ataloss8270 Posted January 11, 2013 Share Posted January 11, 2013 My problem is, as bad as it sounds - is i only want the kids if we are a family - I will do my best for them if we are all together, but if the divorce goes through i have no intention of ever seeing the kids again - we had them to be a family if we arent a family, i dop want to see them she will have to bring up with her bf Mid, this is one of the most heartless things Ive ever heard anyone say. They are your kids and they need they're father in their lives. Even if there is another man is involved in their lives, you will always be dad in their eyes as long as you stay active in theirs. SO BUCK UP AND DEAL WITH IT! I don't care who my STBXW is with I'm am man enough to stand tall and let it go for my kids. This comment actually turned my stomach when I reed it. I think aM is right about your only using your kids to stay in contact with her. Grow up and man up. I am NOT using my kids happiness as a pawn to get my wife back. But I am going to be able to talk to her in the process, sure. But to go to the park or the zoo with them and see how happy my kids are to be able to play with mom and dad at the same time is all that matters to me. I couldn't even imaging throwing away my life with my kids like it was a piece of garbage. The best thing in my life right now are them, they bring me so much joy just to be around them. We are still a family regardless if her and I are together, and her and I will always have a special connection together because of that. That is the way it is and things may never be the same, but I'm am man enough to deal with that. Link to post Share on other sites
ataloss8270 Posted January 11, 2013 Share Posted January 11, 2013 Mid. STOP!! Stop thinking about HER all the frigging time!! When was the last time you went out with friends and had a good laugh? Please stop hanging onto every single bloody thing she says to you. So she is willing to spend time together? Thats really good! And so you are just going to hang around waiting for her? She knows she can do whatever she wants, and you will put up with it. mid...crumbs again. I know i said i think you got a chance to save this but you need to put at least some effort in. Waiting around all day for her is not the way. Maybe next time she wants to see you say, " naw i`m busy that day, but i`m free on (whatever) day". If she asks what are you doing, just say "i`m busy" Remember the man you were when she 1st fell in love with you? Be that man again , but older and wiser aM This is a good point, one I've already made myself about not jumping because she told you to. My wife was trying to get me over her house the over night, and I was busy so I avoided her subtle comments that were trying to get me over there. And just keep talking to her casually. I was talking with my wife this morning and she made a comment that one of her friends/co-workers saw me at the bar the other night. All I said was "oh yeah". I wasn't doing anything wrong just hanging out with a few friends and was having a great time. I flirted with a someone for a little while but that's where I left it, because I did want anything more than just a little female interaction. Hope that wasn't her friend lol. But it obvious she cares that I was out and about getting on with my life. Not sitting at home doing nothing panning over her hoping she would come back. Word travels fast in my little county lol. But this is an example of what we are trying to tell you mid. Show her you don't need her in your life to be happy, you just want her in your life because she makes you happy. Get off the couch and live! Stop worrying about your future, and live in the here and now. Today is only tomarrow yesterday. Until you do this your wife will think your weak and lack confidence in yourself. Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted January 11, 2013 Share Posted January 11, 2013 I want to give my kids the best life and do all i can for them, but that is as a family. Currently why we are sperated I do more nopw with them than i ever have and the have a great time with me, But i sorry I cant see myself turning up at home once she brings another man into thier lifes - i will need to walk away What does this mean? You'll step out of the picture, out of your children's lives if a new man enters the picture? Or do you mean walk away from your wife in the sense of being a part of her life? I CERTAINLY hope you aren't implying you'll disappear from your children's lives and let some guy be their step dad while you sulk in the corner. That will mess your kids up so badly! Link to post Share on other sites
