cutiepie1992 Posted October 30, 2012 Share Posted October 30, 2012 ok so i realize the title is pretty self explanatory but let me try to explain the situation and the background a bit here. i promise everything i talk about is relevant to the story and the choices i need to make. its kind of long though. sorry. 3 years ago me and my fiance met through an online dating site, and we decided to meet in person, we had both of our parents present when we did meet, so we knew we werent psychos or something like that. i should probably mention i was pregnant and had told him the first day we started talking. so he knew from the beginning. i was always open and honest. well we clicked right away. we fell for each other pretty quickly. 3 months into the relationship some bad things happened and he had to move in with me and my family. well we were doing good with our relationship. were happy. then when i was about 8 months pregnant, my mom decided out of nowhere to kick us out. so we moved to his aunts house. we didnt want to move away from each other. so we stayed with his aunt up until a week before the baby was due. we moved into our own place after my fiance got a car. well 2 weeks later baby was ready to come out. my fiance was there for the birth even though it wasnt his(i should mention i had another child previously), but i had decided early on to give the baby up for adoption, and he supported me through the whole thing. both my babies were given up, and he went with me to see them often. i liked how he accepted my birth kids as a part of his life. well i was having a hard time with the adoption so my grandma invited me to go to cancun with her for a week, but my fiance couldnt come. i was sad he couldnt come, but took the oppurtunity, because i felt like it was a once in a lifetime oppurtunity. well the whole time i was in cancun i really didnt have any way to contact my fiance except for through email and facebook(internet basically), so the day i was coming back i was excited to see him. well when i got back nothing had changed for us. he even proposed 2 days after i got back. well i started asking him things like did you hang out with anyone? and stuff like that. he told me he did. 2 girls(at different times) and a couple guy friends. i asked if anything happened with the girls, and he said no, i even texted the girls to confirm my suspicion. just wanted to be sure i guess. i still had a horrible feeling..but a few months later we moved out to the city were in now, and got a new place, and ended up getting a dog together. well over this past summer we finally set a date for the wedding for this november(approaching quick i know), well he went to go hang out with a girl friend of his he knew since 8th grade, and i was honestly nervous about it. he kept asking me to trust him, so i did. well he went to go hang out with her. a few hours passed and i decided to walk up to the park where he was meeting her to see what was taking so long(we didnt have phones at this point) and he wasnt there. lets just say i was a wreck after that. he got home and i was upset. he said they went to the beach, i asked why i wasnt invited, he said oh we just wanted to go really quick. i guess i pushed it out of my mind for the time being. well we got our phones back on finally. well thats when things went extremely bad with us. he would always lock his phone, until one day he slipped up and let me do something on it, i started going on his internet and saw he had joined a dating site. well i didnt know he had joined the site so i was quite upset, but decided he was with me so it must mean nothing. well a few weeks later on his facebook a boyfriend of the girl he hung out with over summer(the one i mentioned) asked him on his wall to stop talking to her "like" that. i asked what way are you talking about? he said he was asking for naked pictures of her. i was extremely upset and couldnt ask him further since he was at work. well i decided to take matters into my own hands and get on his facebook, and the dating sites he was signed up for, and his email. well lets just say he was asking random girls for naked pics. i confronted the girl that he hung out with about the whole naked pics thing, and she went into detail about how he said things in text like he was horny for her, and then she told me they kissed when they went to the beach. he kissed her, and then when it was done asked her not to tell anyone. well he didnt deny it, and he apologized. i decided to forgive him(well at least give him another chance), but then a few days later i was asking him something and he started acting upset so i asked what was wrong, and he said he had kissed one of the girls he hung out with when i was in cancun. he brought her back to our apartment, and he kissed her. (i dont think they did more than that, but its questionable). my heart was broken to find this out. it makes me wonder if hes done anything else or lied to me the entire relationship. im at a loss for what to do right now. should i give him another chance or just find someone who will respect me more? he knows my stance on cheating. so what should i do about this? as you can see weve been through so much together and i dont want to throw is all away over a few mistakes, but are they unforgiveable? i just dont know what to do at this point. im at a loss. Link to post Share on other sites
