Bi-Polar Cousin is hard to work with.

[InBloom]

My Cousin is a great gal, She's in her late 20's and a musician.

 

She's talented and makes great music and she's always been a boisterous

girl but never gone after trying to make it in music even though she talks

about loving it if she could. She's Bi-Polar and on medications that I don't

really know much about. Sometimes I hear from her a lot and then nothing

for weeks. During those quiet weeks she's kinda different, I assume she's

in one of her slumps.

 

She's always coming to me for advice and wanting to do a music project with Me. She doesn't really have a lot of friends, mainly hangs out with extended family members or our grandfather. I think she comes to be because i'm family. But if I don't have time or knock the idea she wants to try, she seems to get depressed.

 

At times I think it would be cool to help her, because she does write good

songs but It bothers me that I have to be the catalyst and I feel guilt when I can't be there for her the way she wants. I feel guilt because we're family and I'm a nice guy. But She makes comments sometimes like: "Well, you're better at everything than I am so who cares what I have to say, right?".

 

I don't know how to handle her. I've tried to build her up many many times

growing up but she's just always gonna have that Eeyore complex.

 

How would you handle someone like this?

[mindykrumm]

All the behavior you are describing sounds like bipolar to me. My husband is. But fortunately he has been on lithium since getting diagnosed and never has exhibited either highs or lows since. Whatever medication she is on is probably not right for her. They (Kaiser) started my hubby on all kinds of crap to treat the depression, etc... and none of it worked until Lithium, which has been used for over 50 years and is an element, on the periodic table of elements. Like taking gold or helium or oxygen. You can look up its history and why it works - it mimics another molecule and fits into the pathways of the brain and opens things up (very non-scientific explanation). But most health-care professionals don't opt for it first. So maybe you can talk to someone in her family about her healthcare and see about her meds... Best of luck!

[bobsmith76]

My Cousin is a great gal, She's in her late 20's and a musician.

 

She's talented and makes great music and she's always been a boisterous

girl but never gone after trying to make it in music even though she talks

about loving it if she could. She's Bi-Polar and on medications that I don't

really know much about. Sometimes I hear from her a lot and then nothing

for weeks. During those quiet weeks she's kinda different, I assume she's

in one of her slumps.

 

She's always coming to me for advice and wanting to do a music project with Me. She doesn't really have a lot of friends, mainly hangs out with extended family members or our grandfather. I think she comes to be because i'm family. But if I don't have time or knock the idea she wants to try, she seems to get depressed.

 

At times I think it would be cool to help her, because she does write good

songs but It bothers me that I have to be the catalyst and I feel guilt when I can't be there for her the way she wants. I feel guilt because we're family and I'm a nice guy. But She makes comments sometimes like: "Well, you're better at everything than I am so who cares what I have to say, right?".

 

I don't know how to handle her. I've tried to build her up many many times

growing up but she's just always gonna have that Eeyore complex.

 

How would you handle someone like this?

 

I was bipolar for about 12 years between 1993 and 2005 so I can understand your cousin. There's no easy solution to this. Picture creating art as similar to giving birth to a baby: it's painful and there's nothing that can be done about it. That's just the way life is. To produce really great art it requires a touch of madness. Look at me, after the bipolar went away, the art seriously declined.

[CC12]

How would you handle someone like this?

 

Boundaries.

 

Establishing boundaries and sticking to them is key, in my opinion. You have to figure out what you want the relationship to be like.

 

If all you want to be is her cousin who she can come to for advice, stick with that. If she talks about doing a project with you, you can shut it down. "I don't think starting a project together would be a good idea. I'd still love to hear about your music, though."

 

If you think it would be fun to do a project with her, say, "I'd love to do this project with you, but if we do this, we both need to dedicate time to it. That means showing up for practice at the established time every week. And I'd also want it to be a positive experience for us both, so no negativity, okay?"

 

Then when she says things like, "Well, you're better at everything than I am so who cares what I have to say, right?" You can reply, "Amy, you're expressing negative thoughts again. This is supposed to be fun, remember?"

 

Or, if you don't want to "handle" her at all, you don't have to. You're not obligated to be her pal.

 

It's up to you. Decide what you want first, then try to figure out the best way to deal with her.

[darkmoon]

"Well, you're better at everything than I am so who cares what I have to say, right?"

 

this is not especially a bi-polar state of mind, this jealousy, it's in her nature to be like this, and the bi-polar illness makes it hard to hide, and because she has no self-control at all - and doesn't want to try to have - you are left with a jealous woman who will comtinue to try to control you,

 

i think you shoud talk to her about it, bi-polar is not easy, but she's hitting you below the belt, i'm not even sure if she cares about you that much, so much as she cares about herself, i;ve known two bi-polar ppl, they didn't make others uncomfortable like this

Edited November 2, 2012 by darkmoon