Wife divorcing me

[whichwayisup]

She asked me take some stuff up for the kids - i did and we got talking... she said firstly she will always care for me but nothing else then after a while talking said she will re-think about the divorce ????

 

Back off completely. Let her live life without you in it. Only deal with her when it comes to the kids and don't speak to her about anything else. Don't be friends, don't ask about her personal life or anything. Let her get used to not having you to rely on, or talk to period!

 

In time, she'll realize her affair fantasy land is just that. Fantasy..Once reality hits her and she will wake up. Then that's the time you talk and do counseling together.

 

To throw away 13 years without really trying is stupid.

[mid-divorce]

hey mid

 

again ignore it.

Do something for me??

aM

 

Yes of course

 

Im trying, she was messageing me last night about tv shows etc, like we are really good m8s - i dont get it

[mid-divorce]

Latest - she texted me say she is trying to think positive about us, but doesnt know if its too late, but she will keep thinking.

[mid-divorce]

She tells me she will give it some time and come out with me and the kids - is this just an act or do i take her at her word? do i just leave her alone till we go out?

[revitup]

Latest - she texted me say she is trying to think positive about us, but doesnt know if its too late, but she will keep thinking.

 

Thinking?Thinking about how to buy more time my friend.

 

I have seen this myself,I did not bite this time!Fool me once......Fool me twice.....

 

For me it was better not to know what she was doing or thinking.

 

NC and 180's allowed me to be in control of my thoughts.She wants to rent space in your head....for FREE.Do not allow this to happen,at least make her pay for that privilege,it's your head.

 

Let her know,it's you, who has moved on and you, who is "thinking".

 

Agree with her.....it probably is "too late".Whether you feel that way or not.She will ponder your sudden change of heart,thus you are in control of her thoughts.

 

It sounds like a game...it is.A game you and I and all here are in due to no fault of our own.Play it as best you can today.

 

Fake it til ya make it.Stay sober my friend,stay sober.

[revitup]

Oh yeah,

 

My STBXWW is now speaking all about the things she sees which remind her of me,holding hands,the "I Love You"s and all of the things she now misses about me.

 

It works.But I now don't want her back,not today anyway.

 

REVITUP

[aMguilts]

She tells me she will give it some time and come out with me and the kids - is this just an act or do i take her at her word? do i just leave her alone till we go out?

 

hey mid. Hi again

 

I think I have already said not to believe a word that comes out of her mouth? So I won`t bother saying it again.

 

Having said that, I think , what you shouldn`t be doing is hanging around and picking up every single crumb she feeds you. Ever heard the phrase `actions speak louder than words`?

 

Yes...its an act! And she`s pretty good at it, cos she`s got you hanging onto everything she says and then you go posting it on here asking for advice on everything that seems to s**t out of her mouth.

 

Mid , i`m not having a go at you, please don`t ever think that. Start your own acting. Act as if everthing is PERFECT. Act indifferent.

Breakdowns and divorces happen for a reason. You need to `change` the way she looks at you. If you come across as moody, needy, clingy, miserable or any other negative emotion, then i`m afraid you have NO hope. It WILL end in divorce.

However, if you come across as happy, confident and any other postive emotion you can dream of, than your marriage will survive. Trust me on this.

 

You can do this.Have faith and start smiling again. Start looking after you, cos as soon as you do, she WILL see it and she will start to wonder if she`s doing the right thing.

 

Hugs

Amillion

[aMguilts]

Oh yeah,

 

My STBXWW is now speaking all about the things she sees which remind her of me,holding hands,the "I Love You"s and all of the things she now misses about me.

 

It works.But I now don't want her back,not today anyway.

 

REVITUP

hi Revitup.

Good for you. today is tomorrows yesterday.

 

aM

[mid-divorce]

Thanks Amillion:)

 

If i change how i act, is it not too l8 now?

[aMguilts]

Thanks Amillion:)

 

If i change how i act, is it not too l8 now?

 

 

Hey Mid.

 

Have either or both of you signed divorce papers?. No? Then it`s not too late.

 

You need to understand one thing thou. Everything I`m suggesting to you is going to benefit one person and one person only. You.

It`s not a get out of jail free card. What I suggest is a way. It`s a way for you to move forward. IF, you start getting results from it , It doesn`t mean you have to resort back to the way you were. Understand?

 

Be happy, be confident, be indifferent.

 

aM

[mid-divorce]

I have received the petition and returned it

[aMguilts]

I have received the petition and returned it

 

 

Mid... thats not a happy face!

