Fidget240 Posted October 31, 2012 Posted October 31, 2012 Sorry this is a little long guys but I'm really lost and could use some advice. My boyfriend and I have been dating for 12 months now, ever since we got together his ex became an instant problem. For the first 4 - 5 months she would call him and text him constantly with the serious problems in her life. She would make up stories so he would chase her, tell him she stilled loved him and wanted him back and bitched about me like no tomorrow. All of this wouldn't be a problem if my boyfriend ignored her and just focused on his life and our relationship together. But he doesn't he talks back her and feeds her ego and I've told him how uncomfortable and insecure it made me feel. In the early stages of our relationship I decided to stay out of it and let him sort it out as he was obviously in pain but after accidently coming across messages between the two of that were WAY OUT OF LINE (e.g. 'I love you' and beautiful girl' etc) I was gutted and felt really betrayed. I confronted him and he promised it meant nothing and that he was trying to get her out of his life (??). I'm not one to control but I asked him to stop talking to her for the sake of our relationship because I knew that their talk wasn't 'innocent' talk and was destroying my trust. He promised he wouldn't but he did the exact same thing 6 months later and I found out again and was again, gutted. Also finding out they had gone to the movies together without telling me (the ex's boyfriend broke up with her when he found out). He swore to me that he wouldn't do it again and now I don't trust him because I know that there texting eachother. On top of this, he's talking to two other women whom I don't trust (because of the situation with his ex). I don't consider myself a jealous person but this is killing me, killing our relationship. I can't talk to him about it anymore because he just dimisses it. What should I do? How can I handle this? I ask him about his ex rarely and in passing but everything I've asked him I know he's lied to me. I love him so much but I'm finding it hard to trust him. What should I do?
GreenEyes67 Posted November 1, 2012 Posted November 1, 2012 I had a boyfriend who did the same thing to me. It hurt and I felt insecure. He told me that he kept in touch with all of his exes. I thought it was strange and in a way it was like his ego was fed by the attention. I told him I didn't like it and asked him to stop. The fact that your boyfriend is not respecting you enough to stop is a red flag. Don't stand for it. You can do better. The guy who really loves and respects you won't hurt you like that.
theLWord Posted November 1, 2012 Posted November 1, 2012 I think it's time for you to have more respect for yourself and get out now. He's lied to you and to talking to his ex in that manner is extremely disrespectful to you and shows how little he cares. If I ever talked to my ex when I was in a relationship, it was never anything I didn't care for my partner to see, ever. Since you've accepted it this long, he doesn't see a reason to change. He can have his cake and eat it too. You won't ever trust him from here on out. It's pointless to stay in a relationship when you don't trust the person, it's slow torture. Love yourself enough to leave.
PYTpisces Posted November 1, 2012 Posted November 1, 2012 First of all sorry you're going through this. This happened to me in my last relationship. I had to tell myself over and over that I would rather be alone than in a toxic relationship. Christina Perri says "I know I cant take one more step towards you because all that's waiting is regret" in her song Jar of Hearts. This line rings so true. Don't give him another single ounce of your love. Should you decide to leave him, imagine that your heart is closed for business and you've decided to protect it at all costs from here on out. It's never too late. You may feel as though you've already invested too much of yourself. Start right where you are and close the book with him. You owe it to yourself!
kt1012 Posted November 1, 2012 Posted November 1, 2012 Being in contact with an ex here and there is ok, in my opinion. But that is just a simple.. "How are things going" or "I hope your doing well" and very randomly. If he is in contact with her a lot, even after you asked him to stop, then he is not over her. Do they talk about you in the texts? If he is devoted to you then I would think you would come up in their conversations. Going to the movies with an ex while you have a girlfriend is 110% wrong. He didn't tell you because he knew you would get upset. "It is easier to ask for forgiveness than permission" Drop him sweetie!!! He either has feelings for her still or he is feeding off the fact that she still has feelings for him. He is putting her before you and your relationship so he is not worth the time!!!
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