Author mid-divorce Posted November 6, 2012 Author Share Posted November 6, 2012 Ur right we went for lunch before the mediation - she was telling me we could get back in a few years etc - i havent fell for it - when i didnt agree to stuff, she went mad, crying, screaming etc Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted November 6, 2012 Share Posted November 6, 2012 You need to document her behaviour and also have witness..Her freak outs are odd. One minute she's nice and the next, she's yelling, crying and out of control. Is she bi polar or something? Why does she act nice one minute, then the next do a 180? To me, that screams unstable! Link to post Share on other sites
Author mid-divorce Posted November 6, 2012 Author Share Posted November 6, 2012 When i question her behaviour - she admits it, but says i made her that way??? I used to shout and lose it, she was always calm - now its the opposite - i never lose it and it drives her mad Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted November 6, 2012 Share Posted November 6, 2012 When i question her behaviour - she admits it, but says i made her that way??? I used to shout and lose it, she was always calm - now its the opposite - i never lose it and it drives her mad So you think this is her way of trying to manipuate you, berate you/pay back? Or is she losing it. Yes, she will deny it. What you need is for her to display that behaviour in front of someone who can be objective. Don't question her behaviour anymore. Next time she acts like that, just bluntly tell her 'when you calm down and are ready to talk, we'll talk, but until then, this conversation is over.' and walk away. Don't engage her or take part of what she is trying to do. Also, why does she think she will get full custody of the kids, and/or take them away from you? Link to post Share on other sites
Author mid-divorce Posted November 7, 2012 Author Share Posted November 7, 2012 Am i better to cut contact? the friends thing is lies Link to post Share on other sites
aMguilts Posted November 7, 2012 Share Posted November 7, 2012 When i question her behaviour - she admits it, but says i made her that way??? I used to shout and lose it, she was always calm - now its the opposite - i never lose it and it drives her mad hey Mid. You being calm and rational will drive her mad. You are no longer feeding the dragon. She more than likely wants you to argue with her. Cos when you do, you are makig her feel better by being less wrong about what she`s doing. Your doing good . Keep it up. If you feel your about to say something back to her, just say to yourself in your head, calm and rational, calm and rational aM 1 Link to post Share on other sites
aMguilts Posted November 7, 2012 Share Posted November 7, 2012 Am i better to cut contact? the friends thing is lies You can`t , you have children together. Minimum contact is the best you can do. Unless it`s about the kids, you have no reason to talk to her. aM 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author mid-divorce Posted November 7, 2012 Author Share Posted November 7, 2012 txtd her to say i know about her bf , but ill still bring the kids upo to love her n respect her - her reply i need grwo up n i havent changed, shes so glad she didnt take a chance on me Link to post Share on other sites
aMguilts Posted November 7, 2012 Share Posted November 7, 2012 (edited) txtd her to say i know about her bf , but ill still bring the kids upo to love her n respect her - her reply i need grwo up n i havent changed, shes so glad she didnt take a chance on me mid what were you hoping her to reply? you know by texting her that you just `fed` her? aM Edited November 7, 2012 by aMguilts Link to post Share on other sites
Author mid-divorce Posted November 8, 2012 Author Share Posted November 8, 2012 I dont know - i just wanted her to know i know about her boyfriend, that she denies. I still love this woman - why??? Link to post Share on other sites
aMguilts Posted November 8, 2012 Share Posted November 8, 2012 I dont know - i just wanted her to know i know about her boyfriend, that she denies. I still love this woman - why??? Hey mid. Of course you still love her, that won`t go away overnight. From now on try to see it this way. Don`t believe a word she says. You know she lies to you? Keep posting, it`ll help you:) Take care aM Link to post Share on other sites
Author mid-divorce Posted November 8, 2012 Author Share Posted November 8, 2012 Thank you - it is all lies Link to post Share on other sites
Author mid-divorce Posted November 9, 2012 Author Share Posted November 9, 2012 Her mum has been txting me to have a go that i upset my wife ???idiots Link to post Share on other sites
GuyInLimbo Posted November 9, 2012 Share Posted November 9, 2012 txtd her to say i know about her bf , but ill still bring the kids upo to love her n respect her - her reply i need grwo up n i havent changed, shes so glad she didnt take a chance on me No point in doing that, regardless of the reason. Be the bigger person. Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted November 10, 2012 Share Posted November 10, 2012 Her mum has been txting me to have a go that i upset my wife ???idiots Does her mom know about the A? If not, TELL HER. Link to post Share on other sites
aMguilts Posted November 10, 2012 Share Posted November 10, 2012 Her mum has been txting me to have a go that i upset my wife ???idiots hey mid. ignore, ignore, ignore. Her mum has got a watered down version of advents with probably more lies thrown in to make your wife `the better person` Just ignore it aM Link to post Share on other sites
pcplod Posted November 10, 2012 Share Posted November 10, 2012 The simple bottom line is that you both have been and/or are being unreasonable to one another for probably a variety of different unspoken and possibly unidentified reasons and you are both finding it virtually impossible to be tactful, civil to one another. On top of which you are looking to blame one another while adopting a position of the victim of the experience. While you are both in that state of mind then there can be no moving forward of any kind. The fact that you are here just posing the questions you do suggests that you find it difficult to cope with the ups and downs of an intimate, constant relationship, as does she. That realisation is hardly novel or unique to you as a couple. The advice that you are going to get here, with the best will in the world, is going to be inadequate. The best suggestion I can make for you is to trawl through Amazon for the best recommended books on managing personal relationships and use one or more as a form of self-therapy, self-learning. It is not 'sissy' to want to understand yourself and your relationships better, even when they are okay, even when they are good. You might also want to consider personal therapy or counselling for yourself if you can afford it with someone who is experienced and skilled in helping people such as yourself to tease out issues so that you can have a better understanding of the dynamics of your experiences with other people. Investing in this way in yourself is possibly the most worthwhile thing you can do, more than almost anything else. We are all supposed to be innate 'experts' at this sort of thing but our own experiences and the experiences of others infer that we emphatically are not. Even negative experiences can have a positive influence on our lives and well-being even though it is mostly impossible to see how at the time. Good luck and my best wishes go with you. Link to post Share on other sites
