Why am I too old for younger women?

[harrydubois]

I am divorced and 52. Personality wise, I think I combine the calm, unemotional logic of Spock, especially in times of crisis, with the gentle, satire and humor of David Letterman. My intelligence and education is on the level of a university professor of philosophy or religion. Professionally, I work as a private duty nurse. (This is my second career; previously I was a computer programmer.) I'm 6'1" tall, grey hair, not bald, blue eyes, fair skin. I'm athletic but middle aged; imagine Michael Phelps' body at 50. People tell me that I look a lot like Dr Drew Pinsky.

 

http://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/commons/1/16/DrDrew1SecondFilm.jpg

 

Anyway, my question is, why do all women under 40 tell me I am "too old" to date them?

 

Is it an appearance thing - I'm not cute enough? This surprises me a little, because I had the impression that appearance is not most women's top priority. Is it a social thing - she is worried what other people will say? Is it because I'm her father's age and she hates her father?

 

I'm just really curious and please be brutally honest.

[Hawaii50]

Because a 40yr old woman can get someone younger, or her own age.. Ageism has been a topic of discussion many times.. it obviously varies person to person, so there is no blanket statement to set you at ease or answer your question.

 

I don't think anyone really aims for a higher age, except people in their 20's. Otherwise, it's just something that happens, and the people who do date older are just more open to the possibility.

 

I dunno.. I wouldn't enter into a serious relationship with someone a decade older, it makes no sense to me.

 

And if you are dating that much younger, I think the older person has to be exceptional... for their age.

[kiss_andmakeup]

Would you be interested in dating a 64+ year old woman? Why or why not?

 

I predict you'll answer your own question.

 

Also, how young are we talking here? You said 40 and under, but then mentioned women whose father you could be. That implies 30 and under, approximately, to me.

 

I am 25 and fairly open minded, and there is no way I'd date a 52 year old man.

 

By the way, yes, my dad IS 52, and I love him very much.

Edited November 1, 2012 by kiss_andmakeup

[Mme. Chaucer]

Is a 52 year old woman too old for you? How about a 64 year old woman? That would be the same age difference as what you are talking about, except in the other direction.

 

Just asking. Your own answer might provide an answer for your question here.

 

And also, if you want people to assess what you look like, you'll need to let us see a picture of you! Not Dr. Drew.

[CarrieT]

Having dated a decade+ younger, I can offer two theories:

 

1. There is huge different perspective in "social memory" when getting involved with someone a decade different (either older or younger). It is a different frame of reference on many things that often just ends up creating divisions in the relationship. Hard to adequately describe, but very true.

 

2. For you, I would hazard to guess a lot of women approaching 40 might also be looking at the family-raising scenario; would they want a father for their children who is going to be aging and would normally be in grandfather mode before being in father mode.

[Mme. Chaucer]

Would you be interested in dating a 64+ year old woman? Why or why not?

 

I predict you'll answer your own question.

 

 

Haha! We posted almost the exact same thing. Great minds … and redheads, evidently. Interestingly, I am in the OP's age peer, while you are more in his "target group."

[Mme. Chaucer]

But, a man who is a combination of Dr. Drew, Spock, David Letterman, Michael Phelps, with the intelligence and education of a university professor of philosophy and / or religion? Who could resist? Even if he is a grampa?

[kiss_andmakeup]

Haha! We posted almost the exact same thing. Great minds … and redheads, evidently. Interestingly, I am in the OP's age peer, while you are more in his "target group."

 

Haha, I noticed that! Great minds, indeed.

 

Glad he has intelligent and ravishing redheads to give him advice from both ends of the predicament.

[harrydubois]

The answer is simple. They are ugly, at least to my 52 year old eyes.

 

So is that it? Do 30 year old women think I'm ugly? I'm completely fine with that answer if that is really the answer. Just say so.

 

I would rather not post my own photo for privacy reasons. People do however seriously say "You know you look like Dr Drew."

