Author mid-divorce Posted January 26, 2013 Author Share Posted January 26, 2013 Ok the latest.. she wants us back together but she doesnt have the feelings she should, we have spent a few days with the kids having fun, then cuddling etc. We have booked a few days away this halfterm n a week aboard next halfterm. She see I'm now the person she wanted but thinks it may be to l8 but wants us spend time together to see if it changes. She's invited me hers next weekend too. We kiss n hug when see each other, but still more friends at the moment Link to post Share on other sites
Gaz1 Posted January 27, 2013 Share Posted January 27, 2013 Hope it works out for u mate, been 4 months now for me, my wife still doesn't show regrets, got 3 months left till divorce final, just hope it works out for me too Link to post Share on other sites
aMguilts Posted January 27, 2013 Share Posted January 27, 2013 Ok the latest.. she wants us back together but she doesnt have the feelings she should, we have spent a few days with the kids having fun, then cuddling etc. We have booked a few days away this halfterm n a week aboard next halfterm. She see I'm now the person she wanted but thinks it may be to l8 but wants us spend time together to see if it changes. She's invited me hers next weekend too. We kiss n hug when see each other, but still more friends at the moment Hey mid FANTASTIC!!! In bold No her feelings won`t come back straight away, she`s `dipping her toe` in the water to make sure it`s not too hot or not too cold...understand? More than friends... is a GREAT step forward from where you were at the start of this thread isn`t it? Word of warning. Don`t try and rush her. . Stay aloof. Keep working on yourself. I`m so pleased for you aM Link to post Share on other sites
Author mid-divorce Posted January 28, 2013 Author Share Posted January 28, 2013 Hi am, it is more positive, but I think u miss read, I'm saying it feels more like we r just friends n part of my worry is that friends is all she wants. She says not ideally n tells me there is no other men in her life at all. Link to post Share on other sites
ataloss8270 Posted January 28, 2013 Share Posted January 28, 2013 (edited) Hi am, it is more positive, but I think u miss read, I'm saying it feels more like we r just friends n part of my worry is that friends is all she wants. She says not ideally n tells me there is no other men in her life at all. Mid, wounds take time to heal. Be patient with her, things may come around. You can't have a great relationship with someone if your not eachothers best friends anyways. Being friends, spending time together, and working on yourself during the process is the best way to go about a proper reconciliation. You're on the right track. Don't worry about the past or the future, just focus on the here and now and go day by day. But from what you posted things are looking up for you. I'm glad to hear that. Edited January 28, 2013 by ataloss8270 1 Link to post Share on other sites
aMguilts Posted January 31, 2013 Share Posted January 31, 2013 Hi am, it is more positive, but I think u miss read, I'm saying it feels more like we r just friends n part of my worry is that friends is all she wants. She says not ideally n tells me there is no other men in her life at all. mid. i didn`t misread. i heard you . Did you me? I don`t know what else to say to you. That i haven`t already. Its up to you now . My advice to you will still be the same as i`ve always said to you. I cant do it for you!. i wish i could. She wants to be `friends`?How strong are you? How far are you willing to go with this? I`m not going to push you into anything. You are a lot better off now than when you were when you 1st started this thread and i really don`t think you can do what i would suggest you do so for now, just be happy with the way things are right now. HAPPY..ok? whatever she wants...be happy with it. Again...your doing good mid aM Link to post Share on other sites
Author mid-divorce Posted January 31, 2013 Author Share Posted January 31, 2013 Things are a lot better than when started. She definitely wants the marriage to work, we just need to start having fun again now. I'm not saying its a done deal, but we wrote to the court to halt the divorce. Link to post Share on other sites
aMguilts Posted January 31, 2013 Share Posted January 31, 2013 Things are a lot better than when started. She definitely wants the marriage to work, we just need to start having fun again now. I'm not saying its a done deal, but we wrote to the court to halt the divorce. thats good mid aM Link to post Share on other sites
