Author mid-divorce Posted November 17, 2012 Author Share Posted November 17, 2012 We went out as a family for a meal - spent 3hrs together - all felt fine, we got on, were great as a team with the kids, the kids loved it. I cant understand how she can throw it all away. We also arrnage to for us all to go out again wed Link to post Share on other sites
aMguilts Posted November 17, 2012 Share Posted November 17, 2012 We went out as a family for a meal - spent 3hrs together - all felt fine, we got on, were great as a team with the kids, the kids loved it. I cant understand how she can throw it all away. We also arrnage to for us all to go out again wed Hiya Mid. That`s great!! . Glad you had a bit of time together as a family again. Now the bit in bold!.. When you meet up again on wednesday , Don`t think about the what if`s or the why this is happening. Put a happy face on, smile like you have a banana shoved in your mouth sideways. < like that !. Relax and just enjoy the pleasure of being with her and your kids. Ah I`m pleased for you aM Link to post Share on other sites
Author mid-divorce Posted November 18, 2012 Author Share Posted November 18, 2012 Am i doing the right thing by spending time with her as a family? I still love her and dont know if she is just playing me, but feel i have to give it my best shot Link to post Share on other sites
Tiberius Posted November 18, 2012 Share Posted November 18, 2012 Have the both of you go to her lawyer and take him off the case and have him return all documents to her. If she is squeamish about doing that you better watch your back. Link to post Share on other sites
aMguilts Posted November 18, 2012 Share Posted November 18, 2012 Have the both of you go to her lawyer and take him off the case and have him return all documents to her. If she is squeamish about doing that you better watch your back. Hi Tiberius( love the nick ) Mid i`d disagree with what tiberius just said. Just go out as a family on wednesday and just RELAX. Don`t go chasing rainbows. Don`t look for anything in it. Just be happy that you are together as a family again. Stop reading into everthing she`s says or does. I`ve been really trying for you to see the `bigger picture`. The `bigger picture` being about you. I KNOW you want to save your marriage and you love her to death and will do anything to get her back? Getting back with her will not solve anything if you are still the same as you were. understand? Please don`t ever think i`m being nasty, I`m with you on this ok? Go and have FUN as a familly., Go, with the attitude that you are happy and everything is perfect and everything is fine. Just go and ENJOY the DAY. If it helps... I`ll be with you ok? Your doing good Mid aM Link to post Share on other sites
Author mid-divorce Posted November 18, 2012 Author Share Posted November 18, 2012 Hi Tiberius( love the nick ) Mid i`d disagree with what tiberius just said. Just go out as a family on wednesday and just RELAX. Don`t go chasing rainbows. Don`t look for anything in it. Just be happy that you are together as a family again. Stop reading into everthing she`s says or does. I`ve been really trying for you to see the `bigger picture`. The `bigger picture` being about you. I KNOW you want to save your marriage and you love her to death and will do anything to get her back? Getting back with her will not solve anything if you are still the same as you were. understand? Please don`t ever think i`m being nasty, I`m with you on this ok? Go and have FUN as a familly., Go, with the attitude that you are happy and everything is perfect and everything is fine. Just go and ENJOY the DAY. If it helps... I`ll be with you ok? Your doing good Mid aM Thats exactly what i wanted to hear Everyone round me tells me its an act, shes after something - i just want t take her at face value n enjoy it with her, I do love her more than anything and will do anything to make her happy Link to post Share on other sites
aMguilts Posted November 18, 2012 Share Posted November 18, 2012 Thats exactly what i wanted to hear Everyone round me tells me its an act, shes after something - i just want t take her at face value n enjoy it with her, I do love her more than anything and will do anything to make her happy Hey Mid. You read me wrong. Re read what i replied to you. What you said , what i have put in bold.. NO, no no no no. NO:mad:. aM Link to post Share on other sites
aMguilts Posted November 18, 2012 Share Posted November 18, 2012 Thats exactly what i wanted to hear Everyone round me tells me its an act, shes after something - i just want t take her at face value n enjoy it with her, So what`s stopping you??? You? Me? Everyone on here? aM Link to post Share on other sites
Author mid-divorce Posted November 19, 2012 Author Share Posted November 19, 2012 Its all gone pear shaped again. One of my friends messaged her giving her a load of crap bout what she has done - she now hates me yet again Link to post Share on other sites
Author mid-divorce Posted November 19, 2012 Author Share Posted November 19, 2012 she just txtd me, saying she is goin gahead with the divorce and she doesnt know me anymore. Do i reply? Link to post Share on other sites
Author mid-divorce Posted November 19, 2012 Author Share Posted November 19, 2012 plesee help me here - im at the l;ast strw Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted November 19, 2012 Share Posted November 19, 2012 Its all gone pear shaped again. One of my friends messaged her giving her a load of crap bout what she has done - she now hates me yet again Tell your friends to butt out and leave your wife alone. Look, your wife must be bi polar or something. She's up and down like a toilet seat! DO nothing. Don't reply. This is her reacting and in a few days she'll change her mind..That's been her behaviour recently. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Steadfast Posted November 20, 2012 Share Posted November 20, 2012 ...your wife must be bi polar or something. She's up and down like a toilet seat! My hunch is she's confused, but even deeper lies a selfishness/self-centered attitude that gets in the way of reasonable and/or fair decisions. Translation: she so concerned about herself, there's no room for you. Your place, your duty in her eyes is to be available to her, for whatever she needs at the moment. It could be comfort. It could be security. It could be a punching bag. More than anything, you're an ace in the hole. She knows how you feel, believe me. Some days she's glad because it's handy. Other times, it makes her angry because of guilt. For you, it's a lose-lose. IMO. But there is no respect. If there was, she'd treat you respectfully. Until that time and in my opinion, you should avoid her. Save for necessary things that concern the children, and legalities. To not do that sends a message that you're happy to be manipulated. It says you're needy and weak. Do you want to be viewed like that? Ever? Build the skill. If she demands an explanation, tell her the truth. Why not? At least, someone will be speaking truthfully. By what I've read, that's pretty rare. Link to post Share on other sites
