Gaz1 Posted January 8, 2013 Share Posted January 8, 2013 U got no chance in any other way, the only 1 way is move on, at least your wife speaks to u, mines after all the money she can get yet shes the 1 who decided she doesn't love me no more, all the reasons she put on divorce papers are pathetic, (lies). The best way is to go ahead and divorce her, maybe when it's done and final she might realise her mistake. Link to post Share on other sites
Author mid-divorce Posted January 8, 2013 Author Share Posted January 8, 2013 I think she only speaks to me for the kids Link to post Share on other sites
Steadfast Posted January 8, 2013 Share Posted January 8, 2013 You're a mess mid-divorce. You have not taken the advice for healing. You are picking and choosing at bits that say what you want to hear. There's too many cooks in this kitchen, so this may be my last post on this thread. But if it'll help, I'll explain my ex-wife wanted to keep me in limbo too. Needed time to think. Wanted to 'stay friends'. Saw me when it suited her. Didn't when it didn't. She wanted. She didn't care to hear what I wanted. It was, and remained all about her until I had enough of it. Yeah. You back off and she sees the change. Comes around a little. Tosses more breadcrumbs. Puts kisses on her texts. Makes you think her indecision might be a sign that the marriage has a chance. She calls, he goes running. He calls her, she backs off. That isn't a woman who is jumping to get back together with her husband. It was book author Michelle Langley who told me to leave her alone. How can she come to any decision on her own with me mottling? Made sense. She knew I loved her. And if she didn't, what more could I do to prove it? Bottom line: until she says "I'm sorry. I love you. I don't want a divorce. I want to be together with you and our family and I'm willing to do whatever it taken to make it work." ...then you have nothing. And that's just the start. The doing is harder. Yes. She knows how. My ex chased her APs. She didn't chase me...at least, until I wasn't interested in being chased by her. I moved on. Tried to make my life better and learn from my many mistakes to make better decisions. Good luck mid. Life is waiting. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
TaraMaiden Posted January 8, 2013 Share Posted January 8, 2013 Im starting to doubt her totally again. Shes happy being single having flings and wasnt happy at home, so why will it ever change? Good question. The only way it will change is if she does the complete 180, admits her fault, and does everything at 110% to make sure she regains your trust and never ever goes down that road again. Has she hinted at any such remedy, by the way...? She finds it easy to lie to me all the time, tells me what i want to hear, but shows no action to back it up And you find it easier to believe her, because it's what you want to hear. As I have repeated ad nauseam... A.s.l.t.W. Link to post Share on other sites
Author mid-divorce Posted January 8, 2013 Author Share Posted January 8, 2013 Actions do speak louder - and no nothing as yet, except us spending time together over christmas Link to post Share on other sites
Author mid-divorce Posted January 8, 2013 Author Share Posted January 8, 2013 Spoke to my solicitor and there is no legal reason why my wife has delayed sending the paperwork back other than her choice not to do so Link to post Share on other sites
TaraMaiden Posted January 8, 2013 Share Posted January 8, 2013 "People do what works". It's obviously far more convenient for her, this way.... 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author mid-divorce Posted January 8, 2013 Author Share Posted January 8, 2013 "People do what works". It's obviously far more convenient for her, this way.... true - ive gotta stop thinkling Link to post Share on other sites
Steadfast Posted January 8, 2013 Share Posted January 8, 2013 true - ive gotta stop thinkling No, you have to stop assuming. And basing hope on those assumptions. You have pages and pages of good advice mid (interspersed with some bad, IMO). Again, in my opinion, there is nothing wrong with loving your wife, trying to save your marriage and keeping your family together. There is however, a LOT wrong with your current approach of waiting in the wings and enabling her by allowing yourself to be used as a safety net. Strong relationships do not contain partners who use and deceive the other. Reject bad or indecisive behavior by providing an example of the opposite. If she isn't holding on to you with all of her might, you have nothing. Move on. Deal with her if she asks to follow. Don't see, talk or chase after her for anything other than the children or divorce details until she does. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted January 8, 2013 Share Posted January 8, 2013 Im starting to doubt her totally again. Shes happy being single having flings and wasnt happy at home, so why will it ever change? She finds it easy to lie to me all the time, tells me what i want to hear, but shows no action to back it up And this is why she's not moving back home anytime soon. Get some counseling, grieve the loss now. Not saying give up hope completely, but stop making that your number one priority. She isn't making you first on her list, so don't make her yours! Focus on the kids, some counseling and spending time with good friends and family. Get busy and put her out of your head as much as you can. She isn't going to change her ways until she misses you and realizes what life will be like without you in it. Right now she can call you and you come running. She knows how to manipulate you (selfishly, not malciously) so she gets what she wants and she doesn't 'give' back to you (go out on a date with you, dinner or movies), you haven't spent time with her since the holidays! That's not a woman who is wanting to go back home and not divorce. She is in limbo..She's enjoying being single yet she still considers herself "married" on paper, she's no wife to you right now, that's for sure. Link to post Share on other sites
ataloss8270 Posted January 8, 2013 Share Posted January 8, 2013 I'm sorry, but I don't see how exposing a WS's A that effective if they have already moved out ands their friends and family may already know what's going on. Is it even concidered an A at this point? Can someone please explain how this is an effective tactic? Or should it be handle differently at this point? Link to post Share on other sites
Justtiredofit Posted January 8, 2013 Share Posted January 8, 2013 Hey buddy, be thankful you're not in my situation.... My STBXW just keeps messing with me. I ignored her, she kept texting me angry texts. Her business texts were sarcastic. So when I finally broke silence on Sunday (MISTAKE), I said "Do you want this divorce?" Boy THAT was a mistake! She then started texting "Why are you messing with me" "Yes I want this you moved on, ignored me, etc". Then when I treid to call her she wouldn't answer saying that she just couldn't bare to talk to me after I have ignored her. So I quit. I quit calling, quit texting. 45 minutes later.....she calls. THEN.....her fantasy crush that blew up in her face (AFTER he rejected her), she texted him yesterday asking him to be in a relationship with her. He rejected her AGAIN. An hour and a half later.....she's texting me. This morning, she starts texting me again. Dude.....this is hell. Playing with my emotions. IF I don't answer right away, she accuses me of "playing games again". Bunch of CRAP! Just be glad you're NOT in that. Yours seems to be more CLEAR about what she wants. Mine wants to keep talking to me. Should've just kept the silence....... Link to post Share on other sites
ataloss8270 Posted January 8, 2013 Share Posted January 8, 2013 I've decided to think positive and give it my best shot.. so ill take all the advice poss to do this I do believe the affair is now over, but i do think she is on the look out for a better man. I dont think she ended the affair for me but that he wasnt good enough for her ANy thoughts on 'the love bank' ??? Mid, the A may or may not be over you will not know that till she says to you she wants to work on things with you. And if she does then the A is over emotionally for her if its not physically. As for her out looking for a better man, your not hearing what aM and I are saying. You need to make you the better man. You need to make her want you. And by bugging her all the time about what she is thinking makes you look weak. She wants a man who can stand tall and be confident. And by asking her all the time what she feels, how does she feel about you, how does she feel about the OM, and what she wants to do make you look weak. Stop chasing the breadcrumbs and find your own path man. And stop acting like a sad little puppy that lost its owner when your around her. MAN UP! Things will become clearer as time goes on, by what she says and how she reacts to how YOU carry yourself. IMO Start off by going a few weeks or a month of not bothering her about where you two are at. Spend time with her if she wants to, but not everytime she want to, don't jump because she told you to. I am going to start telling my wife every other time she wants to be around me that I'm busy that night, even if I'm not. And I'm going to invite her over when I see fit and see if she takes my breadcrumbs then I can start to see where she is at about us. But that's my situation and I'm going to do handle it as I see fit. Handle yours your own way. But leave all relationship BS behind you for a while. Make her want you. IMO Next time she asked you to spend time with her, tell her your busy but you have a night open sometime in the next few days. If she doesn't bit then do it again until she adjusts her life to suit yours. And if she really wants you and is still in an A it will start to piss off the OM and cause problems with them, because she is adjusting their plans for her to see you. I know this may sound dumb, but that's OK with me. Its almost as if you are making yourself the OM in their relationship, it will cause havoc between them. But until she tells you otherwise live your life without her. Don't go day by day in limbo. Go live life. Don't use this to give you hope, but my parents were separated once for almost two years because my dad was in an A. my mom had a nervous break down because she kept taking every breadcrumb he threw at her. Over time she got mentally healthy again and when she started to live her life and make her own path my dad came around and they have be happily married sense. That was 18 years ago. Don't over think things or you will have a break down if you keep stressing yourself out. All I'm saying is go with the flow, and keep in mind whatever happens happens. Do try to force the future, because its always going to be uncertain. Link to post Share on other sites
