Why am I too old for younger women?

[kaylan]

I'm getting a feeling here that there is a little bit of hostility being directed at me specifically and at men in general for being shallow and superficial.

 

Let's be honest. Every man's dream is a woman who is 18, blonde and very busty. And this has to be natural blonde and busty, no artificial additives.

 

Everyone here makes it sound like that's a bad thing.

 

Now, kiss and makeup, I am prepared to overlook your advanced age and not blondeness, however can you please send me a message with your cup size, bikini pic and phone number and maybe I'll call you for coffee sometime. Maybe.

Speak for yourself bro. Personally Ill pass on the 18 year old kids. Yes I said kids. I may be only 26, but 18 year old girls come off as kids to me. They usually have too young faces for my liking and are way immature.

 

Give me a physically and mentally mature woman over 22 and Im set.

[serial muse]

So the immense critical acclaim and box office success of American Beauty was in spite of the completely unbelievable premiss that a woman would be attracted to a man more than ten years her senior. Every female viewer and reviewer knew that this premiss had no connection to reality and was only possible in the realm of fantasy.

 

Really? Any citations to support that?

 

:lmao::lmao:This is kind of awesome because of this.

 

Guess the media impacts us all, after all, hey?

Edited November 2, 2012 by serial muse

[Mme. Chaucer]

Usually women who are really against older men are really jaded women who never grow up. They can't stand the fact that they're less attractive than they used to be so they reject older pursuers and try and date younger men. Which is fine but some of these women come off like teenagers so I would stay clear.

 

Hm. Really? How have you arrived at this conclusion?

 

I think the main perspectives expressed by women on this thread are:

 

1) just like men, we like what we like.

 

2) men whose main criteria for women is their youth are generally not taken seriously by women in any age bracket. Yes, there are exceptions.

[dasein]

I wonder by the way: If I had asked "I am handicapped and walk with a cane since birth. Why am I being rejected by able bodied women?"

 

This is an interesting cognitive question that I happen to be studying lately. Google "affect heuristic" for the answer, and "heuristics" generally. I started looking into heuristics to improve thought process and reduce bias, think the field may offer some help for dating also, and it definitely explains certain posting habits here.

[Robert Z]

I am divorced and 52. Personality wise, I think I combine the calm, unemotional logic of Spock, especially in times of crisis, with the gentle, satire and humor of David Letterman. My intelligence and education is on the level of a university professor of philosophy or religion. Professionally, I work as a private duty nurse. (This is my second career; previously I was a computer programmer.) I'm 6'1" tall, grey hair, not bald, blue eyes, fair skin. I'm athletic but middle aged; imagine Michael Phelps' body at 50. People tell me that I look a lot like Dr Drew Pinsky.

 

http://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/commons/1/16/DrDrew1SecondFilm.jpg

 

Anyway, my question is, why do all women under 40 tell me I am "too old" to date them?

 

Is it an appearance thing - I'm not cute enough? This surprises me a little, because I had the impression that appearance is not most women's top priority. Is it a social thing - she is worried what other people will say? Is it because I'm her father's age and she hates her father?

 

I'm just really curious and please be brutally honest.

 

I'm your age [a bit older] and have a date with a 25 year old coming up. [a regular date, to those who know what I do, not one of my special dates]. Some women like older men and others will call you a dirty old man for even trying. My approach is to just play the numbers.

[Mme. Chaucer]

Originally Posted by harrydubois

I wonder by the way: If I had asked "I am handicapped and walk with a cane since birth. Why am I being rejected by able bodied women?"

 

This is an interesting cognitive question that I happen to be studying lately. Google "affect heuristic" for the answer, and "heuristics" generally. I started looking into heuristics to improve thought process and reduce bias, think the field may offer some help for dating also, and it definitely explains certain posting habits here.

 

Well, there is a similar dynamic in the frequent threads by an Indian (or, possibly, several Indian) guys who refuse to date Indian women but who are obsessed about the refusal of white (or latina, depending upon the post) women to date them.

 

If we had a gimpy guy who refused to consider dating a woman who was not "able bodied," yet who complained about the able bodied women's rejection of him, it would be exactly the same.

[sweetkiwi]

i date older guy. Always have. Tried dating a couple younger guys but honestly they were clingy and desperate. One even lied about his age! I just find that older guys are past all the bull**** and can hang with me

maturity wise.

 

That being said i am silly and enjoy having fun so i don't want a stuffy old grandpa either.

[serial muse]

Originally Posted by harrydubois

 

 

 

 

Well, there is a similar dynamic in the frequent threads by an Indian (or, possibly, several Indian) guys who refuse to date Indian women but who are obsessed about the refusal of white (or latina, depending upon the post) women to date them.

 

If we had a gimpy guy who refused to consider dating a woman who was not "able bodied," yet who complained about the able bodied women's rejection of him, it would be exactly the same.