TaraMaiden Posted January 11, 2013 Share Posted January 11, 2013 What does this mean? You'll step out of the picture, out of your children's lives if a new man enters the picture? Or do you mean walk away from your wife in the sense of being a part of her life? I CERTAINLY hope you aren't implying you'll disappear from your children's lives and let some guy be their step dad while you sulk in the corner. That will mess your kids up so badly! Oh no, that's exactly what he means... read his earlier post (previous page): Originally Posted by mid-divorce My problem is, as bad as it sounds - is i only want the kids if we are a family - I will do my best for them if we are all together, but if the divorce goes through i have no intention of ever seeing the kids again - we had them to be a family if we arent a family, i dop want to see them she will have to bring up with her bf Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted January 11, 2013 Share Posted January 11, 2013 My problem is, as bad as it sounds - is i only want the kids if we are a family - I will do my best for them if we are all together, but if the divorce goes through i have no intention of ever seeing the kids again - we had them to be a family if we arent a family, i dop want to see them she will have to bring up with her bf Mid, wow. And yes it IS as bad as it sounds. Never have I seen this on LS. And this truly makes my heart ache for your poor children. Link to post Share on other sites
Author mid-divorce Posted January 11, 2013 Author Share Posted January 11, 2013 My post about going doctors, didn't show. I've seen my doctor, he's sending me for councilling as I don't want to feel that way about the kids Link to post Share on other sites
TaraMaiden Posted January 11, 2013 Share Posted January 11, 2013 Pardon me, but that's ridiculous. You don't need a counsellor to not feel that way about your kids - JUST DON'T EVEN BRACKET THEM IN THE SAME PROBLEM! Your problem is with her - they are completely blameless and innocent in this. Why you need counselling to see this, is utterly beyond me, and certainly beyond any person here who is a parent. No self-respecting parent would ever find it within themselves to think about the kids in this way - we wouldn't even entertain the notion - perish the thought!! Even people with NO children probably find it an almost inhuman concept to reflect on, I would say.... It's impossible for you to say that you would devote time care and love on them *in this situation* but not *in that one*... you can't turn your feelings for your own offspring on and off like that! It's just not how it works.... I'll be honest with you - if you feel capable of being able to say this, I have to wonder just how much you really felt for them before. Because this just sounds completely unreal. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author mid-divorce Posted January 11, 2013 Author Share Posted January 11, 2013 I'm sorry but the love between man n wife is far more than the kids, the kids are an expression of their love N no self respecting person would end a marraige I had the kids for her, so I'll b honest little Link to post Share on other sites
TaraMaiden Posted January 11, 2013 Share Posted January 11, 2013 My post about going doctors, didn't show.... Yes it did.... I've been to the doctors and told him how im feeling about the kids and that I think about the my wife all the time - his is getting me some councilling. I'm still not convinced.... Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted January 11, 2013 Share Posted January 11, 2013 Mid, you have that a bit backwards. Loving kids is UNCONDITIONAL. They are your blood. Yes, you and your wife created them, and with that you two will have that bond because of your children, but obviously "love" between a husband and a wife can lessen and people do divorce. The kids are always loved though, no matter what. that never changes. 5 Link to post Share on other sites
TaraMaiden Posted January 11, 2013 Share Posted January 11, 2013 I'm sorry but the love between man n wife is far more than the kids, the kids are an expression of their love And as such, being a separate issue, and humans in their own right, deserve the unconditional and nurturing love from you, without question. If they are an expression of your love - then LOVE THEM!! They don't disappear once the relationship is broken up - they're still there, still the same offspring YOU created!! Don't blame them or condemn them because of adult idiocy! N no self respecting person would end a marraige I had the kids for her, so I'll b honest little Oh really? So they weren't an expression of your love - you were obliging her desires and keeping her happy for the sake of peace and quiet, were you? You're some piece of work, you know that? Any sympathy I had for your situation has evaporated into thin air, and I'm wondering if she isn't absolutely right in her doing what she has done, if this is the way you behave.... 2 Link to post Share on other sites
ataloss8270 Posted January 11, 2013 Share Posted January 11, 2013 I'm sorry but the love between man n wife is far more than the kids, the kids are an expression of their love N no self respecting person would end a marraige I had the kids for her, so I'll b honest little Then that is your personal issue, you made the choice to have them regardless of the reason they shouldn't be punished because of your selfishness. I'm sorry mid but I lost a little respect for you today because of this. SO MAN UP AND BE THEIR FATHER! The loved between a husband and wife does not reflect the love someone has for their kids IMO. Yes I love my wife, but I love my children in a completely different way. The are my rock that keeps me from becoming the man I was before I heard the words "I'm pregnant". If it wasn't for my first born I would still be the self destructive person I was before. My son made me man up in so many ways for the love I had for him, before I even held him in my arms. The day he was born was the proudest day of my life