doing seems pretty deceitful and wrong to me... Anyways here's the story.. Story So this friend who goes after girls his friends are seeing / in a relationship with was at a party last weekend with my girlfriend and I. The night went well and everything, but he said something to me today.. "Hey man, last night your girlfriend rubbed this sexual gel she got from a sex toy party on my chest and nipples." Now I confronted my girlfriend about this, and she went off on a rant acting like I was a crazy jealous controlling person and called me silly. She said that he's just a good friend and so forth and I know he is, but her and I were good friends once upon a time too. She also said that she "did it in front of everyone" like that matters really... A mutual female friend of ours seemed to side with me thinking that the behavior was kind of sketchy. I explained to her that I am not jealous at all, but when she does things like this it really makes it difficult for me to trust her. Then she went on demeaning me more and saying that I'm too "uptight" etc.. But the way I look at this is, what if I did that to another girl? I know for a FACT that she would just break it off right then and there or become extremely angry with me. Conclusion I don't know what to do. Maybe I am a little crazy? I just don't think it's fair that a partner would do something like this when they claim to be in a relationship with you. I've been kind of aloof and distant with her all day because I don't really know what to think about all of this, and I would rather give it some deep thought that simply say something out of disappointment. I would just like to hear some honest opinions on this whole situation. I'm thinking about breaking up with her over this and a whole plethora of other things (bratty attitude, no direction in life, constant nagging etc..) Link to post Share on other sites
Darth Vader Posted October 30, 2012 Share Posted October 30, 2012 Drop her ass! And be done with it! Link to post Share on other sites
dasein Posted October 31, 2012 Share Posted October 31, 2012 Does she know of your feelings about this guy's snakey habits? If so, she is being incredibly disrespectful and inconsiderate of your feelings. If not, would she like you playing with sex toys with any of her friends? anywhere? anytime? Bet not. BTW, whatever happens with your GF, you need to get this guy out of your life yesterday. Why even consider that SOB is a "friend?" He's not. EDIT: No, you aren't being paranoid or crazy about this at all. Don't be snowed man, people in relationships don't go around rubbing sex oil on other nipples, no matter the context. Link to post Share on other sites
CC12 Posted October 31, 2012 Share Posted October 31, 2012 You're not crazy. What she did was inappropriate. I suppose in certain contexts, it might not actually have been as bad as it sounds, like if it were all a big joke or it was somehow relevant to the discussion. It's still pretty bad, though. And her reaction was worse: "God, stop being so jealous and controlling. I was only rubbing flavored lube on his nipples. Get over it." That's the bigger problem, in my opinion - you told her you were bothered by it and she refuses to understand or accept that. She just kind of turned it around on you and dismissed your issues. That's not okay. Your concerns were very reasonable. You'd have to be a very open couple for it to be okay that she rubbed lube onto another dude's chest. Those types of couples are not the norm, and you obviously don't want to be that type of couple. She does. Link to post Share on other sites
ascendotum Posted October 31, 2012 Share Posted October 31, 2012 I can understand that you are pissed over the party incident because it involved your gf with the sleazebag friend of yours, and I get why you want him to have minimal contact with your girl. If I take that out of the picture, then what your gf did was rub some gel over a friend's chest at a party in front of everyone. I think it does make a difference it was in front of the other party goers and not in a seperate room 1 on 1. I think it does make a difference when a girl rubs the chest of a guy versus a guy rubbing the chest of a woman. Seems like I am going against the trend here. I can understand why you are a little unhappy, but imo to break up with a girlfriend (I'm ignoring the other flaws you wrote at the end) just because she touches another guy, not intimately but as part of some jokey play at a social gathering, is over the top controlling and insecure. I guess I prefer less inhibited gfs. I agree with D on distancing this 'friend' of yours who the 'cuts the grass' of his mates. Wouldn't trust him, and it would not surprise that he engineered the oil rubbing incident. Link to post Share on other sites
Leigh 87 Posted October 31, 2012 Share Posted October 31, 2012 Um, WHY is he your "friend"? Just let him be a party, good time friend at best - a person you have fun with occasionally but WHY would you make him a true friend? This guy has no integrity. He has no self respect, even if he thinks he does. I advise you drop your "friend" before you do your girlfriend.... GIve her a chance to prove yourself, tell her if she wants you badly, she has to show you she CARES; tell her that her actions HURT you deaply, and if she cared, she would make efforts to help you overcome it,. If I hurt my partner, even if I did not indend to, I ALWAYS make sure I comfort him. For instance; he cannot sleep unless I hug him in bed first to send him off to sleep. I was out doing something the other day, and he could not sleep without me, and I would not come in with him despite him begging. He was so tired the next day at work, because he could nto sleep, due to me not coming to bed with him to hug him when he ASKED me to. Man, I do not think I was in the wrong, He was being a big baby!! but I still comforted him and reinforced that I cared about his feelings. Link to post Share on other sites
drifter777 Posted November 1, 2012 Share Posted November 1, 2012 Your friend totally breaks the guy code and should be treated as such. No guy should even consider dating a friends ex for at least 6 months after the breakup, and even then he needs to get permission from the friend. Rip him good and tell him to stay away from you until he proves he's changed his ways. As for your GF, who needs all this drama? She acted kind of sutty while you were together at a party. What do you think she does when you are not around? Maybe someday soon you'll find someone who is true girlfriend material. Until then be single, be free, have fun! Link to post Share on other sites
Darren Steez Posted November 1, 2012 Share Posted November 1, 2012 Sorry to be blunt but why are you still f*cking with him? A man who can do that to his friend is not a man to be trusted, seems more like this is a dude who cant stand to see other people have happy relationships without stepping in and f*cking things up, then he comes and tells you about it like it's innocent and waits for you to stomp off and confront your girl and let all hell break lose. Drop him then drop her 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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