I suffer from awkwardness

[Ross MwcFan]

Lately I've been noticing that whenever I talk to people on the phone, there always seems to be a miscommunication or confusion.

 

Like for example when I rang a place up and asked for Janet, she said 'speaking'. It kinda sounded as though maybe she said it as a question, like 'speaking?', so I thought she was asking me who's speaking.

 

I said 'Ross'. She said 'Ross...'. Again sounded as though she wanted me to give her my second name, so I told her my second name.

 

There was a long pause, (I thought she was going to get Janet) and she said 'Can I help you?'

 

It was then that I realised that it was Janet herself speaking all along.

 

When she said 'speaking', she must have ment 'this is Janet speaking'.

 

So for me to reply with 'Ross' must've just seemed crazy to her.

 

And that's why she said 'Ross...', because she was confused and didn't know why I said it. So for me to reply with my second name, must've again made me sound crazy.

 

Then she would've been waiting for me to say something else, while I was waiting for her to say 'Okay, I'll tell her you're on the phone'.

 

This kind of stuff seems to be happening recently with nearly every phone call that I make.

 

And today I went to the garage to have new tyres put on my car.

 

When the guy had finished putting on the tyres, he nodded at me to say he was done. He started walking towards me and nodded again, it was as though he was waiting for a response from me, but I wasn't entirely sure if he was, and if he was waiting for a response from me then I had no idea what I was supposed to do or say (I was expecting to pay the main guy there).

 

So I just said, 'Umm, who do I pay?'. The guy walked through some door, and it kind of looked like he signalled for me to come through, but I wasn't sure.

 

So I just stood there waiting like an idiot for quite a while. Then eventually the guy came back out the door to look to see where I was and I said 'oh, right, I wasn't sure if I was supposed to go through or not' and he just kinda laughed.

 

So I went through the door, and that was where I paid him.

 

I wish people would talk and be specific. When people just nod and kinda make grunting noises, I've got no idea what's going on.

 

The fact is is that because I experience these situations often, I know the problem is somehow with me and not them.

 

I'm wondering if maybe I suffer from something like Autism or Aspergers. I've been told by a few people there's no way that I do. But things like this make me wonder.

 

Or could it just be that I'm not used to making phone calls, and doing stuff like taking my car to the garage to get things done? And once I've done these kinds of things often enough, there wont be any confusion, miscoummnication and awkwardness any more?

Edited October 31, 2012 by Ross MwcFan

[coffeebean201]

I don't think you are awkward.

 

They say with so much online work we are losing our social and inter-personal skills.

 

Try slowing the communications down. ?

[pteromom]

Ross - we ALL do that!

 

EVERYONE puts their foot in their mouth, says the wrong thing, takes things differently than they were meant, and feels awkward sometimes.

 

My recommendation is to just go ahead and speak up and risk sounding like an idiot sometime. If you don't understand something, ask for clarification.

 

And laugh! If you laugh, people will typically laugh with you, because as I said, we ALL do awkward things sometimes.

[Ross MwcFan]

I'm so glad that there's the Internet for me to talk about this kind of stuff with people, and that I have a therapist to talk to about these things as well.

 

Back in the day, before the I had the net, and a therapist, I had no one to talk to about this sort of stuff at all. I'd just have to stew on it all by myself, thinking the worst.

[spiderowl]

People with Asperger's do need communication to be a lot more precise than that most people, but having said that it sounds like the people you met were poor communicators themselves. I wouldn't assume it's you Ross. I find a lot of people are vague like this. Some people are better at getting a message across than others. Let's just say that if these people were dealing with international students on a daily basis, as I do, they would simply confuse them. It costs nothing to be clear and speak English.

[yessy21]

Dude. your fine. this happens to me all the time. "i usually say 'what' like 4 times before i understand whats going on.

[cerridwen]

You've been a borderline shut-in for years, Ross.

Getting out and about, having repeated and prolonged contact with others, and dialing back your hyper-sensitivity about your own perceived short-comings, will do wonders.

 

It's common to sometimes miscommunicate/misread cues.

It simply comes with the territory of interpersonal relations.

 

In your case, because you don't often interact with people, the "problem", in your mind, seems amplified.

Make a point of having more interactions and take note of the ones that go smoothly.

They'll help counter-balance the seemingly awkward ones.

Edited October 31, 2012 by cerridwen

[iris219]

I'm wondering if maybe I suffer from something like Autism or Aspergers.

 

Have you been tested? Not saying you have it, but it can't hurt to get tested.

[Ross MwcFan]

Have you been tested? Not saying you have it, but it can't hurt to get tested.