next to marrying his mother. I felt like superman before he was born, he was my cryptanite, he was the only one in my crazy life who could tame me. If it wasn't for him I couldn't say where I would be today, but believe me it would be a very bad spot. Everything I do in life is for them, to provide them with the best possible life I could possible give them. I feel lost without my kids, even if its only for a couple of days. And even if I don't reconcile with my wife and she remarried I would shake that mans hand everyday as I pick up MY kids. No man will replace me in their lives. I will always be there one and only dad. And I would never expect anyone in my future to try and replace their mother. And I would not except any attempt for someone to try and replace me. 5 Link to post Share on other sites
Steen719 Posted January 12, 2013 Share Posted January 12, 2013 Out all night, sleep all day? I know where your going! Tiny little t/j....you are too funny, gunny! Love that music (I think we are similar in age) - not sure you like this kind, but did you see Heart's tribute to Led Zeppelin @ Kennedy Center Honors? awesome Sorry for the t/j, but I did contribute earlier. Mid - I don't know if this is true, but I am hoping that it is just your pain that is driving what you are saying about your children. Could you honestly just walk away from the best things in your world? Kids love their parents. Think about what you will be doing to their little self-esteems. This is crazy, Mid, just crazy. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
aMguilts Posted January 13, 2013 Share Posted January 13, 2013 I'm sorry but the love between man n wife is far more than the kids, the kids are an expression of their love N no self respecting person would end a marraige I had the kids for her, so I'll b honest little hey mid. No self respecting person would put such a small price on their kids head either. You had the kids for her??? And now you can just toss them aside like they never happened? I feel for you i really do. So ok. You are getting things in your head that shouldn`t even be there. Instead of doing what you should be doing, i.e working on yourself to make you the best husband ever you are doing the opposite. Don`t you see what you are doing to yourself? Ask yourself this What have i got to offer to you( your wife) that will make you forget the past and want to be with me? From what you are posting you are offering her NOTHING. So why would she want to be with you when that is all you can give her? abig fat zero I`m not giving up on you mid. You just need a f**king great big kick up the a**e aM 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Gunny376 Posted January 13, 2013 Share Posted January 13, 2013 Tiny little t/j....you are too funny, gunny! Love that music (I think we are similar in age) - not sure you like this kind, but did you see Heart's tribute to Led Zeppelin @ Kennedy Center Honors? awesome Sorry for the t/j, but I did contribute earlier. Mid - I don't know if this is true, but I am hoping that it is just your pain that is driving what you are saying about your children. Could you honestly just walk away from the best things in your world? Kids love their parents. Think about what you will be doing to their little self-esteems. This is crazy, Mid, just crazy. :love: HEART ROCKS!!!! :love: 1 Link to post Share on other sites
aMguilts Posted January 13, 2013 Share Posted January 13, 2013 get a room before i am sick with the threadjack?? help or stfu aM Link to post Share on other sites
TaraMaiden Posted January 13, 2013 Share Posted January 13, 2013 I'm unsubscribing from this thread. I have no further interest in responding to the male version of a Drama Queen, who refuses to screw his head on straight, prioritise what's important and deal with matters in a sensible way. Waste of my time, effort and posting time. I have far more important people on here to consider. Gentlemen, see you around. *Grabs, coat, handbag and hand grenades and makes pretty damn dignified exit, actually.* Link to post Share on other sites
aMguilts Posted January 14, 2013 Share Posted January 14, 2013 (edited) I'm unsubscribing from this thread. I have no further interest in responding to the male version of a Drama Queen, who refuses to screw his head on straight, prioritise what's important and deal with matters in a sensible way. Waste of my time, effort and posting time. I have far more important people on here to consider. Gentlemen, see you around. *Grabs, coat, handbag and hand grenades and makes pretty damn dignified exit, actually.* so why reply with the fact you are `unsubscribing ` from this thread in the fact that you have just drawn attention to yourself in saying that you are no longer going to reply to this thread? Grab whatever you feel you need to end this... just make sure you shut the door (after `grabbing all your(crap, ( coat,handbag,grenades and any ` other` stuff that will not help the OP))) and make sure the door is shut behind you!! It`s not about YOU!!! Make sure the door closes as you leave. i hate drafts aM Edited January 14, 2013 by aMguilts 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Yasuandio Posted January 14, 2013 Share Posted January 14, 2013 so why reply with the fact you are `unsubscribing ` from this thread in the fact that you have just drawn attention to yourself in saying that you are no longer going to reply to this thread? Grab whatever you feel you need to end this... just make sure you shut the door (after `grabbing all your(crap, ( coat,handbag,grenades and any ` other` stuff that will not help the OP))) and make sure the door is shut behind you!! It`s not about YOU!!! Make sure the door closes as you leave. i hate drafts aM Yeah, and don't forget your tampons. Link to post Share on other sites
