confused

[mon]

I wrote this column back in July after a bad breakup of a 4.5 years relationship. Your advise really helped me through a tough time, well i could really use your advise again.

 

I've been dating this new guy for about 1 month now. The problem is when things start to get physical. There is some physical attraction to him, but at the same time i have trouble even kissing him. I can't get myself to get close to him. All my friends say that i am just gun shy and afraid of getting hurt again but i'm not so sure. I think that i will never find a guy like the one i had. I know it's not true and that he never really loved me in the first place but i TRULEY loved him.

 

So i guess the question is, will i feel anything for anyone again or am i going to be completely numb for the rest of my life????

 

Any help would really help!!!

 

Thanks, mon

[Tony T]

July isn't all that long ago. Sometimes, it can take a year or even longer to heal from a long term relationship. Each person has there own time and style for doing so. But I think you aren't really ready yet for a relationship.

 

The answer to your question is absolutely yes and absolutely no.

 

You will absolutely fall in love again and most likely have even greater feelings for this person, in your own time when you are ready.

 

You are absolutely NOT going to feel the numbness you experience now for the rest of your life. This is just part of the hurt that takes time to heal. You're best bet is to talk to a counsellor, write in a diary, or talk to a trusted friend. Get your feelings out. Crying helps a lot too.

 

You have got a bit more time before you are ready for any kind of heavy duty relationship. It really isn't so fair to the guy you are seeing because he probably has no idea about this.

 

The best news is that, in time, your feelings for your ex will all but disappear. Right now, the thought may terrify you because you may not be ready to totally let go...but I promise you it will be an emancipating event when it happens.

[Deejette]

I agree, it takes time to heal. You can't feel manufactured passion for someone just because it is expected of you after a few dates. When you meet someone who really turns you on, you will get some of your feelings back. But it does take time and you must have patience to deal with it.

July isn't all that long ago. Sometimes, it can take a year or even longer to heal from a long term relationship. Each person has there own time and style for doing so. But I think you aren't really ready yet for a relationship. The answer to your question is absolutely yes and absolutely no. You will absolutely fall in love again and most likely have even greater feelings for this person, in your own time when you are ready. You are absolutely NOT going to feel the numbness you experience now for the rest of your life. This is just part of the hurt that takes time to heal. You're best bet is to talk to a counsellor, write in a diary, or talk to a trusted friend. Get your feelings out. Crying helps a lot too. You have got a bit more time before you are ready for any kind of heavy duty relationship. It really isn't so fair to the guy you are seeing because he probably has no idea about this. The best news is that, in time, your feelings for your ex will all but disappear. Right now, the thought may terrify you because you may not be ready to totally let go...but I promise you it will be an emancipating event when it happens.

 

[heidi]

Dear confused:

 

I can totally relate to your problem. Just this past March, I broked up with a guy that I had even discussed marriage with... We were so close!!

 

Anyway, there were many reasons that I broke up with him - and I did a lot of crying over this guy (before, during and after our relationship!)

 

I had a couple dates with different guys since... but I know that it will take a while to get over that other relationship - 4.5 year is a long time!!!

 

I am glad you are open to dating new people - and that you have met a nice guy. My advice is to keep taking it slow.

 

If your current boyfriend doesn't know what is going on - you might want to talk to him and tell him your problems. Either he understnads and supports you - which would be great - or leave - which would prove to you right away that he WASN'T the one for you!

 

You deserve the BEST. I hope everything goes well for you!

 

Everyday will get a little better... and just take some time for yourself too - that quite personal time - even just for crying will help you. --- take some long walks or start a new hobby to get your mind gonig in a different direction! Take care!

 

I wrote this column back in July after a bad breakup of a 4.5 years relationship. Your advise really helped me through a tough time, well i could really use your advise again. I've been dating this new guy for about 1 month now. The problem is when things start to get physical. There is some physical attraction to him, but at the same time i have trouble even kissing him. I can't get myself to get close to him. All my friends say that i am just gun shy and afraid of getting hurt again but i'm not so sure. I think that i will never find a guy like the one i had. I know it's not true and that he never really loved me in the first place but i TRULEY loved him. So i guess the question is, will i feel anything for anyone again or am i going to be completely numb for the rest of my life???? Any help would really help!!! Thanks, mon