Brother, sister-in-law, pretty much everybody

[beautifulearth83]

I feel like I have so much love to give, like I've tried so hard andbentover backwards for my family. I've put up with so much ****, living here in Chicago, dealing with A-holes... Everybody paints this perfect picture about my family, and everybody acts so jolly, but obviously fake and ingenuine around eachother. My brother and I used to havea close connection. I don't even know who he is anymore. I can't stand to be around him and his wife. I think their marriage is BS, all it has done is make everybody miserable. They're selfsish and think they're better than everybody, very passive-agressive. My LITTLE brother speaks to me like I'm 4 inches tall. My Mom will never let go of me. My Dad is out of his mind. My Grandma only believes what she believes. My Sister gives me a headache. My Brother-in-law is a racist, prejudice bastard. I absolutely hate it. Because in my heart I want to be close to my family, but I can't stand in-laws. I can't stand the idea of people getting married and closing their lives off to family, etc. I always thought it was best to find situations which bind people together. My brother doesn't act like a human. I don't feel like I'm around humans when I'm around those two.

 

I feel like I should be able to feel tall and good around my family, but it doesn't seem like that is there anymore. I honestly think about starting a new life sometimes.

 

I don't feel like I can be myself around my brother and his wife. I feel belittled, like they look at me and judge me. My boss is a jerk. Best friends don't speak to me anymore. I don't even know what I did. It doesn't make sense. My life used to be in such a good place. It was choatic at times and really hard, but it had meaning and I was surrounded by others. Now ever since my last relationship, everybody has disappeared. My brother causes nothing but chaos for me and I feel like he messes with my head. My sister-in-law walks around like she's the only person on earth.

 

I'm tired of many things. I'm tired of talking and telling these people how I am. I just want a life that I can keep to myself. An inner self. I don't feel protected, like I have healthy boundaries. I feel tossed around like a ping-pong ball.

 

It makes it hard to get a kick-start on my life, because I always feel pinned down, slowed down, knocked down, etc. I also want to live an honest life. A lot that doesn't hurt others, leave others in the dark, complicate things.

 

I'm a man of peace, which is why these thoughts disturb me so much. I don't want to think them anymore. I don't know how to take responsibility for things anymore. All I can think about is how everything is everybody else's fault. I feel like this life is going nowhere. No matter how hard I try or how happy I get, it comes crashing down because of something pop-up window of a relationship in my life. I don't feel like people respect me. Or see what I have done. It sucks.

 

But most important to me is that inner peace. The ability to say, no matter what happens, I'm at peace... These dumb little things don't bother me... That sort of thinking. But my buttons are pushed and there is so much violence around me that people don't even realize.

 

Perhaps I live in a fantasy world. Perhaps my ideals say one thing and the world says another. But for goodness sake, why do things have to be so shady and complicated. I'm honest, I tell people how I feel, I rarely put on a fake smile, like so many of the people in my life. I'm just a good guy that's here trying. What gives?

[pink_sugar]

I've felt like this many times if my life. I can also relate to your in-laws situation. To me personally, I made a point to show being married doesn't mean I belong to my husband or his family. I don't stop seeing my family because of him either. I never understood why people let their spouse control those things. For me, accepting situations as they are and trying not to overreact and take things personally has helped a lot. You learn not to expect or to expect certain behaviors from certain people. Sometimes friendships do grow apart *shrugs* Try not to let it bother you so much and meet new people. Some people just aren't worth wasting your time over. Be proud of yourself and forget about those who start drama.