I kinda wanna just kill myself (overly dramatic)

[djust]

Okay, that may be a little over-dramatic but some nights I just sit in bed and realizing the sad state I'm in and the absolute loss for hope in finding an actual woman is demoralizing and makes me want to kill myself sometimes.

 

You know, I haven't dated since high school, I'm 21 now. I'm not going to college, I tried, but I have A.D.D. and I can't get through school work so I stopped going and started working. I'm a hard worker, I make as much money as I can and I'm devoted, so I'm not a lazy bum because I didn't go to college.

 

Now as time goes on and the older I get, I'm at the point where I haven't had a relationship for a few years that I'm never going to get girlfriend. The only reason why I came searching for this forum is because while I was at work today cleaning the windows, some girl came through the door (caught me off guard) and kind of stared at me just for a second. I did my typical nod, like I normally do to everyone that comes/works there and she started to walk away (also, held open the door because she thought I was going through it, but I wasn't). After that, I realized, "Hey, that was actually the type of good looking girl that I've been searching for."

 

Sadly, I just watched her walk away and didn't even think about saying anything to her until like 5 minutes later when I was moaning to my co-worker about how I'm going to hate the rest of my day because I didn't make any opportunity.

 

The problem is, whenever I might even see a chance at a girl, it catches me off guard because I'm so used to not actively look for one. Plus, I'm not very confident and I get kind of nervous around good looking girls (i don't believe that I'm that good looking either; i got this stupid long face).

 

Now after she walked away, I'm so depressed as it made me realize what kind of state I'm in. No relationship, living with parents, no college, sit around at home and stare at this god damn PC all night and going back to work.

 

I can guarantee you tonight I'll be thinking about how I can kill myself again. It's just a sad life to live and sometimes i feel better that maybe in the next life I'll be a good looking japanese guy instead.

[pteromom]

You are 21. I know it is the oldest YOU'VE ever been, so you have nothing to compare it too, but you are just starting out in life.

 

Rather than sit around depressed because you can't find someone, what can you do to make your life better?

 

There IS more to life than a relationship. And - enjoying your life and pursuing your passions rather than focusing on dating will ironically make you much more attractive to women.

 

If you are spending all your extra time sitting around looking at a PC, it's no wonder you are depressed. Go hiking. Go on a camping trip with a friend. Learn about something you are interested in (oil painting? A new language? Programming?). Volunteer somewhere. Go to an interesting place in your town.

 

And don't worry about being nervous around the opposite sex. I'd say 90% of 21 year olds are nervous around the opposite sex. Heck, I would almost pass out if a cute guy talked to me.

[pteromom]

FYI - you don't have to go to college to be successful. I know plenty of people, myself included who make good $$$ and were self-taught. Heck, I know one guy who taught himself all the ins and outs of web programming and he makes a fortune writing and selling scripts people can use with games and such.

 

You don't have control over what girls do. But you have 100% control over the quality of YOUR life.

[Furious]

There are so many intelligent and successful people who didn't go or complete college. You're being too hard on yourself, and at 21 your're in the early stage of mapping out your future. I can tell you there are people in their 30's and beyond who are still trying to figure out what they want to do in life.

 

Get out and volunteer at your local food bank, take up hobbies, get yourself out there and make a difference and the bonus will be meeting lots of interesting people and making new friendships. Everyone wants to find a special love, ironically when your happy with yourself and enjoying life and not really not expecting it, is when that special someone comes into your life.

[djust]

Thanks for the pointers.

 

A couple issues that I should have stated that makes it extremely difficult (probably in society, in general) is I have A.D.D. and I'm severely self conscious about my hair.

 

I know that sounds weird, but it's true. You guys said to learn new things that might interest me and I've certainly tried. I actually went to college for a little while for web design, funny enough, but because of my A.D.D. i can't sit down and work on something so "lonely" like that, if you get what I mean. I need to actively be doing something.

 

Another thing that relates to that actually happened a couple days ago. I spent $8 on this huge pumpkin with major ambitions on what I was going to carve in it. I brought it home, put it on the table and said "I can't do this." I just get this feeling in my stomach that whenever I know I'm about to do something that requires like...effort and/or time, my body just wants me to not do it or do something else. It's hard to fight that urge that I just "get." It's hard to explain. I eventually did try carving it and failed miserably; now it's all smashed outside.