sweetkiwi Posted October 30, 2012 Share Posted October 30, 2012 oh girl he's a manipulator. Get out and run far far away. The kissing isn't what worries me as much as the dating sites and asking girls for naked pictures. You're most likely going to stay. And find out slowly that he's been lying the entire time. I wish you luck. And think you really need some selfesteem. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted October 30, 2012 Share Posted October 30, 2012 3 years is too long to be engaged. Why hasn't he married you yet? Considering his behavior you are lucky you two aren't married yet. You should drop but I'm sure you won't. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
Solcita2 Posted November 5, 2012 Share Posted November 5, 2012 Run girl run... don't get married... red flags everywhere! 2 Link to post Share on other sites
ilovedhim Posted November 20, 2012 Share Posted November 20, 2012 (edited) oops wrong thread Edited November 20, 2012 by ilovedhim Link to post Share on other sites
Mer-Maid Posted November 22, 2012 Share Posted November 22, 2012 Anything a person does before marriage, they'll do after and then some! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
pink_sugar Posted November 25, 2012 Share Posted November 25, 2012 3 years is too long to be engaged. Why hasn't he married you yet? Considering his behavior you are lucky you two aren't married yet. You should drop but I'm sure you won't. I definitely agree. How old are you I must ask? You've had a baby with him, engaged for 3 years and no marriage yet? I think it's time for him to go...he's not being serious about your engagement if he's fooling around with other girls. Sounds like emotional cheating. Also if you've already given up two kids for adoption, please consider birth control until you are in a stable situation and are ready for the commitment of raising a child. Link to post Share on other sites
Daniel V. Ross Posted December 20, 2012 Share Posted December 20, 2012 I think you doesn't deserved him. Making a mistake once is easy to forgive but he done it already twice. Link to post Share on other sites
Killer Queen Posted December 23, 2012 Share Posted December 23, 2012 I think you should find someone else because he won't change if you continue to forgive him. In my opinion there is no excuse for that kind of deceptive behaviour. Link to post Share on other sites
paintedtree Posted December 24, 2012 Share Posted December 24, 2012 ok so i realize the title is pretty self explanatory but let me try to explain the situation and the background a bit here. i promise everything i talk about is relevant to the story and the choices i need to make. its kind of long though. sorry. 3 years ago me and my fiance met through an online dating site, and we decided to meet in person, we had both of our parents present when we did meet, so we knew we werent psychos or something like that. i should probably mention i was pregnant and had told him the first day we started talking. so he knew from the beginning. i was always open and honest. well we clicked right away. we fell for each other pretty quickly. 3 months into the relationship some bad things happened and he had to move in with me and my family. well we were doing good with our relationship. were happy. then when i was about 8 months pregnant, my mom decided out of nowhere to kick us out. so we moved to his aunts house. we didnt want to move away from each other. so we stayed with his aunt up until a week before the baby was due. we moved into our own place after my fiance got a car. well 2 weeks later baby was ready to come out. my fiance was there for the birth even though it wasnt his(i should mention i had another child previously), but i had decided early on to give the baby up for adoption, and he supported me through the whole thing. both my babies were given up, and he went with me to see them often. i liked how he accepted my birth kids as a part of his life. well i was having a hard time with the adoption so my grandma invited me to go to cancun with her for a week, but my fiance couldnt come. i was sad he couldnt come, but took the oppurtunity, because i felt like it was a once in a lifetime oppurtunity. well the whole time i was in cancun i really didnt have any way to contact my fiance except for through email and facebook(internet basically), so the day i was coming back i was excited to see him. well when i got back nothing had changed for us. he even proposed 2 days after i got back. well i started asking him things like did you hang out with anyone? and stuff like that. he told me he did. 2 girls(at different times) and a couple guy friends. i asked if anything happened with the girls, and he said no, i even texted the girls to confirm my suspicion. just wanted to be sure i guess. i still had a horrible feeling..but a few months later