 

As far as all the other great qualities I list, this is based also pretty much on what other people tell me. Now I may be making it all up. I may really be a 100 year old lesbian midget for all anyone here knows. However my question is: assuming I am being 100% truthful, what is the answer to my question?

 

By the way, one thing I see a lot in dating profiles is "I want a guy who is intelligent and funny". How many men do you know who are? So why exactly does age trump that?

 

Again, I just want the facts, however brutal. Go ahead.

[123321]

Maybe you are dating the wrong women, or you are not attractive to women or something. My last few GF have been beautiful and in their early to middle 20s, from 18 to 25 years younger than me, and I'm not what you would call an oil painting.

 

I tend to make them laugh and feel good about themselves, I'm told.

[kiss_andmakeup]

The answer is simple. They are ugly, at least to my 52 year old eyes.

 

So is that it? Do 30 year old women think I'm ugly? I'm completely fine with that answer if that is really the answer. Just say so.

 

I would rather not post my own photo for privacy reasons. People do however seriously say "You know you look like Dr Drew."

 

As far as all the other great qualities I list, this is based also pretty much on what other people tell me. Now I may be making it all up. I may really be a 100 year old lesbian midget for all anyone here knows. However my question is: assuming I am being 100% truthful, what is the answer to my question?

 

By the way, one thing I see a lot in dating profiles is "I want a guy who is intelligent and funny". How many men do you know who are? So why exactly does age trump that?

 

Again, I just want the facts, however brutal. Go ahead.

 

No, I don't think they're ugly, the same way I don't think my dad is ugly. They're just not attractive to me. I'll keep my hot 32-year-old boyfriend who doesn't remind me of my dad. It's win-win for me.

 

Also, consider this: say a woman is 30 and single. Relationship-wise, she probably falls into one of two categories: ready to find a serious relationship, settle down, and start a family; OR, she's happily single and just looking for some fun, hot NSA sex.

 

For the former category, you are simply too old. While you may still be technically, physically able to have children, you'd be elderly by the time they graduated high school. Most 30 year old women would prefer someone in their age range who will age with them and their family appropriately.

 

For the latter category, that woman likely has a pretty large pool of men who will give her commitment-free sex. She will even be able to have it with men younger than her, or more attractive than her, should she choose. So there's really no reason for her to choose you; despite how "in shape" you are, your looks don't compete with an equally "in shape" 28 year old. This is just the cold hard fact for both genders.

 

Sure, there are 30-year-old women out there who will date 50+ year olds. However, most of them are looking for money. As a nurse I'm guessing you make a respectable living, but hardly enough to compete with the vacation-giving, jewelry-buying sugar daddies they're really looking for.

 

So there ya go. Keep looking, I guess. Never know.

[BetheButterfly]

I am divorced and 52. Personality wise, I think I combine the calm, unemotional logic of Spock, especially in times of crisis, with the gentle, satire and humor of David Letterman. My intelligence and education is on the level of a university professor of philosophy or religion. Professionally, I work as a private duty nurse. (This is my second career; previously I was a computer programmer.) I'm 6'1" tall, grey hair, not bald, blue eyes, fair skin. I'm athletic but middle aged; imagine Michael Phelps' body at 50. People tell me that I look a lot like Dr Drew Pinsky.

 

http://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/commons/1/16/DrDrew1SecondFilm.jpg

 

Anyway, my question is, why do all women under 40 tell me I am "too old" to date them?

 

Is it an appearance thing - I'm not cute enough? This surprises me a little, because I had the impression that appearance is not most women's top priority. Is it a social thing - she is worried what other people will say? Is it because I'm her father's age and she hates her father?

 

I'm just really curious and please be brutally honest.

 

Why don't you want to be with a woman your own age? There are wonderful and beautiful ladies your age too, you know.

 

I just love this youtube right here:

 

I love 1:26 on it, lol.

 

 

Please note the couple is around the same age, as well as the King and Queen.

 

Now, I know it's a cartoon, but from what I've seen in real life, being close in age with your loved one is great, cause y'all are pretty much on the same wavelength in many areas!!!

