have i blown it completley?

[Minadee]

Hello everyone, I havn't been able to respond or even read some of your messages as i'm on a very very old laptop at a library due to flooding and power cuts! I will read your responses when I get the chance, regardless of if they are positive or negative I appreciate every one of you taking the time out to read about my situation and comment.

 

So here's a little update. Had my blood taken friday, he drove me to the doctors and came into the room with me, got told that because my BP was so low I had to be taken to hospital because my blood would have to go straight onto ice. Was in a total panic, but he drove me up there with little fuss or complaining despite heavy traffic and flooding everywhere. Put my favourite music on in the car and we sang together, making jokes. He also kept looking at me.

 

Now, back to friday. We were hardly waiting at all, had to lie down as I got called in. He held my hand and stroked my knuckles as I had it taken, then carried all my things out of the hospital. He then gave me a big hug and kissed my forehead and took me for lunch. Now, I have no idea if those were gestures of good will, sympathy or simply because he wanted to spend time with me. He dropped me home and we sat in silence in his car for a little while before he gave me a hug. We were in low contact until he went to the gym and then went to work. He then asked me if I needed a lift anywhere that night and he took me and a girlfriend to a resteraunt without any questions asked, and refused to take my money for the lift.

 

Now we have been in low contact, with texts every now and then, usually he is the one to text me first. Last night was the first time he has been drunk in 5 months and he called me 3 times. I didn't answer and I kicked myself for not doing it but I was very determined not to speak to him unless it was about the baby. I did however text him in the morning asking if he was okay and that he was home safe and he told he was very very drunk. There was light flirting within these texts, then I had work and I havn't contacted him since. The urges to know where he is and who is with him are slowly subsiding, it still hurts when I imagine him with her, but the pain is easing.

 

Now, regarding the pregnancy, I should note that when we are not together in person, he isn't the most sympathetic regarding the pains (I have chronic nerve damage in my hips, and the pain can become very very bad) and back ache, he told me this will all be over soon and that i'll be fine. I have reigned in texting him a lot, but it seems unfair to me that I am suffering and he is free to do as he chooses. As a previous poster told me, I need to stop looking to him for sympathy and deal with it myself. I am a big girl now and I don't need his responses to feel better. I am now roughly 5-6 weeks pregnant I believe, I have booked an ultrasound within the next two weeks and will go from there regarding my decision. I am about 75% sure on the termination but we shall see how these final few weeks progress. I know the journey has barley begun regarding this decision, which makes me feel very isolated and alone. I know there are a lot of people on this forum who are against abortion, and I hope that doesn't alter your opinion on me.

 

Thankyou again for reading and if you respond any opinions on this would be welcome, although not too negative I hope!

[lemonlime]

Just so you know, they count a pregnancy from the first day of your last period. So, if you conceived 5 weeks ago you'd be 7 weeks pregnant. I only mention this because it seems like you knew you were pregnant before me, and I was 8 weeks last week. For me, emotionally, the more advanced, the more emotions and guilt get involved.

[Minadee]

Kicking myself big time, he kept texting me if I was okay and I kept ignoring them. He then messaged me on FB calling me ignorant and I had to reply. I told him I was giving him the time and space he wanted and he said "I wouldn't have texted you if I didn't want a reply." I told him I was trying to give him what he wanted and make him happy. He told me is happy. I said "Atleast one of us is, bean head." and the conversation went off into a load of jokes. I am happy that I am obviously in his thoughts, but for me, or for the baby situation? I'm not too sure. Now I don't know what to do.

[geegirl]

Your post is a sad reflection of how much value you have in yourself.

 

Every bit of it is about your need to make him happy. You even tell him that at least someone is happy and he doesn't empathize with you or discuss how you are feeling but instead, it carries on with a load of jokes.

 

Honestly, I think he "keeps you in his thoughts" because that is his way of making sure you're on the path that he wants you on in terms of the baby. Other than that, he gives you nothing.

 

The best thing for you to do is tell him that you need NC to heal and you need to use that time to reflect on what YOU actually want to do about the pregnancy. Please don't make a decision based on your emotions for him because I believe everything you do is driven by this man. He is a distraction that you do not need at this time.

 

Your whole world revolves around him. It's sad because while he is dating, feeling happy without you, living his life, here you are "happy" just because he sends you little text and emails asking how you are. This is how much you have settled for.

 

Mina, I suggest you find a counselor that can help you through this. A pregnancy and an abortion is life changing. My mother had two abortions before she had me. Nearly 40+ years have gone by and she still gets sad about it. Please seek some professional help to at least help you sort through your emotions because I have a feeling you're not really allowing yourself to tap into your feelings about the baby because you're so caught up and distracted by this man. Whatever the decision, make it without him in mind.

Edited November 29, 2012 by geegirl

[Cutiepie1976]

Agree with this!^^^^^^

 

It's heartbreaking to see you focus all your energy and effort on someone who truly doesn't care about you and is only sticking around to make sure that you do actually follow through with the abortion.

 

You view the crumbs he feeds you with hope. I'll hazard that it's about doing the bare minimum to keep you hopeful so that he can influence you should you ever waver about having the abortion. You can't convince someone who is angry with you to do something that the person doesn't want to do. You can someone who values you over herself and is fixated on trying to do anything that might please you and win you back.

 

Also, I really do hope that at some point in your life you start to value yourself, instead of focusing almost completely on making some guy happy. Look at the predicament you're in! Yet you're still entirely focused on whether he'll be pleased with whatever, trying to get him back by sleeping with him, etc. If you can't value yourself, others won't. Things can get very lop-sided, with minimal regard for the emotional consequences to you or for your happiness. I'm sure he understood that having sex with you came with a cauldron of meaning and hope. But he went ahead anyway, since you were offering it up, and he had his fun. Nor can he be faulted. He had been crystal clear aboute his position. It was up to you care about yourself enough to walk away. You didn't.

 

Sorry I can't be more positive about where things are going with this guy. Hopefully you will learn from this experience and have a more balanced outlook in future relationships, especially as they end. You seem like a very sweet person. I'm sure you have a lot to offer any partner. Try to focus on those guys who will value and appreciate your many gifts. You'll be happier for it.

 

Good luck!