ataloss8270 Posted January 8, 2013 Share Posted January 8, 2013 Hey buddy, be thankful you're not in my situation.... My STBXW just keeps messing with me. I ignored her, she kept texting me angry texts. Her business texts were sarcastic. So when I finally broke silence on Sunday (MISTAKE), I said "Do you want this divorce?" Boy THAT was a mistake! She then started texting "Why are you messing with me" "Yes I want this you moved on, ignored me, etc". Then when I treid to call her she wouldn't answer saying that she just couldn't bare to talk to me after I have ignored her. So I quit. I quit calling, quit texting. 45 minutes later.....she calls. THEN.....her fantasy crush that blew up in her face (AFTER he rejected her), she texted him yesterday asking him to be in a relationship with her. He rejected her AGAIN. An hour and a half later.....she's texting me. This morning, she starts texting me again. Dude.....this is hell. Playing with my emotions. IF I don't answer right away, she accuses me of "playing games again". Bunch of CRAP! Just be glad you're NOT in that. Yours seems to be more CLEAR about what she wants. Mine wants to keep talking to me. Should've just kept the silence....... Mid, this is an example why NC is bad if you want to save your relationship. It will make the other person so spiteful and give up any hope in their mind that you don't want them IMO. I feel if she is still talking to you then she is in a form chasing you. I also feel if she doesn't want you then she wouldn't be talking to you. You just need to put the relationship BS on the back burner for a while. I know its hard, its hard for me. But its what you need to do to regroup yourself. Just remember to make this situation yours. Link to post Share on other sites
Author mid-divorce Posted January 9, 2013 Author Share Posted January 9, 2013 She finały gave me her new mobile n house number n told me she now trusts me Link to post Share on other sites
TaraMaiden Posted January 9, 2013 Share Posted January 9, 2013 she finały gave me her new mobile n house number n told me she now trusts me w....t...f...?!? Link to post Share on other sites
Author mid-divorce Posted January 9, 2013 Author Share Posted January 9, 2013 For the last 6 months she hasnt trusted me to have her numbers bar her old mobile, last night she gave me her new numbers Link to post Share on other sites
aMguilts Posted January 9, 2013 Share Posted January 9, 2013 For the last 6 months she hasnt trusted me to have her numbers bar her old mobile, last night she gave me her new numbers hey mid. Good Just don`t go bombarding her with text after text all day and night! If anything don`t text her at all, unless she texts you. Even then keep it short, sweet and happy aM Link to post Share on other sites
Author mid-divorce Posted January 9, 2013 Author Share Posted January 9, 2013 Shes coming minę next fri n were gping out with the Kids next sun. She said we will go on holiday. She hopes we can soft but shes only trying for me n the kids Link to post Share on other sites
Author mid-divorce Posted January 10, 2013 Author Share Posted January 10, 2013 Ok, ive been a fool - she slept out again last night Link to post Share on other sites
TaraMaiden Posted January 10, 2013 Share Posted January 10, 2013 B-O-O-M!! File the papers, right away. Think with your head!! Link to post Share on other sites
Gunny376 Posted January 10, 2013 Share Posted January 10, 2013 Ok, ive been a fool - she slept out again last night Out all night, sleep all day? I know where your going! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Gaz1 Posted January 10, 2013 Share Posted January 10, 2013 All woman want what they can't have, file papers let her know its too late, you've moved on, then she might regret things, clear her out of your head, she's not the person u married anymore every1 changes Link to post Share on other sites
Author mid-divorce Posted January 10, 2013 Author Share Posted January 10, 2013 She's already filed, but not done second part, she wants someone elsewhere Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted January 10, 2013 Share Posted January 10, 2013 She's already filed, but not done second part, she wants someone elsewhere Stop putting any effort in for a while. As long as she is seeing someone, you don't have a shot here. I know you want your marriage again. She doesn't at the moment. Back off and focus on your life. GET busy! Make less time for her. Act happy, even if you need to fake it and put on a big smile around her, do so. She loves that you're pining away for her, meanwhile she's out there dating other guys (or a guy) doing as she pleases. Even though you have her number now, don't text her. If you do, make it be about the kids ONLY, nothing personal. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
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