 

Yep, this.

 

The thing is, if the OP acknowledged the humor of his standpoint and had a bit of self-deprecation about it - i.e., "yes, I know I'm being a hypocrite, I can see why people are giving me a hard time about that, and I don't really eliminate people my own age, I just haven't met many women yet since my divorce and I admit that the ones I was first attracted to were younger and it hurt my feelings a bit that they weren't interested in return" - well, that's a viewpoint that people can empathize with.

 

It's the hardline "women my own age aren't attractive, period" and "you're all just butthurt" - I mean, flinging out the poo isn't likely to get big smiles in return. It shouldn't be so surprising how well being a pleasant thoughtful person, even online, works in terms of getting people to be pleasant and thoughtful in response.

[Robert Z]

i date older guy. Always have. Tried dating a couple younger guys but honestly they were clingy and desperate. One even lied about his age! I just find that older guys are past all the bull**** and can hang with me

maturity wise.

 

That being said i am silly and enjoy having fun so i don't want a stuffy old grandpa either.

 

Not to relate this to you in any way, but most of the working girls I see by far prefer older men. Not only do us older guys take our time and show more affection, the younger guys tend to want too much kink. I've met women in their early twenties who won't see a guy UNDER 40.

[123321]

I'm your age [a bit older] and have a date with a 25 year old coming up. [a regular date, to those who know what I do, not one of my special dates]. Some women like older men and others will call you a dirty old man for even trying. My approach is to just play the numbers.

 

That's part of it, there are a lot of things that go into it. I was with my GF (early 20s) in a restaurant and the little Mexican looking waitress was flirty to the point of slipping me her phone number while my date was in the restroom. One of the things she said was "I see why she's with you now" after 3 minutes or so of what I thought was light conversation.

 

This is not normal or common but I think it illustrates the point. If you have the twinkle in your eye and don't stare at her groin while subtly stroking yourself the odds go up a lot.

 

Be interesting, everyone likes to be entertained.

[Imajerk17]

Hm. Really? How have you arrived at this conclusion?

 

I think the main perspectives expressed by women on this thread are:

 

1) just like men, we like what we like.

 

2) men whose main criteria for women is their youth are generally not taken seriously by women in any age bracket. Yes, there are exceptions.

 

Yes, and I want to elaborate on 2). No one likes to feel like an object. Women don't appreciate being wanted primarily for their youth or beauty, or at the very least they wish men wouldn't be so obvious about that. Just as you as a man don't like being wanted primarily for your wealth or being used as a meal ticket.

 

Example: I myself get that financial success in a man is important to a woman. But I don't want a woman to be obvious about it, that's for sure. I instead want a woman to want me because she likes my personality, or at the very least, do a great job PRETENDING that's the reason. If a woman came on here and said "hey how can I get with a rich man" I would find myself being really harsh with her. She would come across to me as a user.

 

My point in the above is this: the women on here are being harsh with you because it sounds like you are objectifying them.

 

So harry, my advice to you would be to talk to whomever you find attractive, but wait until you make some sort of a connection with them before you ask them out. Have another reason why you are interested besides her looks and youth. If they see how well you get along person-to-person, some of them might say yes.

Edited November 2, 2012 by Imajerk17

[123321]

Example: I myself get that financial success in a man is important to a woman. But I don't want a woman to be obvious about it, that's for sure. I instead want a woman to want me because she likes my personality, or at the very least, do a great job PRETENDING that's the reason. If a woman came on here and said "hey how can I get with a rich man" I would find myself being really harsh with her. She would come across to me as a user.

 

My point in the above is this: the women on here are being harsh with you because it sounds like you are objectifying them.

 

Well put, sir.

[sweetkiwi]

i'm not a working girl, in quite that way. Its okay for harry to want the 18 year old busty blonde. Its not what i would aim for if i were him but i wish him luck. Or i would suggest he buys a bride from some eastern european country.

 

If i was dating an older guy and he was with me solely for my age, i'd dump him. I have way more going on for me than just my age. And if he doesn't notice any me the other attributes then he's really not paying attention.

[123321]

i'm not a working girl, in quite that way. Its okay for harry to want the 18 year old busty blonde. Its not what i would aim for if i were him but i wish him luck. Or i would suggest he buys a bride from some eastern european country.

 

If i was dating an older guy and he was with me solely for my age, i'd dump him. I have way more going on for me than just my age. And if he doesn't notice any me the other attributes then he's really not paying attention.

 

Well maybe he's trying to talk to your face and not noticing your "attributes" on purpose.

[FitChick]

I wish more men your age and older would consider plastic surgery. Then I wouldn't have to date men ten to fifteen years younger. At the very least most of them should get liposuction. A big gut makes your penis look smaller. Maybe that is why Susan Sarandon, 66, is dating a rich, good looking 33 year old.

