dorothys Posted August 2, 2004 Share Posted August 2, 2004 My ex-boyfriend just called me this morning. I had my phone on vibrate, so I didn't get the call at first. He left a message saying, " Hey girl, just calling to see how you are doing. Will call you back later". Of course like the weak person I am I waited a whole 5 mintues and called him back. We did about 4 mins of insignficant chatter, and then I said I had to go. What I really hate is the fact that we are strangers on the phone. It is like we have contact, but we don't. All I want to ask him is if and when he is coming back? Does he still love me, because I love him. Is this stupid? Should I tell him that I feel uneasy with him on the phone? Does anybody have any advice??? Link to post Share on other sites
jose69571 Posted August 2, 2004 Share Posted August 2, 2004 I'm went through the same thing last time, I talked to my ex g-friend. We haven't spoken for 5 weeks, but now I am sort of ready just to be friends with her, because I like her for who she is, but don't think we will get together b/c we are far from each other me in NY her in D.C. Its really hard on the phone with uncertainty talking about your future and thinking of what to talk about when you really want to just say that you love that person. Being that I am going through it myself, assuming he broke up with you. All though I didn't believe it at first, and didn't do it. Don't chase him, I really thinking listening to advice I have gotten, if you want to just be friends with him and if your ready try to meet other people. Maybe even just as friends. Thats what I am starting to do b/c I really am not ready for a romantic relationship w/ someone yet. I mean you never know something out of the blue could just happen but i'm not looking for anyone right now. Good luck. Link to post Share on other sites
Author dorothys Posted August 2, 2004 Author Share Posted August 2, 2004 Thanks Jose69571 for your advice. However, I really am not at a point where I am totally ready to give up on the relationship. My ex is giving me to many mix messages right now for me to make a decision one way or another. I know that eventually I will have to do that, but not now. We have always been an extremely close couple, and now to be so distant on the phone. I am scared that if I seem to loving it will scare him away or he will take me for granted. Link to post Share on other sites
nikkicam71 Posted August 2, 2004 Share Posted August 2, 2004 Dorothys, My bf broke up with me in May; two weeks later he started calling again...called once a week for five weeks, but didn't want to work things out or get back together. Finally I broke and told him I couldn't be friends, it was too hard for me/hurt me too much. A month went by. In that time, I REALLY started to heal. I needed the time and space away from him to begin moving on with my life. I met someone and started dating, got myself together and started getting ready for law school...I remembered how to live the way that I did before I met him. Things fell into perspective for me. I was/am happy with who I am and the life that I lead. His involvement with me at the end was draining...it was an emotional rollercoaster b/c he didn't know what he wanted. The push and pull made me insecure and unhappy. I began to realize that right now, at this point in HIS life...I AM better off without him! I called him after one month of absolute NC. He was thrilled to hear from me...thought I never wanted to speak to him again. He's been thinking about me, wanted to call me, was afraid it would hurt me more....I had the opportunity to tell him that it's okay because I AM PAST IT. And I meant it. I still love him, but I didn't love the way our relationship was before it ended. Of course he asked if I have a new bf...I told him that I'm dating and very happy with my life. I did NOT ask him whether or not he's dating...it's none of my concern. My ex asked me out to lunch...he wants to see me next week. A month ago I could have BEGGED him to spend an afternoon with me and wild horses couldn't have dragged him, even though he called me once or twice a week. He knew I was still in love with him and he's not ready to be in a committed relationship. Right now he's focusing on his business and expansion...he can't deal with both. Now that he knows that I am happy and secure and I don't need him, the idea of hanging out with me has become attractive again. And you know what? At this point, even if he wanted to come back, I'm not sure that I'd be so willing to jump back into it, even though I love him with all of my heart and soul. It took alot for me to recover after he dumped me out of the blue. He's still the same immature, unstable person he was three months ago...and that isn't what I want in my life. We can be friends.....DISTANT friends...but right now that's all I want. If someone would have told me even a month ago that I'd feel this way, I'd have never believed them. I still have trouble believing that I've come so far in such a short period of time just by pushing him out of my life for a mere 31 days...but I have. I thought I would marry this man, and I still love him very much, but I value my sanity, peace of mind and happiness MUCH more than any other individual person. Take the time and the space you need AWAY from him so that you can remember how to love yourself and put yourself first. ~Nikki Link to post Share on other sites
Author dorothys Posted August 2, 2004 Author Share Posted August 2, 2004 Thank you so much Nikki. Your experiences, and words of advice had helped so much. When my ex and I first broke up I did the pleading, begging, and chasing. Now I have decided that is not me. Sometimes, I fall back like this morning. But then I muster all my strength and don't call. I have been trying to put distants between me and my ex, because his indecision is getting to be a little too much for me. Right now I am not initating any contact on my part, but he is still able to reach me anytime he wants. I know it is bad to say, but I am miserable when he doesn't call and worse off when he does. Link to post Share on other sites
trouble2 Posted August 2, 2004 Share Posted August 2, 2004 Nikki I really loved your last post. I am a registered member on this site but for some reason my computer won't log me in today. I posted a few days agon on Second Chances. I just finished law school and my fiance broke up with me AFTER I had moved home to start a job (a job I wouldn't have taken if we weren't getting married) AFTER my dress came in. Anyway, your post was very helpful because I am still hurting deeply and miss him very much. He e-mailed me Friday to tell me that he was moving my things to a storage building (we were selling his house so he could move here. He is still selling it now) The virtual photographer was coming and he had moved all my things downstairs so I could get to them faster. I couldn't come this weekend so he moved them to a storage building. He e-mailed me Friday to tell me he was going to do it and then mail me the key MOnday. Saturday he e-mailed me again telling me that he had done it and how many trips it took him and what size truck he thought I would need etc. He then proceeded to tell me that he hoped I was doing ok. I didn't respond because eventhough it has been 2 weeks since the argument that led to the break up we had been communicating off and on for those two weeks. I am going to give him time and space and pray for a miracle. I know all of you out there have thought at one time or another that this guy or girl is the one and if she doesn't take me back I will be devestated. I realize that there may be a future out there for me but right now I feel stuck in this town. There are very little opportunities for me to meet anyone my age and it is a traditional southern city where everyone knows everyone and all the people my age are already married. I am glad things are working out with you. Good luck in law school What school are you attending? Trouble Link to post Share on other sites
nikkicam71 Posted August 2, 2004 Share Posted August 2, 2004 Trouble, I am SO sorry to hear about your situation If you took a job in that town b/c you thought you were going to marry this man, maybe now is the time to look elsewhere, maybe somewhere in a completely different STATE even, pursue other opportunities and perhaps move somewhere a little more urban...make new friends, meet new people...get away from him and all of those memories as far and as fast as you can. I will be attending Temple U Law in Philly. I did my undergrad study there. What type of law do you practice? Hang in there, sister. ~Nikki Link to post Share on other sites
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