 

As for the hair issue, it is actually a legitimate problem. A few years ago I've developed this problem where if my hair wasn't styled exactly (and I mean, EXACTLY) right, I would actually refuse to go out in public or find an excuse. I actually get paranoid in society because I think people are looking at me and thinking I'm ugly or something. My hair reflects whether I'm good looking or ... well... average looking.

 

Now that I got that out of the way, what does this have to do anything with finding a girlfriend? Well...everything. I mean, I have to fight these two huge issues to even go out in public let alone finding a girlfriend. Sometimes I don't focus about my hair or anything when I'm with a girl, though. I'm usually focusing on what's happening and listening to her but it still is an actual issue.

[Furious]

Almost everyone has something they're not happy about with their looks.

No one is perfect, and the secret to good self esteem is to understand that.

 

If you're overly critical of yourself and only look at your negatives and dismiss your positives then you project that insecurity as the only thing that defines you.

[skydiveaddict]

I can guarantee you tonight I'll be thinking about how I can kill myself again. It's just a sad life to live and sometimes i feel better that maybe in the next life I'll be a good looking japanese guy instead.

 

You need to get out of that house. Learn a trade, maybe join the military, anything but stay stuck where you are. You're social life will come together when you're feeling better about yourself.

 

Don't believe that you can't make a radical, almost unbelievabe and complete change from who you are now. I know because I did just that.

[rn0408]

Djust, I didn't date anyone in college, and it took a few years to figure myself out before I even thought about dating. Between a span at the age of 18-23, I didnt date anyone..I just enjoyed college. I was almost going to go into Occupational Therapy and then decided not to do it, I then made the decision to go into Nursing and wont date until I graduate..ha! I might not even date ever..I really enjoy being single! I have women chasing me everywhere too! Being a nice/good person and having confidence is huge!

 

I'm not trying to sound sexist, but finding a woman will leave you astray. Figure yourself out first, find your dream, puruse it, then date.

[Phoebe]

Figure yourself out first, find your dream, puruse it, then date.

 

That's some good advice. Listen to it. Nothing you have described is that bad or cannot be fixed. You've got ADD? Go to a doctor, get some medication. You're living with your parents? #1 Your parents' are still alive and you have a good enough relationship with them that they haven't kicked you out. #2 This is a great opportunity to save money for the future. Lots of people in their 20s are still living with their parents. OR #3 Move out. You're not in college? Maybe medication could help with that or start some evening class - you'll meet people that way too.

 

We all have our little pity parties at various points through life, I know I have, and I know that I've vented on LS during those times as well. Just please stop thinking about killing yourself.

[Hawaii50]

Go back to school, I don't but your A.D.D excuse, you're not in 3rd grade anymore. You're severely limiting your availability to women and life in general, by not pursuing a conventional education. Women in office buildings rarely aim for the people that clean their offices, or so I assume-but someone correct me if I'm wrong.

 

The phrase that comes to mind is "limp dick." you have to go out there and take it, not exactly meaning a " bull by the horns" metaphor, but you have to do something except hope and sulk.

[TaraMaiden]

I can guarantee you tonight I'll be thinking about how I can kill myself again...

 

Oh shut up.

 

This kind of talk makes me furious, it really does.

 

Why haven't you killed yourself yet?

Why are you still here, moaning, instead of really planning it, and putting it into action?

Why have you thought and thought about it, but haven't actually done it?

 

The reason you haven't done it yet is because you have no intention whatsoever of actually doing it.

 

Quit making idle 'poor me' empty threats, because you don't mean a single word of it. If you did, you'd talk less and act more.

 

There are countless hundreds of young, highly depressed, desperately lonely, sad, misunderstood and mentally afflicted young people who commit suicide every day of the week, and it leaves most people around them in a complete distressed and bewildered fog of grief, because they either had no idea or just weren't aware of the signs.

 

Some leave a note, many don't: But the general thing seems to be that they certainly don't advertise the fact or keep banging on about it.

Stop thinking in this way, because it doesn't help you move forward and it doesn't provide any kind of direction.

Suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary setback.

 

If you know this is just a phase that you're having to go through, then weather it. Come on here, vent, seek answers, read, think, and do something constructive with what you learn.

 

But quit with the suicide talk, because it's purely self-defeating.

[ON MY OWN]

Okay, that may be a little over-dramatic but some nights I just sit in bed and realizing the sad state I'm in and the absolute loss for hope in finding an actual woman is demoralizing and makes me want to kill myself sometimes.

 

You know, I haven't dated since high school, I'm 21 now. I'm not going to college, I tried, but I have A.D.D. and I can't get through school work so I stopped going and started working. I'm a hard worker, I make as much money as I can and I'm devoted, so I'm not a lazy bum because I didn't go to college.

 

Now as time goes on and the older I get, I'm at the point where I haven't had a relationship for a few years that I'm never going to get girlfriend. The only reason why I came searching for this forum is because while I was at work today cleaning the windows, some girl came through the door (caught me off guard) and kind of stared at me just for a second. I did my typical nod, like I normally do to everyone that comes/works there and she started to walk away (also, held open the door because she thought I was going through it, but I wasn't). After that, I realized, "Hey, that was actually the type of good looking girl that I've been searching for."

 

Sadly, I just watched her walk away and didn't even think about saying anything to her until like 5 minutes later when I was moaning to my co-worker about how I'm going to hate the rest of my day because I didn't make any opportunity.

 

The problem is, whenever I might even see a chance at a girl, it catches me off guard because I'm so used to not actively look for one. Plus, I'm not very confident and I get kind of nervous around good looking girls (i don't believe that I'm that good looking either; i got this stupid long face).

 

Now after she walked away, I'm so depressed as it made me realize what kind of state I'm in. No relationship, living with parents, no college, sit around at home and stare at this god damn PC all night and going back to work.

 

I can guarantee you tonight I'll be thinking about how I can kill myself again. It's just a sad life to live and sometimes i feel better that maybe in the next life I'll be a good looking japanese guy instead.

 

 

I really think you should talk to a therapist if you are thinking like this and cant pull yourself out of it. As far as you thinking you have a "Stupid Long Face"....I can bet on that it is not stupid and as far as the long part, thats an easy fix.....SMILE MORE!!! Laughter is the BEST MEDICINE! Also it is contagious....women like that too! (I know, I am one! )

 

Take baby steps on how you can improve things. Even if you have to consult to this forum or a therapist. (Some work on a sliding scale and you can get in cheap....maybe even work out a package deal.) Therapists go into the profession because they like helping people so there are some that are really reasonable that try to help anyone. If you decide to go the therapist route, try one first to make sure they are a right fit for you.

 

I do understand you are hurting real bad and are coming here for compassion and how to improve your life....try to start thinking about HOW you can correct anything you dont like. Nothing comes overnight for sure and it is great you are tryin to work at it. Feelings of lonliness can really get us down sometimes I know. There are things you can do like volunteer at an animal shelter or senior citizen home to help improve quality of others lives that also help with lonliness while making a positive impact on someone else.

 

Someone will eventually notice what a big heart and lovely person you are also.

Edited October 31, 2012 by ON MY OWN

[pteromom]

I actually went to college for a little while for web design, funny enough, but because of my A.D.D. i can't sit down and work on something so "lonely" like that, if you get what I mean. I need to actively be doing something.

 

Ok, great. So that career isn't for you. What do you LIKE doing? What do you enjoy? Start putting some thought into that so you can find a career you love and that complements your strengths and weaknesses.

 

Another thing that relates to that actually happened a couple days ago. I spent $8 on this huge pumpkin with major ambitions on what I was going to carve in it. I brought it home, put it on the table and said "I can't do this." I just get this feeling in my stomach that whenever I know I'm about to do something that requires like...effort and/or time, my body just wants me to not do it or do something else. It's hard to fight that urge that I just "get." It's hard to explain. I eventually did try carving it and failed miserably; now it's all smashed outside.

 

You are being too hard on yourself with this. You set up an expectation for yourself that was not realistic based on your personality, and then got angry that you didn't meet it.