aMguilts Posted January 14, 2013 Share Posted January 14, 2013 (edited) mid, reply when all the ignorants have left and shut the door behind them hang in there, you will be ok aM Edited January 14, 2013 by aMguilts Link to post Share on other sites
Gaz1 Posted January 14, 2013 Share Posted January 14, 2013 Hey mid keep us still informed I wanna know if it works out for u mate, I got 4 months for my wife to change mind b4 divorce is final, so far she hates speaking to me and avoids being near me, me covered up on family photos, and all cause she doesn't love me no more (wasn't affectionate enough). Link to post Share on other sites
Steen719 Posted January 14, 2013 Share Posted January 14, 2013 get a room before i am sick with the threadjack?? help or stfu aM I am not posting on your thread. If the OP does not want me to post he can tell me himself or put me on ignore. I don't need you to tell me one single thing, aM or Coop or whoever you are this week. So, do me a favor and bite me! This will probably earn me a sanction, but I swear it is worth it. I have been wanting to say that for a long time. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
ataloss8270 Posted January 14, 2013 Share Posted January 14, 2013 (edited) Mid, you and I are in the same boat. Our wives says they are done but their actions speak somewhat otherwise and possible OM in stituation. But you and I are handling this on a two completely different spectrums. Yes I was making some of the same mistakes that you are, like tried to convince her I can change, and doing things to prove that I can change, worrying about the future. But I started to look at things from a different perspective, I decided over the last week especially today (spent some time with her as a family) that I need to be me for me, the natural me. Screw all the relationship BS, screw how you think she feels towards you, screw how you feel toward her and worry about you. You want to save this relationship become you once again don't think of yourself as a husband, because she's not thinking of as a wife right now. I have read a lot of threads on here I've seen people make a lot of bad decisions to bit them in the rear because of their choices. I have seen a lot of good ideas I had to twist to what I thought suited me for my stituation. Every situation and relationship is unique. Take care of yourself and all will fall into place over time, whatever it may be. Things I've done to help me right now are, -bought some new clothes to feel better (wife has actually told me how nice I look) -hanging out with friends and talking to new people -talking to women (made me look at my wife in a different light sense I can tell there are some good looking lady who I have caught their attension) -eating better -taking care of the house and kids (keeps my mind occupied) -working out at home to relieve stress (dont have time for the gym) -reading self help books -not worrying about what she is doing -not reading into what I think she's thinking -holding my head up high when I'm around her -making myself fun to be around -not listening to negative people and surrounding myself with positive people And many, many more things I'm not going to list them all. But get your head out of the clouds and ground yourself. Focus on you and what you need. Edited January 14, 2013 by ataloss8270 Link to post Share on other sites
Yasuandio Posted January 14, 2013 Share Posted January 14, 2013 I am not posting on your thread. If the OP does not want me to post he can tell me himself or put me on ignore. I don't need you to tell me one single thing, aM or Coop or whoever you are this week. So, do me a favor and bite me! This will probably earn me a sanction, but I swear it is worth it. I have been wanting to say that for a long time. Dear Steen, As is evident, aM has flown the Coop with his mania and Split Personalities. Don't take it "personally," Steen, he's just biting himself. Self-mutilation can often be an indication of a psychological disorder. Perhaps the highrise silhouette landscape will appear, and "Downtown" will enlighen us on the specific BPD symptoms aM is presenting. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
road Posted January 14, 2013 Share Posted January 14, 2013 I'm unsubscribing from this thread. I have no further interest in responding to the male version of a Drama Queen, who refuses to screw his head on straight, prioritise what's important and deal with matters in a sensible way. Waste of my time, effort and posting time. I have far more important people on here to consider. Gentlemen, see you around. *Grabs, coat, handbag and hand grenades and makes pretty damn dignified exit, actually.* I agree with your actions. No one (to quote that great intellect Ron White) can fix stupid. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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