karnak Posted November 10, 2012 Share Posted November 10, 2012 hey mid. ignore, ignore, ignore. Her mum has got a watered down version of advents with probably more lies thrown in to make your wife `the better person` Just ignore it aM Nope. Her mother probably knows the whole story. But she has to make him the "bad guy" so that her precious little daughter can be the "wronged lady" in the story. The daughter learned her ways through life from someone, right? Link to post Share on other sites
aMguilts Posted November 10, 2012 Share Posted November 10, 2012 Nope. Her mother probably knows the whole story. But she has to make him the "bad guy" so that her precious little daughter can be the "wronged lady" in the story. The daughter learned her ways through life from someone, right? Hi karnak lol, yeah i`d agree with you on that one. Like mid said...idiots!! Why the mum has to get involved in it is beyond me! Reason i said to ignore it thou is because it won`t do any good by answering the MIL. All mid`ll be doing then is feeding 2 peoples ego, not just 1 aM 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Tiberius Posted November 10, 2012 Share Posted November 10, 2012 Nope. Her mother probably knows the whole story. But she has to make him the "bad guy" so that her precious little daughter can be the "wronged lady" in the story. The daughter learned her ways through life from someone, right? I still dont get why men in America give half their **** to the daughter of a woman whom took her husband to the cleaners. If the mom filed for divorce, its a huge red flag already. If you want children, but the best you can do is towards the lower half of the barrel, get her preggers without the marriage certificate. Why would you play nice if there were no consequences, you wouldnt. If women start to realize that their behaviour will affect the way their precious children will be treated and seen by potential suitors on the other hand... 1 Link to post Share on other sites
aMguilts Posted November 10, 2012 Share Posted November 10, 2012 (edited) I still dont get why men in America give half their **** to the daughter of a woman whom took her husband to the cleaners. If the mom filed for divorce, its a huge red flag already. If you want children, but the best you can do is towards the lower half of the barrel, get her preggers without the marriage certificate. Why would you play nice if there were no consequences, you wouldnt. If women start to realize that their behaviour will affect the way their precious children will be treated and seen by potential suitors on the other hand... hi Tiberius. Women are not always to blame!! Most of the time, its the males that are to blame. And there are a million other reasons why marriages just fail. Who`s at fault will not solve ANYTHING. solutions will. Sometimes you both come to realise that , in the end, you just weren`t meant to be. arguing will do nothing but tire you both out. i reckon anyway aMillion Edited November 10, 2012 by aMguilts i felt like it:) 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author mid-divorce Posted November 11, 2012 Author Share Posted November 11, 2012 (edited) I fully accept my part on the break down - I have spoke to her and wrote her letters to explain. She even says she accept my appologies and can see that i have changed, but she isnt willing to take the chance - this is the bit i dont understand. I was/am willing to do all i can to start a fresh relationship with and have explained that - why she wont take a few months to see how it goes when we have 3 children is the bit i dont get. She is now with this man and that i blame for the reason for her not trying - I am willing to accept that if she would only say so so we can move on and try to become friends. In my mind, we have 3 choices.. 1, we try to sort and take a risk on each other - this she doesnt want 2, we try to become friends, but in order to do so we need to lay all our cards on the table - she partly wants the friendship but without explaining her part. 3, we drift further n further apart with the lack of trust growning - this i think is the worst for the children - yet this is how i see it going. I want option 1 and willing to do option2, but she looks only set on option3 Further to this... she thinks i mentally abused her before she left - this is partly true, it wasnt a part of our narriage, but when she said she didnt love me n wanted to leave i said alot of stupid things Im finding this very hard to understand after 13years, 3 kids toghter and all the stuff we have been through. Edited November 11, 2012 by mid-divorce Link to post Share on other sites
Author mid-divorce Posted November 11, 2012 Author Share Posted November 11, 2012 She asked me take some stuff up for the kids - i did and we got talking... she said firstly she will always care for me but nothing else then after a while talking said she will re-think about the divorce ???? Link to post Share on other sites
Tiberius Posted November 11, 2012 Share Posted November 11, 2012 Maybe the OM got his fill of sex and dumped her? She has been nice the whole time though, maybe she does not want you to get prepared. Is she working with an attorney right now? If she is so should be you. Link to post Share on other sites
aMguilts Posted November 12, 2012 Share Posted November 12, 2012 She asked me take some stuff up for the kids - i did and we got talking... she said firstly she will always care for me but nothing else then after a while talking said she will re-think about the divorce ???? hey mid again ignore it. Do something for me?? aM Link to post Share on other sites
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