Author mid-divorce Posted November 20, 2012 Author Share Posted November 20, 2012 Was this over any way? She left me and stareted the divorce before any of this, she just uses anything that happens as an excuse? All my chasing has just made thing alot worse - am i best to just leave her a lone now? Link to post Share on other sites
Steadfast Posted November 20, 2012 Share Posted November 20, 2012 Was this over any way? She left me and stareted the divorce before any of this, she just uses anything that happens as an excuse? All my chasing has just made thing alot worse - am i best to just leave her a lone now? Women generally don't leave men they love, or are in love with. Unless something like physical abuse is present. Even then, it's shocking just how much a woman will put up with when she cares. Or a man. Like yourself. She probably had thoughts or plans to leave well before she acted. She's months/years ahead of you in the mental game of adjustment. By the tone of your posts, you're still in the shocked, hurt, terrified to lose her stage. That's normal. Don't beat yourself up over it. Leave her alone. If she contacts you or runs anymore wishy-washy crap, ignore it. Truth be known, it's the best way to expose her true direction. Once she's tasted life without you at her beckon-call, she'll panic. Be ready. Embrace the reality of your situation friend. Gather around you those that you trust. People that you know really care. Lean on them when needed. Focus on the well-being of your kids and get your legal/personal/financial affairs in order. You are a father. That is your main priority now. He'll need some taking care of, so do that. Eat, Pray and Sleep, to coin a phrase. Posting your thoughts here is great therapy. Soon, you'll be helping others cross the ground your treading now. When you look back, you see clearly. Hang in- Link to post Share on other sites
Author mid-divorce Posted November 20, 2012 Author Share Posted November 20, 2012 I think she had made her mind up before she left Link to post Share on other sites
aMguilts Posted November 20, 2012 Share Posted November 20, 2012 Tell your friends to butt out and leave your wife alone. Look, your wife must be bi polar or something. She's up and down like a toilet seat! DO nothing. Don't reply. This is her reacting and in a few days she'll change her mind..That's been her behaviour recently. Hey Mid ^^^^ This aM Link to post Share on other sites
aMguilts Posted November 20, 2012 Share Posted November 20, 2012 she just txtd me, saying she is goin gahead with the divorce and she doesnt know me anymore. Do i reply? Hey Mid. No you dont reply. She seems like she doesn`t know what the hell she wants? But all this is not healthy for you. Shes said to you that she doesn`t really know you anymore.Do you really know her at this frame of time? Be selective about what you say to her from now on and remember that she will say anything. Most of the time it will for justification she`s doing the right thing. Don`t believe in anything she says from now on. As for her not liking you just because of what a friend told her well thats just another excuse. Hang in there. Your doing ok. aM Link to post Share on other sites
Author mid-divorce Posted November 20, 2012 Author Share Posted November 20, 2012 Thank you - she rang before having a rant that she will never trust me or like me ever Link to post Share on other sites
aMguilts Posted November 20, 2012 Share Posted November 20, 2012 Thank you - she rang before having a rant that she will never trust me or like me ever any reason why she done this do you think? aM Link to post Share on other sites
Author mid-divorce Posted November 20, 2012 Author Share Posted November 20, 2012 coz i found out one of my friends sent her a message of facebook saying that she should stop messing me about - not abusive Link to post Share on other sites
aMguilts Posted November 20, 2012 Share Posted November 20, 2012 coz i found out one of my friends sent her a message of facebook saying that she should stop messing me about - not abusive Hi mid. That`s still not a reason for her to say to you that she doesn`t trust you or will ever like you again. She`s justifying herself, badly (imo) Mid i`d like to hear about you , how are you going to proceed? aMi Link to post Share on other sites
Author mid-divorce Posted November 20, 2012 Author Share Posted November 20, 2012 Im trying to get into my job and trying not think about her - but i still do most of the time. When i do think, im trying to get rid of the hope, but again find myelf thinking she may come back. I wish i was stronger than i am Link to post Share on other sites
aMguilts Posted November 20, 2012 Share Posted November 20, 2012 Im trying to get into my job and trying not think about her - but i still do most of the time. When i do think, im trying to get rid of the hope, but again find myelf thinking she may come back. I wish i was stronger than i am hey mid:) That`s understandable. For what it`s worth, I am in exactly the same boat as you are. My wife is as just as much up and down as yours is. I told her a month ago that i wasn`t going to put up with her s**t any longer.( i had been where you are now for the past 18 months). She`s still texting me now. ( as I`m writing this, she just text) I`m gonna ignore it. Mid ..in bold. Yeah she may well come back. I`ll tell you now thou. She won`t come back to you all the time you are being like this. Man up!! Grow a pair. Stop feeling sorry for yourself. All the time you come across as a `wimp` ? She WONT want to know you. Start sticking up for yourself! From what you said about her... WHY do you want to be with somelike that anyway?? Keep your chin up aM Link to post Share on other sites
Author mid-divorce Posted November 20, 2012 Author Share Posted November 20, 2012 I better to tell them or ignore? Im trying to ignore it all Link to post Share on other sites
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