Steadfast Posted January 31, 2013 Share Posted January 31, 2013 There is an old saying: "The person who cares least about the relationship controls it." My take on that statement (which I believe is true) is; if this is how a relationship is structured, then it's a poor relationship. In my opinion. This is what I am seeing here Mid...because you want to save the marriage and keep your family together, she's allowed to call the shots. She's the one who has 'lost' feelings. She's the one who (if I'm reading you right) had an affair with another man. She's the one who left and took your children. She is steering the boat. You're a passenger. Helpless and hoping it'll go where you want. You're not really sure. Is this want you want? Will more of the same produce different results? How does a person fall 'back' in love? Oh yes, I am plainly aware that your failures 'caused' her to do this. Now, because of that, you are serving your sentence without any real idea of a release date. You will be notified. You will make yourself available and take whatever good fortune she deems fit. Question: Is this acceptable to you? I have no desire to debate the other posters on this thread giving you advice, but in my opinion, any 'gains' you're experiencing in this situation have come from the times you've not allowed yourself to be controlled. Please, tell me if I'm wrong? Please tell me what exactly you're fighting for? Tell me why you're trying to win the love of a woman who says she does not love you? Look deeper at what you stand to gain. Look at everything mid-divorce. Look at what, and who you're dealing with. Yes, the choice is yours. You will make it. What is really happening here? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author mid-divorce Posted February 2, 2013 Author Share Posted February 2, 2013 Steadfast tour right in that she calls all the shots. But m'y only other option is to give up on it n move on n that's thé last thing I want. Unfortunately I'm going have to be the passenger n hope we end up where I want, if I give up on it now I know I'll never get there. Link to post Share on other sites
Steadfast Posted February 2, 2013 Share Posted February 2, 2013 ...my only other option is to give up..**snip**..if I give up on it now I know I'll never get there. Not sure I agree. Will you stop loving her if you want a healthy relationship? Will you give up wanting to be together as a family by wanting both you, and your wife to have the happiest, healthiest marriage you possibly can? She may realize this, and not respect you because you're willing to settle for her scraps. You can't build a solid house on a wobbly, weak foundation. The first strong gust will blow it apart. I'll ask you again: what do you stand to gain by continuing on this path? Do you want to repeat it later in life? Work on this mid-divorce. Think about what you want...not what you need. Link to post Share on other sites
aMguilts Posted February 4, 2013 Share Posted February 4, 2013 Not sure I agree. Will you stop loving her if you want a healthy relationship? Will you give up wanting to be together as a family by wanting both you, and your wife to have the happiest, healthiest marriage you possibly can? She may realize this, and not respect you because you're willing to settle for her scraps. You can't build a solid house on a wobbly, weak foundation. The first strong gust will blow it apart. I'll ask you again: what do you stand to gain by continuing on this path? Do you want to repeat it later in life? Work on this mid-divorce. Think about what you want...not what you need. you changed your tune? maybe i was right from the start? maybe i wasn`t. I`m toooooo frigging SCARED to say ANYTHING on here lately without getting back lashed on it I cant say anything lately:sick: aM Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted February 4, 2013 Share Posted February 4, 2013 Steadfast tour right in that she calls all the shots. But m'y only other option is to give up on it n move on n that's thé last thing I want. Unfortunately I'm going have to be the passenger n hope we end up where I want, if I give up on it now I know I'll never get there. You don't have to 'give up' but you DO NEED to focus on your own life and friends, keep busy and not drop everything the minute she calls and wants to see you. She is comfortable where things are. Friendship, not much intimacy and yes you are right, she IS calling the shots. You are afraid to say no to her in case she balks and changes her mind then gets mad and tells you its' time to divorce. She IS manipulating you. Go back and read this thread from start to finish, you'll see a pattern of her behaviour. Also, what about the other man she's seeing once in a while? As long as he is waiting in the wings, this is going to be harder to work on your marriage and reconnect. She IS enjoying being 'single' and she's told you this too. Link to post Share on other sites
Author mid-divorce Posted February 4, 2013 Author Share Posted February 4, 2013 Thingsre going very well, she now says she loves me again n we slept together n have spent the weekend together, it like when we first met at the mo Link to post Share on other sites
Steadfast Posted February 4, 2013 Share Posted February 4, 2013 you changed your tune?...maybe i was right from the start? To be honest, I find your posts difficult to read and even more difficult to understand. Therefore, I have no idea what you're talking about. I do however, believe you are deeply troubled. The attempts I've seen (which admittedly, is only a small sample) to help or communicate with you have been rejected. My advise is consistent, and if I'm allowed to evaluate my own posts, I'd have to say it's about 90% common sense. Thingsre going very well, she now says she loves me again n we slept together n have spent the weekend together, it like when we first met at the mo Very well. I'm sure those of us who have taken the time to write would appreciate an update from time to time. Interested to discover how the situation 'fixed' itself, if indeed, it is fixed. This is a very sketchy thread. Link to post Share on other sites
