help with girlfriend of four years

[nathan b]

My girlfriend of nearly four years broke up with me yesterday. We had been planning for the future, talking about me proposing and getting married and such. I thought we were in a really good place. She was away on vacation for a week and came home yesterday. She said she wasn't sure if I was the one and had been second guessing herself for a year.

 

I'm a mess right now. I want her to give us another chance. She said she still loves me and I still love her I just don't know what to do.

 

Any advice would be great.

[uriel]

I'm very sorry for your pain -- and this confusion. Doesn't sound like she gave you a chance to talk out why she's having doubts. Do you have any idea? Can you get her to have that conversation?

 

Obviously this is something that's been on her mind for some time. Often, women begin to have serious doubts when they've met someone else. Is there another guy in the picture?

 

-- uriel

[TommyGirl]

Did you two have problems in the relationship? Did she express some needs that she had? I am so sorry to hear that, my ex-fiancee, of 2 and a half years, told me the exact same thing. He said he wasn't sure if I was the one or not, after he proposed. The only advice that I can give you is to just be strong and since it is so early, maybe you can talk to her some more and see what the problem is. If she is not ruling out the possibility of you two getting back together in the future, give her the time that she needs. How old are you two? That may be a factor in her decision. Don't hold on to her, or pressure her for to get back together, that will only push her away further. Expect the worst and hope for the best. I know exactly how you feel, it does get better with time. If God brought you to it, he can definitely bring you through it. Put God first and be prayerful about your situation.

[nathan b]

Thanks for the replies so far.

 

A little back ground, I'm 23, she's 21. She just finished college and is looking for full time work, and I have one year of college left.

 

She has had these thoughts before and even suggested a break. I said I would give her time if needed, but these breaks always lasted a day and then we were back together. She told me that there's not anyone else and I believe her. I just don't know where to go from here.

[uriel]

That info does help. Very common for people to have relationship doubts or want relationship changes when other major life directions open up, especially at the end of college.

 

Very likely she associates you with the past (college) and an immature period. She may feel she's outgrown you or wants to grow beyond what's been possible together. To do that, she imagines being free and maybe someday finding an ideal partner who matches her future rather than her past self. Sorry to say it, but that's how it usually goes.

 

Bottom line is -- whatever's in her head, she doesn't love you as much as you love her. Otherwise, she wouldn't be willing to consider spending your lives apart, when you'd much rather be with her.

 

Let her go. Better to be with someone who's sure you're the one they want to love and stay with than someone who's always got one foot out the door. You deserve a girl that's into you that way -- and you'll find her.

 

-- uriel

[TommyGirl]

Yep....Me and my ex-fiancee broke up a few months after he moved to another state and took up a job after we graduated college. He had suggested a break before but HE wanted to stay in the relationship, I was wiling to give him a break. Just let her go, I know it's hard to swallow that, but you just have to it. If it's meant to be, than you two will be together. If not, there is someone else is out there for you and someone for her.

[nathan b]

Thanks for the honest opinions. This is probably the hardest thing I have ever gone through, I just don't want to give up on us. She was a huge part of my life for four years and I don't want to let her go.