we moved out to the city were in now, and got a new place, and ended up getting a dog together. well over this past summer we finally set a date for the wedding for this november(approaching quick i know), well he went to go hang out with a girl friend of his he knew since 8th grade, and i was honestly nervous about it. he kept asking me to trust him, so i did. well he went to go hang out with her. a few hours passed and i decided to walk up to the park where he was meeting her to see what was taking so long(we didnt have phones at this point) and he wasnt there. lets just say i was a wreck after that. he got home and i was upset. he said they went to the beach, i asked why i wasnt invited, he said oh we just wanted to go really quick. i guess i pushed it out of my mind for the time being. well we got our phones back on finally. well thats when things went extremely bad with us. he would always lock his phone, until one day he slipped up and let me do something on it, i started going on his internet and saw he had joined a dating site. well i didnt know he had joined the site so i was quite upset, but decided he was with me so it must mean nothing. well a few weeks later on his facebook a boyfriend of the girl he hung out with over summer(the one i mentioned) asked him on his wall to stop talking to her "like" that. i asked what way are you talking about? he said he was asking for naked pictures of her. i was extremely upset and couldnt ask him further since he was at work. well i decided to take matters into my own hands and get on his facebook, and the dating sites he was signed up for, and his email. well lets just say he was asking random girls for naked pics. i confronted the girl that he hung out with about the whole naked pics thing, and she went into detail about how he said things in text like he was horny for her, and then she told me they kissed when they went to the beach. he kissed her, and then when it was done asked her not to tell anyone. well he didnt deny it, and he apologized. i decided to forgive him(well at least give him another chance), but then a few days later i was asking him something and he started acting upset so i asked what was wrong, and he said he had kissed one of the girls he hung out with when i was in cancun. he brought her back to our apartment, and he kissed her. (i dont think they did more than that, but its questionable). my heart was broken to find this out. it makes me wonder if hes done anything else or lied to me the entire relationship. im at a loss for what to do right now. should i give him another chance or just find someone who will respect me more? he knows my stance on cheating. so what should i do about this? as you can see weve been through so much together and i dont want to throw is all away over a few mistakes, but are they unforgiveable? i just dont know what to do at this point. im at a loss. I'm sorry, how many chances can one guy get? He's had MULTIPLE strikes against him. If I were to assume and speculate, my guess is there are more women than the ones you know about and he did more than just kiss. He clearly has no respect for your relationship or anyone else's. Dump him. Take some time to be single. Link to post Share on other sites
lostfairytales Posted January 15, 2013 Share Posted January 15, 2013 Here's my input : Hightail out of there. He won't change, he's used to cheating on you all the time. He's been with more women than you know about, and definitely did more than a kiss with at least one other woman. It's a good thing you're NOT married, since that would call for divorce. Link to post Share on other sites
anastasiagreyson Posted January 15, 2013 Share Posted January 15, 2013 I say he cheated on you twice so dump him. I'm telling you he can do it again. Don't go believe in his lies. You need to leave him and find someone who accepts you as to who you are. Why so? He didn't support you when you were having difficulties about your second baby. If he really do loved you, he wouldn't agree on giving up your baby for adoption. I understand that it is hard to love a child specially if its not yours but he should have atleast have told you that he's willing to accept your baby even if it wasn't his. And secondly, you've only just met him through an online dating site. I have this thought that people who uses online dating sites are people who doesn't like commitment. It's not that I am against it but most of them are like that.. Sort things out. I know you can make the right decision. lovelots, Ana Link to post Share on other sites