aMguilts Posted February 6, 2013 Share Posted February 6, 2013 To be honest, I find your posts difficult to read and even more difficult to understand. Therefore, I have no idea what you're talking about. I do however, believe you are deeply troubled. The attempts I've seen (which admittedly, is only a small sample) to help or communicate with you have been rejected. My advise is consistent, and if I'm allowed to evaluate my own posts, I'd have to say it's about 90% common sense. Very well. I'm sure those of us who have taken the time to write would appreciate an update from time to time. Interested to discover how the situation 'fixed' itself, if indeed, it is fixed. This is a very sketchy thread. you only find them difficult??... cos maybe you cant get beyond the concept that `sometimes` marriages DO work out? I`m `deeply troubled` by nothing!! What you really don`t seem to get at is, 90% of the time you are wrong 90% of the time , you are right (where you GOT those percentages, only you will know) To myself... i`m 100% right ALL the time But listen... this is important... Whatever you feel or say , is 100 % too. cos you said it or posted it And just BECAUSE you posted it, you MEANT it(when you posted it) so it was 100% conviction? wasn`t it? aM Link to post Share on other sites
aMguilts Posted February 6, 2013 Share Posted February 6, 2013 and no it`s not a `sketchy` thread maybe he`s just too busy sorting his marriage out and has other things on his mind than to reply with what he is doing every second of the day just to `justify` YOU? If a former poster doesn`t reply anymore...surely thats a GOOD thing?? aM Link to post Share on other sites
Author mid-divorce Posted February 6, 2013 Author Share Posted February 6, 2013 Just to keep you all posted, I've spent every night since fri with my wife n we are both wanting to make this work n happy :-) I will give a full post when I'm not with her, a bit difficult mo to type. Link to post Share on other sites
aMguilts Posted February 6, 2013 Share Posted February 6, 2013 Thingsre going very well, she now says she loves me again n we slept together n have spent the weekend together, it like when we first met at the mo hey mid fantastic!!!!! :D:D:D:D:D aM Link to post Share on other sites
Author mid-divorce Posted February 6, 2013 Author Share Posted February 6, 2013 hey mid fantastic!!!!! :D:D:D:D:D aM Can't thank you enough Link to post Share on other sites
aMguilts Posted February 6, 2013 Share Posted February 6, 2013 Just to keep you all posted, I've spent every night since fri with my wife n we are both wanting to make this work n happy :-) I will give a full post when I'm not with her, a bit difficult mo to type. Hey mid That`s so good to hear just enjoy being with her again!! aM Link to post Share on other sites
aMguilts Posted February 6, 2013 Share Posted February 6, 2013 (edited) Can't thank you enough i didn`t do anything. so no need to thank me you were the one that saved it aM Edited February 6, 2013 by aMguilts Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted February 7, 2013 Share Posted February 7, 2013 Just shield your heart for a while to see how this plays out.... Going from her past behaviour - Please be careful Mid. It was less than a week or two ago she was ready to go be with another man and still keep you as an option, didn't want to commit or make time for you when you wanted to see her, it was on her terms and time frame. I hope for your sake and your kids sake this works out, I really do.. And please, BOTH of you need to get to marriage counseling, learn how to really talk and listen to one another without being passive or go silent. Also, your issue about walking away from your own children, if she had decided to divorce you and be with the OM does need to be addressed in counseling as well. Link to post Share on other sites
aMguilts Posted February 7, 2013 Share Posted February 7, 2013 Just shield your heart for a while to see how this plays out.... Going from her past behaviour - Please be careful Mid. It was less than a week or two ago she was ready to go be with another man and still keep you as an option, didn't want to commit or make time for you when you wanted to see her, it was on her terms and time frame. I hope for your sake and your kids sake this works out, I really do.. And please, BOTH of you need to get to marriage counseling, learn how to really talk and listen to one another without being passive or go silent. Also, your issue about walking away from your own children, if she had decided to divorce you and be with the OM does need to be addressed in counseling as well. why not.... just give some support? always sooo negative on this site!! You should be glad thats he`s happy?, not pointing out the negative points!! jeeeez:lmao: MID... just go with the flow tomorrow?... is just... ANOTHER day Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted February 7, 2013 Share Posted February 7, 2013 why not.... just give some support? always sooo negative on this site!! You should be glad thats he`s happy?, not pointing out the negative points!! jeeeez:lmao: MID... just go with the flow tomorrow?... is just... ANOTHER day Please focus on Mid and what he says and not what my advice is, thanks. Link to post Share on other sites
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