princewwwfran Posted October 31, 2012 Share Posted October 31, 2012 Hi this is my first post.. Well I want to know if anyone's ex became a player after breaking up.. because I'm going through this with my first ex and I'm very worried about him, I still love him and miss him. Link to post Share on other sites
Emilia Posted October 31, 2012 Share Posted October 31, 2012 No but I'd say it's not your place to worry about him. Certainly don't worry about how many times he gets laid, sorry to be harsh but it isn't really your business. Link to post Share on other sites
Author princewwwfran Posted October 31, 2012 Author Share Posted October 31, 2012 No but I'd say it's not your place to worry about him. Certainly don't worry about how many times he gets laid, sorry to be harsh but it isn't really your business. Nahh no need to apologize Well you're right but..i can't get him out of my head.. Link to post Share on other sites
ParadeRain Posted October 31, 2012 Share Posted October 31, 2012 No but I'd say it's not your place to worry about him. Certainly don't worry about how many times he gets laid, sorry to be harsh but it isn't really your business. It kind of... is her business. A relationship doesn't revolve around that unwritten agreement that you're in a relationship with said person... It revolves around strong feelings and emotions, the strongest being love... and just because that unwritten agreement has been terminated that doesn't mean those feelings instantly become invalid, you're still very much connected to the person, the end of a relationship is a process. Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted October 31, 2012 Share Posted October 31, 2012 Why worry about him? It sounds like he's having the time of his life. Link to post Share on other sites
Shinobi Posted October 31, 2012 Share Posted October 31, 2012 I am a male who's been cheated on several months ago. I can assure all of you that this is very traumatic experience and it usually leads to major changes in one's worldview and philosophy. I did not want to become a "player" deliberately but my life has taken very similar path. To me the saying that "a heartbreak opens the eyes but closes the heart" applyed fully. I view the relations with women very rationally and simply follow my own will and needs. I know what I want and I take it. I do not let any woman too close to me and never remain with only one. Well, sometimes there's not even one, but shortly after new appear. My point is that I see it this way- what was done to me changed me. I now think that if I do not do this to women they will do this to me. I keep everything on the surface when connecting with women and never speak about my bad experience, this is something I consider very personal and if a woman extracts this from me someday- I suppose she will be THE WOMAN... I changed my lifestyle in order to move on and in time it got better. Sometimes it is cruel, sometimes I feel lonely. I never lie or disrespect women, give them good time but that's all. My heart is closed, atleast for now... I do not know why are you concerned about your ex... Did you dump him? 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Emilia Posted October 31, 2012 Share Posted October 31, 2012 It kind of... is her business. A relationship doesn't revolve around that unwritten agreement that you're in a relationship with said person... It revolves around strong feelings and emotions, the strongest being love... and just because that unwritten agreement has been terminated that doesn't mean those feelings instantly become invalid, you're still very much connected to the person, the end of a relationship is a process. Nope, there is no relationship, it's not her business, you must seek to sever the connection. That mindset is very dangerous - and misguided too. People have their own path. Her ex has the right to choose his 1 Link to post Share on other sites
mishy Posted October 31, 2012 Share Posted October 31, 2012 lots of guys become players after a long relationship ends, and the ones i know have done it for a few years and then when they get sick of it go back into a relationship Its best to really disconnect from what he is doing 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Emilia Posted October 31, 2012 Share Posted October 31, 2012 lots of guys become players after a long relationship ends, and the ones i know have done it for a few years and then when they get sick of it go back into a relationship Its best to really disconnect from what he is doing This is it exactly Link to post Share on other sites
Sunslides Posted October 31, 2012 Share Posted October 31, 2012 I am a male who's been cheated on several months ago. I can assure all of you that this is very traumatic experience and it usually leads to major changes in one's worldview and philosophy. I did not want to become a "player" deliberately but my life has taken very similar path. To me the saying that "a heartbreak opens the eyes but closes the heart" applyed fully. I view the relations with women very rationally and simply follow my own will and needs. I know what I want and I take it. I do not let any woman too close to me and never remain with only one. Well, sometimes there's not even one, but shortly after new appear. My point is that I see it this way- what was done to me changed me. I now think that if I do not do this to women they will do this to me. I keep everything on the surface when connecting with women and never speak about my bad experience, this is something I consider very personal and if a woman extracts this from me someday- I suppose she will be THE WOMAN... I changed my lifestyle in order to move on and in time it got better. Sometimes it is cruel, sometimes I feel lonely. I never lie or disrespect women, give them good time but that's all. My heart is closed, atleast for now... I do not know why are you concerned about your ex... Did you dump him? WOW!!!!! I feel the same way! I am also a male, and I am doing the same exact thing. Got cheated on and I agree : A heartbreak opens the eyes but closes the heart. But is this considered being a player? Sometimes, I think I am... Link to post Share on other sites