 

Nope. Unless I was tested when I was little and I can't remember.

 

But once when I saw a psychiatrist, I told him about my issues (I don't really think I mentioned anything about the awkwardness and misscommunications though), and that I feel like I'm different from other people and that there must be something else wrong with me other than depression and anxiety.

 

And he said you're totally normal and there's nothing for you to worry about.

Edited October 31, 2012 by Ross MwcFan

[iris219]

Nope. Unless I was tested when I was little and I can't remember.

 

But once when I saw a psychiatrist, I told him about my issues (I don't really think I mentioned anything about the awkwardness and misscommunications though), and that I feel like I'm different from other people and that there must be something else wrong with me other than depression and anxiety.

 

And he said you're totally normal and there's nothing for you to worry about.

 

Autism / Asperger's Quiz

 

Take the test in the link above. Of course, this test can't prove that you have or don't have Apserger's, but if you score high you may want to consider getting tested by a medical professional, especially if you're worried about it.

[Silly_Girl]

Once upon a time I'd have reacted the same as you, and been mortified at the situation or my behaviour. I've grown in to my own skin, I have confidence and self-esteem. I no longer care or dwell whether I've messed up (NOT that you messed up).

 

Please be assured that the people you mention in your post won't have given you or what happened a second thought.

 

Practice will help a lot with these types of things. On the phone you can laugh it off and say 'oh, I get it now!! Thought you were asking who was speaking!'

 

The not knowing whether to follow is a PITA I see quite regularly. (You learn to) just call out 'scuse me - should I follow?'. Pair it with a confused face and they'll be falling over themselves to be polite and helpful.

 

What happened in these scenarios isn't the issue Ross, it's how you processed them. There's really nothing to worry about

[Ross MwcFan]

Once upon a time I'd have reacted the same as you, and been mortified at the situation or my behaviour. I've grown in to my own skin, I have confidence and self-esteem. I no longer care or dwell whether I've messed up (NOT that you messed up).

 

Please be assured that the people you mention in your post won't have given you or what happened a second thought.

 

Practice will help a lot with these types of things. On the phone you can laugh it off and say 'oh, I get it now!! Thought you were asking who was speaking!'

 

The not knowing whether to follow is a PITA I see quite regularly. (You learn to) just call out 'scuse me - should I follow?'. Pair it with a confused face and they'll be falling over themselves to be polite and helpful.

 

What happened in these scenarios isn't the issue Ross, it's how you processed them. There's really nothing to worry about

 

Yeah, i think maybe I am processing these situations wrong.

 

What is PITA?

[Silly_Girl]

Sorry - Pain In The Arse

[HeavenOrHell]

People with social anxiety like you and me can sometimes be a a bit slow on the uptake because we're worrying so much about every little detail, and about how we come across, and whether we'll make a fool of ourselves, that it means we don't think clearly.

For example if I'm nervous on the phone I can sometimes feel like I'm deaf to what a person is saying because my mind is too taken up with anxiety to make sense of what they are saying.

They might think us a little odd or a bit slow at times, but the older I get the less I care about it, they've got their own problems, so any little oddities from anyone else will be so insignificant to them, if they even notice in the first place.

We all make a goof of ourselves at times, and all have our own insecurities.

If you make a mistake then laugh it off, they'll most likely laugh too if you say; 'Oh sorry I thought you meant...!'

At the end of the day we're all going to die and these little things really do not matter

[tman666]

Yeah bro, we all do silly s**t.

 

Just the other day, my brother told me about an awkward moment he had. He was getting blood drawn for his office's health program. After the nurse technician finished up, she stuck her hand out to him, as if to shake his hand. Not wanting to be impolite, he returned the handshake.

 

Turns out she was holding her hand out to get his paperwork packet from him.

[Ross MwcFan]

Thanks guys.

 

I realise now that these kinds of things do happen to eveyone.

 

I wonder what it is which has always made me think that's just me, and that these things don't happen to most other people?

 

It's not just awkwardness either. I always used to think that a lot my bad experiences, especially incidents or experiencing rudeness from people just mainly happened to me and never really happen to most other people.

 

This is what has always made me think that there must be something seriously wrong with me.

Edited November 1, 2012 by Ross MwcFan

[Nik1]

Yeah, this use to happen to me a lot. Now when I meet new people, I just make sure to control the conversation and then I never end up seeing them again so I don't have to worry about it any more.

[spiderowl]

If in doubt, just clarify it with them. No harm in asking. I've found that others in groups are sometimes grateful I asked the 'obvious' question because they weren't too sure either. People are just afraid to seem like they are the only one who doesn't understand what's going on.