Barrsitter Posted October 30, 2012 Share Posted October 30, 2012 You delete his contact info from your phone and everywhere else. 7 Link to post Share on other sites
skywriter Posted October 30, 2012 Share Posted October 30, 2012 You make the choice, to move on, without closure, without a goodbye, with no backsliding or secound guessing yourself. 8 Link to post Share on other sites
Tara247 Posted October 30, 2012 Share Posted October 30, 2012 When you are thankful that she has him, and not you. :D:D (Have never had an affair though, just losers). 5 Link to post Share on other sites
Minka333 Posted October 30, 2012 Share Posted October 30, 2012 ^in addition, when you feel pity for the woman he is with 3 Link to post Share on other sites
RickFox Posted October 30, 2012 Share Posted October 30, 2012 You make the choice, to move on, without closure, without a goodbye, with no backsliding or secound guessing yourself. This^^^^^^ ...when you feel that little gear grind inside you, the switch flip, and you know none of it no longer matters! 4 Link to post Share on other sites
MissBee Posted October 30, 2012 Share Posted October 30, 2012 (edited) When you are thankful that she has him, and not you. :D:D (Have never had an affair though, just losers). I chuckled at this as I had an experience with that recently, although not connected to an exA partner. But I guess how you know you're over any ex is more or less the same. My ex that sent me to LS distraught and that I spent copious amounts of time analyzing, having "hope in" and believed we were soulmates (so long as he got his shyt together) got married a couple months ago and I found out via FB. I had a chance to reflect on how far I've truly come and to just ponder on the awesomess of the fact that life does go on and you do move on from even the most terrible of heartbreak. I did not care one bit about his nuptials. I looked at his wedding album and it was like looking at the wedding album of the many of my FB "friends" that I know only in passing. There was no jealousy, no hurt, no anger, nothing...just the mere curiosity of "Oh you got married" and I did also admittedly think, re his bride: "Better you than me my dear" and was genuinely happy that I'd not gone that route with him (which I almost did). If you had asked me around 2 years ago, I would have believed that I'd die if he married someone else. I knew I was over him waaay before this and have been for quite some time; but I think that was the final nail in the coffin proving I was completely over it. If your ex can marry someone else and you can look at the pics and then forget about it as you would the pics of any random person, suffice it to say that you're over it. Edited October 30, 2012 by MissBee 2 Link to post Share on other sites
hurted Posted October 30, 2012 Share Posted October 30, 2012 When you maybe still unsure about what you want in your love life but 200% certain definitely is not this one. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Stellar Wench Posted October 30, 2012 Share Posted October 30, 2012 You stop discussing your affair on OW Support Boards. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
skylarblue Posted October 30, 2012 Share Posted October 30, 2012 You no longer even think about how it doesn't matter. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
Ladydrib Posted October 30, 2012 Share Posted October 30, 2012 You delete his contact info from your phone and everywhere else. Or when they contact you and your reflex is to respond but then when you think about it, you really don't want to talk to them anyway, because you know they have nothing healthy or good to offer. 5 Link to post Share on other sites
Ladydrib Posted October 30, 2012 Share Posted October 30, 2012 You stop discussing your affair on OW Support Boards. But this can also be a sign that someone went back... Happy to say, I have not! 2 Link to post Share on other sites
skylarblue Posted October 30, 2012 Share Posted October 30, 2012 You stop discussing your affair on OW Support Boards. I think one can offer insight or advice to others in similar situations or discuss past Rs without being hung up on someone still. A support group is usually comprised of those who are and/or have experienced similar. Those who've been there can be great examples of encouragement and possibility to others. I agree some people feel the need to "move on", but it doesn't have to mean those who participate haven't. I'm not disagreeing with what you said at all (your answer/feelings are your own). Just giving my personal view. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
MissBee Posted October 30, 2012 Share Posted October 30, 2012 I think one can offer insight or advice to others in similar situations or discuss past Rs without being hung up on someone still. A support group is usually comprised of those who are and/or have experienced similar. Those who've been there can be great examples of encouragement and possibility to others. I agree some people feel the need to "move on", but it doesn't have to mean those who participate haven't. I'm not disagreeing with what you said at all (your answer/feelings are your own). Just giving my personal view. Maybe SW can correct me, but how I read it was that you won't need to make threads about your former A as much, although you can still participate and offer advice. For example, we have lots of former OW here, I'm one. I still refer to my A and the dynamics therein in giving advice but I'm over it, in that I don't make threads venting or asking questions about my A as that is very much in the past so naturally I don't need "support" for it. I only bring it up to offer advice or reflection but there are no fresh questions/concerns/support needed. That's how I read SW's post, but I could be wrong. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Barrsitter Posted November 1, 2012 Author Share Posted November 1, 2012 Awesome comments everyone! Really great answers!!!!! Link to post Share on other sites
TigerCub Posted November 1, 2012 Share Posted November 1, 2012 When you actually seek them out to say that you forgive them and that you wish them as much happiness as you are living now (and to truly mean it) . When you can listen to the CDs they made for you during the A and just listen to the songs and not have it make you miss them (This one just happened for me. I had saved those CDs. I couldn't listen to them after I ended the A because I knew that the music would take me back to the moment mentally and cause me so much hurt and all that - but I saved them for the day that I can listen to them and not feel that - in a way that was a "test" that I had in mind) - I passed it and it made me really happy. **Note - I never believed that you have to forgive someone to move on - because I don't think we need to. But I actually got to a point where I am so happy where I am and I do forgive him and I wanted him to know that and I wanted to apologize if I ever hurt him - its weird but that's what it is. It was just a final everything is done and no hard feelings kinda thing. Link to post Share on other sites
FightClub Posted November 1, 2012 Share Posted November 1, 2012 TC - Ditto on the music aspect, exMW and I used to share a lot of music going back and forth with each other to express emotions or 'how we were feeling', etc. A song came on the radio today that I heavily connected with her two years ago and now I can just look back and smile, it's in the past. Personally for me these days it's just knowing that I don't care either way if AP left marriage, stayed or otherwise, it's been out of my world long enough for me to realize only the people in my life right here, right now matter. Not the one's who leave and if they left, leave'em in the past. -FC Link to post Share on other sites
MissBee Posted November 1, 2012 Share Posted November 1, 2012 Oh and another one, you no longer have a need to have the last word or better yet, you have no desire at all for any words from them. It just doesn't matter. Yepp I LOVED when I realized I didn't need "closure" or an apology, or explanation or anything. That what was said or not said didn't matter. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Lostinlife4now Posted November 1, 2012 Share Posted November 1, 2012 You know when the affair is over when..... You don't give a shyte if he lives or dies....oh my...is that a little much? Sorry........JMO 1 Link to post Share on other sites
TigerCub Posted November 2, 2012 Share Posted November 2, 2012 TC - Ditto on the music aspect, exMW and I used to share a lot of music going back and forth with each other to express emotions or 'how we were feeling', etc. A song came on the radio today that I heavily connected with her two years ago and now I can just look back and smile, it's in the past. Personally for me these days it's just knowing that I don't care either way if AP left marriage, stayed or otherwise, it's been out of my world long enough for me to realize only the people in my life right here, right now matter. Not the one's who leave and if they left, leave'em in the past. -FC Yeah its really nice to be aware that this at some point meant so much and now it just makes us smile and there is not hurt or longing attached to it I hear ya - not waiting or caring what's going on with the AP because the people that do matter are in your life and you're past all that. I love knowing that as well. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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