ParadeRain Posted October 31, 2012 Share Posted October 31, 2012 Nope, there is no relationship, it's not her business, you must seek to sever the connection. That mindset is very dangerous - and misguided too. People have their own path. Her ex has the right to choose his How is a misguided and dangerous? I'm glad you've mastered the art of instantly severing the emotional connection the very moment the relationship is called off... and I'd pay a lot of money if you could teach me how to do it. The connection we still have with them is the reason we get heart broken, what you see as dangerous and misguided is called being heart broken, it's a naturally stage of the PROCESS... And while a person is heart broken, and still very much emotionally connected to their ex, what their ex does after the break up IS automatically, naturally, inevitably their business... You no longer have a right to decide what they do, and you can't do anything about that, but you definitely have a right to worry about what they do, in-fact you're almost guaranteed to worry about what they do, it's a natural part of being heart broken over that person... but I guess you've found a way to bypass this. Breaking up (and healing after it), is a process. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author princewwwfran Posted October 31, 2012 Author Share Posted October 31, 2012 (edited) I am a male who's been cheated on several months ago. I can assure all of you that this is very traumatic experience and it usually leads to major changes in one's worldview and philosophy. I did not want to become a "player" deliberately but my life has taken very similar path. To me the saying that "a heartbreak opens the eyes but closes the heart" applyed fully. I view the relations with women very rationally and simply follow my own will and needs. I know what I want and I take it. I do not let any woman too close to me and never remain with only one. Well, sometimes there's not even one, but shortly after new appear. My point is that I see it this way- what was done to me changed me. I now think that if I do not do this to women they will do this to me. I keep everything on the surface when connecting with women and never speak about my bad experience, this is something I consider very personal and if a woman extracts this from me someday- I suppose she will be THE WOMAN... I changed my lifestyle in order to move on and in time it got better. Sometimes it is cruel, sometimes I feel lonely. I never lie or disrespect women, give them good time but that's all. My heart is closed, atleast for now... I do not know why are you concerned about your ex... Did you dump him? Actually he dump me.. Before we broke up I suffered dysthymia for 2 months but I'm starting to heal now.I pushed him and people who are close to me away.. I admit I did wrong.. he thinks i treated him bad..maybe I ruined him Edited October 31, 2012 by princewwwfran Link to post Share on other sites
Emilia Posted October 31, 2012 Share Posted October 31, 2012 How is a misguided and dangerous? I'm glad you've mastered the art of instantly severing the emotional connection the very moment the relationship is called off... and I'd pay a lot of money if you could teach me how to do it. Where does it say in my post that I mastered severing connection instantly? It is a process. It starts by not wondering whom your ex f***ing and how many women. It starts by deleting them off facebook and blocking them on your IM. By cutting contact. Ignorance is bliss and they have the right to carry on the way they wish to. What they do with themselves after you break up is not your business. It's over. Thinking you should ponder about what they are up is misguided because it prolonges the pain. It serves you much better to recognise that you need to keep your nose out of their lives. Those initial steps don't take that much effort, time does the rest. The connection we still have with them is the reason we get heart broken, what you see as dangerous and misguided is called being heart broken, it's a naturally stage of the PROCESS... And while a person is heart broken, and still very much emotionally connected to their ex, what their ex does after the break up IS automatically, naturally, inevitably their business... No it isn't. They can f*** anyone they want, it's none of your business. You no longer have a right to decide what they do, and you can't do anything about that, but you definitely have a right to worry about what they do, in-fact you're almost guaranteed to worry about what they do, it's a natural part of being heart broken over that person... but I guess you've found a way to bypass this. Breaking up (and healing after it), is a process. No need for sarcasm, it's kinda cheap. Wallowing in self-pity because your relationship didn't work out and they are porking someone else is a choice. I prefer to choose to occupy my time doing something else. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