 

As for the hair issue, it is actually a legitimate problem. A few years ago I've developed this problem where if my hair wasn't styled exactly (and I mean, EXACTLY) right, I would actually refuse to go out in public or find an excuse. I actually get paranoid in society because I think people are looking at me and thinking I'm ugly or something. My hair reflects whether I'm good looking or ... well... average looking.

 

There's this quote that goes something like this:

 

"You wouldn't worry so much about what others thought about you if you knew how little they did."

 

People are NOT looking at you and judging YOU. They are worried about their own insecurities, lives, relationships, etc.

 

Good looking and average looking are subjective. One person will think you are the best looking guy they've ever seen, and another will find you hideous, and everything in between. Heck, show a group of women any photo of a great looking celebrity, and some of them will think he's ugly. Like Matthew McConaughey. I have a friend who is in love with him, and I find him skanky and gross. Taste is subjective.

 

So you are never going to please everyone. Drop that expectation for yourself. Instead, style your hair in a way that YOU like and try not to worry about what the rest of the world thinks about it. Those who would love you aren't gonna love you for your hair anyway.

 

Now that I got that out of the way, what does this have to do anything with finding a girlfriend? Well...everything. I mean, I have to fight these two huge issues to even go out in public let alone finding a girlfriend. Sometimes I don't focus about my hair or anything when I'm with a girl, though. I'm usually focusing on what's happening and listening to her but it still is an actual issue.

 

You may have big enough anxieties to warrant seeing a therapist.

 

Your hair is not the issue. Your hair is the thing you have chosen to obsess over. You can control your hair, so if you keep your hair in perfect order, you feel relaxed. If your hair is OUT of control, you feel panicked and anxious. But it isn't about hair. It's about control of your LIFE. Since you can't control your life, you focus on controlling your hair. Does that make sense?

 

Honestly, I don't think you are ready for a girlfriend yet. Don't take that the wrong way. I just think you have some work to do on yourself.

 

So..

 

First, start by making SMALL goals for yourself. One step at a time.

 

Instead of committing to spending several hours carving a pumpkin, how about... you will walk around the block. It doesn't take a lot of work or effort. It's easy and not time consuming.

 

But as you reach the goal, you will see that you CAN do it.

 

For your career, just spend some time thinking about what you love to do. When do you feel most happy and at peace? When do you feel most in tune with your authentic self?

 

It sounds like you actually know yourself and your strengths and weaknesses pretty well. Now it is just a matter of setting up your life in a way to take advantage of the strengths and minimize the weaknesses. If spending several hours of effort on something is a struggle for you, simply avoid doing things that take several hours of effort whenever possible. And when you HAVE to do it, break the project down into small steps and focus on one step at a time.

 

You sound like a very nice guy and it seems you have the potential to get past this, so please don't think about killing yourself.

[djust]

Go back to school, I don't but your A.D.D excuse, you're not in 3rd grade anymore.

 

I'm not really sure what A.D.D. has to do with 3rd grade. I only recently started to develop these symptoms within the past 3 years and it's been getting worse and worse. I tried explaining how I actually feel inside so you could see the issue I have to fight with. I'm not looking for sympathy or anything, I'm just trying to get the point across that this is something that really makes it hard for me to work on something.

 

Oh shut up.

 

This kind of talk makes me furious, it really does.

 

I know people don't like it when people say stuff like this and like I stated above, I'm not trying to fish for sympathy, I'm just trying to tell you what I feel like. This actually IS something that I do every night; contemplate killing myself. It's almost like I'm depressed after every day (which is in bed at night when I can actually think about) but when I wake up the next morning, I feel fine, which explains why I haven't actually killed myself. I don't WANT to kill myself, I'm just saying that I think about it all the time and it haunts me.

 

I really think you should talk to a therapist if you are thinking like this and cant pull yourself out of it.

 

Thank you for your comment, it is very appreciated.

 

The only "therapist" I've ever seen was a school counselor back in my senior year. I have been forever tainted by those types of people because the only thing she ever did for me was get me in more trouble, sometimes even the cops were involved. I'm not insane, it's just that they seemed to have thought so, for whatever reason. Also, she kept doing this typical "write everything that you like about yourself down" blah blah, heard it a million times. Just sounds like some typical routine they do in their normal day.