 

Now, there are cases where age is off a bit. Both my granddads married other ladies after my grandmoms died. My Grandpa married a lady closer in age to my Dad, his eldest child. My Grandpa just died. He was a wonderful man and I guess it is fine that he marry a woman younger than him - she wasn't in her 20s though... more like 50s... he died when he was almost 80. His widow really misses him. My Papaw married a lady around his age, a wonderful and beautiful grandma whose husband died some time ago. She and Papaw are greatly enjoying their 70s!!!

 

Age is just a number, but what you really need I think is to be on the same wavelength. Don't "rob the cradle" if you can help it, especially when there's so many wonderful and beautiful ladies your own age!!!

 

By the way, I've been hit on before by men of both my Dad's age and my Grandparents' age and guess what? I was freaked out.

[xxoo]

I'm about 40. Dr. Drew looks like an old man to me in that photo. The gray hair makes him look older, I think.

 

Dr. Drew doesn't look ugly....just a lot older than my peers.

[GorillaTheater]

"Ugly" may be too strong a word, but subjective "unattractiveness" is probably on point. I'm 50. I think I look pretty good for my age. But I have no illusions that a woman over a decade younger is going to find me attractive, as in potential mate attractive, given the age difference and the options available to her.

 

On the other hand, were I single, I can't imagine dating outside of my own age group anyways. These are the women I have common ground with, who more-or-less share common outlooks and experience. So: what's the problem, if any, with women in your age range?

[123321]

Also, consider this: say a woman is 30 and single. Relationship-wise, she probably falls into one of two categories: ready to find a serious relationship, settle down, and start a family; OR, she's happily single and just looking for some fun, hot NSA sex.

 

Actually all my GF the last decade or so have repeatedly expressed their interest in an LTR and kids. But they were under 30, not sure how that changes it if at all. I'm also almost a decade younger than the OP, so maybe that's a difference.

[Mme. Chaucer]

The answer is simple. They are ugly, at least to my 52 year old eyes.

 

So is that it? Do 30 year old women think I'm ugly? I'm completely fine with that answer if that is really the answer. Just say so.

 

Well … why do you need an answer like "you're ugly"? You are TOO OLD FOR THEM. That is a good enough answer for them when they are passing on dating you, and that's all that really matters.

 

 

By the way, one thing I see a lot in dating profiles is "I want a guy who is intelligent and funny". How many men do you know who are? So why exactly does age trump that?

 

Well … do the good qualities of a 64 year old woman trump the fact that you find her ugly? If they don't, then of course you shouldn't expect a young woman to accept an oldie just because he finds himself to be intelligent and funny.

 

I'm old. When I wasn't, I would NEVER, EVER have dated an old man. My skin would have crawled at the thought … but there are young women who don't mind. Maybe you will find one.

[kiss_andmakeup]

Actually all my GF the last decade or so have repeatedly expressed their interest in an LTR and kids. But they were under 30, not sure how that changes it if at all. I'm also almost a decade younger than the OP, so maybe that's a difference.

 

At early 40's it's a little bit more plausible than early 50's. I don't deny that these women are out there, I was just explaining that they're rare.

[xxoo]

Women under 40 may think you are handsome..."for an old guy".

[kiss_andmakeup]

Actually all my GF the last decade or so have repeatedly expressed their interest in an LTR and kids. But they were under 30, not sure how that changes it if at all. I'm also almost a decade younger than the OP, so maybe that's a difference.

 

Also, yes, I do think women in their early to mid 20's are more likely to date/be in a relationship with someone that they don't necessarily see themselves having kids with, simply because their biological clock hasn't started ticking yet.

[angie2443]

I'm married with kids so I don't know if my opinion counts, but here goes. Why, as a 40 or younger woman, would I want to commit myself to someone as old as you, OP? Unless you have lots of money (I don't go for that, but some woman do), what could you give me? I wouldn't share common ground with you, I wouldn't find you very physically appealing, and chances are I'd have to be cleaning you and changing your bed pan somewhere down the line. You say your althletic and so on, it seems that a majority of men and women on LS look younger than they are and are as healthy as someone up to 20 years younger than they are (so they say). I wish I could say what I think is obvious, but I can't. Oh well.