flitzanu Posted October 31, 2012 Share Posted October 31, 2012 i'd also say that calling someone a "player" is pretty subjective. your ex getting laid doesn't make him a player. your ex picking up a different woman every single night of the week, for weeks on end, could make him a player. or, your ex was already this way when you met, and now you're just seeing it from a different perspective. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author princewwwfran Posted October 31, 2012 Author Share Posted October 31, 2012 i'd also say that calling someone a "player" is pretty subjective. your ex getting laid doesn't make him a player. your ex picking up a different woman every single night of the week, for weeks on end, could make him a player. or, your ex was already this way when you met, and now you're just seeing it from a different perspective. He called himself a player Link to post Share on other sites
olivec Posted October 31, 2012 Share Posted October 31, 2012 Im kinda at this cross roads myself in the sense that i'm sick of not meeting a decent girl and havng a relationship. i'm also in my 30s so its even more frustrating. i'm at the conclusion that i should just **** as many girls as i can and dont even have the slightest concern for a relationship. it seems soo much easier that way. Link to post Share on other sites
KatZee Posted October 31, 2012 Share Posted October 31, 2012 And while a person is heart broken, and still very much emotionally connected to their ex, what their ex does after the break up IS automatically, naturally, inevitably their business... Don't get it twisted... Being emotionally connected, and thinking it's any business of yours to know who your ex is screwing are two very different things. No one said that once a relationship is over you sever emotional connections. Of course the dumpee is going to still feel things. The dumpee will feel things for MONTHS and sometimes years after the split. HOWEVER, it is NOT the dumpee's business what their ex is doing. It honestly, and truly is not. If you're no longer with that person, then what they are doing, and who they are screwing is NOT your business, as they aren't cheating, they aren't putting your health in jeopardy, they aren't doing anything wrong. The relationship no longer exists. The ex no longer has any obligation to the dumpee. They are free and clear to do whatever and whomever and there is no obligation for the ex to contact the dumpee and be like, "Oh hey so I'm gonna go out to the bar tonight and pick up some girls to take home and sleep with." The dumpee no longer has any privileges. The dumpee can't tell the dumper, "HEY! you're not allowed to do that!" The dumpee has NO SAY whatsoever. So, what the dumper does is NONE of the dumpees business. They are moving on with their life without the dumpee. That's the POINT of a breakup. Link to post Share on other sites
rach24680 Posted November 1, 2012 Share Posted November 1, 2012 When my ex broke up with me, i slept with a few pll, maybe for intimacy, maybe just because i could, maybe because i was going out gettin drunk a lot more and hangin oit with friends. but yea i think this is quite normal as u get ur sense if freedom back. Link to post Share on other sites
suladas Posted November 1, 2012 Share Posted November 1, 2012 It's kinda happened to me, took a while but I changed how I view women. I'm trying not to be bitter and not project the hate of my ex onto new women, but at the same time i'm not going to let someone in that easily again allowing me to get hurt. I will agree it's tough to stop caring what they do but eventually you will. Most days I couldn't give a f**k what my ex does. But it also hurts how they are acting indifferent to. Link to post Share on other sites
oracle Posted November 1, 2012 Share Posted November 1, 2012 Don't worry about him, hes not worrying about you... hope he gets herpes and move on. Hi this is my first post.. Well I want to know if anyone's ex became a player after breaking up.. because I'm going through this with my first ex and I'm very worried about him, I still love him and miss him. Link to post Share on other sites
flitzanu Posted November 1, 2012 Share Posted November 1, 2012 He called himself a player 1. why are you talking to him 2. then if HE said it, it must OBVIOUSLY be true. sounds like you're wildly misinterpreting. Link to post Share on other sites
Nikki Sahagin Posted November 1, 2012 Share Posted November 1, 2012 OP, what helped me when my ex dumped me was doing this: I imagined the very worst scenario possible. I imagined him with loads of women, orgies, one night stands, threesomes, my very worst 'fantasies' of his life. I let myself imagine them, until it made me feel sick and disgusted with him. I found in the end, after the disgust, I just didn't care. Sometimes you have to confront what you are afraid of, to realise it doesn't hurt. It might not work for you but let your imagination run wild. Imagine the worst he could be doing. Let it hurt or upset you as it naturally will at first. You will find a point through it where you realise that you just don't care. The truth is, regardless of how many women he is or is not sleeping with, it does not change your value and worth as a person. It does not make you less loveable or less important, and it doesn't make him, or any other girl, any more important or special than you. You WILL get through the worst of this, I PROMISE. Until then, you must focus on yourself and focus on life. When you look back, you will be so proud to have come through this Link to post Share on other sites
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