 

Anyways, maybe I'm just an angry person. The things you mentioned make me laugh and think "yeah ... right." I work in a building that has a senior center and I just think everyday about how much that job would suck balls. I can hardly cope with going outside into the world without a hat on, let alone actually trying to help people.

 

@Pteromom

 

You really made me think...those are really good points brought up but I never can get an answer or solution. To be honest, I have no idea what I'm going to do with my life or where I'm going to go. I don't even KNOW what I want to do and I've thought about it over and over. I just can't figure out if I'm good enough for like ANY job. If I don't go to school, then I'll probably just end up like a loser living in a crap home full of crap people and I mine as well start doing drugs.

 

EDIT: By the way, I do think I have major anxiety issues. I had a meltdown in a class back in my senior year because my hair was slightly messed up. I felt like the whole world was staring at me and I started sweating like crazy. My eyes were going blurry and everything, I felt sick. When the bell rang, I literally ran out of there and went straight to the counselor, which lead to what is posted above.

 

It's almost kind of like smoking for some people. Once they start, getting off it almost feels impossible for them. The same goes for me, instead I'm fighting my own thoughts. I hear people say these types of things to me all the time but for some reason my brain just wants to fight off all the good things and focus on all my "issues."

 

Crap, this like totally derailed from a girlfriend-ish forum, lol. Now it's turning into like some depression thread, but that is honestly what leads up to why I can't get a girlfriend either...

[Jethro]

I'm just gonna cut and paste this that I read earlier today because I am too pissed to even begin responding to you. You wanna know what it's like to be so depressed you wanna kill yourself? Try being fat, depressed and divorced at 41 years old. You are ****ing 21 and you are trying to tell me your life sucks? Holy *****.

 

Are You Feeling Sorry For Yourself?

3 Ways to Stay Away From the Fatal Trap of Self Pity

 

 

Are you going through a tough time? Do you tend

to get depressive every now and then?

Are you entertaining thoughts of defeatand failure in your mind?

Then you are a candidate for falling into the biggest trap of all:

self pity.

Once you have made a step in its direction, you will be pulled into a downward

spiral of irritability, sadness and ultimately depression, failure and defeat.

The downward whirlpool of self pity is very deceptive. You think you are safe as

long as you play in its peripheral waters, but it will suck you into its deadly

midst without you even noticing it. Before you know it, you'll end up at the

bottom, defeated and depressed.

 

Here are 3 safeguards that will help you stay away from the deceptive trap of

self pity:

 

1. Understand Self Pity

.

One of the best ways to stay away from self pity is by understanding its origin.

Although a person may be right about the injustice and bad luck he or she has

had in his or her life, self pity is really a manifestation of

"self"-centeredness.

We tend to lose focus when we are too busy with our own little lives. Whenever

we are tempted to throw our own pity party, we can lift our eyes and try to be

sensitive to other people's struggles. Lending somebody a hand is one of the

best anti-depressants that exist! And it doesn't have any side effects!

 

2. Cultivate an Attitude of Thankfulness.

 

Even though you might be going through a tough moment, give thanks for what you

have instead of focusing on what you don't have. If you are sitting there

reading on your computer, you are alive and breathing. That is a lot to be

thankful for.

 

3. Don't Tolerate Even the Tiniest Thought of Self Pity.

 

If you have had the tendency of feeling sorry for yourself, start cultivating a

habit of refusing to allow thoughts of "woe is me" in your mind. Every time you

are tempted to think about how bad things are running for you, dig in your heels

and swim back into the safe waters of contentment and thankfulness.

Don't ever, never, never, let self pity pull you down into its merciless trap

again!

[djust]

I'm just gonna cut and paste this that I read earlier today because I am too pissed to even begin responding to you. You wanna know what it's like to be so depressed you wanna kill yourself? Try being fat, depressed and divorced at 41 years old. You are ****ing 21 and you are trying to tell me your life sucks? Holy *****.

 

I never said that my life sucks.

 

Also, I think you need to re-read what you just posted because what you're saying to me is going against nearly every point. You don't even if I'm skinny or fat either. Well, I'm not fat but that's something that you can easily fix. It's fixing what in your/my mind is what is much harder.

Edited October 31, 2012 by djust