Ninjainpajamas Posted January 16, 2013 Share Posted January 16, 2013 Am I the only just starring at the screen with a blank perplexed look on their face because she had two kids that she threw up for adoption and at the time meets this guy off an online dating site, has birth to the one she was pregnant with them and now both are gone...and yet this conversation we're having is about a relationship and this guy kissing a few girls? Is it wrong of me not to think you are both likely insane with some serious issues beyond the help of "common sense" advice from a forum? To address your issue, he's going to do it again...that's a no-brainer, but what the hell is wrong with you? You both sound like some seriously childish and immature people who are a few cards short of a deck...I can only imagine of you having some serious issues in your lives and also just both having no common sense. How about this...you separate from this guy, move on with your life, get some therapy because I know you need help...also I'm hoping that these two kids you had was enough of a lesson to prevent a third time...I just can't imagine how people pop out children like if they're just tic-tacs...you know what...forget it, just nevermind about that, so ridiculous and disturbing (unless these two pregnancies were from something like rape or what not...but chances are not likely at least, and that's what I'm going based off) Let this guy go, he's not ready to be with you and commit...he hooked up with you while preggers, from an OLD site, in which your parents were both there (wtf?) so the most normal guy in the world isn't going to be looking for that, and really is that what we're doing these days? dating while pregnant and giving two kids up for adoption? You're at a loss because you're mind is I don't even know...not on the planet, "we've been through a lot"...wtf! you've been through a whole! how about a break?! did he really have a choice in everything you went through? that's life...you go through things in life and relationships, big deal that's the way it goes...in the end two people won't stay together over it. He cheated...lot's of guys cheat, and he's one of them...and no he's not going to stop...he's the kind of guy that does things on the surface once in a while to make things look fine but behind the scenes he has his own separate hidden agenda...not that he's any smart, sounds like an idiot. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
TaraMaiden Posted January 16, 2013 Share Posted January 16, 2013 Cutiepie, this is what's relevant to your post.... ...well i started asking him things like did you hang out with anyone? and stuff like that. he told me he did. 2 girls(at different times)... i still had a horrible feeling.. i started going on his internet and saw he had joined a dating site.... he said he was asking for naked pictures of her.....he was asking random girls for naked pics. ... The whole post is a mess, though... you had a gut feeling right at the beginning... you continued to doubt and suspect, and he kept behaving in ways to justify that - and you stayed!! I can't believe you stayed - and are still asking what you should do!! You're at a loss?! Tell him that not only is the engagement off - he'd better disappear right now, or he will find himself waking up to a knife round his 'playthings'...! Oooh yeah! Ditch him, fast and furious, and get rid of him now!! Link to post Share on other sites
Leigh 87 Posted January 27, 2013 Share Posted January 27, 2013 :eek::eek::eek: You gave two of your babies up for adotion, met your bf online, while you were preggars, and with both of your parents present? PLEASE get a therapist. Or councelling. You gave up two babies that grew inside you. YOU NEED TO TALK TO AN EXPERT ABOUT THIS. .....This dumbarse of a boyfiend is the LEAST of your worries, hun. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Toddbt12y1 Posted January 27, 2013 Share Posted January 27, 2013 Yeah don't marry this loser. Cause he sure didn't make a mistake even the first time. Unless he tripped and his lips fall on hers and hers, LOL. Be wise and don't marry a person who'll cheat on you and you'll waste years on. Link to post Share on other sites
KatZee Posted February 26, 2013 Share Posted February 26, 2013 he knows my stance on cheating. You don't have a stance on cheating since you've forgiven him once, and now you're thinking of giving him another pass for his indiscretions. so what should i do about this? as you can see weve been through so much together and i dont want to throw is all away over a few mistakes, but are they unforgiveable? i just dont know what to do at this point. im at a loss. I can't say with 100% certainty if he's lied the entire relationship, but from what I've experienced with guys, they don't just turn into liars. They don't just start doing shady s.hit out of no where. That mentality was always in them and they are capable of doing it again. He's cheated twice despite "going through so much together" and each time you take him back and "forgive" he's able to cheat with no consequence. So of course he'd do it again. Not only is he cheating with friends, but he's now looking to hook up with strangers on the dating site. I personally could never marry someone so sneaky and deceitful. Link to post Share on other sites
AlexDP Posted February 26, 2013 Share Posted February 26, 2013 oh girl he's a manipulator. . She'd put up two kids for adoption and found this guy on an online dating site while she was pregnant. Now you feel sorry for her. It's not him. It's her. She's the manipulator. Link to post Share on other sites
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