 

OP must live in Appalachia where women over thirty are fat and toothless. Where I live women over 40 are considered a great catch by younger men. They don't come from the Ozarks.

 

Article about how there are more middle-aged single men than women in the UK.

Edited November 2, 2012 by FitChick

[harrydubois]

What do you mean women aren't "objects"? I thought I could buy one from Ukraine, low mileage, fully loaded, and store her in my tool shed.

[sweetkiwi]

you can harry!! But i think she at least deserves to stay in the house.

[sweetkiwi]

also, my attributes are substantial so i would commend any man for not being caught staring at them. The chest tattoo doesn't help matters either.

[123321]

you can harry!! But i think she at least deserves to stay in the house.

 

Maybe it's a really nice shed?

 

 

also, my attributes are substantial so i would commend any man for not being caught staring at them. The chest tattoo doesn't help matters either.

 

I'm a g*ddam hero I tell you. Concentration that puts Houdini to shame, and what thanks do I get?

[dreamingoftigers]

You don't get it at all. Being born in the 60s ISN'T a disability.

 

Nor comparable.

 

Aging is a natural, normal part of life.

Viewing aging as comparable to a disability shows just how many issues you have about it.

 

And generally guys who have that "age ceiling" have issues, period.

I don't date to date an older man, who feels entitled, seems to draw his reality comparisons from movies that came out when I was a teenager, can't figure out why this is a turn-off and would treat me disposably as I aged: you know, that natural thing that happens to all of us?

 

Did I miss anything?

 

There isn't a "terror about being old and unattractive" there. It's a "I want to find someone who can see past all of this superficial bull**** and see how special I actually am for the long haul."

 

Not some guy who just wants young pussy until I "expire" in his eyes because he'll view me as "ugly" and "disabled" in the future.

 

I wonder by the way: If I had asked "I am handicapped and walk with a cane since birth. Why am I being rejected by able bodied women?"

 

Would every woman here be getting all excited:

 

Would you date someone in a wheelchair? Why not? That's why we won't date you.

 

Why don't you date handicapped girls?

 

You're immature.

 

You're insecure.

 

You're living in a fantasy world.

 

No one wants a handicapped man who thinks only able bodied women are attractive.

 

You're a pervert.

 

Probably in this case people would have some sympathy for a man who is disabled. I hope. However when my "disability" is being born in 1960, every woman here feels a righteous anger and a need to lash at me and anyone else like me. Interesting.

 

Does that say more about or them than it does about me?

 

Every woman is either old and unattractive or will be and is terrified of it. But that isn't my fault.

[sweetkiwi]

but harry i'm not blonde! And i'm way too old for you. 7 years past my prime.

[Robert Z]

That's part of it, there are a lot of things that go into it. I was with my GF (early 20s) in a restaurant and the little Mexican looking waitress was flirty to the point of slipping me her phone number while my date was in the restroom. One of the things she said was "I see why she's with you now" after 3 minutes or so of what I thought was light conversation.

 

This is not normal or common but I think it illustrates the point. If you have the twinkle in your eye and don't stare at her groin while subtly stroking yourself the odds go up a lot.

 

Be interesting, everyone likes to be entertained.

 

Uh, do you think? Truth is that I have a very valuable talent when it comes to dating and especially cold contacts. I can make girls laugh. I'm not always on so I have to be attentive to my state of mind and mood. But when I'm on the women love me. Timing my moods to my social activity is the tricky part. For example, it isn't good to date when you've been doing nothing but engineering math problems for two weeks straight. And it helps if I have slept. I tend to push myself too hard. In fact I once fell asleep at $500 an hour.

[harrydubois]

"It's a "I want to find someone who can see past all of this superficial bull**** and see how special I actually am for the long haul.""

 

Dating someone blind might be a good choice.

 

And kiwi, I'm 52 so obviously I'm a little flexible. Let's talk.

[dreamingoftigers]

"hey! You are under 40, I know next to nothing else about you, but you might touch me with a ten-foot pole if I beg you enough. Marry me! You can be my next ex-wife!"

 

Yup, that's not desperate at all......

[dreamingoftigers]

 

Dating someone blind might be a good choice.

 

Blind people can be damn superficial too.

Superficiality is a universal trait, it needs no particular group or subset.

 

BTW, like most women in my age group, I have abundant options and I am taken.

 

After much tribulation my eight-year relationship appears to be fairly resilient. If it isn't, I'll seek out another long-hauler instead of some guy who views women naturally aging as "disabled" or "less than" in some way.

 

If it means a blind guy in the future, so be it. I've got a pretty close blind friend that could help me network if necessary.

 

I suggest you be very upfront to the women you attempt to date about your "age ceiling" and "expiration dates" for them. I would hate to think some nice young girl made a VERY uninformed choice and wasted years of her life with an older man she would have mistaken for being "more mature" than many of her younger counterparts.