[kiss_andmakeup]

it seems that a majority of men and women on LS look younger than they are and are as healthy as someone up to 20 years younger than they are (so they say). I wish I could say what I think is obvious, but I can't. Oh well.

 

I've seen this as well, haha! "I'm 40 but people always tell me I look like I'm 21. I get carded all the time!" :laugh:

 

I'll be the outlier: people have mistaken me for 30 since I was 18. I guess now that I'm 25 I'm closing the gap; maybe I'll just continue looking 30 even after I turn.

 

Sorry for the OT post but had to laugh at this!

[harrydubois]

I'm ugly in the eyes of women under 40.

 

That's OK. Beauty is in the eyes of the beholder, first of all, and second of all I would never expect anyone to date anyone they think is ugly.

 

And no, I'm far from rich.

 

About being all wrinkled and feeble in 20 years and dead in 30 years that's a good point, but is it really a wise decision for a woman to say "This guy is a little bit of a jerk, however probably he'll last 45 years, and this other guy is so smart, sweet and funny but he'll be dead in 30, so I'll go with the 35 year old." Do woman actually think like that?

 

Regarding other, better, options, how about a pretty, divorced thirtysomething woman with three little kids. Are a million hot young guys proposing marriage to her? I don't know.

 

Also, by the way, I've only been single a few months and my experience so far has only been online dating. I wonder if I would fare better meeting women in person, however I haven't really tried yet. My current line of work involves caring for Alzheimers patients, not too many single girls involved, and I'm not sure how to go about meeting women face to face.

[angie2443]

I've seen this as well, haha! "I'm 40 but people always tell me I look like I'm 21. I get carded all the time!" :laugh:

 

I'll be the outlier: people have mistaken me for 30 since I was 18. I guess now that I'm 25 I'm closing the gap; maybe I'll just continue looking 30 even after I turn.

 

Sorry for the OT post but had to laugh at this!

 

When I was a lot younger I used to tell people they looked younger than their age because I thought it was the nice and polite thing to do. I never take it to seriously when someone tells me I look younger because I know they might just be trying to be nice. The older I get, the harder it gets for me to lie in order to make a person feel nice. I don't know, but I bet there's a lot of young people like I was who toss the statement "wow, you don't look your age" around a lot just to make the older person feel better. Maybe it's just creating egotistic monsters in the end.

[xxoo]

is it really a wise decision for a woman to say "This guy is a little bit of a jerk, however probably he'll last 45 years, and this other guy is so smart, sweet and funny but he'll be dead in 30, so I'll go with the 35 year old." Do woman actually think like that?

 

A 52 year old who specifically seeks younger women isn't considered a "sweet" guy by most women. Maybe a very young woman would be flattered or something, but a woman in her 30s is going to pick up on the fact that you aren't attracted to women your age, and it suggests some personal issues.

[kiss_andmakeup]

About being all wrinkled and feeble in 20 years and dead in 30 years that's a good point, but is it really a wise decision for a woman to say "This guy is a little bit of a jerk, however probably he'll last 45 years, and this other guy is so smart, sweet and funny but he'll be dead in 30, so I'll go with the 35 year old." Do woman actually think like that?

 

Who said anything even remotely like that? Do you really think all under-35 men are jerks?

 

A woman CAN have both, you know. A guy that's age appropriate and is also sweet, smart, and funny. The majority of the posters here who are married or in relationships (myself included; my BF is a gem) will confirm this.

 

Regarding other, better, options, how about a pretty, divorced thirtysomething woman with three little kids. Are a million hot young guys proposing marriage to her? I don't know.

 

This might be a better target type for you. Although I still think that 52 will be a stretch for many of them, unless they're looking for money (which you don't have). You'll probably have better luck with them than with single, unmarried, childless 30-year-olds, though.