 

So you returned it?. Good for you!!!

 

Now what ya gonna do?

Sit there and feel sorry for yourself?

Or get your a** into gear and start living?

 

aM

[mid-divorce]

i see no point in trying delay.

I have been, but i know i need to get a grip. I still want her back, but doing what im doing isnt getting ,e anywhere

[aMguilts]

i see no point in trying delay.

I have been, but i know i need to get a grip. I still want her back, but doing what im doing isnt getting ,e anywhere

 

 

good thinking mid . your right, there is no point in keep on doing something that clearly doesn`t work.

 

Time to start being happy in yourself eh?

 

We`ve all been where you are now Mid. And we`re still all here:).

 

Say to yourself over and over again, ` i`m going to be ok, I`m going to be ok`. Say it in front of a mirror. Sooner or later, you will be laughing

 

Take care

aM

[mid-divorce]

7weeks isnt long after 17yrs

[Nyla]

Of course she's going to blame you. She could have slugged you with a baseball bat, cheated on you, and she'd still blame you. That's human nature. No matter how good or bad people are, it's always someone else's fault.

 

I don't agree that all humans blame others for their actions.

 

I take responsibility for what I do because I am an adult.

 

Middivorce, you wife just wanted to make herself look good in front of her family.

[Nyla]

Wow, that's pretty harsh. Nobody deserves to be cheated on.

 

Contributing to a situation is not the same as deserving it.

[mid-divorce]

what do i make of this. she rang me saying she been ill 2 weeks with it all and cant take anymore, shel stop the divorce and get back together, but shes doing it for the kids and will have to live as friends????

 

Told her its not enough for me.

[GorillaTheater]

what do i make of this. she rang me saying she been ill 2 weeks with it all and cant take anymore, shel stop the divorce and get back together, but shes doing it for the kids and will have to live as friends????

 

Things didn't work out with the OM, so she's opting for Plan B.

 

Told her its not enough for me.

 

Good man. You're too good to be anybody's Plan B.

[aMguilts]

what do i make of this. she rang me saying she been ill 2 weeks with it all and cant take anymore, shel stop the divorce and get back together, but shes doing it for the kids and will have to live as friends????

 

Told her its not enough for me.

 

hey mid.

 

You make nothing of it. It`s very amicable of her to stop the divorce and then say you will live together as friends:sick:!! As for `doing it for the kids`, she`s got some front!!

 

Good for you for telling her it`s not enough!! Stick by your guns. I`d say something like " AWww , thank you for thinking about stopping the divorce but unless your prepared to work at our marriage 100%, then nothing has changed and i will still carry on with the divorce."

 

She`s throwing crumbs again. Good for you not picking them up

 

aM

[aMguilts]

Things didn't work out with the OM, so she's opting for Plan B.

 

 

 

Good man. You're too good to be anybody's Plan B.

 

Hi gorilla.

 

Mid? ^ what gorilla said.

aM

[mid-divorce]

Ill be honest id still take her back, but she would have to come to me and say she is sorry n she loves me

[96nole]

Mid,

keep doing what you're doing. If she comes back, it is ONLY because she loves you and wants to be married and be a married family again. Anything less is wasted time.

 

If she were to move back in only as friends for the children, it would absolutely tear you up inside. To have her so close, but you can't do anything about it. I wouldn't be real. Just a facade. Then, eventually, she will start seeing other men. Possibly bringing them home. Because you and her are "just friends". Then you get the lovely prize of watching her be with other men.

 

There are 2 choices here and no more:

1. She comes home 100% determined to be as a married and loving couple

2. divorce.

[aMguilts]

Ill be honest id still take her back, but she would have to come to me and say she is sorry n she loves me

 

hey Mid.

 

Listen. Of course you would take her back. You love her and still want your marriage to work. But look at what i just said. None of it involved her. So say she come`s to you and says " i`m sorry and i love you".

Is that REALLY all it`d take?

 

Me personally , I believe that actions speak volumes, compared to any words.

How are her actions around you? She flirty? Is she happy to be around you? When you see her, is she smiling?, Does she really look like she`s pleased to see you?

 

Mid, i really suggest you start thinking of yourself. This must be making you ill??

 

hugs

aM

[Tiberius]

If she wants you to take you serious, tell her she needs to get her attorney off the case. The 2 of you need to go together to her attorney, inform him or her he is off the case and have him hand over all the files that have to do with the case.